I cannot tell you guys how amazing I feel by completing this. I have been in this writer's block void for so long now. I don't feel like it's completely over, but I feel ten times lighter. I have been trying to write something, anything, for so long. I'm so happy.
Now, for the story itself: it's kind of just a stream of consciousness story. It might not make sense at some parts, and that's why. It's references 358/2 days, but its slightly different and AU. Regardless, I'm still super proud of it, simply because I was able to write it. I'm so happy!Any ways, love all you readers! Please review! Feedback is key. ;)
There was an unbearable heat between them. They both knew it and couldn't deny it in the least. But, they tried to stay professional. After all, their Superior would not approve. In fact, he'd remind them that it was not possible to feel emotion; not for their kind any way. They'd lost their hearts to the darkness, and this was their punishment: living an emotionless existence in an unending void.
But still, it was there and they did nothing about it… at first. In the beginning, they thought nothing of it. They both felt something, a kind of spark, when they first saw each other, but that was it. They thought nothing of it. Roxas went about his training as the Superior commanded, and Axel did his daily routine: wake up, go on a mission, maybe get some ice cream, come back, eat dinner, and sleep. Then, they were scheduled together.
The first day of training with Axel was awkward, at first. Very little was said, and what they did say was short and sweet. Soon, it got boring. Patrol wasn't Axel's thing and frankly, he wasn't sure why the Superior ordered him to do it. Oh well, like he had a choice in the matter. The day went by slowly, the two just wandered around Twilight Town, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. It'd been four hours since they started their shift, Roxas barely talked to him, and Axel was bored.
"C'mon, why can't something exciting happen? Like… a break in or something?" The redhead groaned, swaggering sluggishly through the alleyway. Roxas said nothing, scanning everything as they walked. Axel stopped suddenly and put his hands on his hips. "Hey Blondie, wanna do something else? This is ultra mega boring and nothing ever happens here." Roxas looked back at him.
"But… it's our mission. We have to do this. Superior says so," he said pointedly before continuing his stroll.
"Look kid, I've been in the Organization a helluva lot longer than you have. Believe me when I tell you that nothing happens here… except for that one time with Marluxia and the pink plane… but that's a story for another time! Anyway, let's do something else. What do you say?" Roxas stopped walking and sighed.
"Well… nothing's happened so far, and there's basically no one around so… okay." Axel grinned brightly at the blonde's compliance. They spent the rest of the day running around the ol' T-Town, playing tag and hide and seek until the end of their shift. When the time came, Roxas sighed, the smile that was just on his face disappeared. "Guess it's time to RTC," he said quietly. Axel picked up on the boy's mood killing vibes and smiled softly.
"Ya know, we don't have to RTC just yet. Most of the time, I show up late anyway, so the Superior won't really care…" he said, a hand on his hip.
The boy's expression perked up just a bit when he asked, "What do you suggest we do?"
"Well," Axel drifted off. Did he really want to reveal his secret relaxing past time after missions to a boy he'd barely bonded with? "We could get ice cream and sit on the clock tower." He did.
"What's ice cream?" Roxas asked, a puzzled look on his face. Axel's eyes nearly popped out of his face at how wide they got.
"What?! You don't know what ice cream is?!" He grabbed the younger boy's arm, a little too tightly for the blond's liking, and pulled all the way to the ice cream shop and up the clock tower. That was the first time either of them felt anything resembling emotion: the calmness that filled their beings as they sat on the ledge of the clock tower, sea salt ice cream melting in their hands as they laughed together. Still, they thought nothing of it.
After every mission, whether they worked together or not, they met on the clock tower, ice cream in hand and smiles plastered on their faces. Then, Roxas got sick.
That was the first time Axel really noticed feeling anything. He watched his blonde friend lay on his bed, his ocean blue eyes closed for days, weeks. The fever felt warm to Axel, which meant it could have been lethal. At least, Axel thought so. He thought the eyes would never open. He felt a pit in his stomach unlike anything he felt before. It felt awful, like something was tearing at his stomach and the hole where his heart used to reside. All he wanted was for the blonde to wake up and laugh at him for… feeling.
The seashells he collected for Roxas were special. They represented their friendship, every day the blonde slept, and most of all, Axel's recognition of the emotion of worry. Every shell he collected had to be perfect. It had show how he felt at the time of retrieval. He had to show the blonde that he felt around him, somehow. Would he understand?
When the fever broke, the infection subsided, and blue eyes met green, Axel was euphoric. He couldn't explain exactly what he felt, but something changed between them. Roxas examined the seashells and smiles softly, claiming that Axel didn't have to go through the trouble. He held each one in his hand and looked at Axel with each one, confusion and something else swirling in the blue eyes. With each shell, the other emotion was brought forward more, and Axel knew that the blonde understood what they meant. Roxas' cheeks flushed the slightest bit as he held the last shell. He felt the pit in his stomach, but it wasn't bad. It was weird, a fluttering in his abdomen, and it felt like something was supposed to happen in his chest. But nothing did.
After that day, their friendship deepened and they knew they felt. Despite what their Superior and other members claimed, they felt emotions: happiness, sadness, worry, caring… And they were perfectly content keeping it a secret from everyone; it was something they shared together.
They more they were around each other, the more they cared about each other. When one was hurt, the other was there to patch up the wounds and kiss them better. When one was sick, the other was there with a bowl of soup and medicine. The more they cared, the more the heat grew.
They first noticed it when Axel had a run in with a particularly challenging opponent: Roxas. At dinner, the redhead boasted about beating 10 enemies by himself. The blond couldn't help but snort and say that he had help. This, of course, offended Axel and he had no choice but to challenge Roxas to prove how badass he was. Roxas accepted in good fun, expecting the fight to be half powered and friendly more than anything else.
It was anything but that. The redhead was serious, his chakram flying inches from Roxas' head and actually cutting his cheek once. He crouched down low, ready to storm the redhead at any opening. Axel saw this, and laughed.
"Seriously, Roxas? C'mon, that stance isn't going to do shi-" That's when the blond struck. The blunt side of the keyblade struck Axel in the ribs, and down he went. He clutched his rib, crying out in pain, and Roxas dropped his weapon instantly.
"Oh my… Axel! I'm so sorry!" He rushed over to the redhead. The pit was back, and it felt terrible. It was clawing at his insides, threatening to tear its way out of him. His eyes teared up. "I didn't mean to… I didn't think I hit that hard! What… What do I do?" The redhead didn't respond, just continued to clutch his ribs in pain, trying to regain his breath. "Let's… I'll get you inside." The blond helped the other up and lugged him to his room and laid him on the bed before running to get Vexen.
The older blond confirmed Roxas' fear: he'd broken two of Axel's ribs. After getting the redhead wrapped up and on pain medication, he left Roxas to his guilt. This was a new emotion for him. He'd never felt this responsible for anything. He hadn't meant it. But, Axel didn't blame him. In fact, he pulled the blonde as close to him as the pain allowed and told him it was all right. Bones heal.
As he held his friend, they both felt something new. They felt like they were going to explode. Every emotion was swirling in both of them, threatening to release itself in a bomb. As he looked down into the blonde's eyes, he saw the threat and did the first thing he thought of: he pressed his lips softly to the blonde's.
Everything they'd ever felt poured itself into that kiss; all the anger and worry and sadness, but mostly happiness melted between them. They felt cleansed. They felt anew. But as quickly as it started, it ended as the blond pulled away.
"We can't do this. We aren't supposed to feel this way. We aren't supposed to feel at all. This is wrong. We have to stop." It flowed out of his mouth. He couldn't stop it. He felt scared, for the first time. He got up and left.
After that, they kept their distance. They stopped meeting up at the clock tower after they finished work. They kept it strictly professional and avoided each other at home. But it was there. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't suppress the heat that was between them. Every small glance brought it back, brought the longing and the lust, to the point of Axel adding masturbation to his nightly routine.
After a while, they felt something new. They felt like something was gone. They were missing something. They were missing each other. When they worked together, it made it worse. They were so close, yet so far. Roxas felt it in his chest.
The next time they were patrolling changed everything. They'd actually broken out of their awkward shell and had fun with each other. For old time's sake and a distressed, they decided ice cream was in order. The ledge of the clock tower had been calling to them for a while, and satisfaction filled them both.
Axel sighed after he finished his ice cream. "I miss this," he said softly, looking down at his popsicle stick. The blond stayed quiet. "I miss you…" he said even softer, glancing at the other boy. Roxas had his eyes closed, scrunched.
"I miss you too."
It took no time at all for the two to move together, sitting so close, lips meeting roughly. Roxas felt superb. His chest felt lighter than air and he couldn't help clutch Axel's coat. Axel squeezed the blond tightly, afraid he would vanish if he didn't. The kiss lasted significantly longer than the first, but again, everything was let out. This time it was desperate, needy, full of want. When they pulled way, they both were out of breath, but they held each other tighter.
Roxas didn't know why, but he cried. As he held the other boy, tear flowed out of his eyes and he sobbed into the thin shoulder he rested his head on. Axel said nothing. He held him, ran his fingers through silky blond hair, kissed his cheeks, anything to help.
After the moment passed, they returned home, going to their respective rooms for the night. Neither slept. There was too much to think about.
They couldn't keep it to themselves anymore. They hid it from everyone else, but in the dead of night, one would sneak into the other's room and indulge themselves on each other. They went with what felt right: hugging, kissing, touching, more. The closer they got physically, the more the pit grew, until they realized they were closer emotionally. They both felt the pit consume them completely when they had sex for the first time, Axel kissing the pain away and wanting nothing than to pleasure the other.
They'd do anything for each other. They were the pit: a mixture of every emotion known to them and more. This was something they'd never felt. They didn't know what to call it, but it was like no other. They'd do anything to keep it alive. That's why when Roxas left, Axel followed closely behind.
Again, love you guys, and please review!
