Do any of you watch "Adult Swim"? Has anybody else noticed Deathkloc's lead singer looks a little much like Wolverine? Just funny to see, anyways, along to the disclaimer; I swear that I don't make a cent off these stories, which is a shame, because I could use the dough.
Creative Means.
I always taught my students to use their powers in a responsible manner, but sometimes I wonder how well that lesson has stuck.
Cyclops.
"Where is that can of pork and beans?" Scott Summers thinks to himself. He knows his wife, Emma, despises such common foodstuffs. He also knows that she checks every known hiding place of his for those abhorred cans of mush, and gives them to Iceman. As to what Iceman does with them, pray tell no one knows. Secretly, Scott knows that the white blob of fat in the can freaks Emma out, particularly after seeing what a mucus plug looks like. He finds one can left, hidden away under the lid of the toilet tank. "Ah Ha! She'll never suspect." He cries as he look around to make certain that Emma has left to enjoy a day of shopping with the girls; The left one and the right one, respectively. But Emma does suspect, all night long, every time she lifts the covers. "Crud!" Cyclops utters as he finds that his wife has hidden the can opener on him. Then he gets the bright idea of needling his optic blasts to a fine point, He's seen Gambit do about the same with his power, heating the beans until the lid pops open and the beans are hot and ready to eat. But what he never noticed was that Gambit always carries a knife with him and vents the lid.
So, Scott fine tines his beams and soon the can is bulging and making an odd sound. Soon, Scott knows something has gone wrong and he stops heating the can, all too late. The can and contents burst all over Emma's new bathroom wallpaper. Rather than start scrubbing, Scott gets another idea.
Iceman
Bobby Drake was quietly freezing individual beans from a can that Emma Frost had thrown at him. "She was a pretty good throw for being a sissy girl." Bobby thought to himself as he flicked the half frozen bean unto Beasts blue fur and then solidifying it there. He'd been doing this for hours, unbeknown to Beast and he was almost tired enough of it to stop, but still bemused that Beast kept swatting away the imaginary flies enough to finish the can. Suddenly, Scott Summers, Emma's husband, came down to Beast's lab and whispered something in his ear and the two left. "I knew it." Beast said as he continued his work. "O.K, So, you're telling me I get to freeze beans off "Perfect" Emma's wallpaper?" Iceman gleefully screeched, almost in a giddy tone. "Sweet!" Scott looked at his watch worriedly. "Yes, just do it quick." He said nervously. Iceman went to work right away, laughing almost insanely as the beans did indeed chip off and land on the floor. Scott grabbed a broom and swept it up, but soon, the terrorizing fact that glue becomes brittle when frozen set in as the wallpaper slumped to the ground. But never fear! Bobby and Scott had another brilliant plan.
Toad.
Toad was just minding his own beeswax in a pub outside of Salem, New York, when two men grabbed him, paid his tab, and shoved him into an ugly car. "Do you think the Professor will demerit us for using Cerebro to find him?" Toad overheard a voice say before the two men started laughing outrageously. "You can't do this to me! This is false imprisonment and kidnapping!" Toad yelled out. One of the men shouted back, "Do what we say and we'll give you whatever you want!" Even Toad knows that sounds a little backwards. "Doesn't that sound a little backwards?" He asked as he started thinking of things he wanted. Somewhere on that list was a decent haircut. "What do you want?" He asked suspiciously. "We want you to help put up wallpaper." The two men said "That's all?" he asked incredulously " That's it? Is that Iceman up there? Wallpaper had better not be code for something else!" As they get to the mansion and haul Toad to the offending room, he sees what they mean. "Oh… Wallpaper. Why does it smell like pork and beans in here?" He asks as he looks at his captors. "Long story, now start licking before we have you as an intruder and make Wolverine give you a haircut in all the wrong places." So, Toad starts licking and soon the room looks just like new, but still smells like beans. "Now, as to what I want." Toad started, but Psylocke, who'd been called in earlier, mind wiped him and soon he was back in the bar, waking up and claiming he felt like he was licking wallpaper and eating frank and beans. "I knew it!" The Scarlet Witch had said as she collected him to go home.
The White Queen.
Emma Frost could not be called a patient woman, nor could she really be called terribly bright, but she is clever, and she is manipulative, which almost counts as much. She knew Scott had done something, but she didn't know what. She knew he'd been having dreams about when he walked in on Jean and Logan and sometimes fantasized that She, Jean and Scott were all involved in a tangle, with Logan having to sit out and watch. She also knew that her new bathroom smelled like those horrible frank and beans and spit, lots of spit. Spit reeking of whisky and lager, with a slight undertone of olives. Because he wouldn't tell her what he'd done and he'd had some telepath cover it up, she decided to get that information one way or another. Scott was sleeping peacefully, mumbling the words to a "Danny Boy" Irish drinking song when she starts to enter his mind. "Hey there, Slim." He hears Jean's voice purr over him. "What's a big boy like you doing sleeping all alone, hmmn? Wouldn't you like some company?" She asks, nibbling on his ear. "I sure would, Red." He hums back. "I hope you don't mind, I've brought some body to join us." She say's as she runs her lips over his chest. "Mmmn… Blonde, Brunette or Red head?" He asks, enjoying the attention. "Brunette. You get to go first." She says as she moves off his chest. "What will Emma say?" He questions. "She won't mind, she suggested this." The figment Jean giggles. "Hey bub, What's up?" dream Logan says as he comes in, shirt undone and undoing his belt buckle. "You wanna catch? I ain't that big on it, but I'll be gentle enough not to dislodge that stick up your…"
"Noooo!" Scott screams as he wakes up. I'll tell you everything! Everything! Just don't ever do that again!" He starts pleading as he sits up. "That's a good little Scott." Emma says as she listens to his whole story.
Wolverine.
Logan to some, James Howlett to the Canadian government, has a wonderful ability that any frat boy would love to have. He's on his twelfth beer and he's not even tipsy. He's bet some twenty something that he can drink him under the table. The looser coughs up a hundred bucks and pays the tab. This has got to be one of the easiest hundred he's ever made and a night of free drinks to boot. The kid is out at eleven and Logan takes his hundred from the guy's drunk friends and heads out to another bar to hustle some other shmoe out of another hundred or so. He gets on his bike and is almost immediately pulled over and given a breath test. "Sir," The officer says looking at him strangely. " According to this, you should be dead." Logan tries not to laugh. "Do I look dead to you?" He even manages to recite the alpha bet backwards as he notices Scott and Bobby pushing Toad out of Scott's car. He looks at his watch and sees it's only 10:30. "This aught to be interesting." He thinks to himself as his short attention span has him get back on his bike and follow. "Sir! I'm not done with you! Sir!" The officer calls out as he gets on his radio and calls runner. Soon, the whole Salem police force is after Logan, about three cars. But they all forget what they were doing as Jean Grey wipes their minds into thinking that they're just going out on vice. All four Salem cops dress like pimps and hookers and try to pin something on Bishop, who's just in town for the Lager fest. Later that night, Logan can't shake a queasy feeling about Scott, but decides to drink it away with Jean, who can drink more than any young punk, and gets wild when tipsy.
More Later.
