The lighting in the corner of the room flickered rapidly, somewhat reflecting the current state of the usually well-composed warbler, residing the cold-tiled floor: faint tear tracks were present on his face, and the unfailing facade he keeps about himself was noticeably transparent. Sebastian peered down at his body in disgust; he loathed the sight of his own skin. In a haze of frustration, he covered his well-toned chest with a shirt, carefully fastening each and every button before he wandered awkwardly through the abandoned hallways and back into his dorm.

Sebastian had always been a little bit diffident about it, not that he'd ever admit to it anyone, but ever since Carter had started bringing it up his little insecurity had escalated into a constant concern, stained into the back of his mind. Before he knew it, the self-assurance he had worked so hard at building slowly began to crumble away.

His worrying about one thing excessively had shifted drastically, until he started taking note of his other flaws; how ugly he appeared when he cried, the way his hair fell unnaturally over his eyes if he didn't style it properly, the awkward shape his ass made in the too big slacks he was forced to wear as uniform everyday, the disturbing freckle cluster under his left shoulder blade. Before he realised it, he was falling asleep reciting the eternal list of things that were wrong with him, and waking up enumerating ways in which he could alter himself.

The soft thuds of his shoeless feet dashing across the floorboards went unnoticed by the snoring captain, sprawled across his bed ungracefully with a fluffy Satan balled up at his side; it was times like these that Sebastian appreciated the fact that Hunter was a heavy sleeper.


Self-consciously, he traced his fingers over where he knew the clump of blemishes on his left shoulder were located, it was almost as if he believed the three layers of clothes he had on weren't enough to conceal them completely.

His eyes wavered intently from left to right, although in reality he was only skimming through the words absentmindedly, he liked to believe he was doing a good enough job at pretending to be engrossed in them. He was still visibly distraught though: his hair, dishevelled, his eyes, enflamed from both the crying and exhaustion and his hands, cold with sweat from some sort of distorted adrenaline hit.

He couldn't remember how it had got to this -He thought he was done crying but he could still feel the wet drops brimming within his frenetic green eyes. He was shaking, his mind racing at a thousand miles a minute and his body incapable of keeping up- He tried to understand why he was so broken, but the concept was just to difficult for him to grasp; this was supposed to be temporary, he was supposed to be able to stop whenever he wanted to, be capable of calling it quits, go back to the way he was, but he wanted it to be over, he did.

Sebastian wants to stop now, and he can't.