The fic no one likes

One day Cloud and his group of adventurers were walking cautiously through the forest. No body likes Yuffie. Or Jar-Jar Binks. Cloud said "I hate you" and killed them both. "Ow" said Jar-Jar. "Cloud, I am your father" said Yuffie. "Shut up Yuffie" Cloud said.
So they kept walking until they found a giant house in the woods. Tifa yelled "I hate you, and everything you stand for!". The house only laughed, a laugh like the sound of soap on pancakes. "Danger, danger Will Robinson!!!" said Cait Sith. "Barret, stop messing with Cait's circutry." Said Tifa. "It was Aeris!" said Barret. "Aeris is dead fool..." said Vincent. "Oh, then why is she following us?" said Barret.
They all turned around to find Zombie-Aeris moaning and shuffling towards them. "The Hell...?" said Cloud. "Its the T-Virus, the T-Virus I say!!!" yelled Vincent and Claire.
Tifa shot her with the Linear Launcher and then shot Claire too, cuz she was in the wrong story.
Sephroth came and said, "Why won't you be a good boy and die, Bond?!?!" then pulled off a mask and it was Tom Cruise, holding a vial.
"OH MY GOD!!!" Cloud screamed, "HE'S GOT MY MOJO!!!"
Then Tifa jumped into Tom Cruise and he turned into digital information and exploded and then Tifa stopped some bullets and said, "I am the One!" and Everyone was happy.
Then there was a party, and no one invited Bill Clinton.