Hello...its me! Yes, I HAD to do that. Don't judge. The song actually fits the fic ironically.
This is the sequel to 'Ask Me To Stay', so if you haven't read that, please head on over, and then come back.
Both of these are based on the Gail Foreman books 'If I Stay' and 'Where She Went'
I own nothing!
All aboard the feels train!
"Charles?" a voice filtered through his daydream, it had been a lovely one, a memory of times gone by. She had been with him, dressed in an old shirt of his. The television had been on, but neither of them were paying any attention to it. He was holding her, his hands wrapped around her waist, his face buried in her neck. She was talking, softly, no more than a murmur
"Charles?!"
Charles snapped out of his daydream with a start, and found himself sitting at a large oak table, with several people who were all turned to look at him.
"Yes?" he asked hoping to hide the fact that he hadn't heard a word that had been said in the last fifteen minutes.
"I am confirming that you're flying to New York tomorrow?" His friend and boss, Robert Crawley asked, a hint of irritation seeping into his tone.
Charles nodded, forcing himself to sit up straight. He was supposed to be flying tomorrow to ensure that the renovations of Robert's newest acquisition were going as planned. It had been organized for months, but he felt little like going.
"Yes." He said, and that didn't seem to be enough he added "I leave tomorrow evening, and arrive back in time for the Valentines ball in two weeks time. "
The Valentines Ball. God, he would love to know what on earth possessed Robert to suggest that one. Charles knew he ought to be excited for it, Alice certainly was she had already bought a dress and everything, but he had come to hate it over the last few years.
"Excellent." Robert said, still not looking happy with Charles' answer. "Well, I think we'll leave it there for now and we'll meet again in two weeks time when Charles has something to tell us."
Charles couldn't bring himself to care that his boss was fed up with him, he was too busy trying to quell the nausea that was causing his stomach to roil.
He ignored the jibe and focused on his breathing. His tie was too tight, and the room's air-conditioning only seemed to stifle him more. He barely listened as Robert rambled on about the next meeting, and exploded from his chair as soon as Robert left the room. He gathered up his folders, and quickly left, allowing his long legs to carry him away as fast as they were able to.
"Charles. " Robert called, handing a file to his secretary as Charles swept past. Charles chose to ignore him and carried on walking, resisting the urge to break into a jog.
"Charles!"
He sighed and slowed his pace just enough to allow Robert to catch up with him.
"Where's the fire? "Robert demanded, almost having to trot to keep up with Charles's long strides. "and where exactly were you throughout that meeting? I asked you to be there to advise me, not contemplate your navel."
"I'm sorry." Charles said, stepping into the elevator and jabbing the button that would take him to the lobby. "It won't happen again."
He tugged on his tie, feeling the sweat start to bead on his forehead. He wished Robert would stop talking, he couldn't focus on what he was saying.
"Are you alright Charles?" his friend asked and Charles shot him a desperate look. A look of understanding crossed his face "another one?"
"I just need some air and I'll be fine." He said gruffly as the elevator doors slid open. Charles strode off, followed by Robert.
"Okay." Robert said "it's probably nerves about the trip." Charles resisted the urge to snort "take the rest of the afternoon off. Get some rest. Spend some time with Alice."
Charles nodded, barely hearing what his friend said. By the time he got to the front doors Robert had already pulled his phone out and was in the process of mending the fences that Charles had managed to break during that meeting. He fished out his car keys, and headed towards the staff's parking lot. He relaxed slightly on the short drive to his apartment, but he still felt as though he had drunk three cans of Redbull and a pot of coffee on top of that.
He hated that these still plagued him, the anxiety attacks that snuck up on him when he was stressed. He hated the tightness of his chest, the shaking, and the cold sweats. He hated how he couldn't focus on anything apart from the constant reminder he had to give himself to breath. Once he got to his apartment, he downed a xanax and a glass of ice water, and lay down on the couch to wait for it to take effect.
He hated his new apartment. It wasn't even new, he'd been here for over a year, but it was so different from his old one. He had hired a decorator when he'd first bought it, who had done it up like a younger man's bachelors pad. Everything was done it steel and black. It was all sharp corners, and very little comfort. He missed the light yellow walls of his old one, the warm wood and the comfortable furniture.
But everything had reminded him of her, so he had sold it all, thinking that if he didn't have the memories plaguing him, he'd finally be able to move on. He didn't know what was worse, the memories, or the coldness.
Unable to stay there any longer, he decided to go for a walk around the city. So much has changed in the last three years, a new apartment in a new city with a different woman by his side. He debated going to visit Alice, the woman who he had tried to replace her with. He hovered briefly at the doors to the theater but decided against it. They'd had another row the night before, bringing up all the old arguments
"I can't compete with a ghost Charles! She's not coming back!"
They'd been speaking by the next morning but he wasn't in the mood to listen to her complain about the script writer, the director, and the set designer, so he continued to walk, not really paying attention to where he was going.
Alice was right, she couldn't compete with a ghost. It wasn't fair on her to ask for her love and yet still be in love with someone who had walked out of his life three years ago. A woman that he had loved with his heart and soul, but it hadn't stopped her from walking away or caused her to pick up the phone and call him once in the last three years.
But he couldn't break it off with Alice, because if she went he'd be desperately alone. He'd still have Robert, and he'd still see Beryl every now and then, but there would be nothing to fill a portion of the hole she had left inside of him. It scared Charles when he thought about how much of him she had walked away with.
Someone collided with him, tearing him from his morbid thoughts and Charles looked up, reaching out to steady the young woman. She was small, with blonde hair done up in a neat bun and was visibly pregnant. She was running late for something, judging by the way she kept glancing at her watch, a small gold thing, with a photo of her and a man on the face.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry." She said in a breathless tone, "I'm so bloody clumsy at the moment."
"Its quite alright" Charles said, releasing her and stepped back from her. "Just be more careful. I'd hate for you to fall and do yourself a harm."
The blonde smiled gratefully, and glanced at her watch again. Charles took the hint and stepped to the side, and indicating that she walk past. He watched her go for a few moments, wondering what it must be like to be young, in love and starting a family. Then he turned, and the world seemed to grind to a halt. There was a poster on the wall next to him, advertising the opening of a new gallery, with photos of a few of the artists standing in front of pieces of art, that would be displaying their work there. There was a grizzly looking man, a handsome woman and a beautiful woman. But it was not them that caught Charles's eye. In the middle of the poster was a photo of a woman with dark auburn hair, and a slight smile on her face. Even in the photo, her eyes seemed to see straight through him. Her name was printed at the bottom, but he didn't even glance down to check that he was right.
He'd recognize those eyes anywhere.
Please review and let me know what you're thinking!
