There Are Elves On My Fridge!
Before we begin the first chapter of Random Plotless Insanity, I would like to recap for those of you who didn't feel like reading Romance, Emus, and Cereal Spoons (READ IT!). Two girls, Lily and Bran, are zapped into Middle Earth. There, after landing in a particularly spiny tree, they are found by Legolas who brings them to Rivendell where they meet various LOTR characters such as: Aragorn, Boromir (this is post-fellowship but Boromir didn't die, he was pushed into the boat by Aragorn ((very much like the Plague scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail)) etc.), (shudders) Arwen, Gimli (IMPLIED Gimli/Haldir), etc (RUN-ONS RUL!). They also meet Sulel, a nice elf whose feelings for Bran aren't revealed until the last few chapters of the story. One evening, after meeting with Legolas in the gardens and having him say that he loved her, Bran is kidnapped by an emu riding thing-man who works for Saurman (Sour-man) son of Saruman. Lego, Sulel, and Lily head off after Bran's captor with Elrond's prized hunting/tracking dog and when they make camp come across Aragorn who had been kicked out by Arwen and now had developed this 'thing' for his cereal spoon known as Johnny. They end up going into Moria and nearly are eaten by 'Fluffy Sweetums' as Lily calls the Balrog. To make a long story short, Bran escapes, catches up with them, sees the Nazgul doing the Can-Can to Lady Marmalade, and when they arrive back at Rivendell, she doesn't get a break, she ends up in Elrond's study asking about the "all-seeing mystical oracle of Rivendell" which is a bowl of Chex Mix (Yee-haw! Run-on!). Lego ends up telling Lily that he loves her more than Bran, Bran sees them and gets mad so she storms off, Lily writes a diary entry so full of guilt you won't believe it, Lego gives her a kitty etc. etc. time goes by etc. Elrond tells them how to get back here and they wake up in Bran's living room w/ LOTR theme music playing. When they enter her kitchen to feed her thirteen cats, they find Aragorn fending off one w/ a frozen chicken and Lego and Sulel perched on the fridge. That brings us up to date.
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Chapter One; There are Elves on my Fridge
"Oh, dear..."
Lily blinked once, blinked twice, and blinked a third time.
"Legolas?" She asked.
"Hello." He replied pleasantly from his perch on top of the refrigerator.
"Uhm, hi. What in heaven's name are you doing in my house?" Bran asked.
"Well," Sulel started, "apparently the 'no place like home' spell extended to us, and we were transported here."
"Well, that's odd." Lily said.
"Yes..." Legolas agreed. "Now, help us down."
Bran chuckled. "Alrighty." She turned to her oversized pantry and took out six disturbingly large cans of cat food. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." She called, and all thirteen cats came bounding towards her. She dished out food to each separate cat.
"You can come down now." Bran said, laughing inwardly.
Quickly, both elves and man jumped down from their positions. Bran smirked. "Afraid of a little kitty, are we?"
"That was no ordinary cat!" Aragorn yelled, pointing at a particularly large black tom. "That's a monster!"
Bran's smirk grew wider. "His name is Bosco. And remember the motto; you don't cross the Boss."
"I can see where she gets her affinity for Balrogs." Legolas whispered to Sulel, both casting nervous glances to the twenty pound black cat, which looked more like a small, disgruntled dog than anything else.
Suddenly, above the noise of the cats chowing down, there was the sound of a dog whining. Bran sighed. "That's my uncle's dog."
Aragorn cocked an eyebrow.
"My uncle's a lazy bum, and he lives in the basement." Bran explained. She rolled her eyes and sighed once more. She stalked out of the kitchen, followed by the former Middle Earth residents and Lily. She opened the door to the basement, and screamed down, "Matt, you playboy! Please tear yourself away from whatever bimbo you have down there NOW and feed your dog so that the owners of this house can have some peace!"
She slammed the basement door, and started jogging up the stairs. All the males in the room stared at her. "What?" She asked.
Legolas shook it off. "Nothing." He said, and followed her up. The others followed suite. While following Bran, Lego noticed that she had a particularly large home. Five or six floors, he estimated. The entire house was poorly lit, and decorated in dark purple and black. What Legolas didn't know was that Lily often compared it to an insane, gothic fun house.
They passed a room, and Bran stopped to lean in. A frail-looking man was sitting in front of a computer (the former Fellowship members didn't know what it was). "Hi, Daddy." Bran said.
The man turned around. His eyes held the half-crazed look of someone deprived of sleep for many days and were covered by two small pieces of glass (glasses). He focused his eyes on Bran with some difficulty. "Hello, sweetheart. Did you feed the cats?"
"Yes, Papa."
Her father already looked distracted by the glowing computer screen, the light reflecting off the glass of his lenses. He shook his head, making his dark curls bounce. "I'm stuck, I can't think... The girl is right about to get attacked by the mad spree killer, but..." He broke off, and shrugged. "Oh well."
Bran looked vaguely sympathetic. "Alright. I'm going up to my room with Lily and three strange men."
"Okay dear, be in bed by eleven."
The five continued on their quest upwards, when they reached a long hallway. Bran walked to the third door on the right and looked in. It was the only room so far that wasn't decorated in purple and blacks. In fact, it was done all in white. An old woman was sitting on a bed, looking confused.
"Hi, Grandmother Rosemary."
The old woman turned her head to Bran. "Oh, hello Susan! How's woman's suffrage going? Oh, I see you've brought Herbert Hoover!" She said pleasantly, nodding towards Aragorn. "Yes, Grandmother." Bran nodded and closed the door.
The five kept going upwards until they reached what Sulel took to be an attic. One wall was almost all taken up by a tank, containing a monstrous five-foot lizard. A piece of tape stuck to the tank proudly declared it 'Godzilla'. The room was done in mostly sandy yellow, with a mural of pyramids painted on one wall. Bones of beasts long since past, which Bran and Lily called 'dinosaurs', littered the room, with one particularly large flying beast suspended on the ceiling, a piece of notebook paper taped to the ceiling pronouncing it a 'pterodactyl'
"Welcome to my room." Bran said unenthusiastically.
"And what a nice room it is, at that." Lily told her.
"Thank you." Bran replied, somewhat sarcastically. Then, "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" To Aragorn, who was attempting to open her closet.
Aragorn jumped back. "What?" He asked.
"Don't open the door. Only trained personnel can do that." Bran said. With that, she pulled open the door and jumped back a full three feet.
What fell out of the closet were priceless artifacts mixed in with...
"Bricks?" Lily asked.
"Yes, bricks." Bran answered as if it were only natural to keep bricks in one's closet.
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MUCH LATER
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*YAWN* "'s time to go to bed. Lily, you are in the usual room, Lego, Sulel and Aragorn, you're in the one next to that. Just follow Lily." Bran said sleepily.
A/N The End of Chappie One!!!!!!!!!! Soon you will meet the other characters!!! Snuffy, Rose, etc.
