Smooth

Chapter 1

By BluWhispers

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters that you will recognize from various anime, manga, games, books and movies.

Warning: This fic might disturb many of you. Firstly, it is YAOI. Meaning, GUY loves GUY, possibly GUY kiss GUY, and if this was a lemon fic it'd be GUY bang GUY explicitly. If homosexual love does not appeal to you, don't read this. You have been warned. Flames will NOT be appreciated and will definitely be ignored. Constructive criticism is always welcome though ) Secondly, the author's blatant misuse of characters might send many of you running. Thirdly, well…read at your own risk.

A/N: I got the idea from my older sister. Hope you guys like it. This fic will have a different tone from Nine Lives. Basically, this fic is written from Sasuke's POV. These are NOT journal entries per se. This is Sasuke thinking of what to write in the journal.

Summary: Sasuke is a conman, like the great Danny Ocean. Naruto….is complicated. Together, they will lie, cheat, steal, and find their happily ever after. This is Sasuke's chronicle of events. AU, YAOI, cross-dressing Naruto, SasuNaru, SasuLotsa-people (grins evilly), NejiSasu, KakaIru, NejiGaara, and lots more!

Rikouchan, this is a gift for you!!!

………………………………………………..

I guess you must be wondering why someone like me, with so many people to do, would bother to sit down and painstakingly put the story of my life onto paper.

Well, there was this girl.

Yeah, I know there's always a girl, but this one was different. She was not beautiful, at best only pretty. Her lips were too full, her right eye was slightly smaller than her left, her eyelids mismatched. She had non-existent eyelashes (then again I'm used to girls wearing fake eyelashes and scrolls of mascara), and she didn't seem to have heard of the phenomenon called make-up. Her body reflected a healthy appetite, and her flat chest (bear in mind, I'm used to females with C-cups and push ups) and tan lines showed her affinity for the pool.

Nevertheless her cheeks were rosy, her hair was wavy, and she had this…way when she walked or talked or did that sideways smile with a slight tilt of the head…the way her hair caressed her slender neck and fell across her shoulders…I'm an expert with women, I can always pinpoint a certain part of a woman that attracts men to her, but with this girl, I could only hazard a guess.

So anyway, I saw her at the local Starbucks. And I tried to chat her up, using my signature Uchiha Sasuke charm, but she seemed completely unimpressed. I figured she was lesbian, and I was just planning a threesome when she jumped up to greet someone enthusiastically. And I mean, REALLY enthusiastically.

I looked up and saw her lip-locked with a tall brunette, whose bangs fell across one eye and who probably used as much gel as I did. When she pulled back, I understood why she wasn't interested in me. This guy was gorgeous, from his one visible sparkling green eye to that model's physique, to the way he just stood there looking at me. If he wasn't already taken, I would have jumped him.

…Anyway as I was saying, so the girl was taken. Small loss. I had plenty more waiting. But as I made to get up, she asked me to join them for a drink. I was curious so I played along. Turns out she's a writer, and she likes collecting stories from everyone she meets. So she asked me if I could keep a journal and give it to her. Surprising myself, I said yes. I mean, why would someone with as many secrets as me keep a journal and pass it to a complete stranger, even if that stranger exuded a kind of allure that I had never before encountered? She raised an eyebrow at me, saying she didn't expect me to do it for free, of course. I started planning my threesome again, when she said that she'd let me make out/have sex with her boyfriend in exchange for my journal. Who was I to say no to the horizontal tango with this Adonis?

We went to his place. It was a nifty converted warehouse, done up in minimalist design, with a few bohemian elements thrown in for character. She left us to our business, saying something about getting me a journal. Boy was I glad I came, pun intended.

Three hours later I was home, sated, exhausted, and clutching a leather bound book to my chest. My journal drew questions from my uncle's lover, though my uncle himself couldn't really be bothered with my book. To him, the only things worth reading had to contain plenty of hard-core smut.

And so my journey into the chronicling of my life began. Oh, the girl's name was Smoke. And her boyfriend is Trowa.

…………………….

If Einstein's Theory of Relativity likened time to a piece of paper, then this journal of mine would be a freakin' origami crane. I don't like allotting a before, now and after. I think that everything centers on the now, everything that came before and everything that will come after are concentrated on the present moment, the present is directly linked to the past and future. So why should we split up our lives into different time frames? For instance, I could be sitting in a café NOW, but I could be thinking about the future while looking at a relic from my past.

Smoke, I wish you good luck in deciphering my journal. Heh, wouldn't it have been easier just to sleep with me?

……………………

My name is Uchiha Sasuke, and I am a conman. No, I do not cheat little old ladies of their pension funds. I'm sure you know of Danny Ocean, the guy that George Clooney played in that show Ocean's 11? Well, I'm the Mr. Ocean of the real world. I'm suave, smooth, and I can get anything. I could probably con the Pope into giving me his title, if I wanted. But I wasn't interested in some holy title, since I was anything BUT holy. So I contented myself with tricking filthy rich people into parting with lots of money or valuables. I'm filthy rich myself, but that's beside the point.

My parents were CIA, though they both came from well-to-do families. I mean, which law enforcement officer owned several multi-million dollar apartments? My dad was the son of a famous surgeon, my mom was born into a powerful political family. We led the perfect life, until my older brother Itachi got jilted by his lover, Shisui. He came home, killed my parents and grandparents in front of me, and left to become a world-famous assassin. I can't really blame the cops for not being able to catch him, after all Itachi and I were raised by the BEST of the cops. Me? I got taken in by some ex-Secret Service dude with wacky silver hair. His name is Kakashi, and he was my uncle, of sorts.

Let me explain. My paternal grandfather was a world famous neurosurgeon, who also happened to be an ophthalmologist (eye surgeon). He had crafted this nifty micro-chip that he embedded in the eyes of all the males in the Uchiha family. Basically, it's linked to the brain and somehow or other it enables you to copy whatever you see, and in some cases hypnotize others. Thing is, it's only compatible with Uchiha DNA, meaning that we are the only ones with power over the damn chip. When we use the chip's power, our irises and the whites of our eyes turn red, and a swirling 666 appears around our pupils, thanks to the weird electrical energy the chip causes. The chip itself runs on solar energy garnered by absorbing whatever light that falls onto our eyes. This funky piece of biotechnology is called the Sharingan, and there were less than 10 of us in the world who possessed it.

So anyway, as I was saying. Since the Sharingan is given only to Uchiha males, and technically only an Uchiha can use the damn thing, it is sort of an identification of Uchihas. Kakashi was best friends with some relative of mine, named Uchiha Obito. They were on a mission, Kakashi's left eye got slashed, the entire right side of Obito's body was crushed, and when Kakashi came home alone, he had one blue eye, and one Sharingan eye. So since Kakashi had the Sharingan, that made him family. Though he mostly keeps it covered because he doesn't have the ability to turn it off and on at will.

When Itachi massacred my entire extended family, I feared I would be thrown into one of those creepy orphanages where if you ask for more food, you start a musical. (I'm a fan of the classics). But Kakashi came along, Sharingan'd the welfare officers, and I became the nephew of the silver haired cyclops.

What's Kakashi like? Well, he's laid-back and tall. And he's still really fit, considering he's now a counselor for troubled teens down at the neighborhood school. His lover, Iruka, teaches English, and between the two of them they manage to keep teens off the streets and between sheets. By my estimates, the gay population around here has risen since Kakashi got together with Iruka. I suspect my dear uncle hypnotizes all the naughty little boys into doing it with each other. Uncle always told me that counseling at high school was a lot like being in the SS. The tricks and skills employed by creative students these days would put terrorists to shame.

I heard that uncle has a fanclub of sorts. People find him mysterious and cool, with his head band pulled over his left eye and a black mask covering the bottom half of his face permanently. I think he looks like an idiotic scarecrow. His fanclub doesn't know the truth about his past or what lies beneath the head band, so they make up alternate lives for him, with everything ranging from him being a ninja to phantom of the opera. It's pretty amusing, actually.

When I was younger, I used to wish that Kakashi would just drop the mask and be normal, coz I was suffering from nightmares over the mask and what lay beneath it. So my sweet uncle sent me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as having some sort of identity complex and a healthy paranoia syndrome. That was as far as she got before her mini-skirt and g-string (she was a sexy psychiatrist) were on the floor and she was working hard for her $150 an hour. I impressed Kakashi with my desire to be treated of my nightmares, visiting my dear doctor religiously until I found out she had been psycho-analyzing the sex. I dumped her straight away. I mean, who the hell analyzes the thought processes behind each thrust and grunt and suck? Since then, I've stayed away from all those in the medical profession, unless they were blondes or nurses.

……………………….

You're probably wondering at the timeline of events now, Smoke. Well, I did say I wasn't gonna be specific. But for your information, I lost my virginity at 12, to my very hot babysitter. How did I get in her pants and please her at such a tender age? Well, Kakashi has lots of porn in the house. Heck, everything that isn't mine is porn, from the videos to the books to the wallpaper in the living room to his coffee mug. So I learned early. My first french kiss was when I was 9, and the 18 year old kept coming back for more. I wasn't surprised, even then. I'm an Uchiha. We're born with a legendary charm.

When did I visit the psychiatrist? I was 13, and that was my first and last encounter with psycho-analysts.

……………………………..

Anyway, let me introduce Iruka, my uncle's long-time lover. He's pretty mild as well, but he has one helluva temper. I still remember the times when uncle pissed the brunette off. We'd end up having to check into a motel in the next town as Iruka rampaged about the neighborhood. He's nice though, and he acts more like a parent (surrogate or not) than my blasted guardian. Iruka's the one who dragged Kakashi along to my basketball games, helped me out with school work, took me shopping for clothes, watched over me when I was ill, and yelled at me for cutting classes. Kakashi showed no interest in any activities of mine that were non-criminal in nature. When he found out that I was cutting classes, he gave me more ideas on how to avoid getting caught. When he saw me copying some nerd's homework, he taught me to use Sharingan in classes and tests. Of course, Iruka found out and Kakashi had to endure two days of celibacy as punishment.

How did Kakashi and Iruka get together? Well, uncle didn't seduce 'ruka in the staff room or classroom, and there were no teacher-student routines. I was the matchmaker.

You see, it is very uncomfortable for a child to see his surrogate father pining away for someone yet not daring to act on his emotions, so out of the goodness of my heart I set out to woo Iruka for my uncle.

…Actually, Uncle K masturbated a lot more, fueled by his fantasies of his "dolphin". I swear the man is sick. But anyway, I was so fed up with coming home to a naked uncle and the scent of sex in the living room that I decided to do something about this infatuation. Maybe if Iruka and Kakashi got together, the sex would move to Kakashi's bedroom, and I wouldn't have to keep cleaning the sofas.

My opportunity came when Iruka set us a poem-writing assignment. The title had to start with the letter K (even then I found it odd how Iruka simply adored anything that started with the letter K). This is what my poem was like:

K

My uncle's name is K

He's so gay

When he comes, Iruka he'll say

Just fucking boink him for me, OK?

I handed up my assignment on a Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday morning I woke up to find Iruka making breakfast in the kitchen, naked save for a pair of Kakashi's pants. Mission accomplished. Iruka pretty much lived with us after that, not that I minded. While uncle's a fantastic cook, he can't make anything that's not Western. Iruka though, makes a mean ramen, and he can whip me up practically anything I can think of.

……………………………….

I think I've been nice enough, so now it's time to talk about ME. I'll be 22 this July. I'm 6'1", and I have a drool-worthy body. I use lots of gel to style my bluish-black hair, and I have eyes as dark as sin when I deactivate my Sharingan. Since I graduated from high school, I have made a name for myself as one of the top conmen in the world. They don't know who I really am, obviously, so they call me Ocean, after Danny Ocean. My numerous lovers know me by different names, ranging from Zack to Recca to Muraki to Jack. I have about 100 cell phones with 100 different numbers, and I have 18 top-end cars and 5 racing bikes. I have many homes, but my favorite residence is my villa in Los Angeles, California. In fact, I'm here now, as I've just returned from swindling some English Lady of artifacts that the well-endowed beauty claimed to have acquired through tomb-raiding. I find that it's getting too easy, smooth-talking others into parting with sentimental items. I can't help it if I'm born with this face that could definitely launch a thousand ships. Women love my smirk, the sinful knowledge in my eyes, and my toned physique. Men love the power I exude, the promise of pleasure in my touch. All my lovers adored my looks, my wealth, and my charm. I DID mention that the Uchiha charm is legendary. I suppose I should thank my ancestors for the superior genes that enable me to get into bed with anyone I want, and get away with their valuables.

I'm living the high life and I know it. I have men and women begging me to take them, I have the finest selection of alcohols and cigarettes this side of the Atlantic, I'm rich, I travel to beautiful places and spend my nights with beautiful lovers, and I'm untouchable. I can't be caught, because apart from Kakashi, Iruka, Itachi and my cousin, Neji, no one knows who I truly am. And so, I continue moving from place to place, lover to lover, no one can tie me down, no one can put me behind bars. I'm the cat's pyjamas, I'm James Bond, I'm Brad Pitt, I'm a Sex God.

Did I mention I'm humble too?

……………………………

Neji was just here. I guess I should introduce him, anyway. He's my cousin. To be more precise, he's my mom's cousin's ex-wife's sister-in-law's step-brother's great-aunt's granddaughter's son. He pretty much resembles me, though, in a sense that he's a total player, he's gorgeous, and he's got a nifty eye-ability. Not to mention he's rich and from a law-enforcement family that died when he was a kid. Now he works in the CIA. I forgot his actual post, but basically I know that he's high-ranking enough to know everything that's going on in the agency. He's 23 this year, a child-prodigy like me. He's also part of the reason why I'm not in jail.

To repay him for leaking out vital information and therefore saving my ass so many times, I let him have it. My ass, I mean. Since we're definitely only distantly related, it's not a sin to sleep with each other. I doubt I would have refused sex with him even if it was a ticket to hell. He's hot and charming, like me. His long dark hair is a fucking turn-on when he lets it brush against me, and he knows just how to do me. I wouldn't say that we're dating, as we both sleep with other people regularly. But we have wild, satisfying sex every time we see each other. After, when we're both languid and sated, he'll tell me just what the Law is planning to do to get the notorious Ocean. We'll do it a couple more times, then I'll go off and con someone somewhere, and he'll put on his suit and go back to office and play his role as their poster boy. All in all, a very fulfilling relationship.

The reason why Neji popped by would be obvious if you could see me now. I'm panting slightly still, my face is flushed, my hair is messed, and my clothes are scattered all over the living rooms, kitchen, dining room, patio, and garage. Now, I'm going to take a bath before I get changed and head out with him.

………………………………

Well, bath's over, and I'm looking in my full-length mirror now. I've just finished smoothing my hands down my red shirt. The sleeves are long, and the shirt is open at the neck as it dips low to expose most of my chest. It's held together by a few strings at my collarbones and across my chest, and the material is translucent and shimmering. I've paired it with my black leather pants that hang low on my hips, and my black boots. Neji took one look at me and trounced me up, which resulted in me having to take a second shower. Heh. I know I'm sexy.

We're going to Konohagakure. It roughly translates as "Hidden Leaf Village". Well, the leaves might be hidden, but the fruits are ripe for picking at Konoha. It's the hottest club this side of USA, and only the beautiful and/or rich are allowed in. Licking my lips, I think that maybe Neji and I should pick a few partners and have a wild orgy tonight. I'm in the mood to fuck and be fucked into next year.

We leave for the club at last, me in my Gallardo, Neji driving my Enzo. We pull up in front of the club with panache, and the crowd parts for us, and we walk in, two gods among mortals. I have to say that Neji looks delicious, with his dark jeans sagging dangerously low on his hips, and his white muscle-tee showing off his incredible body. His hair is loose and swinging, he knows he looks sexier like that. Already we are surrounded by beauties, male and female. Smirking, I make my way to the bar, Neji following behind me.

The song is Sexy by Shawn Desman, I'm having my third Graveyard, and Neji's finishing his fifth whiskey when I spot The Kitsune. I was just thinking of taking the red head with the barely concealed C-cups out on the dance floor when a flash of the laser beams show the famous fox in the middle of the sweaty, pulsing bodies.

She was unlike anything I've ever seen.
Body so bad so I said

"I got to be that one man leaving tonight with your hand in mine".
Oh whats your name, push up on me, do your thang.
I love that you have no shame,
So sexy I feel your game.

The Kitsune, from what I've heard, is male. He's called the Kitsune because of the extraordinary effect he has on people, AND because when he dresses up like a girl (as he invariably does), he looks foxier than Beyonce in her music videos. I see him now clearly, his blond hair just-out-of-bed-messy, his body gyrating to the rhythm of Kelis's Milkshake. He's wearing four-inch red strappy stilletoes, and he has somehow managed to squeeze himself into a micro-mini leather skirt that just covers the essentials. His top is a midriff-baring strings affair, showing off his taut stomach and the glittering of a navel-piercing.

He's looking at me.

I can feel the pull of his charisma even halfway across the club. He raises a hand, toys with his nipples, keeping his gaze on mine. My mouth turns dry and I down my drink hastily, quickly setting it aside. The music changes, it's 50 Cent and Olivia, singing Candy Shop. I can see the Kitsune smirk as he puts on a performance for my benefit.

I'll take you to the candy shop

Boy one taste of what I got

I'll have you spending all you got

Keep going 'til you hit the spot

He's mouthing the lyrics, his tongue flicking out to lick his luscious lips. His hips are moving in such a way that can only be described as obscene, and his hands…blood is thundering through my veins, I'm struggling to maintain my famous Uchiha cool. It's hard, I'M hard. I have to have him.

Lips touching my ear shock me, for a second I hoped it was the Kitsune, but he was on the dance floor and I was at the bar. Neji is talking, telling me to go get him. I don't need anymore encouragement. I start towards the foxy blonde, just as the music shifts to B2K's Take it to the Floor.

Now let's go (let's go)
You want it (you want it)
Then you better get ready cuz this what you gon' get
Anyway you want it
We can take it to the WINDOW to the WALL (or better yet)

We can take it to the floor (we can take it to the floor)
Tell me what you wanna do with me (tell me what you wanna do with me)
We can take it to the floor
Baby you don't wanna fool with me

I reach him and the feeling of that lithe body suddenly pressed up against me is almost enough to make me come then and there. However, I've been bedding people for 10 years, if anything I'm a professional at the art of seduction and sex. Reigning in my raging hormones, I flash my trademark smirk, the one that oozes carnal knowledge and the promise of more. The Kitsune smirks in return.

Now I don't know who you think you are
But trust when I go, believe I go hard (so hard)
So strong baby all night long
I don't stop till the break of dawn (break of dawn)
See mine is an all out war
I bet you leave here with your back sore
Cuz I got wat you're lookin for
Have 'em comin back like GIMME SOME MORE

My hands are on his hips, I'm in control of the situation. At least that's what I'd like to think. This close I can see the kohl lining his eyes, the mascara making his eyelashes the envy of any girl.

My thumbs are stroking his exposed hip bones slowly, drawing sensual circles around the angled bones that point towards the pleasure zone. Drawing him close, I grind our hips together, delighted when I see his eyes half-close and his mouth open in what I'm sure is a moan. Teasingly, I move our joined groins together, and this time his eyes do close all the way and he's letting me guide him in this mating dance.

I slide one hand up, drawing him close to whisper in his ear.

"How would you like me to fuck you senseless, Kitsune?"

Warm breath against my neck, the slightest vibration of a moan is my answer. The top of his head reaches my nose when he's wearing these heels, he's of average height. I don't mind his flat chest, we're pressed so close this way, our bodies appearing fused to the indifferent observer.

A slick tongue licking a very sensitive spot on my neck stuns me. Then his mouth latches onto my jugular and he sucks hard, while his hands are suddenly inside my shirt, brushing teasingly over my nipples. I grit my teeth against the onslaught, two can play this game. I'm not called the modern-day Casanova for nothing.

I grip his thighs, yank. He's a quick learner, wrapping his legs around my waist as I hoist him up. In this new position, the friction feels…oh God…I'm sorry what was I saying before?

PCD are singing Buttons so sultrily to the club, and the Kitsune's singing in my ear. His voice is low, more of sexual tremors against my ear. I FEEL more than hear that seductive melody.

I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby
But you keep fronting
Saying what you going to do to me
But I ain't seen nothing yet

If he's mocking me, I swear I'll make him regret it. Does he actually doubt ME, the great Uchiha Sasuke?

I put him back on his feet, rolling my hips against his lewdly when he gives me a questioning glance. I smirk at him, take his hand, and lead him out of the club and into my bed. I don't think I need to tell you exactly what we did, Smoke, but suffice to say he won't be able to walk at all when he wakes up. If you really need a hint, why don't you view the video you took of me and Trowa? Heh. I really must remember to get a copy of that.

A/N: Well, that's finished! It was…hard writing the sexual parts. So sue me, but I'm pretty shy (wink). What do you guys think? Please review!