The Sweetest Sin
Chapter One
My eyes darted back to the window, eagerly searching for the cause of the sudden noise. My eyes scanned the driveway, of course, finding nothing. I must have imagined it again, but I could have sworn I had heard his car.
Sighing, I dropped my eyes back down to my papers; I stared at them meaning to do something with them, which somehow never happened. I really should finish the work…but I just couldn't concentrate. Not with him coming so soon. I hadn't seen him in weeks, and the prospect was simply too great.
I began tapping my pencil on the table impatiently, a little harder than necessary. Dropping the pencil, I put both hands, palms down on the table, head down. I whimpered. Disgusted with myself for it, I groaned in exasperation and frustration, pushing up with both hands so that I was standing. My chair pushed back roughly, and I swept it aside.
Maybe I just wouldn't be here when he got here; maybe I would be cool and aloof, off doing something in my very busy life. Maybe I'd pretend that my I had something better to do that sit around waiting for him like a puppy.
I jumped as I heard the sound of the crunching of gravel, for real this time. Maybe I wouldn't.
My heart racing, I tried to calm myself, pretend I didn't hear. I sat down at the table again, pretending to go back to work so at least he'd think I was busy doing something. I knew he would be at the door in a second, and I realized I had no idea what to say to him. What could I say, of course, nothing that I wanted to. I would have to act normal and plaster my mask onto my face yet again and pretend there was nothing lying underneath my smiling surface, bubbling up inside me and yearning to come out.
Then the so anxiously awaited knock at the door came, and I leapt to my feet. I crossed the room, checking my image in the mirror on the wall. I adjusted my shirt, the one I spent so long picking out for him, and fixed my hair. I let out a deep breath, gave my reflection a quick, charming smile for practice, and turned towards the door. I pushed back my hair once more, and pulled back the door.
"Inuyasha!" I grinned throwing my arms open to steal the first hug I'd had from him in a very long while. He embraced me back, although somewhat stiffly. He never had shown much friendly affection for me, let alone romantically. But that was because it would be wrong, I told myself, pushing that thought away as I welcomed him inside.
I was melting in his presence, but keeping my best not to show it as we caught up in the kitchen over a cup of tea. I felt so happy again talking to him, being so close, but pangs of guilt and regret kept forcing their way in at the back of my mind, and I knew as soon as he left I would succumb to them, and return to my self loathing for acting the way I did around him. Like an ignorant fool. After every time I left I'd promise myself next time I wouldn't care, next time I would wear a longer skirt, smile a little less, try a little less to seduce him.
But for now, like every other time, those promises were thrown out the window at the sight of his face and the warmth of his touch, and in the back of my mind I would always wonder if he felt the same way, if he secretly wanted me too, if maybe he could fall as deeply in love with me as I was with him if I unbuttoned one more button on my shirt or wore a little more sexy perfume.
I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help it. His violet eyes and dark hair that fell right in between left me at a loss for words, transfixed by his gaze. His perfect smile and on those rare occasions when he laughed left me weak in the knees, longing to feel those warm lips on my own. his strong, muscular body that I so badly needed to touch that made my body ache with desire and left me with an internal conflict of which I always knew to which side I would give in.
So, I knew this visit would go as all the others did, and end with the same feeling of self-hatred and dirtiness. But as we chatted I was not prepared for what he would say next.
"Anyway, so my mother misses you so much, and she wants you to come up to our cabin in Vermont for the Holiday." This snapped me back to reality, and out of the trance I had been in as I watched his lips move and his eyes flicker. I stared at him in surprise, as he went on "I know it's risky, but we'd be alone in the mountains, no one would know, and she just hasn't been the same since your mother passed away. You're all she has left of her."
My mother, you see, had been best friends with his mother, but this was greatly frowned upon because his mother was a demon and mine a human. They had, of course, like all other humans and demons, hated each other, until the night my mother saved his mother's life. After that, they were the best of friends, but in secret, naturally, because humans and demons were not supposed to even talk to each other. So they shared everything, and when Inuyasha and I were born, they shared us, too, which was how we had met. And since we had grown up we had become very close, but when Inuyasha's mother moved to a larger town for her job, we of course followed. However, in this town it was bigger, and harder to see each other without risking being seen. So we got to see each other less and less, and after my mother died, we lost touch almost completely. So now, going to spend two whole weeks together was very exciting.
I jumped to my feet and hugged him, mad with glee at the thought of it, and threw my arms around him. "Oh, I would love too, I would absolutely love to!" Inuyasha beamed, looking relieved. "Really?"
"Well, duh, you big dummy! Of course I want to come, I haven't seen her in ages! Ooh it will be so much fun!"
"Excellent, she will be so pleased."
Inuyasha and I talked for a while longer until we both knew it was time for him to go, and though I was sad to have him leave again after so long without him, the thought of spending the holiday together cheered me up.
However, after the door had long since closed behind him and my goofy grin had finally faded, I realized my stupidity and slumped back into my inevitable depression. Seeing him tore me in two, because I wanted him so bad, but knew I couldn't have him. And being with him for two full weeks was going to be an agonizing tease.
Sighing to the empty house, I grabbed a bottle of Vodka from my cupboard for post-visits, poured my self a glass, and sunk into my armchair. I took a much-needed sip, and let the familiar tears slide down my cheeks.
