Author's note: This little idea came to me randomly, like so many of them do haha, and I figured it would be interesting to take a peek a the more mundane lives of The Avengers and how it is they deal with certain things like boredom, relationships, and each other. Enjoy!
Pepper had asked him to clean up the house three times already and it had started at breakfast. She was tired of stepping on crumbs. Tony had no idea what the hell she was talking about, because he didn't make anything that left crumbs and he ate his chips and things in the workshop, even though he shouldn't. (He'd sectioned off an area for foodstuffs, just to keep Bruce from making his grumpy old man face whenever he visited). But Pepper was persistent. She was tired of having to sweep the floor. Did he want to make her feel like a housewife, the woman who ran his company?
And apparently making Happy do it instead was cheating.
So, while Pepper was at one of her super boring but important CEO meetings, Tony holed himself up in the workshop for two hours and created the solution to all of his cleanliness problems. He made popcorn, turned on some trash tv, and let the issue resolve itself.
Pepper came home a few hours later. She found him asleep in front of the flatscreen in his shorts and wife beater in the middle of the day with a spilled bowl of popcorn on the floor. An episode of Ancient Aliens was on. Thor would've loved it.
"Tony!"
He was up with a jolt. A few puffs of popcorn tumbled down his chest. He frowned at them, realized what they were, and then popped a few in his mouth. Pepper crossed her arms and scowled at him. It was a cute scowl, but he was not going to tell her that. It just made her mad. He didn't want the feminism talk. Again.
"This place looks worse than I left it," Pepper told him.
"No it doesn't." She raised her eyebrows and nodded to the floor. Tony leaned over the couch a little and frowned. "Oh, well that just happened. But I've been cleaning, I promise."
"Have you, Tony?"
"Yeah." He straightened up on the couch and Pepper stood at an angle. Her arms were still crossed. Tony pursed his lips. "Don't be angry."
"I only asked you to do one thing," she said. "I'm not paying someone to clean the house because that just makes me feel like such a—what the hell is that?!"
She jumped a little as a small disk-like robot bumped against her heel. A confirmation light blinked on it as it moved toward the popcorn. Pepper stared at it.
"You bought a Roomba? Are you kidding me?"
"That is Jarvis, Jr." Tony said. "And he is not a Roomba. I will not have you talking like that about Jarvis's child."
Pepper looked at him like he was crazy. He'd seen that look many times. It didn't faze him anymore. He smiled proudly as the little scarlet and gold robot hummed across the floor, sucking up popcorn as it went.
"Jarvis can't have children, Tony. He's a computer. And we would need a fleet of Roombas to clean this place," Pepper said.
"Well, that's where you're wrong." Tony stooped to pick up Jarvis, Jr. in the middle of cleaning and flipped it over so Pepper could see some of the complicated circuitry. "I made this little guy, and he works on overtime. He was in sleep mode until I spilled the popcorn. He can sense it."
Pepper slumped down on the couch and slung her arm over her eyes. Tony leaned back in the seat and set Jarvis, Jr. on his lap. The little robot started sucking up the popcorn left on the couch between the two of them. Pepper kicked off her shoes and sighed.
"Jarvis, how do you feel about becoming a father?" Tony asked.
"Quite proud, sir," the computer replied.
Pepper made a face. "He's being sarcastic."
"Uh, he can't be sarcastic. He's a computer," Tony replied.
Pepper punched his arm. Hard. He muttered a few curse words as Jarvis, Jr. slid from the couch and plopped to the floor to finish cleaning it. Pepper stared at the television, but didn't really watch it. Tony watched Jarvis, Jr. on the floor.
"So this," Pepper said. "is my life?"
Tony raised his eyebrows. "Yeah."
Pepper squeezed her eyes shut and fake cried a few times. She slumped sideways and her head landed in Tony's lap. She opened her eyes and stared up at him. He fiddled with her ponytail as she spoke.
"It's not staying in our bed."
Tony was disappointed. "I was really hoping you wouldn't say that."
"I'm drawing the line there."
"C'mon, Pep…"
"No."
"He'll keep it clean."
"How dirty do you think I am, Tony?"
"Well. Literally, or…?"
She punched him again, in stomach this time.
"Oww, fine," Tony said. "Jarvis, Jr. won't sleep in our bed. Big meenie."
Pepper closed her eyes. "That's right. I'm just so terrible."
"Absolutely."
"You're so obnoxious."
Tony smiled, took her hand and kissed it. "Ditto."
Her laugh was proof enough that she loved him.
And that he had a good chance to change her mind later on.
