Author's Note: Written jointly by englishmyth, tinted_pepper, and myself. Keep in mind while you read this that we were dangerously hyper, and that we don't actually support these pairings... Enjoy!

Harry stumbled through the castle, NAKEDLY confused. He was wondering why all the people in the portraits were – NAKED. He was also wondering why HE was NAKED. He sought answers in the form of NAKED Professor Snape.

"What are you doing out here so late, Potter, especially when you are.... NAKED, " screamed the NAKED Professor Snape.

"I wanted some NAKED alone time, Professor, but then I got drunk and I don't know what happened..." Professor Snape looked around at all the NAKED portraits.

"Why are they NAKED, Potter?! Is this YOUR doing?!"

Suddenly the NAKED Draco Malfoy emerged from the shadows, and stated,

"NO, Professor, this is MY NAKED doing." Snape gasped NAKEDLY in shock at the NAKED Malfoy's confession. Harry looked down enviously at the two NAKED men, and felt awkward in his own NAKEDNESS. Draco stepped forward NAKEDLY, and walked up to NAKED Harry.

"You're slightly lacking in the NAKED department, aren't you, Potter? I could help you with that...NAKEDLY"

"Sorry Malfoy, but not all of us can afford NAKED male enhancements."

"Well I could always lend you some of my NAKED male enhancements..."

Snape stepped forward eagerly and NAKEDLY.

"I could use some of those, Malfoy, my NAKED form isn't quite pleasing enough."

"I find you very NAKEDLY attractive, Professor, in a NAKED way." Harry could obviously see their NAKED spark, and decided to leave them to their NAKEDNESS. Anyway, he was already engrossed in the portrait of a very NAKED old man. His NAKEDNESS was strangely familiar to NAKED Harry. He realized it was actually - NAKED Dumbledore.

"Why hello, NAKED Harry." Said NAKED Dumbledore from behind him. "I seem to have noticed that you are NAKED. Could this just be one of my fantasies – my NAKED fantasies?"

"I'm afraid not, Professor, I am actually NAKED. Does my NAKEDNESS excite you... NAKEDLY?"

Professor Dumbledore was about to reply when he realized that NAKED Snape and NAKED Malfoy were being NAKED in the corner. NAKED Snape was doing rather naughty things to the NAKED Malfoy, that have been omitted for your benefit. NAKED Snape, under NAKED Dumbledore's watchful eye, decided to be NAKEDLY responsible.

"Do you need NAKED protection, my darling NAKED Malfoy?" NAKED Malfoy was outraged by this NAKEDLY outrageous suggestion, and made his NAKED opinion known.

"I DON'T NEED PROTECTION.... NAKED."

NAKED Harry and NAKED Dumbledore looked on NAKEDLY at the NAKED scene unfolding before them. NAKED Malfoy dragged NAKED Snape away down the corridor forcefully and NAKEDLY, leaving the NAKED Harry and NAKED Dumbledore alone together.

"So..... aren't you supposed to be dead, NAKED Dumbledore...?"

"I did die, but not in my NAKED form. Sort of like Gandalf the Grey turned into Gandalf the White, I transformed from Dumbledore the Clothed to the NAKED Dumbledore standing before you."

"I love that movie, I always watch it when I'm alone... and NAKED."

"Well then Harry, would you like to come with me and see what I do when I'm alone and... NAKED...?"

"Try and stop the NAKED me, NAKED Professor." NAKED Harry said seductively. And they walked off down the corridor to enjoy their NAKED alone time together.... NAKED.