A/N: Quick little dialogue-only ficlet I wrote! Review and let me know if you liked it or not!! Oh, and also feel free to check out/review my other stories. Thanks, guys!

What Happens In the Broom Closet...

"Your knee is jamming into my –"

"Oh Gods! There, there! Sorry!"

"Christ, Granger, if you wanted a feel, you could've just asked and done it with your hand instead of what could possibly be the pointiest bone in your entire body."

"Oh, do shut up Malfoy. If I really wanted a feel, I'd need a magnifying glass to find it first."

"Ha. Ha. Who killed Weasley and made you the Queen of Lame?"

"No one. You see, I wouldn't want to take that position as it is quite obviously yours."

"Did you just call me a queen? And Queen of Lame for that matter? Really, Granger, I thought you'd grown up. Perhaps it was only a physical growth then, hey?"

"It would be in your best interest to avoid noticing or remarking my, er, growth as it is not yours to… peruse!"

"I'm sorry, but were you just speaking Parseltongue? Because, I haven't the faintest idea what you just said. For being so smart, you do have a terrible way with words. Like, remember that time in Herbology when you meant to say organism but instead you said - "

"Yes! Yes, I remember when I said that. What can I say, Malfoy? I guess I'm just the kind of girl who can't stop thinking about S-E-X."

"A girl with a mind just as dirty as mine and she can spell three letter words. I'll tell you what, Granger, if you can keep that mouth of yours shut, you might have the honor of getting a shag from yours truly."

"In that case, have you got any songs you'd like to hear me sing?"

"Your loss. Pansy will be more than happy to take the position you just lost."

"Pansy would be happy to take any position, so that's not really saying much."

"You're just jealous, Granger. Even you can't deny it…"

"Can't deny what? Oh, you mean that every time she laughs, a little bit of drool trickles out from the side of her mouth? Or that her ears are full of wax that would probably be too waxy for Bertie Botts? Or maybe that she has one strand of hair that's roughly three inches longer than the rest of her hair?"

"… how is it that I've never noticed any of this before?"

"You're Malfoy; it's as easy as that. Yes! Thank Merlin! I got the damned door open! Well, it was lovely insulting you - not that you don't do that job for me on a daily basis."

"You know Granger, we could pretend that that doorknob is still jammed and I could shag you senseless… right here, right now."

"As tempting as that isn't, I'm going to have to pass. Maybe you can go find Pansy. Oh and… here, take this tissue and tell her to watch for that, er, problem next time she laughs."