Dan panted heavily as he leaned more against the wall, feeling cold fingers underneath his shirt, unbuttoning it swiftly. His hands were tangled in the other boy, Phil's, hair.
Phil undid the buttons, kissing Dan's neck as he did so. He unbuttoned the last button, his hands brushing over a silver chain, it moving slightly. Whenever he felt the movement, Dan realized who he was, and what he was pushed Phil away from him, grabbing the cross that hung on his neck, his fingers tracing over the words engraved on it, 'John 19;30'. He knew the Bible verse, as he did most verses, by heart. This one was simple, "It is finished."
Phil saw the panic in the younger boy's eyes as he reached out to put a hand on his face, only to be rejected.
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Dan recited John 1:9 as he dropped to his knees, hands folding together, "Lord forgive me, for I have sinned," He muttered as he put his hand to his forehead, tears starting to roll down his pale face, "Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you." Dan prayed, pleaded, his face shining.
Phil watched as Dan plead for forgiveness. He chewed the inside of his lip, Dan wasn't his usual prey. Phil wore leather, was covered in tattoos, didn't care about much, but he had been drawn to the soft, angelic features of Daniel Howell. He really did have feelings for the young boy, some thing that he never thought would ever happen. Phil could feel it. He loved Dan. That's probably why he dropped to his knees next to to him, folded his hands, and closed his eyes, copying Dan.
"Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again," Dan continued, unaware of the boy next to him, "I believe that your son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
Now, let's review.
Dan Howell was as pure as they come. Between the angel smile, and the cross around his neck, it was pretty obvious he was a devoted member of the local church. His father was a preacher, his mother devoted her life to teaching people about the Bible, it was pretty clear who Dan and his little brother were suppose to be, and they tried hard to be exactly who they were suppose to be.
But there was the fact that Dan was very, very gay. He denied it, he planned on ignoring it, and marrying a girl that his parents deemed fitting. That had all went out the window whenever he saw Phil. Yeah, he knew who Phil was, everybody knew who Phil was. He just didn't think that he would fall completely in love with him. For a while, he ignored it, went on with his life like normal. Church on Sunday morning, church on Sunday night, Youth pastor meeting on Monday, choir practice on Tuesday (Dan played piano for their church choir), church on Wednesday, choir practice on Thursday, church dinner on Friday, Youth night on Friday, and choir practice again on Saturday. Every week that's how it went. His entire life was school and church. Then, Phil finally noticed him.
"Hey baby boy," Phil had smirked as he leaned against the locker next to Dan's.
Dan could feel the blood rush to his face, as he hid behind his locker door, silently praying, "Hello." He responded in a quiet tone, a small smile peaking on his mouth.
"Why so timid, pretty boy?" Phil asked, stroking a hand against Dan's cheek.
"Not timid, just confused." Dan muttered, getting his books out of his locker.
"What's there to be confused about, love?" Phil asked, leaning down, his face inches away from Dan's.
"Quite a bit," Dan responded, trying to hide the blush on his face.
"But what about this situation is confusing?" Phil asked, the devilish smirk spreading on his face again.
Dan shook his head, closing his locker door, "Nothing." Luckily it was the end of the day, but he had a Youth Pastors, and he couldn't be late to that.
"Aw, baby boy, you don't have to lie," Phil smirked, grabbing Dan's arm, "Tell me what you're confused about."
"Nothing, and I've got to go pastor a church, so if you don't mind," Dan tried to escape, secretly not wanting to go.
"Ah, that's right," Phil held onto Dan tighter, "You're the pastor's son. That clears everything up."
"What? May I ask, what does that clear up?" Dan asked, giving up on leaving.
"Why you haven't came onto me, I'm not stupid," He walked out of the doors, taking Dan with him.
Dan could feel his heart speed up, and his face flush as Phil spoke, "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."
"Oh, pretty boy, I'm not stupid. You may try and repress it, but it's pretty obvious you're gay, honey," Phil spoke lowly.
Dan could've passed out at Phil's words, "N-no, I think there's been some kind of mistake. You see, after I graduate, I'm going to become a pastor, take over the church, marry some woman, have a couple of kids," He shrugged, "The usual."
"Oh stop," Phil rolled his eyes, "That's not what you want."
"How would you know what I want?" Dan asked, "Now excuse me, I need to go."
Phil pulled Dan to him, kissing him lightly before letting his arm go, "See ya later, baby boy." With that, Phil turned and left.
Dan stood there dumbstruck. He brought his finger to his lip, had that really just happened? Had Phil Lester just kissed him. He stood in front of the school for a considerable amount of time. Eventually, he left and went to the church.
"Sorry," Dan muttered as he sat next to his father, "Got held up after school.." He lied as he pulled out his Bible, sticky notes and paper sticking out from almost every page.
His father, along with everybody else, just shrugged as they went on with their meeting.
After everything was done, Dan went up to the mantle in the sanctuary.
"Go on, I'll be home soon." He told his dad as he ran his hands over the wood.
"Don't take too long." Was all his father said before he was gone.
Whenever he was alone, Dan got on his knees and prayed. He prayed harder than he ever had. He was confused, he needed the Lord to advise him.
"Lord, please help me follow your path," He prayed to himself, "Lord, I need you to help me keep peace in my life. Lord, I-I" He started to break down, tears coming down his face, "Please Lord, please help me through this. Lord, I need you, but I think I need him." The prayer went on like that until Dan stood, and wiped his face.
Fast forward, and Dan and Phil began to see each other everyday after school. Each day it became longer and longer. The kisses became longer, sweeter, less guilt feeling. Dan prayed about it every night.
Dan would go home with Phil on days he had to be at the church at five or six, and more or less they made out. They didn't just make out, they talked, got to know each other, fell in love little by little.
Everything was great until that day.
"Amen." Dan had finished the prayer to see Phil beside him, "I'm so sorry." He whispered, pulling his knees to his chest. They had planned on going all the way that night. It was a rare Friday when the youth population of the church didn't meet, and he had planned on staying with Phil.
Phil pulled Dan into his chest, kissing his brown mop of hair, "Don't apologize, love. It's how you were raised, it's one thing I love about you."
Dan cried into Phil's chest, his hand clasped around the cross the entire time.
Not trying to say anything against religions, I myself am a Christian.
