Xena sat on her bedroll, leaning against a log, looking up at the stars. Gabrielle was already asleep and the warrior envied her a little. Though she was exhausted from battle earlier in the day, sleep would not come. It had been an intense fight and she and Gabrielle had been outnumbered. She glanced at Gabrielle. She had been injured, a cut to her upper arm. Xena had seen it happen, remembered that instant of fear for her friend…
Xena leapt over the attacking man and kicked another in the face. She pulled her sword around and sliced through a new attacker as she tried to split the large group of men between her and Gabrielle. She turned to glance at her friend and saw the man coming from behind her. Xena yelled a warning to Gabrielle but could do nothing else. Gabrielle turned just in time to escape major harm, but the man's blade still caught her upper arm. Xena watched, helplessly, as she went to her knees. She worked to make it to her, to help. For a moment, their eyes met, and the fear that Xena felt, that her friend could not get up, passed. As the man came back around to finish her off, Gabrielle threw a handful of dirt in his face, blinding him. She drove her staff backward at a different attacker, hitting him in the stomach, and then smacked the first over the head. With these two down, she got up and returned to the fight. Xena lost track of her again for a while but when the battle was over Gabrielle was standing close by. Xena took a moment to look over her friend. The cut was red and swollen and there was a lot of blood running down her arm but Xena saw no other injuries. The injury was taking its toll and she leaned heavily on her staff, looking like she might fall over, but when she saw Xena staring at her, she smiled and said she was fine. Xena felt so proud of her…
A small sound brought Xena out of her thoughts. She heard the sound again and recognized it as a whimper. Her eyes immediately went to Gabrielle. She was tossing on her bedroll, a pained, distressed look on her face. Xena sat up, preparing to go to her friend if needed. When she saw tears on Gabrielle's face she went to wake her.
"Gabrielle, come on, wake up." The girl didn't notice the soft call. Xena placed a hand on her shoulder, but Gabrielle shuddered and cringed away. Xena was getting worried. She gently gripped both of the girl's shoulders, "Gabrielle, wake up. It's ok, it's just me, Xena. Come on Gabrielle, wake up!" She saw her friends eyes open just a little. There was a second of confusion, then recognition. When Gabrielle saw Xena, she threw her arms around her, crying.
Xena put her arms around the bard and pulled her closer. She said nothing, just ran one hand over her back, and the other occasionally across her arm. Eventually the hysterical crying stopped and her breathing slowed. Xena looked down and saw that Gabrielle's eyes were closed. She shifted and when she looked back down the green eyes of her best friend were looking up at her. Those eyes spoke volumes, whether Gabrielle knew it or not, and allowed Xena to see into her soul.
"You should try to sleep again," she told the young woman. Immediately Gabrielle tightened her grip around Xena, fear flashing across her face. "Please Xena, please don't leave me," she pleaded, close to tears again. Xena quieted her, "It's alright, I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you." Relief flooded over Gabrielle and Xena saw her relax a bit. She moved to stand and the girl grabbed her hand, pleading with her eyes, almost in tears. The look tore at Xena's heart, almost more than anything else ever had. "I'll be right back," she said quietly, "I'm just going to grab my bedroll and bring it over here. I promise, I'm coming back to you." Gabrielle nodded and reluctantly let go of Xena's hand but her eyes followed the warriors every step.
Xena grabbed her bedroll and laid it down next to Gabrielle's. She then laid down on it and held out her arm. "Come here," she said to Gabrielle. Gabrielle scooted over and settled in next to Xena, placing her head on the warriors shoulder. Xena wrapped her arm around her friend and pulled her close. "Better," she asked. "Yes," Gabrielle whispered, "Much better." Xena smiled at her.
They lay there in silence for a while and Xena hoped that Gabrielle had fallen back to sleep. But when she looked, her eyes were still open, staring out into the darkness at nothing. "Gabrielle, you should close your eyes and go back to sleep." Gabrielle turned her head to look up at Xena, "I'm afraid," she said quietly. "I don't want to close my eyes and see that again. I don't think I can, it was too horrible." Xena looked softly down at her, "Tell me about it." Gabrielle shrunk back and shook her head. "It will help, really. If you tell me, I can help reassure you that it's not real. Keeping it in is only going to allow it to build in your mind. Come on, you know I'm right." The bard finally nodded slightly and began telling the warrior the one story that she didn't want to bring to words.
"It started out like the battle today," she began. "But as the fighting continued, more and more men came. We knew there were too many for us to take but there were also too many for us to get away. We continued to fight, and for a while we took out more than they gained and were even. Then, they all disappeared. We thought we had won. All of the sudden, several men, bigger than any I had ever seen before came running at us. You pushed me behind you and got ready to fight. They started to surround us, but you kept circling, keeping yourself between the leader and me. When they all rushed in, you shoved me to the ground, out of the way. You threw yourself at the men and led the battle away from me. They didn't even care; it was as if they were only after you. The fight didn't last long," her voice started to deepen with the threat of tears. "Soon they had you on the ground, beating you viciously. I tried so hard to get to you Xena, but I couldn't move. Eventually they tired of beating you. The leader pulled out his sword," she said, her voice breaking. "He ran you through, smiling as he did it. Smiling! At you and then at me. Then they all disappeared. I tried again to get to you and found that I could crawl. I crawled as fast as I could toward you. I reached out to touch you when I was close enough, but I couldn't. You were just out of my reach, and no matter how much I crawled, I couldn't get to you. I stopped for a moment to look at you and saw you looking at me. You were taking these awful, ragged gasps, but they were doing no good. You met my eyes and spoke to me. That was the worst, because I knew I had let you down. You said, 'Gabrielle, why didn't you help me, I needed you?' I told you that I tried but couldn't, you forgave me for that. Then you said the thing that hurt the worst, 'Why wont you comfort me? I'm dying and you won't touch me. Please Gabrielle, help ease my pain, don't let me die alone.' I couldn't touch you, I couldn't stop the bleeding. As hard as I tried, I couldn't do anything. And then you died, alone, just as you feared."
She looked up at Xena, eyes full of tears, "That's why I was afraid to let you go before, why I want to be close to you now. I wanted it so badly then, but couldn't. I didn't want to lose you again, I can't." She closed her eyes and a few tears slid down her red cheeks.
Xena too closed her eyes for a moment. The dream hit close to home on many accounts, for both of them. She could see why Gabrielle was so shaken by it. In fact, Xena was a little shaken too. It was too realistic. She tightened her hold on Gabrielle, who looked incredibly young and vulnerable at the moment. She reached over and gently wiped the tears from Gabrielle's face and turned her face so that she could look directly into her eyes when they opened again. "Gabrielle, look at me." Green eyes, normally bright and lively, but now red and puffy, opened and found concerned blue ones nearby. "It wasn't real. I am right here, you can feel me, can touch me. I am not going to leave you, and I know you are not going to leave me. It was only a bad dream. Nothing bad really happened." "I know Xena, but it was so scary. I'm still scared." Xena rubbed her arm in a comforting way, "It's ok to be scared. But I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Or to me. Who would rescue you then," she teased. This brought a small smile to the bard's lips. "Are you going to be alright," Xena asked. Gabrielle sighed, "Yes, I think so. It did help to talk. And knowing that you are right here helps too." "Good, I'm glad to hear that. We should try to get some sleep now, if we can." The young woman nodded, turned slightly to get more comfortable, and closed her eyes.
Through years of training, Xena was able to push the unpleasant thoughts from her mind, but sleep didn't come so easily. She stared up at the stars, thinking about the woman beside her. Gabrielle shifted positions a few more times, and ended up snuggling closer, placing her arm across Xena's stomach before settling. Xena thought of the few other times they had slept near each other. When the weather was unbearably cold, at a few inns that had only one bed. They had slept back to back or simply side by side then, never like this. But even during those other times, Xena had noticed Gabrielle's tendency to cuddle closer in her sleep. Xena never minded, it felt nice to be a comfort to her friend. Taking in their current position, Xena couldn't help but notice how right it felt to be close to Gabrielle and hold her. It felt like something had been missing before and was now complete. She felt more comfortable, more at peace than she had in quite some time. Gabrielle too, looked peaceful.
"Xena," Gabrielle said softly. It startled Xena, she thought Gabrielle was asleep. "I thought you were asleep. Everything thing alright?" The younger woman smiled sleepily, and it reached her eyes this time, lighting them up in a way that had become a joy for Xena to see. "Almost, I just didn't want to fall asleep before I said thank you." Xena was confused, "For what," she asked. "For helping me out this morning with my arm and everything, for being my best friend," she paused for a moment before continuing, "for this," she said and gave Xena a small hug. Xena smiled at her and returned the hug, "Anything for you."
Gabrielle closed her eyes again and let out a small, contented sigh. "That feels really nice," she said in a whisper. "What does," Xena asked. "You," she yawned, "my hair." The warrior suddenly realized she had been absentmindedly running her fingers through the golden locks of the bard. She didn't even know how long she had been doing it. She thought about stopping, but then Gabrielle might think something was wrong. And anyway, the girl said it felt nice, there was nothing wrong with that. She continued gently running her fingers through Gabrielle's hair.
As she lay there holding her precious friend, Xena thought about how the gentle young bard had changed her. Never before would Xena, warrior princess, have thought about comforting anyone or been comfortable showing affection. But now, with Gabrielle, it felt natural to reach out and touch her friend or give her a hug. It hadn't started like that though. She remembered the first time Gabrielle had hugged her, when she and Hercules were preparing to free Prometheus. After that first time, Gabrielle gradually became more affectionate with Xena. She said that touching and hugging were something she was used to from back home and felt odd without. For Xena it was exactly the opposite. But after a while, she became used to Gabrielle's random hugs and arm grabbing. In fact, she began to enjoy it. Eventually Xena started initiating the contact. When she saw how it made Gabrielle smile she started doing it more often. She would do anything to see the smile that lit up her eyes and made her happy. Acting affectionate toward each other was second nature to them now. After all, they were best friends and had been through a lot together.
Xena, finally feeling sleep pull her in, ran a hand down Gabrielle's cheek just to reassure herself that everything was ok. She went to rest her arm across her stomach like usual, but found Gabrielle's already there. After a brief moment of uncertainty, she took the girl's warm hand in her own. As she succumbed to sleep, she felt Gabrielle, in her sleep, lightly squeeze her hand. Xena fell asleep with a smile on her face.
