Kakashi was running then; fiercely running towards something he could not see, further and further into the black abyss. Perhaps he was running away from something, he couldn't tell at this point. His breath grew ragged, his heart thumping out of his chest as he forced himself to keep up the pace. He felt a familiar creep run down his spine, chilling him to his core as a shiver ran through his body, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand at full attention— alert and attentive to something they could feel but that he could not sense. His body broke into a sweat but the coolness did not recede. He realized then that he wasn't running to catch up to someone up ahead, to quickly get to his destination, or to help out a friend in need. He was running out of fear, but of what, he did not know. He stopped for a moment and let his hands rest on his thighs, his back slightly arched. He couldn't see his feet, or his legs for that matter, he noticed then. He was relying solely on somatosensory perception, his sense of touch. He was completely surrounded by black, and he thought to himself that this must be what he's running from: his own darkness consuming him whole. He looked around foolishly, trying to see if he could make out anything else in his surroundings—and then the chill grew stronger. Something was coming for him, he knew. He raised his hands from his thighs to in front of his face and clenched his fists. He may not be able to see what was coming for him, but he still had his strength. He could take it, whatever it was. He looked behind himself once more, and just as he was ready to take off on an even quicker pace than before, he heard the crackle of electricity. Slowly, he faced forward. All he could make out was the sharp blue light a distance ahead of him, moving forward but not towards him. It was streaming from a source he could not see, but he knew it was being held by someone or something as it quickly jerked forward. He saw her face then. Anguished, mussed from the scratches, cuts, dirt and bruises, blood streaming out of her mouth. He had thought wrong. His fists could not protect him. He could not take this.
Yamato sat peacefully on a thick branch in a nearby tree, hidden within the leaves. Their mission had been a long and strenuous one, both mentally and physically, not unusual for an ANBU operative. Even though he was used to leaving Konoha for months at a time, only to be sent back out days, sometimes mere hours upon returning, he could not wait to get back home. He had decided to take watch for the night, and had to nearly force Kakashi to let him do so. He was a bossy leader, but a great one nonetheless, always willing to risk his own life for those of his comrades. Kakashi had kept watch the last three nights in a row, and although Yamato didn't understand why, he didn't really want to put up a fight. They were close enough to home now however that he felt they weren't really in imminent danger, which is why he decided to take a stand. He chuckled softly to himself as he thought about it, realizing Kakashi must have felt the same way, or he'd have never gone to sleep. Yamato continued to relax in the trees, lost in his own thoughts as he took in the cool night and the wondrous smells of the nature surrounding him. He was thinking about how dusty his apartment must've gotten, how his plants must've died by now, about whether it was even worth it to restock his fridge. His mind drifted then to future missions, and darkly, he thought about how long he had left to live. He looked towards the direction of where he knew Kakashi slept, thankful to have him as his team leader. If there was anyone in this world he felt safe with, it was with Kakashi. He worried about him, about how reckless he could be with his own life, always putting the village and everyone in it before himself. He wanted to stand by Kakashi, to protect the man who was always protecting others. Even if the man himself felt he didn't need it, Yamato knew—he had his own issues, weaknesses, just like everyone else, and one day, when he needed the help, Yamato would be there.
That day came sooner than he had thought.
He heard Kakashi scream, a scream filled with pure fear, and he instantly jumped down from where he had been perched and ran towards the sound. Suddenly, the sound cut out, pushing him to run even faster.
He allowed himself to be startled for just a moment when he saw that Kakashi was still asleep on his mat. He froze for just a second, pondering what the right thing was to do, when he saw Kakashi struggle again. He was having trouble breathing, Yamato realized, that must've been why his screaming stopped.
"Kakashi! Kakashi!" his jaw was clenched as he spoke, pushing on his senpai's shoulders as he tried to wake him. "Breathe, Kakashi! Do you hear me?"
Ka…Kakashi… Kakashi was frozen, eyes wide as he took in her face. It slowly distorted from confusion, to pain, to anger. Kakashi. She spoke through gritted teeth now, her eyebrows furrowing, the blood dripping from her mouth. Kakashi felt himself crying then, completely still, his hand through her chest. Rin… he tried to speak, but found that he was unable, his mouth refusing to move, leaving him fully frozen in this moment, unable to break free or help himself. Rin… I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He had loss his ability to move but was painfully aware of his own presence, aware of himself killing his friend, and he hated himself for it. Kakashi, she said again, her voice growing angry. He forced his eyes shut, something he was glad he could do, as he tried to block out her face and the sound of her voice. Kakashi! Kakashi! He heard a yelling. His eyes jolted back open at the sound, her voice distorting and blending with the sound of someone he could name. This was no longer just Rin. What else? He thought miserably. What else have I done? Who else have I hurt? She was still looking at him, face filled with anger and distrust, but yelling in a voice that was not her own. The scene disturbed him. Breathe, Kakashi! He looked at her incredulously, not understanding what was happening. Do you hear me? Kakashi! Wake up, Kakashi!
...Wake…up…? He didn't understand. Who was speaking to him? What was happening to him? Rin started to fade away, his hand still placed through her chest. "Rin, wait!" he found that he was finally able to speak. "Rin, I didn't mean for this to happen! Rin… forgive me!" she continued to fade with every word he spoke, the anger never leaving her face. "Rin… forgive me…" he said softly. The last thing he saw was her look of complete disdain as she faded away completely, the darkness releasing him as he woke with a jolt and looked into the dark brown eyes of his comrade.
Yamato didn't speak, unsure of what to say. He had heard Kakashi yelling out, asking his fallen friend for forgiveness, but didn't deem it appropriate or helpful to tell him so. He released his hold on the man slightly, but his hand remained on his upper arm, holding him tight. Kakashi didn't wrestle out of his grasp, tell him to let go, or give any sort of sign that he wanted him to stop, so he must not have minded.
They stayed that way for a while, neither one of them saying a word. Yamato found comfort in just hearing Kakashi's breathing return to normal, and hoped that he was making Kakashi feel the same way, if only just a bit.
"I thought they had stopped." He said suddenly, breaking their silence. Yamato looked at him then, making eye contact and nodding slightly, his indication that he was listening. "The night terrors," Kakashi spoke again. "It's been a long time."
Yamato gave Kakashi's arm a tight squeeze, unsure of how best to respond, and to his surprise, Kakashi draped his free arm around his shoulder. Yamato's body went rigid for just a second, before releasing his hold on Kakashi's arm and pulling him into a hug. "Do you want to talk about it?" he said so softly that he thought for a moment Kakashi hadn't heard. There was no response for a while, which would have made anyone else feel uncomfortable, but not Yamato. Not when he was with Kakashi, and especially not when Kakashi needed him. "No," he heard Kakashi say eventually, in a voice soft enough to rival his own. "I don't want to talk about it." His voice had returned to a normal level, which Yamato took to mean he was feeling all right now, but he didn't loosen his hold, so Yamato didn't let go either. "Tenzo, thank you. I don't know how long that would've gone on." Yamato simply nodded in response, again at a loss for words.
Kakashi pulled back slightly then, but not entirely. His arm came down from Yamato's shoulders and moved to his hips, both hands resting comfortably there. Yamato mimicked his action; one hand placed on Kakashi's hip and the other resting on the ground by his thigh. Their positions were a little awkward; Kakashi was sitting up on his mat, but he was angled slightly, leaning his weight onto one thigh that supported him from underneath while his other leg was bent at the knee. Yamato was kneeling in front of him, looking down at him.
"You're always around Tenzo, you know?"
Yamato smiled sadly and looked away from him, feeling slightly embarrassed. "You noticed, huh?"
"Of course I did."
Yamato looked back at the man beside him, thrown off a bit by Kakashi's tone, and even more so by the unexpected warmth he felt radiating through his body in response.
"Of course I did," Kakashi said again, once they made eye contact. There was a spark between them, he felt. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but he felt his body growing warm, finally ridding of the coldness that had taken over him during his nightmare. It was a strange comfort, one that was unfamiliar to him, one that he had only ever gotten now, from being so close to Yamato. He briefly looked down at the position of his hands and noticed how intimate their embrace was, how close they were and how neither of them seemed to mind. He wondered if Yamato felt the warmness too, and decided there was only one way to find out.
He raised one hand and placed it on Yamato's cheek, rubbing his callused thumb gently on the smooth skin on Yamato's cheekbone. He saw Yamato flinch briefly, and wondered if he should back off. Instead, he attributed the reaction to nerves, something he too was feeling. Once Yamato had relaxed a little in his embrace, he slowly leaned forward, making his intentions clear.
Yamato's eyes widened when he realized what Kakashi was about to do. He wasn't sure what to make of it—was this normal? Was Kakashi only acting like this because he was frightened from his dream? Is this what I want?
He thought about turning his face away, and knew what it mean for them. It would probably embarrass Kakashi, sure, but worse than that, it would likely ruin their team dynamic. They would always have this uncomfortable feeling around each other. But then Yamato realized, that the most important consequence of his actions would be that he wouldn't be able to protect him ever again. He wouldn't be able to wake him up from his bad dreams, or defend him from an enemy, or help him through hard times. Kakashi wouldn't let him, not if Yamato just blatantly rejected him when he was in such a clearly vulnerable state.
Maybe this is what I want. It would explain…
He didn't have much more time to think about this. Kakashi was getting closer, his face slowly leaning up towards Yamato's own, his eyes looking deep into his own, searching for his answer. He decided to go with his instincts. It is what I want. It is. I want to be with Kakashi, I want to protect Kakashi, but… wouldn't this ruin our team dynamic as well? If we let our emotions—
Ah, fuck it.
Kakashi felt Yamato's hand at the back of his neck right before feeling a warm pair of lips against his own. His eyes closed as the warmth he felt earlier spread throughout his entire body, seeping deep into his bones. He smiled against Yamato's lips, knowing that his night terrors would be kept at bay, at least for a little while, at least for tonight.
