Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
I decided to rewrite this piece because I felt like it was extremely under-written. I love the idea for this fic, and it was very difficult to write. That being said, I rewrote it, and took a lot of time and effort. :D
So, after many hours upon hours of editing and revision, I am confident in releasing this to the world of FFNET. I've added more thoughts, insight, imagery, and all of that good stuff.
A/N: The best clarification I can give you :
Text like this is Roxas's world of third person.
Text like this is Roxas's thoughts.
Text like this is Axel's thoughts.
Regular text is regular POV.
~Enjoy the new and improved, And Forever.
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I remember once, long ago, I had a best friend. He had these cerulean eyes that were wise beyond their years. They're the only pair of eyes to ever see past my appearance - after all, I am a Nobody; nothing exists inside of me. I'm a void of emotional stress, heartening contentment, and feeling. I see myself as just another figment of the universe, simply existing to exist.
And yet, when I brushed my hand across his own or held his gaze a second too long, I felt something in the pit of my stomach.
It scared me. I didn't know what I was supposed to be - to feel. Roxas made me feel… Like I had a heart.
That being, Roxas, also broke my heart.
"No one would miss me." Roxas's dialogue rang out in my ears.
How could he say that?
…
…
…
Roxas, Roxas. What am I going to do with you?
He was sitting on their usual spot on the clock tower; he meaning the Nobody of Riku, otherwise known as Axel. Clad in black, he cackled, almost devilishly, as he reminisced he and his comrade's memories in that very place.
How long ago - it had been a year since he and Roxas sat on the rust-colored bricks of the clock tower. Back when life was simplistic, he enjoyed life. When the wind held all of the answers in he and Roxas's conversations, that's when time made sense.
Some three hundred and sixty-five days ago when I fell into the glowing redness of the sunset. How could it have been so long ago already?
I miss him a lot.
I never understood why Roxas took such interest in Xion - from the day I returned to The World That Never Was, they were instant friends. I mean, I only spent a month in Castle Oblivion, and it seemed that the golden-haired boy had replaced me. To tell you the truth, my chest cramped inside when I saw the two together. I wanted to be the only one that mattered to Roxas…
Well, at least I know where all of the pain came from.
For the longest time, Roxas ceased to speak. During the first weeks of the organization he could barely form a sentence. Saix ordered him around like his mutt on the slimiest missions out of all of us; I can see why though, he was the Keyblade wielder. Only his power could harness the lost hearts of the worlds, including my own.
That's saying something, since, well, I have no heart.
A flicker of determination adorned his face; something drew me to him. Whether it was a will of the universe or a fragment of our past lives, I'll never know.
To be completely honest, I'm not even sure how it happened. Us, I mean - as friends. In my opinion, we are polar opposites; as contrary as north and south, as diverse as the flames in the morning to the azure eye of dusk. Although we're different, would there be a north without a south?
Without the other, none would exist.
That's how it feels now.
Axel had only seen parts of the world; it was now that he was beginning to see the force that binds everything together, and links people's destinies to one.
My gaze shifted to the sun.
I think we truly learned to appreciate each other when the possibility that we'd never meet again came around.
I felt bad about it, but now I'm glad I read your diary… Who would have thought that you 'hurt inside' or 'felt wrong eating ice cream alone on the clock tower,' with the fact that I may be dead, looming over your shoulders?
I wish I had known sooner.
Sun began painting Axel's face a tainted orange; the Sun's fingertips were producing the cascade-like downfall of his own, like his hand was outstretched to grab the middle of the sky. The wind swept up; a golden disc was setting a brilliant red.
So suddenly, the redhead's nostrils were infiltrated with the familiar, musky scent of the chilly ocean and the memorable scent of ice cream. Of course it did. His eyes readied themselves with tears; the pungent scent of salt nor nostalgia caused this.
I did my best to blink away the tears.
Trying to rid myself of this weakness, I got up from my ledge and stepped out onto the open air.
I don't really know why, but every time I walked on the air (where you and Xion fought last year), I'm suspended by glass, or something. Perhaps it's all of the residual emotions of that precarious night.
I began walking faster atop my new platform - it was vexing and I felt liberated. It was as if there were a giant, impenetrable slate of glass underneath me; I was walking around on air and free to look wherever I pleased.
If only you could be here… Then, what would happen?
Roxas.
My thoughts jumbled and I lost focus.
Am I in Twilight Town?
Of course you are, you idiot.
You know, I'm always hearing all of this talk that I'm not supposed to exist. If I'm really not 'supposed' to, then why am I? Even though I'm half of somebody, I'm still existing, beating and alive. I'm also always being scolded that I can't feel real emotions. It's true that I can't, but that ceases to explain the odd sensation I used to get when I was with him.
It was like electricity was surging through my body. Electrifying first my legs, the sensation traveled to my hands, and alas, my chest.
The sensation was pleasant.
Maybe this is the heart's attribute of 'feel.'
Or, more likely, 'love.'
I'm thinking the latter, because they say love makes you blind.
For the past year I've been shielded by my resentment for the Organization. I've also been guarding myself.
When he left, I couldn't breathe. Never again did I want to break inside of my own body.
I don't think I could handle that again.
I think I loved him, but does that mean I have to walk on water? Look at me now, walking on air, only supported by the ardence belonging in my non-existent heart. Somehow, maybe, he'll understand what I meant when I said, 'No.' Will I ever feel his presence; to laugh, and be happy for one more day?
I'm afraid that life just isn't that simple.
A starlet's cry split the silence in the air; the world seemed to tilt sideways; the redhead saw his own body from a dastard angle in the heavens above. For an unknown reason, Axel was having an out of body experience. As quickly as it happened, his being returned to his body, quite shaken from what had just occurred.
And, so suddenly, Axel heard a voice, far below.
"Hayner, wait up! He's hurt," A girl called.
Their apparent friend was sprawled on the floor. Axel scrutinized his eyes for a better look at the person on the ground. Cerulean eyes -
"Like I asked! Know-it-all."
As soon as the red saw the sapphire eyes, a memory rang out in his mind.
"Olette, what happened to him?" Another voice rang out; masculine.
"I'm not sure, we were just running when suddenly he just plopped down! But he keeps lolling his head to look at Station Heights. Do you see anything up there?"
I laughed. It was impossible to see me - technically, I didn't exist. Though, Saix told me there were a few errors in his programming: "You are only visible to those whose memories are of you."
And I knew the possibility of that - zero.
Thirteen people, twenty-six eyes. Of those twenty-six eyes, none are below. Of those twenty-six eyes, two have seen the depths of my entirety; my existence and soul. His eyes were beautiful.
"There's just the same old clock tower," The boy said. "Man, what's wrong with you?" The one called 'Hayner' nudged his friend's arm.
"Nothing… I don't know… I'm okay! Really, Olette," He yelled playfully, seeing the concern in his friend's orbs. The boy's eyes sparkled and his laughter spiraled in the air. His voice was soon accompanied by the friend's own chortles. A single voice stood out from the laughter.
A voice from the past.
How… Is this happening?
I walked a little further out, letting my presumptuous thoughts carry me away. I remember when Roxas was bummed out because he had nowhere to go after, dutifully, completing his mission. I believe it was his ninth day with the organization. Anyway, we had that mission together, in Agrabah, as I recall. Afterward, he suggested that we return to the castle. Well, he actually said, "Let's RTC," in his zombie-like drone.
"Do you guys… See…." The boy, Roxas, began.
I just laughed in his face. He was so new to the organization that he didn't know the difference between 'work' and 'your work.'
The boy rose; his friends were attempting to coax him back down. "Guys, stop, let go of me… I'm fine, just-"
To show him the right way to end a mission, I opened a portal to this very town. He was taken aback. He had no idea where I was going to take him; that was the enthusing part. I always used to relax after work, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to bring him along with me. I liked to call it the icing on the cake for a hard day's work. As it turns out, he followed the routine.
"What in… The world is that?" His crystal-like articulation sounded.
I led him here, to the clock tower, for some of the delicious sea-salt ice cream. I think that was the moment when we became best friends. The two of us shared a special affinity that I couldn't quite place with anyone else. There was too much solitude in my heart, and when I met him, I came to my senses.
It was like smelling the aroma of jasmine flowers for the first time. No; it was more comparable to living in the gray, then being introduced to a rainbow.
When I was with him, I felt alive.
Number XIII warded off my loneliness. It was when I realized I needed someone sharing the world with me. When I realized there was someone out there who I could… Love.
Love. I loved him so much.
Axel reverted his attention from the three blonde, brown, and blue-haired teens to the strange one who was looking precariously closely at him. Axel shifted his head; the eyes followed the movement. Confusion washed over the red-haired fiend. The brown-haired boy was truly looking at him.
Then what Saix said…
His eyes widened, then their gaze met. Axel's heart melted and his vision blurred for a millisecond. As fate would have it, he and the chestnut-haired boy had met, and he was no ordinary person.
He was… Axel' eternity.
Like a diamond, his eyes were forever endless pits, and like gold, his heart beautiful and greatly treasured.
Mystery glazed his eyes. Green, vivid like emeralds, and wild hair to match his exterior. The person who showed me what love was, was standing in the exact place where I had fought one of my best friends.
Her name was Xion.
Up in the utopia of a sky, my true best friend was gazing down at me; I, his long-lost accomplice. Something, somewhere out there, keeps calling my name. Am I coming home?
Axel. You're tearing out my heart.
I wanted nothing more than to scream…
Axel was bewildered. Though he was grown and mature, he couldn't erase the emotions flowing through his body. His one love. His first friend… He couldn't forget the last time he saw those enormous, clear blue eyes. He couldn't forget his eyes, nor could he diffuse his memory of the dreams, memories, and time created with them.
His eyes widened. The boy wanted to sprint, no, fly to the figure he saw. He wanted to jump into the redhead's arms and never let go. But he couldn't. His feet were glued to the ground.
Stuck in a horrible situation, Roxas faltered. He couldn't allow his friends to see his weakness, to see him crumble, to cry. They would leave him, and Roxas would be left with no one.
Then again - what could be worse to be separated from your love for all of eternity?
What the hell is happening?
I was told to never expect to see you again, and there you are, drowning me in my own pain. I feel like I could just reach out and touch your hair; to graze your cheek and make you mine, forever and ever.
Axel and the mysterious stranger locked eyes for a moment longer; the redhead's filled with tears, and out they poured, like angry, unforgiving waterfalls.
Axel, atop the sky, peering into the eyes of the other, burdened to the ground. Two lovers, worlds apart, separated by the thin barrier of punishment on which Axel stood. He cried.
Chestnut-colored hair raced across the way to Station Heights; he broke away from his comrades. His mind necessitated to break away, to cry; his voice howled with the pain of regret, sounding of the loss of someone so dear.
Those gleaming, unforgettable eyes spoke words to him no one else could; they aided him in learning to live a life, and learning to live a life for.
He couldn't let go of the one person he loved.
At the last moment, he looked up again.
For a fleeting second, he saw the angel that was meant for him; just for a single minute he was able to capture Axel's gaze. It was filled with despair… And something else, though Roxas couldn't quite place it.
He reached up and clenched his hand, then an earsplitting crack filled the evening air, and Axel vanished. Roxas let his hand fall.
Please, stay with me forever.
Roxas, I can almost touch you. I can nearly feel your hands, the coolness of your hair. Laughter, your joyful sounds fill the air. The way we were, my friend. You lent me the strength to break open a path and see beyond. The power to find you.
Something coiled itself around his feet. It snaked itself up higher until it reached Axel's knee. Tightening itself, it grew icy and grinded itself deeper in his leg. Suddenly, the earth seemed to shake.
And so, Axel fell. His glass trap broke, crumbled, smashed, shattered.
We can never be, Roxas.
And he closed his eyes and let the iridescent pigments of the sun swallow him up.
The sun sets red because light is made up of many colors, and out of all of them, red travels the farthest. Silk reds symbolize love, hatred, agony, and bliss. It's the universal mix of the polar opposites; if a butterfly migrated South for winter, and kept going south, it would always end up floating its beautiful wings to the north. Because, in all living things, no matter their size, their internal compass is due north.
People without hearts would call this intrinsic liability love.
Just like… You.
Just like… You.
Roxas whispered his final goodbye, "So long, Winner."
Then, as quickly as they entered, Roxas's emotions fled his body through his tired eyes. His hand reached up to wipe away the tears. Angry at the universe for separating he and his love, he screamed to the heavens, "Give me back my soul, my life!" His voice was rough and harsh.
Just then, the sun's rays broke through the horizon. The rays outstretched themselves across the sky, like a hand trying to recover a forgotten item.
In this case, the missing item would be love.
As a last reminder for his passion, Axel's sun shined a shade of burning scarlet, igniting Roxas's unfeeling heart. For a split second, Roxas could see Axel's beautiful emerald eyes in the overcast rays of the sky, and feel the warmth of his lover's soul. Soothingly, the sun spoke, "Remember me."
But perhaps it was just an echo.
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Well, what do you think?
Oh, I have a great idea - tell me your thoughts through reviewing.
I'm thinking if I get enough reviews, I'll turn this story into a short chapter-length fiction, just because I can.
Review, my darlings, I'll be yours forever.
Oh, and if you read my other AkuRoku 'tragedies,' I tend to write with a common theme. If you like it, great, if not, please tell me so I can change my writing.
Thanks!
-SKF
