How Karen's Cooking Saved My Life

"Oh my gosh! What the heck am I going to do?" Well I suppose I brought this upon myself. It's all my fault the inn's doors are about to be broken down by this wailing hunk of fat that just won't leave me alone! Sure, there are a few others I could place the blame on, but in the end it's all my fault, and here's why.

"Wow! This is delicious Ann!"

"Thanks dad, I worked REALLY hard on it!"

"With something like this, you are sure to win the cooking festival!"

"Um, dad….about that…"

"Oh! My little Anns going to win! WAHOO!"

I don't think I can bare to tell him, there is no way I'm entering the cooking festival. Not after last year, I can still remember his reaction to my cooking…

"OH MAH GOODNESS! YES! YES! YES! OH BABY YES!"

Then there was that look he gave me, good grief, it scared the freaking crap out of me! It's like one of those looks guys give you when they want you in bed, but I'm pretty sure he just wanted me in the kitchen. I hope so anyway. I can't endure that again. No way, no freaking way.

So while he's been staying at the inn these few days before the festival, I've been spending most of my time at Karen's house. That's where I made my mistake. That horrible, stupid, fatal mistake, the day of the festival at Karen's house.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you SO much Ann!"

"No problem Karen, I'm happy to help my friend prepare for the cooking festival"

"You even went through the trouble of making a model plate of spaghetti so I would know what it's supposed to look like!"

You would think she would know what it looks like, but her's never looks anything like that, unless you think it's supposed to look brown with green sauce.

"I guess I better bring this over to the festival now."

"Ok, I'm just going to use your bathroom before I head over there"

"Alright, see ya."

"See ya."

So I went to the bathroom, but when I came back out, I almost died inside. My plate of spaghetti was gone. She didn't, did she? So I ran, oh boy, did I run. But I was to late, the gourmet was eating my spaghetti, and there was that horrifying look again. Oh dear.

"ANN, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WILL YOU BE MY CHEF…er….WIFE? TO HAVE AND TO HOLD(I cringed at that one, I didn't even want to think about spending the rest of my life with this guy, let alone attempting to hold him) TILL DEATH DO US PART?"

"Um…no?"

"WAHHHHHHHHH!"

So I start running, and he's running after me, but I have PLENTY of time to make it to the inn and barricade the door because…..well…..how can I put this nicely? I have this gut feeling that he really can't run all that fast.

So that's just what I do, I make it to the inn and barricade the door, but I still have to think of some sort of plan as fast as I can because if he tries to break down that door, I don't think the door can hold up against that much weight.

Then I hear him ramming on the door, and I mean REALLY whacking that thing. That's when it hit me. I know exactly what I'm going to do. This guy will never want to see me again. Hehehe.

"ANN! DARLING! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Right here hot stuff( I think I may throw up) and I cooked something just for you."

"OOOH! GIMME! GET IN MAH BELLY!"

So he ate it, and instead of making me sick, the look on his face made me the happiest girl on earth.

"Oh…um….this is awkward. I'm just going to go now."

"NO! I love you! Let me cook for you forever! You deserve to eat dishes like that for the rest of your life!"

"What horrible crime did I commit to deserve something like that?"

Now he was gone. Finally gone! Just what did I give him? Well lets just say Karen gave me some food to critique before the festival. Now I never have to worry about that fat slob ever again, and that's what I call a happy ending.