Me: ahh... I'm so lame..

Bara: what's wrong, hitsu-sama?

Me: nothing.. just writing to release some stress

Bara: don't worry, hitsu-sama, I believe you will pass your exam *smiles*

Me: *sigh* thanks

Bara: so, what's this fanfic telling?

Me: hmm... I write this due to my love for vincent-sama, but I'm so evil to kill him in this fanfic *cries*

Well, if I don't do it, I will regret it later.. so, sorry reader that vincent is died here *bows*

Bara: *pats hitsu's back* well well, let's continue..

Me: ah before that! I need to explain what the title means.

It's "IF" because I want to write an 'if' situation in Pandora Hearts world that won't happen (or perhaps it will be.. I just don't know when..) every chapter will consist a different story, so it's safe if you don't want to read some chapters.

And.. I think it's ok if you want to request an 'if' situation, hehe..

Bara: sounds interesting. Can I request too?

Me: of course!

Bara: *thinks* humm.. I will tell you once I get an idea. For now, let's just start

Me: oh, right, please give the disclaimer and warning, bara-kun *smiles*

Bara: all of Pandora Hearts characters and world belong to Mochizuki Jun-sensei. Hitsu-sama has only the story.

And the warning.. I'm happy it's a safe fanfic ^^

please read it whole-heartedly *bows* maybe there're some typos and grammar mistakes and also bad language. And there's also character dies. But overall, it's good I think *scratches head*hitsu-sama doesn't have beta yet, so please bear with it.I apologize at her place.

Oh! And maybe there's spoiler? Well.. if you're a pandora hearts' fan, you must have read until the latest chapter, ne?

Me: and let me explain this chapter XD

The 'if' situation is: "If Vincent dies, what will Gil feel?"

This chapter is written with double POV (point of view). it's my first time using present tense, so I hope it's not that bad. I want to show their feeling to each other (it's only my thought though). Maybe it's short (?), but I hope I can share the feeling.

Just for youth info, it's my first attempt on writing pandora hearts fanfic. I hope it's not really bad for your eyes. Anyway, please enjoy!


Emptiness

Gilbert's POV

I can't stop my tears. I'm still crying here in my bedroom. I know everyone worries me, but ... I just can't stop crying.

It was two days ago that .. Vince ... passed away ...


"Gil .. brother .. it's okay .."

I held the limp body in my arms. He is .. dying. My little brother is dying ...

"Vince.. stop talking! I will bring you back."

I desperately hoisted him, but he stopped me. I stared at him. His hand gripped me strongly. He gave me his usual assuring smile.

"It's ok, brother. I'm alright with this.."

I watched him talking, trembling in every words. No.. stop talking, Vince. Don't you see you're dying? Why you said you're okay?

Vince lifted his hand and slowly reached my face. He touched my cheek, I can feel his cold hand. I can smell the strong scent of blood. He caressed me gently, from my cheek to my hair. Tears started falling down to my cheek. I strengthened my grip on him and held him tighter.

"Why do you cry, brother? Tears don't fit you."

He just made me cry more. With his bloody hand, Vince wiped my tears. I grabbed his hand. It was cold, very very cold. Out of the blue, he started to cough ... blood.

"Vince!"

I unconsciously screamed his name. He got on my nerve. His cough didn't stop. I hugged him, so I hoped it stop.

"I'm happy, brother."

I looked into his heterochrome eyes. He smiled. The end of his lips still leaked out blood. I wiped it and choked myself to cry.

"Please Vince ... stop talking ..."

"Would you mind to hear my last request?"

Why you ignore me? and don't say 'last', stupid. Despite my thought, I nodded. I couldn't put my thoughts into words.

"When I'm no longer in this world, please forget me and continue your life happily."

My heart beat almost stopped. Forget? No longer ... ?

"I want you to be happy, Gil. I know that as long as I'm with you, you'll never be happy, but ..."

His sentence was cut by his coughs. More blood spilled out. I put my hands on his mouth, trying to prevent him from talking, but he moved my hand away.

"But I always selfishly cling onto you."

He continued talking with short breath as if his soul were ready to go away. I didn't know what to do .. my head filled with mess. My mind told me to quickly bring him back to Pandora, but my body disobeyed it.

"I just want Gil to be happy .."

He smiled. A very warm smile which he never showed me again since we were just a mere young children. The smile that brought back memories. The smile he only showed to me. his eyes looked at me with sincere and loving gaze, piercing through my heart.

"I love you, brother ... I always love you."


My chest hurts when I recall the prior event. What have I thought at that time? Why didn't I bring him back? Do I really want Vince to disappear? If that's so, shouldn't I feel relieve? Why I'm crying anyway?

Knock. Knock.

I hear knocks on the door.

"Gil, are you ok? May I come in?"

It's Oz. I quickly wipe my tears and approach the door. I find my master there, stands in front of my room. His face looks worried.

"You're still crying?"

I try to smile at him, but my mouth doesn't want to move. So I just let him in.

"I'm sorry about Vincent, Gil."

Oz starts talking. He worries me, but ...

"But you can't always cling onto the past. You need to let him go."

Oz reassures me. Yeah, he's right. He's always right. But my heart can't say yes to him.

No one will ever replace Vince in my heart. My little brother. My only little brother.

I avert my eyes from Oz. I don't want him to see my tears that push it ways out again. Without warning, Oz hits my chest. My focus comes back to him and I see him stand so pridely. I rub my chest and look at the high and mighty Oz. I chuckle a bit, watching him try hard to look strong and tall.

"Oi Gil."

Oz calls out. I wipe my tears which come out due to the mixing feeling of sadness, emptiness, and fun. I finally can lock my gaze and mind to catch Oz's every word and movement.

"I will not stop you if you still mourn for Vincent. I just want to tell you that you're not alone. I"m still right here with you, you know? You still have life to go on. You must move forward."

I absorb Oz's words, fully aware of what he just said. It's not that I'm afraid to move forward. It's just ... if your closest person suddenly disappear, what will you feel? If the one you hold dear is died, how will you face it?

Hold ... dear?

I'm leaning on the wall behind me. I slowly sit and smile bitterly as I think about Vince. Yeah, I used to protect him, take care of him, smile for him. And ... although I ever had a feeling to throw him away, I didn't do that. I just can't leave him. He was the only one I have ... since when I forgot that feeling towards Vince?

"Gil..?"

My mind is distracted again. Ah, Oz ... my master ...

My heart thumped a bit when I feel him tousle my hair gently.

"I said it before, ne? You are not alone. I will be there to comfort you."

I look up to meet Oz's deep green eyes. I can see him smile.

"Don't be such a crybaby, you fool. I don't know how is your relationship with your brother, but I think he doesn't want you to be overly sad like this."

"I just want Gil to be happy .."

Yes, you are right, Oz.

I clutch on his shirt and pull him closer. I hug that slender waist and bury my face to his stomach. He pats my back repeatedly, warming my heart. This vulnerable yet strong boy is my master. I am not alone, aren't I? I can be happy if I'm with him .. or so I think.

I will fulfill Vince's request to continue my life happily. But .. I'm sorry, Vince .. I can't forget about you .. because you are always be my most important brother. You have your own space in my heart which is empty now.

"I love you, brother ... I always love you."

I love you too .. Vince.

I hold Oz tighter.

"Thank you, Oz."


Selfishness

Vincent's POV

"Just let him be. He is a traitor! He was just using us! Let's go before Pandora's men come!"

Damn those Baskerville! After what I've done so much for them ...

Ugh .. my legs hurt, maybe they're broken. I can't move either. I feel numb all over my body and it stings whenever I move. Wounds like this ... I move a bit, then the pain multiplies, especially on my belly. I can feel the warmth of my own blood that keeps coming out from the opening wound. If this goes on, I will die because of the blood loss.

Damnit! I can't die here, I can't die yet. I still have things to be done. I still have words to say .. to Gil. Ah, brother .. Gil ... if I die here, will he be happy?

I stop struggling.

Yeah. He can focus only to his master and find happiness if I die. I can't feel my legs anymore. So it feels like this, huh? Dying? ... it's not bad. And it will feel better if Gil is here. I want to say how much I love him for the last time. I laugh bitterly at my own selfishness. In the end, I still want to hold him.

What a selfish bastard I am.

I laugh again and it only pains me more. I don't care though. Nobody cares. Only Gil .. only big brother cares, and I always selfishly take advantage of his kindness, tying him down with me.

My head starts spinning like crazy.

"Vince!"

Suddenly I hear a familiar voice calls out my name. The only one who calls me with that name is only brother. But .. why is he here? How does he know that I'm here? Even Echo won't know.

"Oh my God .. Vince .. your blood ..."

Oh, whatever. I'm just happy to see big brother's face for the last time. He slips his hand to brace my head and put me on his lap. He holds me carefully as if he is afraid he will hurt me unintentionally. What a kind person you are, brother. If only that kindness you show to me only. And there it goes again, my selfish thought.

"Gil .. brother .. it's okay .."

I find myself hardly talk. My voice sounds so weak. What a shame. I must admit this blood loss really weakening me.

"Vince.. stop talking! I will bring you back."

No! I stop him with all my strength. I grip his hand strongly so he can't go. Why must I go back to those filthy bastard? They only see me as a piece of information which can be thrown away after it has no use. I'm rather die here with you beside me, brother.

I see Gil looks confused. Just stay here, I don't need anything anymore. I force myself to smile at him like I usually do.

"It's ok, brother. I'm alright with this.."

I'm telling the truth. It's alright like this, though I hear my own voice trembling. I force my numb hand to touch his face. I caress him from his cheek to his hair. So beautiful. My big brother is always wonderful. I keep playing with his hair as I recall our time together from our childhood until back then when we were at Nightray's. While his hand still hold me, I see him letting out tears. One after another keeps falling from his beautiful golden orbs.

"Why do you cry, brother? Tears don't fit you."

I wipe his tears. Ah, I forgot. My hand is dirty. Sorry, brother, but I can't see you crying. Tears really don't fit you. I prefer see you smiling to crying. Let me kill the one who makes you cry. Let me kill the man named Vincent. He makes you cry right now, doesn't he?

The burning pain in my stomach get into me. It rushes to my heart and I can't help not to cough. Blood comes out from my mouth. It hurts so much. My body feels aching. At that very moment I think my head is gonna explode.

"Vince!"

Gil's voice sounds so far. I'm still coughing blood. Everytime I cough, it feels like every part of my nerve is stimulated and cut into pieces. Every string that binds them together is broken, falling apart. Then I feel warmth wraps around me. I see that Gil hug me preciously. Not too hard, and just right to keeps me alive.

"I'm happy, brother."

Finally I speak after uncomfortably blood coughing. Gil touches the edge of my lips. It seems there's still blood coming out. He is so nice. He is so tender. He is so sweet, I want him only to myself.

"Please Vince ... stop talking ..."

If I stop talking now, I will not have anymore chance to talk. You are so cruel, big brother, but not as cruel as me. even if you are cruel, I will always love you. Yes, I'm so selfish.

"Would you mind to hear my last request?"

My last selfish request.

I continue talking after I see him nodding.

"When I'm no longer in this world, please forget me and continue your life happily."

If I really disappear, you'll be happy, won't you? Because my purpose in life is to make you happy. If you can't gain happiness with me beside you, then I don't need to live ...

I push myself to speak up my mind. I wish to not let this last chance float away. I must tell him now. The only chance I have is now.

"I want you to be happy, Gil. I know that as long as I'm with you, you'll never be happy, but ..."

I have no right to control my body anymore. It's over. These coughs ... these painful coughs really hurt. It hurts like hell. My lungs crave for oxygen. My brain can't work normally as if I usually normal though. Maybe I'm just babbling stupid things. But I try really hard to tell him what I feel about him. My last chance to be selfish.

"But I always selfishly cling onto you."

Breathing feels so hard to do. Am I talking right? I don't know anymore. I just need to end this soon. I can feel it. My time won't last much. My head keeps spinning and spinning. Fuck! I still have one thing to say. Listen to me, stupid body! It's aching everywhere, but I manage to say more.

"I just want Gil to be happy .."

I smile. When everything feels like dream, I just don't want to wake up. I give up. My time has come. So I smile. I want to part with my big brother with smile. My last and only pure smile that I give only for my brother. The smile that comes from my heart. I save only for him. I can't feel anything anymore. I can move my lips and able to talk are miracle in my state right now.

"I love you, brother ... I always love you."

I can see Gil smile, in pain though, but still .. it's smile. Thanks brother, thanks for everything. Even for my last selfish request, I really hope you to be happy. It's enough for me if you are happy. I know you are suffering, that's why I hope with this, I can lift a bit of your burden.

Dear, God of Death, Grim Reaper, or whoever you are, take my soul away, this unbearable pain is killing me with no intention to end its torture. When I think it's finally over, it hurts the most. But that's the final. I no longer have regret.


Me: no Vince! You can't go! You can't meet up with reaper! *cries*

Bara: hitsu-sama, calm down. It's just 'if' situation, right? And you are the one who write this

Me: *sobs* yeah.. fool me, I made them so OOC and I still claim myself as fanfiction writer? Above all, I kill Vince here and I still claim myself as Vince's number one fan? Stupid girl! *hit herself*

Bara: calm down.. calm down .. *hugs hitsu*

-after a while-

Bara: are you ok? *pats her head*

Me: *nods* um.. thanks, bara-kun

Bara: no need to say that *smiles*

Me: *stands firmly* well everybody, I want to give announcement.

I write this fic out of curiosity. I write just for the sake of my own selfish happiness and I gladly welcome you who is happy too with this fanfic. Well, maybe this first chapter sucks. I don't really care though, 'cause I love them so much. Yay for brotherly love! XD

That means, even if I get only one review (I hope there is, at least, one review), I will continue this fanfic ^^

Bara: *claps hands* what a speech!

Me: araaa... you're overreacting, bara-kun~

Bara: well, what about the next chapter?

Me: humm... I have one or two ideas. What if I write something about Vincent and Ada? They're cute couple w (I'm not against straight. I like straight too, y'know~)

Bara: well.. I can accept as long as you're not violating your own rules

Me: which rules?

Bara: the rating will not be higher than T

Me: oh ... it's alright. I won't *smiles*

But actually I have one thing now in my mind. It's a "What if instead of toys, abyss is filled with cats as chains?" can you imagine? Hehe. It will be a crack chapter I guess

Bara: ... *shakes head*

Me: then I think I will go with that for the next chapter! XD but I still don't know ho to write it though. My mind only comes up to one style to do this chapter: 'conversation' or 'interview' or something like that.

Nah reader, will you please drop by and leave a review? Tell me how you think! Give me more ideas to do the next and the next chapter please~ your ideas will be more than welcome and your building criticise will be my pleasure. But flame will go to the trash can, haha XP