Title: A Windsor Moment
Pairings: Kurt!Blaine (Klaine), Shane!Reed (Shane), Finn!Rachel (Finchel), etc
Summary: He was now looking at his full length mirror, the boys having left him in Reed's care while they went to out to grab food to feed him. Kurt stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was nothing short of a toddler and wearing designer shortalls courtesy of one Reed Van Kamp with the Dalton boys trying to figure out how to keep this a secret from everyone. This likely wouldn't be Kurt's greatest moments.
Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy owns Glee (and the cast), CP Coulter owns Dalton (and their characters). I simply own nothing but my imagination. I am neither creator so do not compare me to them, I will however try my best to keep them in character and some of the writing style I purposely tried to imitated (such as Kurt's intro to every episode, etc).
Warning: READ Dalton by CP Coulter on the site FIRST! You will NOT understand this story otherwise.
Ickle Alice
Location: Windsor House
Atmosphere: Pandemonium
"What… just happened?" Charles Amos, the Windsor Prefect, demanded with as much force as he could. Everyone had mixed reactions about what just took place, an event unpredictable for once in the Windsor house.
Dwight Houston was giving horrified murmurs in between shoving a protection medallion in front of him, away from one Kurt Hummel who was –for once—the root of the pandemonium in the common room.
The twins were grinning like madmen, entirely too amused by the shocking display in front of them.
Wes, Reed, and David were gaping at Kurt, too taken aback for words. Blaine was just as shocked as them, unable to take his eyes off his boyfriend. Everything had been fine, Kurt baking more cookies while they all whined for them and blasted each other in a marathon of Halo when it happened.
There had been a chemical blast amidst the chaos that was a normal day at Dalton, courtesy of Drew Mapleton, and Satoru Kogo, who had decided to experiment on Kurt's cookies yet again during the lull of having no exams for a while.
The result had not been at all what any of them expected. When one said the motto for Windsor was something along the lines of "nil mortalibus ardui est" or rather "nothing is impossible for humankind", this took that motto and shot it out into the endless solar system as an understatement. No one even knew how to describe the situation they found themselves in.
"We… He—I mean!" rambled one Drew, horrified. Kurt was gaping at everyone just as much as they were gawking at the result of the experiment.
Kurt was a midget. More than that, Kurt had somehow been warped beyond repair until he was standing just less than two feet tall! Seeing the toddler swamped in the Dalton blazer that was normally worn by their resident diva, Blaine Anderson had a hard time not blushing at the fact the blazer was slipping off the toddler's bare shoulder. If this had not happened in front of them, none of the Windsor boys would have honestly believed the mishap, no matter how crazy and insane they were.
"I'm going to kiww you!" Kurt squeaked out, glaring daggers at Drew and Satoru who gulped despite how utterly adorable Kurt Hummel looked as a toddler with such an expression that made him look like a toddler having a tantrum. The mispronunciation didn't lessen the intimidation for them at all.
Finally, it was Wesley Hughes who waltzed over to the little boy and knelt beside Kurt, lifting him up which evoked a yelp of horror from the countertenor. Mad struggling ensured from Kurt at this.
"Wes!" Kurt yelled angrily, "Put. Me. Down!"
"No can do Alice," Wes said with a voice exuding confidence. "Any longer on the floor and you could contract something, no doubt from Dwight's rock salt or the twins' never-ending messes." Kurt glowered at the boy who didn't seem too affected, considering the glare toned down by the childish face he had.
Wes realized that Kurt was definitely underweight for a child who looked about two years of age (or was he younger) and thus at a loss for how old he was. He chanced a glance at Blaine who was still looking pale and flushed, no doubt horrified at what was happening to his boyfriend.
Charlie finally took over the pandemonium threatening to spill out and reamed on the scientists while Blaine finally snapped out of his stupor and walked towards his friend holding the miniature diva. "Kurt," he said, floundered, before he tried to gain back his original calm aura. Ethan and Evan Brightman themselves were grinning wildly at their favorite Alice who was trying to struggle out of Wes' hold. He stopped upon hearing Blaine call his name.
"I sweaw to aww tat is Pwada, fick tis!" Kurt demanded, making Reed nearly trip over his shoes at the forceful tone despite the fact how he was talking was too adorable for words. He was severely reminded of the coffee-deprived Kurt and the incident involving Tabitha Adams, which only served him to run for cover.
It took a long time to quiet the dormitory and figure out a course of action. Obviously, Kurt couldn't go to class looking as he was and not all of them could skip out or risk administrative coming to the dorms to hunt Windsor down. Ergo the result was Wes, David, and Blaine attempting their hand at "babysitting" the now youngest Warbler.
I'm Kurt Hummel. And this is Dalton Academy.
There's no other way to say this other than the fact that I'm officially shorter than Blaine and I have this wish to burst into tears. I'm a toddler and I don't have a good feeling about this at all.
But I will prevail.
I think.
Silence reigned in the dorms after the other boys scrambled for classes, calling out goodbyes to Kurt and the others. The trio exchanged looks before glancing down at the toddler who Wes had finally settled on the couch. He was crossing his bare arms, using his blazer as a blanket to at least give him some dignity in this situation.
Reed had thankfully volunteered to buy a small wardrobe for his tiny roommate and would bring them back shortly before going to his own classes. Of course, Kurt had to tell him his current physical age which left Wes making an exclamation of disapproval. Kurt could easily wager he was roughly fifteen months old and Wes knew toddlers of that age weren't supposed to be that short or that underweight, but Kurt assured him he was always small and underdeveloped for his age. Standing at a good 30 inches and weighing possibly 24 lbs left a lot to be said about how small he was truly.
"So…" Blaine said awkwardly as he was still unsure on how to proceed around his miniaturized boyfriend. Drew and Satoru went through torture and interrogation until they revealed that the serum they'd put in the batter had been extremely new even to them, and they had not expected Kurt to taste the batter before putting them into cookie form to cook. Apparently, they had relied on the heating of the cookies to morph them into the perfect love potion cookie they desired for Valentine's Day.
Howard was not to know, Charlie warned, at least until they figured out what to do or how long this would last. Yet, Drew revealed possibly two weeks what with the ingredients they'd put in that would leave residue in Kurt's body until then. Two weeks were stretching this, but Charlie told the conspirators that this would be kept under wraps for as long as they could manage, and then they would tell Howard when they crossed that bridge. For now, the rumor was that Kurt was away visiting his family and to prevent Dean of student exposure, they had faked an 'emergency' letter from one 'Burt Hummel' beforehand. Blaine was rather impressed they were able to come up with this solution within hours, but he supposed this was because nothing was truly too surprising in Windsor house anymore.
"What's the game plan for today then?" David asked with a raised eyebrow, sitting on the sofa besides the countertenor who was sulking. Nothing was said for a solid minute before he couldn't take it any longer. He opened his mouth to fire off suggestions when Reed came trampling in and fell flat on his face, bags falling beside him. Wes and Blaine ran to help relieve him of the burdens before he could hurt himself further and Reed gave his usual sheepish smile.
"Took a while, but I found a few things in your new size, Kurt," Reed assured and pointed to the bags. Kurt gave a disdained look before nodding and letting the boys set the bags beside him so he could pursue his new wardrobe. He had to admire the Dolce & Gabbana designer two-tone wool hooded designer jacket he saw at any rate as he perused the rest of the bags. "Sorry Kurt, but most clothes for toddlers aren't designer-savvy. Plus the underwear isn't exactly -"
"Ob aww tat is Wady Gaga!" exclaimed Kurt. "I am not weawing tis! Ewew(Ever)!"
"Do you even know if you're… you know, trained?" David asked, hastily backing up at Kurt's deadly glare. Wes paid no mind to Kurt's rambling about not needing such disastrous and unfashionable items such as diapers. He picked up one of the offending garments and looped his arm around Kurt, picking the boy up –and the blazer covering him— to settle him on his hip.
"Wes'ey Jownaton Huwes!" thundered Kurt, "I demand you put me on tee gwound tis in… in... now!" This was not happening to him, Kurt decided. This was a very odd and horrifying dream he was having. He wriggled every which way to escape the hold as Wes disappeared into Kurt's dorm room with a bag of the clothes.
Blaine, Reed, and David shared a look as hollering and cursing was heard from the room until the two emerged with Wes looking like he'd come from a war zone. The toddler on his hip was bright red, looking like he'd been forced to execution (or to wear something last season). It was not missed on the three that he was now wearing one of the outfits though and the slight bulge around his waist was a dead giveaway that Wes had succeeded.
"I'm heading to classes now!" Reed made a hasty beat out of there after receiving a dead glare from his best friend. David snickered only to be smacked in the cheek by a small foot near him. Wes jostled Kurt sternly.
"Hey now, don't kick," Wes scolded, earning a scowl from the toddler. David rubbed his stinging cheek and backed up from the two, closer to Blaine who had a faint smile on his face. This situation was entirely out of his depth, but he supposed it was just another day in Windsor at any rate. He saw Kurt's yawn, the boy trying to stifle it but failing, and wondered how they were going to convince the tiny Warbler that he needed a nap. No doubt Kurt would scream how he wasn't a baby and that they should stop treating him like one.
He decided not to say anything and instead schemed up a way to get the boy to sleep without outright saying anything, remembering Shane's younger days and the tricks his parents cooked up to get him to sleep. Wes was in the process of seating Kurt on the couch beside David when they heard Kurt's cell phone ringing. Blaine got up and checked it for his boyfriend, his eyes widening at seeing it from Kurt's step-brother, Finn Hudson.
"Well… this is interesting," Blaine said lamely. Kurt looked panicked and gestured hastily at Blaine to answer it for him. Blaine obeyed and pressed the talk button on the iPhone so he wouldn't have to look at those glasz eyes giving him a desperate look that dropped his intellect at the sight. The phone was silent for a moment before Finn's voice rang in his ear.
"Kurt?" the football player asked hurriedly. "Hey dude, I need some advice and stuff. You understand girl talk and you can help me out with Rachel, you know? She hinted at it being her birthday in a few days and you know, I totally forgot and stuff."
"Hey Finn, this is Blaine. Kurt's kind of sick now. Lost his voice so he can't talk," Blaine said lamely as he broke through Finn's talk. Finn paused on the other end of the phone.
"Really?" the boy asked, disappointed, before responding in concern. "Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. Just coughing up and all that," the Warbler said nonchalantly and gave a significant look to Wes who started forcing himself to cough. Kurt rolled his eyes at the theatrics, but gave Blaine his reluctant approval for the excuse at least. Perhaps because the excuse was being given to Finn of all people because who would believe the person coughing was Kurt who apparently lost his voice. Finn chattered for a moment or two, asking Blaine about what Rachel would like as a gift instead since Kurt was indisposed, and it took a while to get him to not call the other New Direction motherly members before they hung up. Blaine blew a sigh of relief before joining the others back on the couch, noting Kurt yawning just a little more than earlier.
"Much as I love Finn, he can be so dense sometimes. Who falls for that excuse?" Kurt sighed, shaking his head. Blaine smiled in amusement and took the chance to pull Kurt onto his lap, smiling wider when Kurt did not protest the move and instead leaned against him.
This would be an interesting time at Windsor, even more so than usual.
"Honey, we're home!" called Ethan happily as the group returned from their classes. Kurt shot them an amused look that morphed into outrage when Evan scooped him up and swung him around excitedly.
"Yay! Alice is still a chibi!" Evan cheered, his twin joining him in swinging the younger boy around. They would have resorted to tossing Kurt to one another if Charlie hadn't stepped in and grabbed Kurt mid-toss. Kurt clung to Charlie, not wanting to go sailing through the air again.
"Don't ruin the fun!" whined Ethan, his twin agreeing with him. Charlie rolled his eyes and passed Kurt over to the nearest Windsor boy, who happened to be Reed, and lectured the twins on just why throwing a toddler around was a very bad idea. Kurt squirmed against Reed's clumsy hold on him and let out a yell of terror when Reed stumbled and went flailing to the floor. He would have squished Kurt if it weren't for nearly everyone running to catch the two, least Kurt end up injured in his state. Kurt found himself soon being held by Blaine again. This was surely irritating, being held by nearly everyone so far.
Not to mention Dwight was now holding a spritz bottle full of holy water in front of him. There was a sudden tense feeling of foreboding as they spotted Dwight running into the room. This couldn't end well, at all.
"I will exorcise you out of Kurt, Demon!" he yelled as he uncapped the bottle.
"Dwight! No!" shouted nearly everyone as they lunged forward.
Kurt yelled out as he was assaulted by holy water flying in his direction, and he hid his face against Blaine's neck while he was pelted by the stuff, soaking him until the twins managed to tackle the supernatural fan. Blaine made a noise to show his irritation before running a damp hand through Kurt's now soaked locks. He was surprised to feel how baby smooth the younger boy's hair was, untouched by any product or hairspray for the moment except the holy water.
"Guess we should get cleaned up," Blaine said sympathetically, to which Kurt immediately writhed to be let go, unwilling to let his boyfriend help him in that regard. The lead Warbler hesitated before setting Kurt on his feet. The toddlerized diva wobbled for a moment or two and tugged on the other bags before Blaine reached down and picked them up for him. Kurt scowled.
"I don' need he'p getting dwessed, jus' dwop tem off in my room," Kurt simply said as he hobbled to the stairs and took on the challenge of climbing them. There were soft snickers as Kurt failed several times and continued to try to climb them. When he finally managed to climb two steps and nearly fell, he was caught by David who lifted him up onto his hip.
"I said I don' need he'p!" Kurt protested as he was taken to his bedroom where Blaine was unloading the clothes onto the bed for him to look at.
"Which is why you were about to give yourself a concussion," David said sarcastically as he deposited Kurt on the floor and nodded before leaving at Kurt's pointed look. Finally Blaine turned after setting all the clothes out and knelt before Kurt.
"You sure you don't need help?" Blaine asked softly. Kurt's glare lessened before he nodded and waited until his boyfriend left to take on this latest challenge. There was a diaper lying on the closest end of the bed that he could see, but he decided going commando this once couldn't hurt. He may be as small as a toddler, but this didn't make him one!
Kurt reached a small hand down to undo the button on his jeans only to frown, his fingers fumbling. It seemed his body decided to hate him, for they would not clasp the button (or the zipper) as he wished. Kurt growled this time, wanting to throw something. Instead he turned on his heel and walked out of his room, nearly having a heart attack at seeing Blaine standing there.
"Need help now?" Blaine asked, glancing down at the still soaked child. Kurt gave a disproving frown, but nodded and let Blaine reach down. He flushed a deep red as Blaine unclasped the button and unzipped his jeans.
"Tanks," he mumbled as he returned to his room, shucking his jeans and clumsily lifting up his shirt. Blaine had to smirk at the sight of the diaper still on the boy. He closed the door himself and listened to Kurt's muffled cursing as he tried to dress himself. There was a small thud, but Kurt's "I'm fine!" stopped him from entering. At long last, Kurt returned to the hall dressed in a different set of clothes and hair still damp. Blaine scooped him up and let Kurt fluster before laying his head against his boyfriend's chest as he was carried back downstairs. Blaine peaked at the toddler and could see his eyes fluttering close slightly, making him grin.
As he made it to the common room, he saw Evan and Ethan bickering with Wes about the ways to convert the Stuart house into a water park while they slept with Charlie demanding they stop. He cleared his throat and all chattering ceased as they spied the now fully asleep Kurt Hummel in his arms.
"And here I thought you two couldn't get any sappier looking if you tried," David snorted. "Who knew Alice was that adorable?"
"Aye, he is," Evan agreed with a grin.
"Truly adorable," mock sniffed Ethan as he wiped a fake tear from his eyes.
"What are we going to do with Kurt being so small?" Reed asked, the question hanging on everyone's mind, though none willing to say so until now.
"Drew and Satoru said it would last two weeks, according to their experimental periods that they were working on for the love potion before it got diverted by Kurt's cookie dough tasting," Charlie finally said. "We have two weeks to keep Hummel from getting in worst accidents than Reed and away from the eyes of teachers."
"Not that hard," chimed one twin and the other finished for him.
"When you're a Windsor boy. We'll keep this under wraps. Easy as pie."
Kurt's nap gave way to answer the question that had plagued their minds since the start of what they were now calling "Ickle Alice" in their heads.
A sharp cry had interrupted their conversation and plans on how best to care for Kurt. As one, heads turned to see a horrified Kurt Hummel who had woken up on the couch, wet once more only in the wrong place to be.
The twins dared not make a joke, knowing this was definitely not a time for it as Blaine rushed to his boyfriend to calm Kurt's tearful rambling as he tried to explain what had just happened.
"I thought you were wearing it!" Wes said in surprise.
"I didn' need it so I took it off," Kurt said stubbornly, though the little tear drops on the lashes of his eyes showed just how upset he was by this incident.
"Clearly, you do," argued David. Kurt's lower lip quivered. The others shared a glance and hastily made excuses to their dorms so they would not embarrass Kurt for once.
"Come on Kurt, it's just a diaper. We won't even see it," cajoled Wes. "You don't want to wake up wet all the time."
"I don' need it!" Kurt argued miserably. "'m not a baby!"
"We know you're not," soothed Blaine, "but you do need it."
The argument kept up for a good few minutes before Kurt finally gave in, agreeing to wear the diapers in exchange that they never again speak of this instance when he was back to normal. Kurt allowed Wes to take him back to his room and change, yet again, into another outfit.
Third outfit today, a new record for one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Reed had only had time to purchase a few outfits for Kurt, thus leaving them with a few more outfits to last and the wretched diapers, one now around Kurt's waist under the shortalls he'd fought Wes from putting him in but lost the battle.
He was now looking at his full length mirror, the boys having left him in Reed's care while they went to out to grab food to feed him. Kurt stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was nothing short of a toddler and wearing designer shortalls courtesy of one Reed Van Kamp with the Dalton boys trying to figure out how to keep this a secret from everyone.
This likely wouldn't be Kurt's greatest moments.
When Kurt was a baby, his parents had always had a rough time figuring out what their only child would eat, even if it all came from the same brand of baby food that they purchased. The end result was that Kurt would only eat certain foods and even then they weren't expected kinds for one his age. He grew to love his vegetables and salads up until his current age.
Feeding a toddler-sized Kurt was proving just as difficult as trying to get rid of Wes' ex-girlfriend Tabatha before the arrival of the countertenor.
"Why won't you eat this delicious fried tofu, Kurt?"
"Absolutely not! That can't be good for him!" Reed argued, glancing at the bored looking toddler who was sat in front of well over twenty dishes of cuisine that each Windsor inhabitant had found and brought back for their charge to eat. It ranged from fancy macaroni and cheese to some sort of sushi with caviar added on the side that the twins argued were perfect for their Alice.
Blaine emerged from the kitchen with a banana and sat down next to Kurt, holding it out to the boy who shot him a look but took the already opened produce and bit into it. As he chewed, he continued to watch the boys bicker over the proper cuisine for a toddler, to his now amusement. After the diaper fiasco and a quick rest, he'd been a whole lot easier about his situation and less argumentative, especially if Blaine held him on his lap.
Only a quarter ways through his banana, Kurt stopped and set it down on the coffee table before he turned to snuggle closer to Blaine who simply lifted him onto his lap, running a hand down Kurt's soft locks. For once, Kurt didn't beat the hand away, knowing there were no hair products in it to mess his hair up. He'd already tried to add some, but got scolded by the entire group that putting hair products in couldn't be good for a toddler, to his annoyance.
"You guys do wea'ize tat I cou'dn' eben finis tis one ting. How did you 'pect me to finis aww tat?" Kurt asked in the cursed babyish voice he now had, gesturing to the dishes. Kurt rubbed as his cheeks, irritated by his speech pattern. The boys snapped their argument shut before sheepishly shrugging and stealing the dishes to eat since they noticed Kurt too full to eat anything else.
Kurt shook his head and nestled himself against Blaine, about to comment on the group's odd ways when his eyes caught the pocket watch in Blaine's pocket. Mind struggling to remain completely grown up, he reached down and picked up the treasure, fascinated by the glinting sparkles of the watch from various lights.
He lifted the item up to his face, mesmerized, before the child in him took completely over and he found himself opening his mouth and lowering the watch into his mouth—
"Hey! Blaine! Stop him!" Charlie ordered as he had walked downstairs and caught sight of the toddler about to stick the pocket watch into his mouth. Blaine looked down and made a noncommittal noise of surprise before he tugged the watch away from Kurt, whose lower lips quivered in a pout.
"Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed in surprise, watching as Kurt seemed to snap out of it.
"Oh god, I'm sowwy Bwaine! I don' know why I just did tat!" exclaimed Kurt, upset. Blaine jogged the toddler on his lap slightly to calm him and gave Kurt a reassuring smile.
"Alice might be regressing," Ethan commented.
"Too right, mentally regressing," added in Evan.
"Am not!" defended Kurt.
"I hate to say it Alice, but you might be," David countered. "Unless you want to tell us you really just like Blaine's pocket watch enough to eat it." Kurt didn't say anything and David threw a triumphant smirk at him.
"Tis can' be happening to me," bemoaned Kurt, slinking further against Blaine in horror. He was in the body of a toddler, and he might even have the emotional capacity of one. Drew and Satoru were going to pay for this. He was about to say something, when Charlie beat him to it:
"Does this mean we need to baby proof Windsor house?"
Author's Note: I never thought I'd get so attached to a fanfic as I did to CP Coulter's Dalton story, thus finding myself writing a fanfic about a fanfic. The story is truly addicting, and thus I urge you to read Coulter's story as soon as humanly possible before reading this. I am VERY surprised that I could write this much again, especially after the near-year long hiatus I took on writing so I could focus on college and my police training, and work.
I promise not to abandon this story, seeing as this is the most I was able to write in quite a while. My College English professor gave me a C for her class, which annoyed the everlasting hell out of me and I felt like gorging her eyes out or something equally destructive, so I took my frustrations out and wrote the beginning of this. I hope I didn't do too terrible with it, as I don't want to shoot straight into my usual fluffiness. I also gave Kurt a toddler's accent, so if you can't read it too well, then I did my job.
Not going to update this extremely regularly, but I will do my best to provide long chapters like this (instead of my 1k chapters I kept doing for a while).
