... IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: Erm, I've unofficially retired from but I decided to finally publish this story I wrote when I was younger (12 years old). I decided that I might as well share this with the world if I wrote it in the first place. So here's my sucky (in my opinion) attempt at humor. Enjoy sweeties! C= My writing style is pretty amateurish here since its some of my old works. I was still very inexperienced when I wrote this. Nevertheless though I hope you enjoy! C=


Summary: She's Kagome Higurashi the miserable wife of Sesshoumaru Taisho. He's Sesshoumaru Taisho, handsome, rich and WOAH! Not to mention he has a really strong sex appeal. When they meet it starts chaos. It just doesn't match! Kagome is kind and outgoing while Sesshoumaru is cold and a perfectionist. Will this marriage result into a divorce or will it result to sweet old love? THIS IS A VERY WEIRD STORY, I PROMISE YOU.

Once you finish reading this chapter please RATE & REVIEW. Anyway I will try a new writing style in this fic. Funnier and a different Kagome (crazier) not like Because of a Bracelet that features a tomboy school girl Kagome, this story will feature an older Kagome. (But I seriously doubt a mature one) Also Kagome in this story will be a gentle person, not like the tomboy Kagome in BOAB. Please, keep in mind though that this story is not a drama. It will feature some crying though, there's comedy in it. Trust me there's comedy in it. Ever heard of a serious fic with comedy in it? Well, that kind of fic is this one! HOPE you enjoy!

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Note: Although Kagome here is gentle, she's gonna be imaginative, scheming, klutzy and stuff. Plus, she always imagines that her dead mother is alive and is beating her up. HEHEHE. Weird. I'll explain that in the closing notes. (below)

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Disaster Marriage

By: LadySugar

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Chapter I

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"The world is certainly not a bed of roses. Happiness is not always there. All People experience sadness, sorrow and pain. But after sadness and grief their will always be happiness waiting around the corner. Mistakes are not bad for you; in fact they make a better person out of you. Learn to accept your destiny because that is meant to be..."

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I still remember those very words spoken by my deceased mother. The very words that left me hoping and wishing that my life will be happy. Full of joy and sunlight, full of bursting colors, like a rainbow...

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But all my hopes of a happy future were shattered just yesterday. I just found out that Father engaged me to a son of a rich businessman. I was shocked of course when I heard his statement. I'm only 21! I still have my dreams to fulfill. I want to be married to somebody I love, I want to have children with somebody I'm willing to sleep with everyday. This was just very unacceptable for me.

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Flashback:

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At the dining table 8:00 o clock in the evening.

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"Father, how was your day?"

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"Perfectly fine, Kagome dear, it's stressful doing business though"

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"Awwwww, Father you should take a vacation. Maybe in the Bahamas or maybe Hawaii...

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"I have something to say Kagome baby."

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"Maybe in Australia or China or Hong Kong or Taiwan...blablablablabla..."

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"Kagome... your...engaged... your getting married soon."

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"Or maybe in Puerto Rico or Panama or Brazil...!!!!... What did... you say.... FFFFFather?

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"Kagome, I'm sorry to say this but your engaged to Sesshoumaru Taisho, son of Inu....."

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"Nnnnnnooooo.... I don't approve of this...."

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"Kagome, please understand..."

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"FATHER PLEASE TELL ME THAT THIS IS JUST A JOKE, I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED!"

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"I'm sorry Kagome, but this is not a joke, this is true."

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"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!"

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"Kagome, please understand me, Inu Taisho and I are the best of friends. You and Sesshoumaru were engaged long before; this is what is meant to be! I..."

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But Mr. Higurashi never got to finish his sentence. For Kagome immediately left the dining room, crying, with heavy footsteps. Loud footsteps were heard, climbing the huge staircase and not soon enough a loud BANG of a closing door was heard.

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Mr. Higurashi shook his head with a sad expression in his face. "Oh Kagome, what will I do with you now?" he said.

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END OF FLASHBACK

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I'm completely ruined. Soon enough I'll be getting married and I'll have kids and...

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Wait! Am I seriously considering my marriage? I shouldn't do that. I will remain single and man less. I don't want to be married. I...

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Suddenly an image of my dead mother appeared in my mind. She was smiling at me but her smile was predatory. It was like she was telling me to obey my Father. Yeah, it's weird, but by just looking at her eyes you can feel what she's saying. Hey, wait a minute am I just imagining this? Why am I seeing my dead mother? Well at least in my thoughts. But Ahhh!!! Why? Oh my Gosh this is sooo....

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My crazy little blabber was stopped when Mother started talking...

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"Kagome baby, why don't you want to get married?" she said.

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"Mama, I'm not ready..." I explained

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"Oh...but are you not guilty for your Father? He and Inu Taisho had been comrades for so long, this will definitely bring humiliation to him."

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"Mama, No. I'm not guilty for him." I said sternly and calmly.

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She gasped shortly but audibly. I noticed that the whites of her eyes started to redden. UH OH

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I realized what I said to her was wrong, definitely wrong.

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Then my Mother's figure began to change. She got bigger and huger. Her waist line was expanding and slowly scales started appearing in her creamy white skin. Her skin was turning into a sickly shade of green. Horns began to protrude from her head. Fangs were showing. Claws... dirty... yellow... claws... Oh. My. God. Mama's turning into a reptile like monster!!!

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After the transformation was complete, mama or rather the monster smiled. It revealed its huge yellow teeth. Oh my God, I can see huge amounts of tartar and some pieces of black in its teeth. Sticky looking saliva dripped from Mama Monster's teeth. And its eyes shined like diamonds. Oh. No. I think I know what's happening.

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"HEHEHE, Hi mama you're so pretty... Hehehehe, where did you get...? "

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But I never finished my sentence, mama monster opened her mouth then she roared right in front of my face.

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"WOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHH!"

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I felt the loud rush of air or should I say monster breathe in my face. Ugh!!! The monster's breathe smelled like body odor with a combination of stinky socks. Ewwww!!!! This was too disgusting.

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Mama monster then chased me around. I screamed frantically. Oh! THE! Horror!

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ABORT! ABORT! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

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"Kagome my love, obey your Father! OBEY! OBEY! OBEY!" Mama monster said fiercely.

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"Mama please stop it! I might get a heart attack!"

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Mama monster still continued to chase me

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"RAAAAARRRR! NO! NO! You must obey him first." Mama said dangerously.

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"This is for the sake of my happiness mama. I don't want to marry that rich boy!"

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You must make your kind Father happy!!!!!! OBEY!!!! OBEY!!! OBEY!!!!"

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"NOOO! I don't want to die yet. Spare me!!!!" I screamed.

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"BWAHAHAHAHA," laughed Mama Monster.

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[ Whew seriously this is turning into a comedy :) Oh, I'm sorry this IS a comedy. ]

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And so my absolutely crazy dinosaur- -monster-dad crazy-loyal-dead Mom continued chasing me. So what if this is only a part of my imagination? So what? Aaaaaaaa!! The important thing here is my safety.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. My Mother is dead and cannot rise from her tomb. But she's still alive in my imagination. Still alive in my mind, And you know what, the mind can do things never imagined.

Ever heard of telekinesis? Telekinesis comes from the mind. From our mind!

GET IT? Of course you get it. I've been blabbering for so long! I've already wasted 15 sentences. What can I do? My dead mother but existing in my head is chasing me right NOW. I don't what to do. Heck if this happens to you what will you do? Well seriously now, I don't want to get married to that rich guy. But hey, my dad wants to. Oh, not just my Father but also my dead mother existing in my head! At least I think so. Wait a minute; of course she wants me to get married! Mothers are always like that, they only think about grandchildren. Such cute rascals.... NOT.... I swear to myself I will not have children. They're just stupid, annoying, brats! I will not use my reproductive system to produce such problems .called children! I am empowered and...

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"So Kagome, what is your decision? Are you going to obey your Father and marry that sweet boy? Or will you remain stubborn and receive the consequences?" Mama monster said nasally. Nasally? Oh, that's just disgusting. I mean when I hear the word nasal I remember those clogged noses filled with ummmm... yeah. I don't know why I think of that stuff. HEHEHE Anyway back to my dilemma.

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After my absolutely crazy dinosaur mother asked that question, I just stood there staring at her. Her once brown eyes were now disgustingly yellow which made me think of snot. Saliva was now dripping from her mouth and ewwww... it smelled sour. Mother was about three feet away from me but I can still smell the saliva dripping from her mouth. Yeah I know its weird but hey this is a part of my imagination, my absolutely magical imagination wherein things become alive... for me that is. And well Mama Monster's saliva formed a huge puddle below.....

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YUCKKY!

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"Kagome, I will count up to ten, if you don't answer by then you will receive the consequences." The crazy looking mom turned monster said.

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But oh joy! I wasn't listening to Mother's threat. I was still staring at the oh so glorious puddle of gray saliva on the floor. Man! The sour stench was just so....... Ahhh....... nauseating. Yes, it's only me and the puddle of saliva existing. Well for me that is. And after one second of staring at it, I felt this electric feeling that started zapping between me and the saliva. And next thing I know... I think... were... communicating. Were just communicating, A conversation like this I think was going between us.

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Saliva: Hello there Kagome. It feels so good to become a part of the saliva family.

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Kagome: Really? Do you guys get married?

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Saliva: Nope were always single. Heck! We don't even have genders to begin with.

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Kagome: Hmmmm... Interesting but do you guys...

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"RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAARRRR!"

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Yipeee! Mom's angry! I'm dead.

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"Kagome Higurashi, you have tested my patience for so long it is time to have the consequences!" bellowed Mom.

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"Mom, please, no! I'll do anything."

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But it was too late. Lizard Momma waved her hand and a bubble in front of me appeared. I blinked slowly because I was expecting a more gruesome punishment. I guess Mom's not that much of a sadist...

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But just as I was about to sigh in relief, the bubble started to get bigger. Then I saw a girl inside the bubble, a little girl to be exact.

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Mother chuckled evilly. She directed her beady disgusting yellow eyes towards me. I gave her my what-the-heck-is-this look, while she gave me her evil just-wait-and-see look.

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The little girl's face started to become familiar for me. She had her long waist length raven hair tied up in two pigtails. She was very petite and she had a very delicate frame. Hey deep aquamarine eyes reminded me of somebody...Wait! What the fuck! (Sorry for cursing)That girl is me! What's Mother's plan now? Anyway In the bubble there was a playground and there I was getting out of a small bike. I noticed that little I was happy and very excited. The weather was sunny and there were lots of Cirrus clouds in the sky.

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Little I then started to run towards the play ground. I was skipping and doing all sorts of awkward dance steps as I WAS NEARING THE PLAYGROUND. But before I can even reach it, two young boys started to approach me. They looked liked brothers the other one was taller while the other was shorter. They both had black hair. The taller one's hair was long and was placed in a ponytail while the shorter one had short messy hair. The only difference between them was there eyes and also the hair. The former had piercing golden eyes while the latter had deep amber eyes. They both approached me with evil expressions in there faces.

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"I stopped short when they appeared in front of little me, blocking my path.

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"Who are you guys?" I asked.

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The younger boy replied sarcastically. "You don't know who we are, Man are you stupid or what?" his amber eyes were piercing me. And little I started to cower fearfully. "Hey, Sesshoumaru this stupid girl is so clueless maybe we shouldn't bother her at all right? We don't have time for imbeciles."

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The boy named Sesshoumaru shook his head and said nothing, but he started to approach me. He got hold of my pig-tailed raven locks and he pulled them harshly.

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"OW!!!" I said tearfully.

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As I was staring at little me and the two boys, my expression was slowly turning from confusion to intense fury. When and where did this scene happen? I can't really remember, but even if that's the case I was still truly horrified and angry. I felt bad for little me cause I really looked pained when that Sesshoumaru boy pulled my totally organized raven hair. The nerve of that pretty boy, just because he has long smooth silver hair, he can pick on mine. Well, one thing is for sure, once I see those two boys again they're gonna get a punch from me!

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"Wow, Sesshoumaru you rock. I never knew you had the guts to pick on an innocent girl!" the smaller boy said. His eyes were shining like stars and by looking at them you can easily tell that the small boy admired his so-called brother. He was jumping up and down and he smiled toothily. His teeth were a horrible sight by the way, they were really yellow and there were some plaque stuck between the teeth corners. (Hahaha, I have a real knack for creating scenes that contains some disgustingly graphic stuff, like saliva, tartar, plaque and so on. If you're getting disgusted by the way, please forgive me. I'm having fun with writing this story, and in my own disgustingly twisted way, I think things like these add to the comedy of the story. So please keep on reading. ) The little boy was a perfect example of a young boy admiring his older brother.

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The Sesshoumaru boy sweat dropped. I can tell that he was very embarrassed. His pale, flawless looking cheek was now devil red. And his eyebrow was knitted profusely. Sesshoumaru scowled at his brother but his brother was still grinning.

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"Hmmph," snapped Sesshoumaru as he glared at his younger brother. "Inuyasha, I do not rock. Rock is a very bad adjective for describing me. I am simply doing the right thing. This girl simply deserves what she had received. And also, please keep in mind that any occasion and any time, I always have the so-called guts. I am not a coward and I won't certainly let my honor be tainted by a little girl like her." He said as he stared at me uncannily.

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I also stared at him but my expression was of curiosity, very different from the weird look he was shooting me. His golden eyes were now directed towards me and it was like he was studying me or something. I blushed a bit because of the fact that I'm not used to boys looking at me. After about five minutes of intense stares exchanged between us, the Sesshoumaru boy shook his head. He had a smirk on his handsome features and his beautiful hands were pushed inside his pockets.

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He broke the connection between us and he looked down at the ground. I thought he was also going to blush but I was wrong. He laughed! He laughed a loud, throaty laugh. And by the way his laugh was full of mockery. He raised his head and he looked at my eyes. This time though his golden orbs showed disgust.

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"Hmmm... I noticed that you were blushing a minute ago. Am I this charming? Did I manage to entice you all the way? Am I now the object of your desire? Do you lust after me? If those are all facts I'm so sorry but I can't bring myself to feel the same way. I can't possibly like a girl as stupid and idiotic as you." He said naughtily.

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I scowled at him. What a charmer! And to think I thought he was checking me out!

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"Well, I have to go play now." I said angrily as I tucked a strand of my raven hair into my ear. I marched towards the jungle gym my face was very red now because of embarrassment and intense hate. Those two boys were one of the most obnoxious people I have ever encountered, especially that Sesshoumaru kid. As I continued walking I heard loud footsteps behind and I guessed to whom they belonged to. The nerve of those two brothers! I already snubbed them away but they still remain stubborn. I turned around in circles in the whole playground, but I still heard those footsteps following me. I was about to scream but I was stopped when a strong hand grabbed me from behind.

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I turned around and I saw the boy named Inuyasha holding me. I struggled to let go out of his grasp but it was useless. He dragged me back to the Sesshoumaru guy and I was powerless to do anything.

That Sesshoumaru just stared at me for a few seconds then he cupped his palm onto my chin. "Hmm, you're kinda cute after all." he said there click clacking his tongue. "Although, a little dumb looking"

That was it. That was the last straw. No one insults my intelligence. I didn't get that achievement award for nothing!

I broke free from Inuyasha's grasp and I punched Sesshoumaru's stomach with all that I had.

I was successful, I saw that pretty boy gasp in pain as he clutched his belly heaving. Inuyasha came to his side pulling him to his feet.

"That's it, you mean boy! No one calls me stupid!" I smugly said to him.

He didn't say anything, his bangs were covering his eyes as he breathed heavily.

I waited for his retort. I didn't get it though. So, I just shrugged and walked out of the playground.

When I was a fair distance away I heard growl and say: "You'll never get away with this you idiot. You'll be begging for mercy when I see you again!"

I scoffed and walked away.

Too bad I didn't take his warning seriously.

He did come back for me. He's the guy I'm engaged with. Yes, he did come back for me, too bad I never really saw it coming.

Life's a bitch.


So there goes the story that the 12 year old me wrote! Its pretty sucky humor, but I was 12 and English is not my first language. =C