A/N: This is just something cute I thought up, mostly because I've never seen the pairing done before. I'm sure SOMEONE's probably done it before me, but I don't particularly want to wade through all 374 stories in the category, especially when so many of them are from Xenosaga I, a game that I personally dislike. So, you know what they say, when you want to see something done but can't find it anywhere, go ahead and give a stab at it yourself.
"Speech" / 'Thoughts'
Disclaimer: Xenogears belongs to Square Enix, not that they're doing anything with it.
Yggdrasil IV (Nisan Dock)
Maria Balthasar's eyes fluttered open to reveal only the darkness of the ladies bedroom. Ever since her Queen Zephyr had ordered her to assist this motley crew in the destruction of the Solarian Empire and now in stopping the Gazel Ministry's Soylent system, she had elected to stay in the little girl's room with Margie, Primera, and Chu-Chu, leaving Elly the room all by herself with only Emeralda to keep the woman company once the mysterious little girl joined. However, with recent developments, their fiery-haired friend and mother figure, (at least to Emeralda; Maria thought she was rather like a big sister), was looking more and more disheveled and miserable with each passing day. They'd spent weeks and weeks ferrying in refugees to Nisan while the Gazel were dormant and plotting their next move, and caring for the mutated peoples whose lives had been so vilely ripped from them had taken its inevitable toll on the elder mage.
With Fei having only so much time to comfort her during the daytime, Maria, who felt guilty about leaving the woman alone in the first place, had taken it upon herself to stay in the ladies bedroom with her and try to keep her company along with Emeralda. Besides, it wasn't as if seeing all the horrible pain that the populace was going through wasn't taking its toll on her. Over time, she'd felt her heart shrivel up upon seeing crying family after crying family beg her to end their suffering, and she could feel herself physically deteriorating as well. Her hair had completely lost it's frills and hung limply at the sides of her head, her eyes had lost the glimmer they used to hold and had bags under them from the lack of sleep, and she was pretty sure she'd lost weight as her dresses all felt much looser on her now. Eventually, she couldn't take it anymore and gave them Seibzhen to fill in for her, ordering him to follow the good doctor's commands until she felt up to returning.
Looking around the room, she saw the two other beds which were, of course, unoccupied. Elly was working herself practically to death these days, so if she was asleep, then it was most likely from passing out at the relief centers in town. Emeralda, who had grown far closer to the woman in recent months after shedding her initial aloofness in lieu of almost daughterly compassion, would most likely be with her, assisting her with the many limbs she could manifest from her nanomachine-filled body. That was what she thought anyway, until she became very aware of warmth and weight that were not her own coming from beneath the sheets she was currently occupying.
Flinging off the sheets she had pulled up to her collarbone, her eyes widened in shock.
'W-What...?'
There, clinging tightly to her chest, both arms wrapped around the slightly taller girl, was Emeralda who looked more peaceful than she'd seen the little girl in weeks. She continued to stare in disbelief, watching the girl breath in and out while the smallest smile graced her lips. It was at this point her memory decided to torture her by belatedly bringing her the realization that she hadn't had a nightmare the previous night. Every night after the first day of transporting refugees in to Nisan, she'd been plagued by nightmares of varying degrees. The worst ones had shown to her images of her father, Nikolai, and herself mutating and suffering endlessly while the Gazel and Krelian laughed at her and taunted her for being unable to do anything. Needless to say she'd woken up in tears on those particular occasions, causing her to try and avoid sleep as much as possible. Now, though, with the young mermaid holding her in a comforting embrace, she'd been able to sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time.
Coming to this realization, she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. 'She drove the nightmares away by sleeping at my side? Isn't that the kind of thing shared between... lovers?'
She felt her face go red as a ripe tomato as she attempted to shake the thought away. It was true that she was only 14 years of age at this point, but loosing both her parents at such a young age as she had as well as working her hardest to keep Shevat safely guarded and her Queen in good company, even becoming one of the few the 500-year old child would call "friend", had brought about an earlier stage of maturity and intelligence than in most children in both mind and body. She was of the mental capacity to hold romantic interest in another, though she had yet to experience such a thing... or at least she thought she did. The tanned girl's warmth was starting to become dizzying.
Shaking herself from her thoughts, she decided that contemplating the situation was going to bring nothing more than increasingly strange thoughts, she took the green-haired girl's shoulders in her hands and gave them a light shake. Slowly, and groggily, her eyes flicked open and she sat up in bed , releasing her hold on the taller girl. Maria honestly could not tell whether or not she missed the shorter girl's touch. Eventually her yellow orbs flicked up to meet Maria's own grays and a large grin broke out on her face.
"Maria's awake," she said simply and cheerily, in a surprisingly restrained voice for the typically energetic young girl.
Once more Maria blinked, not knowing how to react to the little one. After a few silent moments between the two, she let out a sigh.
"What are you doing here, sleeping with me, Emmy? I've never seen you do that with anyone else but Fei and Elly."
Emeralda looked away, tilting her head for a moment as if thinking. "Maria looked so tired and sad. Emeralda remembered Kim's voice. Kim taught me all sorts of things. He said that when people look sad, you should try to cheer them up and make them happy. He said that a hug can make people relax and feel warm inside."
The shorter girl turned and looked back at her with clear concern in her eyes.
"Maria was tossing and turning so much that Emeralda felt worried. Emeralda thought Maria could use a hug, so she hugged her until Maria calmed down."
Maria just continued looking down at the strange girl. Over the time since she'd joined them, the robot girl had expressed a wide range of phases that had constantly drawn Maria into uncomfortable territory as she was probably her best friend. At first, a lot of the time the girl had expressed happiness at seeing people that she'd thought were her parents and then confusion and frustration at the fact that they were different than what she remembered "before she slept" as the shorter of the two had put it. Eventually, the girl began to show a steadily increasing desire to become more independent, constantly propositioning Maria on how a young girl like her should grow up and occasionally delving into more *ahem* embarrassing topics their conversations grew deeper and deeper. In the months since she'd come to know the girl, her speech had improved quite a bit as well as she was apparently tired of people staring at her as if she was daft every time she spoke. Though she still had problems with referring to herself and other people in the third-person. With this in mind, Maria determined that it did make sense for her to try and do something like this for a friend so that she could grow further into her own person. There was still something that was bothering her, though.
"Emmy," she approached cautiously, "You could have left after I calmed down and gone back to sleep on your own or with Fei or Elly. Why did you... stay with me?"
There. She'd laid it out bluntly and hopefully she would receive a straight answer even though she was slightly worried of what the girl's answer might be. To her surprise, the emerald-haired mermaid looked slightly away from her with a blush on her cheeks. Maria was positively shocked at this reaction as it was the first time she'd ever seen the girl get embarrassed over anything, not even when they were discussing the proper handling of her... lower regions.
"Kim also said something else," she replied, in the softest of tones, "He said that people in similar situations can grow together and eventually love each other, and that it was how he met Mama. Em... No, I heard about what happened to your father from Citan."
Maria's eyes widened even further, reaching the size of dinner plates. The first half of the sentence and hearing her refer to herself in the first person distracted her from any animosity she might have held at the good doctor for thoughtlessly telling the mermaid about her past.
'What is happening? Is this a dream, and if it is, is she still going to be there when I wake up?', the teenager thought, her heart pounding.
"When Em- When I looked at YOU," she continued slowly, attempting to shed her vocal ticks, "last night and I saw you crying in your sleep, it made me feel weird inside. It made me hurt in here." She pointed at the area where her heart would be.
"Ma- You always looked hurt whenever I talked about Fei and Kim and I never knew why, but Em- I do now," she said, still stumbling over her words somewhat, "You were hurt by me having Kim with Fei, weren't you?"
Maria snapped back to reality from the lucid place she'd been before. "No! I wasn't- I was never jealous of you because of Fei," she answered, not really believing herself.
Emeralda gave her a sad smile in response. "It's okay. Now I know that I'm the same as you, because Fei isn't Kim. Kim tucked me into bed a long time ago and disappeared. I've spent so much time with Fei that I know he's a different person, that he's not Kim. It was just too hard to admit."
By this point, there were tears streaming out of the shorter girl's eyes and Maria reached over and took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. She may not be sure where the mermaid was going with this, but she knew that the girl in front of her was her best friend next to Margie and she would support her.
"I wanted to tell you that, so you wouldn't be so hurt anymore," the more diminutive of the pair resumed, giving Maria's hand a thankful squeeze, "because when I think about how much you've been helping me since I've been here, it makes me feel warm inside and I feel all light-headed and fluttery in here." she pointed to her heart again. "Where the pain is now."
Maria couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not only was this girl having feelings of attraction, but she had them whenever she was thinking about her. Maria herself had experienced feelings such as these in the past couple years of her life as her hormones awakened, but these feelings had all been directed at handsome young men so far. She'd never felt such a thing towards another girl before. It was improper, it was wrong, it went against everything she'd been taught, and yet... She couldn't help but feel her own heart continue to pound as she held the mermaid's hand and a light, airy feeling began to spread all over her body, as the girl continued to pour her heart out right in front of her. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, and the fact that they were sitting in a bed and holding hands was NOT helping.
"I'm not ready to tell Fei yet, but I wanted to tell you," the emerald-haired girl said with finality, her voice barely above a whisper, "and I wanted to hug you the whole night because I didn't want to see you hurt. I wanted, no, I WANT to see you happy, because it makes me feel that warm feeling inside. It makes me happy."
Maria was still reeling from everything she'd heard. For the longest time she couldn't even speak, her tongue tying up every time she tried, causing Emmy to giggle as she waited for the taller girl to respond. She just wasn't sure how she should respond. Did she want to approach the topic head on? The church had always professed attraction and love between a man and a woman and she'd never seen two people of the same gender together as a couple. Even Nisan's angelic statues, that were the very centerpiece of their faith, were masculine and feminine in design. It made sense to her too. She'd studied the Shevatian libraries religiously when she'd got there, her capacity for learning drastically increased with her Limiter removed, in an attempt to entertain her Queen and rouse her from the emotionless state she was constantly in. One of the various theories that she'd read, and the one that made her aware of same-sex couples in the first place was particularly about human animosity and stigma against other races, religions, sexual orientations, etc was just one of nature's cruel ways of keeping population control. 'Why wouldn't it be?' she had thought back then, 'Only a man and a woman can have a child together.'. If the her back then could only see the her in the present, swirling in indecision about a possible love confession from one of her closest female friends.
Pulling herself together, she knew there was at least a couple things should could say with certainty. For starters, In spite of all her thoughts, her heart was definitely hammering inside her chest and her head was light which was a clear sign that she was attracted to the girl sitting before her as well. Additionally, she certainly liked Emeralda as a person at least. Despite any discomfort the girl might have caused with her prodding and her connection to Fei, she was still a really good and reliable friend who sought to repay her for the knowledge and the help that she'd provided. Taking all this into consideration, she still found herself at an impasse with the conflicting sides of her mind.
She thought for a long time, but still no answer came to her as she began to realize that approaching the problem directly was the only course of action that would get her any sort of closure, no matter the result.
"Emeralda," she spoke tentatively, somewhat afraid to continue. "Are you saying that you've... that you've... fallen in love... with me?"
The girl in front of her blinked a few times, carrying a blank expression on her face, before putting her hand up to her own chin in thought.
"Love? Kim spoke to me about love," she stated in a low, contemplative voice, "and I've read about love in a lot of the books, but Kim loved Mama and the books always describe a man and woman doing those things like hugging and kissing and... touching each other." The mermaid looked up at her with an unreadable expression that looked mildly like worry. "I can be a boy, but I don't want to be. Papa and Mama wanted a girl and I want to keep being a girl for them and because I like being one. But... Can two girls love? I've never... I don't know anything about that."
Maria took a deep breath and let it out. This would be relatively easier than confronting her own feelings, which she'd have to do anyway after this, so relaxing was probably foolish.
"Yes," she nodded, "Two girls can love. Two boys can love too. I've never seen either myself, but I know that it exists. It's been written about many times in various fictional and research contexts that I've found in Shevat's libraries. The kinds of people that do this sort of thing don't often show themselves in public because of the fear that they might be shunned, even by family and close friends, and because they can't have children like a man and woman can. The churches too, preach against such things. Even Nisan's scripts, though non-specific, definitely have that subtext."
She let out a long sigh at this, making sure to squeeze the girl's hand to make sure she knew she still had support. The girl had begun shaking after her explanation and she could no longer see her golden orbs, hidden beneath a curtain of silky hair.
"Please understand, Em, that a relationship like that is dangerous and someone could get hurt."
Then she nearly fell over as the mermaid's head whipped up and she could see the fires of determination burn in the shorter girl's eyes.
"Then... Then, I'd protect you," she said with conviction, "because I think I really do. I think that I... that I love you, Maria."
The taller girl sharply gasped at the words she'd not heard anyone say to her in four years.
"You're smart and kind and you're very pretty," the yellow-eyed girl continued, not letting the fire die, "and you're so... mature and lady-like. When I'm around you, I feel safe and calm because I know that whatever dangerous thing is happening, you would face it head on and without fear. I... I feel so jumbled up inside that I don't know how to put it better. I just... love you, Maria."
Maria's mind had gone blank at the girl's confession. The last time she'd heard those words out of anyone's mouth was when her father had pushed her into the waiting arms of Seibzhen as she made her escape while the military police dragged Nikolai away to... well, she knew the rest. Tears streamed from her eyes as she realized just how much joy it brought her to hear someone say that again, covering her face with her hands, hiding the smile that had broken out.
Emeralda was looking at her with a worried and somewhat hurt expression, she could see from the corner of her eye. "I caused you to hurt again, didn't I? I'm so sorry Maria! I promise I won't say it to you again and I'll leave right now!"
The mermaid quickly turned around and attempted to release Maria's hand from their collective grasp. Maria, recognizing what was happening, gripped her hand even tighter. The mermaid had only a second to look confused before Maria embraced her from behind, folding her arms across the shorter girl's chest and pulling the girl flush against her. She could spy her surprised blush from here.
"No, Emmy, you didn't do anything wrong and I don't want you to leave," the taller girl reassured her, tears still glistening on her cheeks.
Emeralda turned her head slightly to look at her, a confused and worried visage still on her face. "Then, why are you...?"
She just shook her head and smiled. "No, silly, these aren't tears of sorrow. I'm crying because you made me really happy when you said that you loved me."
Her eyes widened slightly before her face settled into a content expression and she leaned back into the older-looking girl's shoulder. "Does this mean you...?"
She could here a short, indecisive sigh escape from her lips which most likely stabbed the heart of the girl she was holding in her arms. "Give me just a bit of time to think. I want to settle this here and now."
'Do I love her back?' she thought, 'Just setting what everyone else thinks aside, what do I want? What do I like about her?'
'Everything' was the immediate answer that came back to her. She loved everything about the girl who was definitely her senior but looked her junior. She loved the immense energy that the girl had and applied to everything she did; she loved the determination that fueled her conviction, causing her to never give up even when she should have; she loved the way she fought for her family and friends, protecting them with her body and soul because of how afraid she was to lose them after being alone for 3,000 years; and most of all she loved how hard the girl pushed herself to become her own woman, fulfilling her father's wishes, and how far she'd exceeded that goal today by declaring her love for Maria. Everything about Emeralda from her exotically beautiful looks, to her pranks on the crew (especially Chu-Chu for her "love" she held for Fei), to her warrior-child personality, to just the warmth she was receiving through their contact; she loved it all. She let out a little gasp as she found just how much she wanted to be with this girl.
'But what will the people say?!' she heard a small part of her mind shout to her even now. The more she thought about it, however, the more it didn't seem to matter. The world was being ravaged by genetic mutations and countless conflicts between them and the remainder of an evil empire. The world probably had more important things on its mind than two girls falling in love. She began to light up with joy as she began to comprehend how little their relationship would matter to others. If they both survived this, they'd be heroes too. She doubted people would raise a word against them if they managed to defeat Gazel and Krelian's ilk and come out alive. The realization that she could love this girl without restraint filled her to the brim with warmth and joy.
Letting go of a startled Emeralda, she spun the girl around and embraced her from the front this time, burying her face in the mermaid's shoulder.
"I love you too, Emmy. I love you!" she said loudly, her voice barely containing the wealth of emotions that was within.
It was Emeralda's turn to stare at her stunned. "You really do?" the words fell out of her mouth.
Maria pulled back, allowing the girl to see the feelings that burned in her eyes. "Yes, Emmy. I love everything about you. You're so energetic and you always push forward, always finding the will to protect the ones you love without hesitation. Even though I don't think we'll need it, I believe you when you say you'll protect me."
Slowly, the shorter girl broke out into the widest and most open smile she'd ever seen on the girl. Without any doubts existing between the two of them, Emeralda pulled Maria into a full shared embrace, resting her own head in the crook the taller girl's neck, the two lying back on the bed in a far more mutual position than had gotten them into this situation in the first place. Not that they minded that much anymore. They stayed like that a while, just sharing in each others warmth and happiness, their fast-beating hearts speaking louder than their words ever could. Though, it couldn't last forever. An initiative had to be taken.
"Hey, Maria?"
"Mmmhh, What is it, Em?"
The girl lower in stature raised herself up so that she could see her new lover's face.
"Do you want to try it?"
Maria frowned. "Try what, Em?"
The girl looked away bashfully, a blush gracing her cheeks. "You know... A kiss?"
Maria's eyes widened a little before she let out a chuckle. "I should have known you'd be so forward, Emmy. Alright. I'll lead if you're nervous."
Emeralda, not able to look at her from embarrassment, simply nodded.
The taller girl let out another chuckle before she sat up on the bed as Emmy took the position right in front of her, sitting herself on her folded knees and still unable to look at her. Wanting to rectify this, Maria took both sides of her face in her hands and redirected the girls gaze so she could stare directly into her eyes, surprised at what she found. Along with the usual fire, she could see a fear within her, and one she knew very well. It was the fear that all of this was a dream and that tomorrow they'd wake up and everything would be back to normal and they wouldn't feel such a deep form of love again. She knew this fear because she was feeling it as well, the fear that she would never hear "I love you" from another person who really meant it ever again. She didn't want this to end.
"Emmy, I'm right here, alright," she said soothingly, stroking the girl's cheek, "and I'm not leaving. I'll be here when you wake up and hopefully each day after that because I never want to stop hearing you say 'I love you'."
The girl broke out into a huge smile again, wiping her eyes as fresh tears spilled from them. "So these are joy tears, huh? I think I like feeling so happy that I could cry."
Maria nodded in agreement, "Now let's get to this kiss. It's my first, so I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'll lead."
Emeralda's nervousness returned, but she nodded back.
Slowly but surely, Maria gripped both sides of the mermaid's face once more and began to draw closer and closer, filling up her lover's vision with just her. Neither dared to close their eyes for fear of ruining the moment for the other as their breaths caught. Finally their lips met and... it was awkward. Emeralda was squirming in her hands, their positioning was off, their noses bumped together, and both pairs of eyes were still open the whole time. Maria, sensing that this wasn't going anywhere successful pulled away with a disappointed huff.
"What's say we try that again?" she said to her lover with a calming smile, "Just relax this time. You don't have to be scared of me, Em."
Emeralda, looking at her, took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright. I'll try. I love you, so I'll try."
Savoring those amazing words once again, Maria tried something a little different this time. She reached one arm up behind Emeralda's head while the other snaked around her waist and drew her flush against the other girl.
Staring into the girl's golden eyes, she asked, "Are you ready this time, my love?"
Emeralda barely remembered nodding before Maria pulled their lips together and this time, everything clicked into place. Both girls closed their eyes, as the felt the warmth of the other pressed tenderly against them. Neither was experienced so rather than a precise and graceful dance, their liplock was more of a sloppy competition of brute force, both pushing against each other and trying to match the intensity of the other. Maria squealed in surprise as she felt a tongue press against her lips, seemingly demanding access. 'Being so forward as always. That's my Emmy.', she thought dreamily. Not wanting the experience to end, she allowed the soft appendage to enter her jaws. It felt strange at first, she noted as it drew her out of the experience, but she found that the more she pressed against it with her own tongue, the more enticing it felt. The more and more they pressed, the more and more their passions rose until-
*Swish*
They broke apart quickly and stared at the open door as they watched Elly stumble inside looking half dead. Without even noticing the two, she quickly undressed, pulling off her uniform's overcoat, boots, and stockings to reveal a tanktop and a pair of loose undershorts. Without another word, she crashed onto her bed where she finally caught sight of the two girls on the opposite side of the room... in each others arms... with a thin trail of saliva leading from one girl's mouth to the other. Seeing this, the woman's eyes expanded to an enormous degree and her mouth opened and closed a few times before she apparently decided she was already dreaming and simply rolled over to face the other direction and nodded off.
The two girls looked at each other and began snickering as if they'd gotten an overwhelmingly funny inside joke.
"Come, lets get some rest, my love," Maria said, giving Emmy a peck on the cheek before laying down and beckoning the mermaid to join her.
The shorter of the two was only too happy to lie down right next to her and be drawn in by her warmth as her back rested against her lover's chest.
"I love you," she said simply, beginning to catch on to just how much the taller girl enjoyed hearing her say it.
"I think I'm ready to rejoin the refugee efforts," she whispered happily into her lover's ear, "So, let's give Elly all the support we can, alright?"
"Alright," Emmy whispered back, already drifting off in the warmth her loved one provided.
The last thing she remembered hearing before sleep took her completely was Maria whispering a final, "Goodnight, my love. I'll be here when you wake. Always."
With that, the two drifted into a new day in their stressful life, but it was okay, because they had each other and with each other at their side, their courage knew no bounds. What was split would be joined once more, God would be slain, and the ring of destiny would be broken forever. Thousands of years later when parents read stories to their children about the destructive god that was defeated by the Sentinels who gloriously defended the world, they would always be sure to mention the Angel and the Goliath who always fought together and lived together joined in the pains and passions of love.
A/N: Wow, I can't believe I actually finished this in the same day as my first author's note. That usually never happens, but this one just wouldn't let me go until I finished it. This isn't the proudest thing I've ever created and honestly, it was a rather casual thing that I wrote mainly to just get my ideas down and as good practice for future romance scenes I might write. It's certainly not refined at all.
Given that the Xenogears board barely ever updates, I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this, but if you do then please leave a review now that you're done with it. If I get enough positive feedback, I might consider writing up another chapter or two. After all, this is before anyone has a chance to react to their relationship and it's also before Adult!Emmy. So, that could be interesting to write about. Who knows? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Oh, and for those who were wondering, the working name for this project was "You Needed a Hug!" :D
Thanks for reading! Ciao!
