Useless Pride
Ianto Jones knew he should have had more pride.
He took pride in doing what he did well. Coffee, for example. He made superior coffee – he knew it, the team knew it, and everyone who had tasted it acknowledged it. He was an exceptional archivist – he had a knack for cataloguing and mapping various dissimilar devices together. He was an excellent shot, a quick thinker, and possessed sharp senses, all of which made him an outstanding field agent. He was very proud of all that. He had worked hard and deserved the satisfaction of being so.
When Jack reappeared after running off with the Doctor three months before, Ianto used all of that pride as a shield.
All the emotions he felt as he turned and saw Jack in the doorway were immediately shoved into the back of his mind. He had done well without Jack. He was fully accepted as a member of the team. He had no intention of falling back into his old behavior, so he raised his shield of pride and kept his distance.
Ianto had made that shield stronger and larger when one of Jack's back-catalogue had shown up and threatened them all. It had only dipped once, when Jack had asked him out for dinner and a movie. Ianto didn't know why he had accepted. Pride should have prevented it. However, it didn't really count as he was sure Jack would never follow up on it.
Now he was sitting on a luxurious bed in an expensive hotel room with his pride keeping him company. It was cold, but it was his. That made him prouder. Why shouldn't it?
The knock startled him out of thoughts. He looked out the peephole in the door. It was Jack.
His pride categorically ordered him away from the door. It was adamant that he should not answer. And yet, Ianto's hand was turning the knob and opening the door, even as he tried to obey his pride.
Jack stood in the corridor. He wasn't smiling. His blue eyes seemed sad and desperate, not something that Ianto had seen before. Jack opened his mouth and spoke in a rush. "Ianto, I know you're angry and hurt and you have every right to be, but could I come in for a minute? I just need to see you. Then, I'll go away, I promise."
Absolutely not, Ianto's pride said. Tell him to get back to his own room. Tell him you don't want to see him. Don't let him in. The words trembled on Ianto's lips, but they didn't make it out. Jack resembled a puppy that was expecting a kick, but hoping against hope that it might be a pat instead.
Ianto compromised with his pride. He wrapped it around himself like armor, and then gave Jack tacit permission to enter by opening the door wider. Jack entered, closing the door behind him. He didn't move away from the door, just stood there and looked at Ianto. Not just into his eyes, but every piece of him was examined by those desperate eyes. Jack's hands, balled into fists at his sides twitched as though he wanted to use them, but he kept them still.
He didn't know what to make of this. His pride made his voice cold and precise. "What are you doing, Jack?"
Jack took a deep breath and said, "You're all right. You're really all right."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Ianto was impatient. The team had checked in thirty minutes before together. What did Jack think would have happened to him?
"I… I'm sorry," Jack said, his voice barely a whisper. "Before today – the last time I saw you – you were dead."
Stunned, Ianto repeated, "Dead?"
"While I was gone, there was a Time paradox caused by a madman. He held me prisoner and killed all of you. In front of me. You… you were the last. He cut your throat. He let your blood fall onto my hair and my face and then he threw your body into my lap and left it there." Jack closed his eyes and drew in a ragged breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you, but I needed to see you. I had to be sure you were really alive. I'll go now. Thanks for letting me in."
Before Jack could move, Ianto pulled him into his arms and held him close. Jack pressed his head into Ianto's shoulder as he clung. "I'm so happy you're alive, Ianto."
Ianto Jones knew he should have more pride, but at this moment he was really glad he didn't.
