Forever means something different when you are 18.

Through these new eyes, golden like his, things are still just as different as they are the same -- just like the day I was changed. I continue to be surprised by how things can still seem so transformed now, even after adjusting to them for over 20 years. Though my new, perfect body remains the same, my mind has aged and changed.

As a human, as a teenage girl, his incomprehensible beauty struck me dumb. But now, after truly seeing him, its novelty has worn away, especially now that I possess the ethereal beauty of my very own. It's odd to now recall the sense of worship that the mere idea of him inspired in me, all those years ago. He was the most beautiful person, God-like in form and function, that I had ever seen. When I met him, my life and my mind were frozen – unchanging, unable to grow – as I attempted to comprehend this being of pure grace before me. And I was even more helpless when it became known that he preferred me – me! – to all the girls he had ever seen.

At eighteen, He was enough to topple my entire world, and then casually, smugly, take its place.

He was my world.

But now, after more than two decades (which now seems like a mere trifle in my new perfection) of being beautiful, powerful, unexplainable – just like him – I can see past it.

And I don't like what I see.

They had said that once I had turned, I would see everything more clearly. How right they were. I, young and seemingly stupid, thought that they had only meant my literal sense of sight. And it was true – life was much clearer through these new eyes. I could view new layers of the beauty that surrounded me. But my sight in regards to the outlook on my life, the kind of life I would lead from now on, had also changed.

The change wasn't as sudden or noticeable as its physical counterpart at first. But once I was free of the shackles of his enchantment, grown immune to it, I began to notice the change more and more each day.

Now, looking back at my previous existence, it is like watching someone with tunnel vision. Recalling these old memories, distant yet always so fresh, I can't imagine how I ever managed with my old "sight". When I was young, I only saw Edward. I only saw the desire to be with him, to be like him, forever.

I gave up my family, my future, and literally my life for him… to be with him… with his family… in his house… in his world.

But now, with forever stretching out in front of me, I can see it all. All the time I have now, time to do something with my existence, with all the time I have now to live.

Or whatever it is you do when you walk that unbelievable line between true life and true death.