I Thee Put a Ring On:
Summary:
[Kum / Hevans] [One-shot] At Stacie's play-wedding, Sam makes a "proposal" of his own.
A/N: No, it's not a promise ring or anything- I swear! I will never write Sam rushing into things like that, so if you were worried- don't. Really this fanfic is just Sam's romantic silliness.
"Do you, Molly-Wobbles Molly-bug Punkin-face Puckerman-"
"NOAH! Stop ruining my wedding!"
"I think the wedding was ruined the moment they decided to have Puck officiate it." Kurt mumbled to Sam, who grinned in response.
"Oh c'mon. If it was your kid sister's play-wedding you'd do the same thing."
Kurt raised an eyebrow at the bottle-blonde. "Are you saying you'd be listing off Stacie's embarrassing nicknames if you were up there?"
Sam nodded. "Yup." This earned quite the eye-roll from Kurt.
"You just wait. Someday you'll be getting married- and I'd better be your best man, by the way- and I'll make a speech and call you Trouty Mouth in front of everyone in attendance."
Sam pulled a horrified face. "You wouldn't."
Kurt smirked wickedly at Sam, unphased by his friend's reaction. "Oh, yes I would, Sammy-boy."
"Well then, I guess you're not going to be my best man." Sam said, playing hurt and crossing his arms. (Anyway if he had a choice in this hypothetical wedding Kurt would definitely not be his best man.)
"Don't test me, Evans." Kurt warned teasingly. "You don't want to get on my bad side."
Quinn, who was Stacie's "maid of honor", glared at them. "Would you two like to stop flirting and pay attention? We are trying to have a wedding, here."
Sam blushed, and thought that some people were taking this event a little too seriously. Kurt had the same idea, it seemed, as he leaned over toward Sam and whispered. "This is cute and all, but Quinn's gotten way too into it- can you imagine if Rachel were here too, though? That would be complete madness."
Sam barely stopped himself from letting out a loud guffaw at the thought of that. Puck's glare effectively silenced him, and he folded his hands in his lap and tried to pay attention.
"Do you, Stacie Evangeline Evans, take Molly to be your..."
"Your sister's middle name is Evangeline? Evangeline Evans?"
"Err- yeah... I actually picked her middle name."
"Oh... Well, it's pretty cute. Just... Evangeline Evans..."
"Burt Hummel and Kurt Hummel. You have no right to talk about names."
"That reminds me- you and your siblings are all named S. Evans aren't-"
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?" Puck bellowed. Kurt and Sam jumped a little in their seats, exchanged glances, and fell into barely stifled laughter. A loud and dramatic sigh was heard from the altar, followed by Stacie telling Puck to, "ignore those two butt-faces and keep going".
"Do you have the rings?" Puck asked, to which Stacie replied.
"Sir Andrew is the ring bearer."
Hearing that name silenced Sam's laughter, and he suddenly became quite aware of who was leaning on him, giggling into his shoulder. Since Stacie's tea party he had explained to his parents about his bisexuality, and they had actually been pretty accepting of it. Actually, one of the first things they had asked after they had gotten used to the idea was, "So when are you telling Kurt?"
Apparently in the light of his bisexuality his crush on Kurt was incredibly obvious. They had just thought he and Kurt were very close friends until Sam told them he wasn't completely straight. Then it clicked for them how completely and pathetically crazy Sam was about Kurt, and they demanded that he quit being a scaredy-cat (their exact words) and tell the boy.
He'd planned on doing so at the wedding, but had been distracted by- well- Kurt.
Sam wondered if Stacie had brought any "truth potion" with her. It had worked pretty well the first time- sort of. What had happened was Sam had told himself that if he didn't tell his parents the truth he would have to drink the nasty stuff- and that hadn't seemed like too tasty a prospect. (He wondered if Stacie had actually gulped down the disgusting concoction before talking to their parents about her "girlfriend".)
Somehow it helped to have a scarier alternative when Sam was about to do something that scared the crap out of him.
"Then, by the power vested in me by the Lima City Park, The Jedi Council, The League of Justice, The Wizengamot- Molly, what the hell is this list?"
"Stacie wrote it- Sam helped. And watch your mouth!"
"Alright, alright- and the Grand Order of Fish-Fingers and Custard- What?"
"Doctor Who!" Sam called out- in surprising unison with Kurt, who grinned at him and whispered with a shrug, "I thought the ninth doctor was pretty cute, so I gave it a chance."
"Eleventh." Sam mumbled without thinking. He did see the confusion on Kurt's face, but forced himself to not correct his slip-of-the-tongue. It might be easier if Kurt figured it out for himself, Sam reasoned.
"Whatever- I now pronounce you Wife and Wifey. You may kiss on the cheek but that's it, kids. Remember, you're in grade school."
Kurt stood and clapped, tugging Sam up by his arm. A big "awwww" went through those gathered as the two brides shyly pecked each other's cheeks. Kurt in particular found it completely adorable, and cursed having forgotten his camera.
Quinn had come prepared with a fully-charged iPod and speakers, and music soon filled the air. Sam cleared his throat, holding his hand out to Kurt. "Would you like to dance, Kurt?"
Kurt blinked rapidly a few times, seeming uncertain of what exactly Sam was trying to do.
"Dance, Kurt. You know, that thing where you move your body to music?"
"I know what dancing is, Sam. I was just surprised you asked."
Sam raised a blonde eyebrow. "Why would I pass up a chance to dance with the best dancer at this wedding?"
Kurt ducked his head, and seemed to be flattered. With a smile and a nod, he took Sam's hand. "I suppose I can't deny the wishes of my number one fan."
Sam snorted at that, and Kurt complained that he had ruined the mood, but they continued to dance. Kurt amazingly- Sam less so. Admittedly, Sam might have been overdoing the goofy dance moves- just a little bit- to make Kurt laugh.
Then a familiar tune began to pump through Quinn's speakers, and Kurt burst out laughing. "Quinn- is that song rea- really appropriate?"
The blonde girl shrugged. "Hey, if you don't really know all of the lyrics it's fine." A grin spread across her face. "Are you going to dance for us, Kurt?"
Hearing Quinn's question, Molly and Stacie began to nod rapidly and beg Kurt to dance to the song. Even Kurt couldn't refuse the two for long, and after telling Sam he'd have to find another dance partner, he took the outstretched hands of the girls and they led him off to dance.
Sam had wanted to watch, but when Stacie passed by him she had told him to go find Sir Andrew, so he reluctantly missed out. However, upon finding the teddy bear and realizing why he'd been sent to do so, Sam thanked his lucky stars for his brilliant little sister.
He remembered a cereal box bearing an image of the Green Lantern and promising a prize inside. That was probably wear Stacie had gotten the green plastic ring that lay on the pillow Sir Andrew held. Sam shook his head, grinning. Stacie had really planned this out.
"Hey, Kurt!"
Kurt paused his dancing (which, from what Sam had seen on his way over, was pretty damn amazing) with a frown. "Sam, what? I'm performing, here."
"Sorry, sorry." Sam said, genuinely regretful for stopping the awesome performance. "Hey, can you give me your hand real quick?"
Kurt gave Sam a quizical look, but lifted his left hand anyway. As quickly as he could, Sam slipped the green lantern ring on Kurt's ring finger, then turned on his heel and began power-walking away. He didn't get far before Kurt came after him, flustered and confused. "Sam- wh-what is this about? Why did you-"
"I put a ring on it." Sam answered, turning and walking backwards with a huge grin on his face. "Isn't that what the song says to do? Don't worry- it's just a Green Lantern power ring- no binding contract."
Kurt opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure what to make of Sam's actions and words. It was only when Sam started singing softly along to the chorus of the song pumping from Quinn's speakers that realization seemed to hit the brunette. He took it pretty well.
"YOU'RE GAY?"
"Bi, technically."
Kurt's brow furrowed severely, his eyes flashing. "And you waited this long to tell me, you ass?"
"Woah- Kurt- Children's ears..." Sam mumbled, backing away. Kurt was advancing much faster than he was backing up, however, so Sam decided to cut his losses and run.
"Get back here you bleach-blonde peroxide-headed JERK!"
"It's lemon juice!"
"Not the point!"
"Jeeze can't a guy say he likes you without getting murdered?"
"Apparently you can't!"
Thankfully, Sam didn't get slaughtered at the wedding, but Kurt didn't return his calls for the rest of the weekend. Sam thought he had completely screwed himself over until he got to school on Monday. Kurt was still pretty pissed at him- no doubt about that- however...
He was still wearing the Green Lantern ring. Finn told Sam later that Kurt had come home Saturday wearing it, and had worn it all weekend. Apparently it really stood out when Kurt was waving his arms around in a rage.
Well, it was a start.
A/N: FFFFFF- There's too much dialogue in this. Urrrrgghh... I try to avoid a lot of dialogue because it usually makes the narrative suffer- at least, for me. I 've read a few stories where the author was able to put in a lot of dialogue without it feeling like the whole thing is just talking.
I hadn't planned on Kurt being so peeved. I figured he'd be okay with it and understand how hard it was for Sam to come out- which I think deep down he does. He's more pissed that Sam didn't trust him enough to tell him, I think... Buuuut that conversation would've started the story down a more dramatic path, and this was supposed to be fluffly and fun, sooo... Yeah, this is me writing fluff: too much dialogue and sparse narrative. Urrrrghhh.
I know that, as of right now, Kum is not canon. I can't predict what will happen in later episodes, but right now it isn't canon. That's not going to keep me from shipping it and writing fics for it. You write what you want, and I'll write what I want, okay? Let's not fill people's reviews with hate.
