I don't own harry potter. This is a one shot and will be sad so if you don't like to get upset don't read. This is a dark fic . Also sorry my English sucks sorry.
Hermione Pov:
Its amazing what people think they know and how much they really. How everyone pays so much attention to themselves do actually notice others? For years I have been seen as a know it all and book worm. Yet people don't know why. I hide myself in books because then people won't notice that I'm changing.
I have held a secret for years I have always lived in fear that it would come back and now it has. Nobody has noticed though. With the war over nobody looks out for each other any more everbody goes back to there own thing.
I wish I could go back to be the old me but I can't it back and there's nothing I can do. I have started to take the tables I have been prescribed. I try to make as many notes as I used to. I sit in every class I smile and answer question. Nobody notices that my arm shakes nobody can see my muscles stiffen every so often and I hide my grimace as another searing pain courses though my abdomen.
Harry and Ron want to know if I will go and watch them as they play quiddicth but I say I need to study. They don't push me and for that I am glad. I need to sleep, I need to stop this constant tiredness and then maybe focus on something else for a few moments. I couldn't deal if they found out though. If they knew they would just give me that look and then dodge around me like I would break. They can't know but for now I need to sleep.
I didn't go to dinner last night and was late to breakfast this morning. I would of run to the great hall but it hurts to move to fast and when I tire I cough up blood. Now im running late for potions and it is the one class that Im wary of. Proffessor Snape has been a spy for years if anyone could see though my mask it would be him.
I breathe a sigh of relief that when I enter the class. The professor is in a mood and takes house point as usual. Good to see some things never change. The potion we had to make was a simple sleeping draught and so I didn't have much trouble making it. I barley needed to focus and that was my big mistake. As I placed my potion on a cooling heat my muscle spasmed I bit my lip from crying out in pain and my eyes glazed over. It must have only lasted a minute but he saw. I saw his eyes land on mine I was positive but he said nothing so I figured it was just my nerves.
By the end of the class I couldn't wait to go. I didn't have anything till later in the afternoon and I knew I could catch up on some sleep. Then as we where putting our potion to the table He caught my arm. It was a light grip but it hurt none the less. "See me when everyone else has gone miss Granger.
Harry and Ron gave me a sympathetic glance but knew better than to hang around when Snape wanted to talk to someone. Once the class had gone he told me to follow him. So I did. We went through to his office and then a door I hadn't seen before. Soon we where in a living area. It was one of the most amazing rooms I had ever seen.
The room held muggle and wizard furniture and there was one of the biggest book collections I had ever seen. There was two leather chairs and a leather sofa around a fire it was well homley. "I trust you will tell know one what these rooms are like." I felt it hard to speak but reassured him all the same. "Of course professor I understand this is a privilege but am curious as to why you brought me hear." My heart was hammering what would happen if he knew.
It was a few seconds before he spoke again but when he did his voice was different. "My apologises miss granger please have seat. You look like you could speak to someone and I think I will be able to help." I was grateful at the suggestion to sit so I did, but unfortunately The words left my mouth before I could stop them. "Nobody can help me professor."
It was at that moment I began to cough. To people not knowing what to look for the cough was just a chesty cough you could catch with a cold but I knew better. It was spreading and there was nothing I could to about it. Proffessor snape was at my side In seconds rubbing my back and surprisingly the coughing eased.
"How long." The words shocked me as he said them did know what I had. I knew he would be able to work out I was sick eventually but he seem to already know. Even Dumbledore didn't know. Last time I went to America to get treatment so nobody would find out. "four years though I'd been clear for the pass two."
He was silent for a while though I was still in his arms even after I finished coughing. "Is it treatable." I shrugged my shoulders I knew this was coming it always does. "Depends I've been back on the tables for a couple of weeks. My blood enzymes are high my hormones are every where and even thyroid gland has been effected."
It amazing how easy it was to tell him, so natual. To finally be able tell someone that wouldn't break down. I remember when I first got it I was 14 I was home for the summer and spending it with my boyfriend lee. Although we only saw each other through the summers we had know each other since we where small and had dated every summer since I started Hogwarts. The day we went to the beach and we where running along the beach the sun was hot and the next thing I knew i was in hospital and it was three days later.
I remember waking up to his sleeping form beside my bed. I remember hotwired he looked and tears in his eyes threatening to spill. When I found out mum payed for me to get treated private in America. When I hit remition I used the time turner to return the same time as everyone else but now I had a secret I wouldn't let anybody know. I could face seeing in there faces what I did in Lee's.
Severus brought me back to today by asking if I as hungry. I had forgotten where I was an so blushed guilty. " actually im just tired." When I said that suddenly I felt a cover around me. He smiled slightly. "Then rest. I know you don't want other informed and I respect that but the head master needs to know for liability purposes. I will inform him and I assure you nobody else will know."
I was going to say thank you but felt so drain when my head hit the pillow I was a sleep. I awoke a while later to find professor on one of the arm chairs reading a book and the fire blazing. "How are you feeling miss granger a be honest." His voice was calm and smooth and there was something there that I couldn't place. "Actually professor for the fist time in days I feel like I have some strength.
As I spoke He move across the room till he was looking me in the eye. " I want you to know if you ever need a get away or need some help I will be here for you what ever you choose to do with your treatment.
It hit me then he knew. He knew I needed to go back to chemo but I was refusing he new I was going to die. But he supported my beliefs. I know chemo works for a lot of people and that it worked for me once but. I wouldn't go back. I hated the feeling of not being me I was drugged half the time and when I wasn't I felt so louse I could move I know that it was also my only chance but at the same time it not a definite cure. If I am going to die at least I will have a few months of being just me. Not another patient not another person to be pitied or used a role model. Im not brave or strng im just me. For the first time ever somebody else has seen that and not run away.
Six months later.
Severus Pov.
Im standing here at her grave side. I knew it was coming and so did she. Others may think im a bastard for not stopping her but it as her choice her decision. She was strong and determind but sometime that's not enough. Im glad she could trust me at the end. I wish she was still here but I learnt long ago that life was unfair. Her friends are grieveing but they on't know what she went through they wheren't with her when she awke in the night screaming with pain. They wheren't there when the doctors told her it had spread to far. They didn't hold her when she cried. But most important they didn't see the true angel braving day to day life know hers was going to end.
Ok so what did you think. Sorry if I offended anyone I know it's a difficult subject I just need to write this story up. Once again I apologise for my appalling English. Please read and review.
