For ahowell1993: Enjoy!

I do not own Criminal minds or its characters.

Two words will help you cope when you run low on hope: accept and trust -Charles R Swindoll

Chapter 1

"You know what I think it is?"

"What?"

"You're just mad because Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you couldn't determine our deception."

"If you want to be angry with someone, be angry with me."

"I can't, I didn't come crying to your house for ten weeks."

"You mourned the loss of a friend, I mourned the loss of six."

Reid attempted to block out the words he'd been subjected to over the past few days. All he'd wanted was a chance to come to terms with what had happened, but he couldn't. Not with the constant assault of words from his teammates; begging him to understand, accusing him of not controlling his emotional responses, telling him to move on. None of them had taken the time to consider why he'd had such a strong reaction. To guess that maybe he'd seen Emily's 'death' as just another abandonment. Like his dad, Elle, Gideon, he shouldn't have been surprised; they all left him in the end. But no, instead they had it had been necessary, for the greater good even, and he needed to get over it. But he couldn't, he faith in the team was shaken to the core and he doubted it would ever return to the stability it had achieved before the events of the past eight months.

If they even trusted me to begin with. He thought darkly. As much as he would like to believe he was past such insecurities, there had been moments where he truly believed he was only tolerated by the team; a tool to be used for solving cases, nothing else. The debacle the team had underwent with Doyle only solidified that belief. Hotch and JJ had chosen to hide Emily's condition, Morgan and Garcia conducted their own individual witch hunt, and Rossi had completely closed himself off. None of them had cared enough to check on him, to be sure that he wasn't about to do anything detrimental to his health, only Ashley had. Ashley! His head shot up at the thought of his girlfriend of four months; he was certain that some of the emotional pain he felt would be relieved at the sound of her voice. With slightly shaking hands, he drew his phone and dialed her number.

"Hello?" a soft voice answered.

"Hey Ash." he said, happy to have caught her at a time where she could talk.

"Hey Spence, what's wrong?" Ashley had always had an uncanny ability for picking out when he wasn't doing well.

Reid sank back against his couch, letting the emotional backlash he'd tried to keep at arm's length wash over him. "I had a rough week." he whispered.

"Why don't you let me in and we can talk about it." she told him.

"What?" He asked, racing towards the door, "you're here?" Reid flung his door open to find his girlfriend standing in front of him.

"Surprise!" Ashley said, wrapping him in a hug.

"What are you doing here?" He exclaimed, spinning her around his living room.

"Andi decided that the team needed a week off, and since our anniversary is in a few days, I thought I'd come surprise you."

"What did I do to deserve you?" he asked, kissing her lightly.

"You took a chance." she answered, cupping his face in her hands.

Reid smiled at the memory. "Hey Spencer." Seaver called from her desk.

"Hey Ashley." Reid answered. Noting the box next to her desk he asked, "Spring cleaning?"

"What?" Seaver looked at him in surprise before seeing what he had been referring to. "Oh, no, I guess Hotch and Rossi didn't tell you yet."

"Tell me what?"

She brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes before answering, "Andi Swan offered me a spot in her unit and I accepted. I leave tomorrow."

"Oh," Reid tried to mask the pain and shock he'd felt at the revelation, "I wish you the best of luck." he said, sticking out his hand.

She gave him a disappointed look before shaking his hand, "bye Spence."

After a few hours of paperwork, Reid had been set to head home when he noticed a picture on Seaver's desk. It was from about a month and a half after Emily's death, when he, Morgan, Garcia, and Seaver had gone to see that horror film. The first time he'd felt something other than heartache since Emily had died. They had their arms around each other and were grinning goofily at the camera. At least Morgan and Garcia had been, he and Seaver were smiling at each other.

"Are you really just going to let her walk away?" a voice that sounded suspiciously like Emily's asked him.

"No," Reid muttered before sprinting out the door. In his haste to leave, he'd forgotten the umbrella he'd packed in preparation for the torrential downpour Virginia had been subject to; so he was soaked to the bone when he knocked on the door of Seaver's apartment.

"Spence?" she asked. "What are you doing here? You're soaked, come in before you catch a cold!"

Reid followed her silently into the apartment, desperately trying to think of what to say.

"Here's a blanket." Seaver said, holding out a large piece of fabric towards him.

"Thank you." he muttered, gratefully accepting it.

"What were you doing?" she asked.

Reid looked at her and whispered, "I needed to see you before you left."

"Why?"

"Because, because." He tried to get the words out, but for once he found he was incapable of rambling. Knowing that he was currently incapable of speech, and praying that she wouldn't kill him, he kissed her. "Because I like you Ashley. I like you a lot."

Seaver studied him for a minute before knocking him onto the couch. "I like you too." she whispered before kissing him back.

"Spence?" Ashley's voice brought him out of his reverie. "What were you thinking about?"

Reid gave her a sheepish grin, "About the first time I kissed you."

She arched an eyebrow and asked, "And?"

"How lucky I am that I'm in a relationship with you."

"And how you're trying to distract yourself from whatever is going through your head right now." she said, studying him.

Reid sighed, "I don't want what happened to detract from the joy of you being here."

"I know," his girlfriend murmured, "but you also know it will be better if you talk about it."

"Things aren't getting better at work. Morgan and Garcia think I should just get over what happened. Rossi is losing his patience with me. Hotch wants me to blame him, and Jennifer accused me of being mad because I wasn't able to detect her micro expressions. I know I told Strauss that I would give it more time, but I honestly don't think I can stay on this team." He watched Ashley's eyes harden at the mention of what JJ had said to him before once again softening with worry.

"I'm sorry that they put you through that." she whispered, snuggling closer against him.

Reid planted a kiss on the top of her head before replying, "It's alright. I should have known something like this would happen. I just don't know what to do now."

Ashley gave him a mischievous look. "You know," she said seductively. "You could always transfer to my unit. Andi would love to have you."

Reid laughed. "As tempting as that sounds, I don't think that Strauss would approve. Something along the lines of no dating the members of your unit."

"I'm sure she'd be fine given the alternative." Ashley protested. "Besides, think about it, the two of us fighting crime together."

"Me making sure you don't do something bull-headed and get yourself killed." Reid teased.

"Oh, you are going to pay for that." Ashley exclaimed, shoving his shoulder. "Just for that comment, you can sleep on the couch tonight."

"Or you could really punish me." her boyfriend whispered seductively in her ear, sending chills down her spine.

"I could," she said, loosening his tie.

Reid's eyes darkened with anticipation as he let her push him down onto the couch. Ashley brushed her lips against his teasingly as he pulled her on top of him. Her fingers deftly unbuttoned his shirt as he deepened the kiss.

Buzz, buzz. The sound of a phone vibrating filled the air. "Ignore it." Reid pleaded, shrugging out of his shirt. The two continued their makeout session, only to be interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing, again.

"Maybe you should see who it is." Ashley suggested.

Reid looked at his phone and sighed, "it's Morgan."

"What did the message say?"

"Hey pretty boy, just wanted to check to make sure you were coming to Rossi's tonight. It's starting in ten minutes, so let me know." Reid looked up from his phone to find Ashley staring at him. "What?" he asked.

"Maybe you should go." she murmured. "I know you don't want to, and honestly I can't blame you. But they're at least trying to reach out to you. Please don't shut them out Spence, you know you'll end up regretting it."

Reid contemplated her words. While he was still extremely annoyed with the team, they were still his family. Families fought, but in the end they truly loved each other. "You're right," he conceded.

"Of course I am." Ashley smirked, "you should know that by now."

"You're coming with me though." Reid told her, stealing another kiss and then his shirt from the floor.

"Alright, but you're wearing a different shirt!" she called.

Ten minutes later they found themselves standing outside Reid's apartment, waiting for a taxi. "You know, it's not too late to go see a movie instead." Reid said hopefully.

Ashley glanced at him before muttering, "nice try. Look, there's our cab." The two watched as a car pulled up to a stop in front of his apartment.

They must be dropping someone off here. Reid thought as the doors opened. Two people were getting out, but they weren't the normal passengers. They each held a semi-automatic and both hands, and too late had he realized that this was an ambush.

"Spencer!" he turned slowly at the sound of his voice. He felt as though he was moving in slow motion, yet his heart was racing a mile a minute. The two men had approached him on each side, one held a crowbar while the other held a solvent-drenched rag. "Spence, stay behind me." Ashley pleaded, reaching for her gun.

"Put that down missy." One of their assailants snarled. "We don't have any quarrel with you, just with young Doctor Reid here."

"Yeah, well you'll have to go through me!" Ashley retorted.

"That can be arranged." the man said, firing a single shot.

Reid watched in horror as Seaver's eyes widened in shock; a circle of red slowly expanding from her abdomen. "Ashley? Ashley, come on baby answer me. Come on." he pleaded, desperately trying to staunch the blood. He was so focused on saving her that he didn't notice the rag pressed against his nose. A deep, acrid scent filled his nostrils, and Reid was lost to the darkness.

Please Read and Review!

A/n: taking a one month hiatus for the need to focus on pressing matters in my life. I also have not felt the need to write after some of the comments I read. While I am all for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, I do not appreciate flames. Especially because I write as a way of dealing with depression. While these stories are for me, I post them so others can also enjoy them. Maybe I'll end up writing again, but at the time I need to focus on my life. Thank you to everyone who has read/ reached out about my stories. -xoxo Elisa