LOVE LINE

LOVE LINE

By: Asyria

Disclaimer: I don't own Seifer Almasy L , or any characters from Final Fantasy 8. I don't own Love Line either. I suck, and there you have it.

Note: If you don't know what Love Line is, then I'll tell you. But this will be much funnier if you do know. Love Line is a radio show staring Adam Carrolla and Dr. Drew. It's really funny. Listeners call in and talk about their problems. They sometimes have special guests on their show, movie stars, music bands, etc. You get the idea. I'm going to write this as if you're listening to the radio, so I won't explain actions. Also, I'm making Love Line in the FF8 world.

Recorded Announcer: This is Love Line, with Adam Carrolla and Dr. Drew. Some of the material discussed is for a mature audience only. Listener discretion is advised.

Adam: Yep, this is Love Line. I am Adam Carrolla that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-love-191. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Seifer Almasy. And for the few people who live under rocks and don't know who he is. He was Sorceress Ultimecia's Knight, a few years back. I guess the first question I have for you is one you probably get asked a lot.

Seifer: Why I did it?

Adam: Exactly.

Seifer: (sighs) Yeah, I get asked that a lot. People just don't want to believe that the sorceress possessed me and I really don't remember half of what I did.

Adam: Really?

Drew: Wasn't it proven in court that you were possessed?

Seifer: Yes, but I guess people need someone to blame.

Drew: I heard you were in therapy.

Seifer: Yeah, but not just for the possession. I also have personal issues.

Drew: Like what?

Seifer: As many know, I was an orphan along with Squall Leonheart and the others. We were all bounced around foster homes. Like them, I had issues with abandonment. We all handled it differently. Squall became a loner, and I became a bully.

Adam: For the attention.

Seifer: Exactly.

Drew: So, how are you doing with that now?

Seifer: Better. I can still be an a-hole, because that's just the way I am. But, I'm not nearly as bad now.

Adam: I heard that you were doing some charity work to make up for some of what you did.

Seifer: Well, I can't make up for the things I did, even if I was possessed. But I want to help people who have suffered from the damage that Edea and myself were forced to do.

Drew: You are part of the massive rebuild of Trabia Garden, correct?

Seifer: Yes, I'm helping with that. Didn't get a very warm reception at first, of course. But they appreciate my help, and I'm enjoying it.

Adam: Before we take our first call tonight, I want to warn our listeners. We're probably going to get some hate calls for Seifer. But, I ask that the people who still have problems with our guest not to call this show, swearing up and down. If you have a comment that you can express with some level of intelligence and without swearing, then by all means. (Pauses) Okay, now our first caller is Allison, from Balamb Garden, and she's 18.

Allison: Hey, Adam, Dr. Drew.

Adam: Hey, Allison.

Allison: I have a question for Seifer. How did you feel about Rinoa?

Seifer: Hmm. Well, I liked her. She's a sweet girl, but she's not really my type.

Allison: There's rumor around the Garden that you and Instructor Trepe are an item.

Seifer: (Laughs) Yeah, I heard that one, but it isn't true. Quistis and I are friends. She's seeing someone right now, though.

Allison: What about you?

Seifer: (Clears his throat) Yes, I have a girlfriend. Sorry, ladies.

Allison: Oh well! Thanks, Seifer.

Seifer: Bye, Allison.

Adam: Your girlfriend wouldn't be that lady in the hall, would she?

Seifer: Yeah that's her.

Adam: She looks like she could kick some butt.

Seifer: (Proudly) She can.

Adam: Maybe we can get her in here later on to say a few words.

Seifer: I doubt it, but I can try.

Adam: Okay, our next caller is Fred, also from Balamb G. Hello? (pause, no response) Caller who goes by Fred?

Fred: Hi, my question is about women.

Adam: Uh oh!

Fred: (laughs) Yeah. I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. Is there anyway I can find out for sure without confronting her?

Adam: Well, how did you first get the idea that she's been cheating?

Fred: She's been seen walking around the halls late at night by people. When I asked her about it, she says she had to stay late at the library.

Drew: Well, besides confronting her yourself, you can talk to your friends. They might have noticed something and were just afraid to tell you.

Adam: Or you could resort to spying if you're less ethical like the rest of us. Anything to add Seifer?

Seifer: (pauses) I can't because I know who Fred is.

Fred: You do!?

Seifer: I recognize your voice.

Adam: Well if you know something, you can tell him without revealing his identity.

Seifer: Fred, she's cheating on you.

Fred: She is! How do you know?

Seifer: Well, as everyone at B.G. knows, I was re-admitted as a student and graduated two years ago. But I was also formed another Disciplinary Committee, because I'm too busy. They've seen your girlfriend with another guy. Fred, do you remember her acting strange last Thursday?

Fred: Aw, man! Yeah, she was!

Seifer: That's because the D.C. caught her out past curfew, with him.

Adam: Is there any way you can tell him who the guy is without revealing anything?

Seifer: (pauses to think) Hey Fred, do you remember catching me putting a guys head in the toilet five or six years back. You are the only one besides me and that guy who knows that happened. But that's the guy.

Fred: Nida!!! I'm gonna kick his BEEPing ass!

Adam: Oooh! Had to get rid of Fred, people. He used a bad word. Nida? That's the guy's name?

Seifer: Yeah.

Adam: Could this guy Fred kick his ass?

Seifer: Yes, definitely. Nida should run for the hills!

Adam: Good advise from Mr. Almasy, I hope he takes it. Hey Drewski, who should we talk to next?

Drew: How about Ray from Balamb Garden?

Adam: Wow, lots of people from Balamb Garden tonight. Probably because of our guest tonight, Seifer Almasy. Okay, Ray is 21 years old. Ray?

Ray: Hello. I've been seeing this girl for a month. We both really like each other, but she's got this problem with other guys. They follow her around like worshipers. She hates it, but she's too nice to tell them to knock it off. And I'm not a mean guy either. My question is, how can I get them to stop following her around and being mean to me because I'm dating her.

Drew: Have you tried talking to them firmly?

Ray: Yes, but they don't listen.

Seifer: Well, Ray. Again, I know who you are and who your girlfriend is. His girlfriend is a friend of mine. I'll take care of it. Because, I'm getting pretty tired of those idiots too!

Ray: Hey, thanks a lot Seifer.

Adam: Yes, thanks for the help you're providing tonight Seifer. And will be back with Seifer Almasy in just a few minutes.

Cut to commercial.

Notes: Well that's it for the first part. Please, review and tell me if I should continue. I welcome comments of the constructive criticizing nature. I'm even thinking about having other characters on for later shows. I know that Seifer is very OOC, but don't worry, I'll get him riled up after the commercials. Tee Hee!