Other Distractions (alt. ending)
A/N: If you liked the syrupy-sweetness of the ending in Other Distractions, you probably won't like this. I realized after I had invested time writing Other Distractions that I wanted it to have a happy ending, so I changed it. But this was my original vision for the ending of the story- a more anti-Hollywood version. This picks up in the middle Chapter 23- Options. I've indicated *where I've changed it from the original story. Here goes….
Options?
What Jacob and I shared was…special, but never in a million years could I have possibly imagined how meaningful it still was. If nothing else, this new development entitled me to a few minutes of Jacob's time. He deserved to know. And he needed to know, he was going to know, whether he wanted to or not. My overwhelming shock slowly transformed itself into gut-wrenching anxiety as I started getting closer and closer to the Quileute boundary. What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he didn't even care?
As I approached La Push, I wondered if I should go to the Blacks' or to Emily's. Since Emily's was closer, I figured that perhaps I should swing by there first. I had been there before; knew how to navigate my way to the tiny house. Sam was the last person I spoke to, and all of the events Jacob had to attend this past week seemed to take place there. Thankfully, there were cars parked in the driveway. Momentarily relieved, I got out of my car and approached the cottage. *As I was walking up the steps to the doorway, it slowly opened and Jacob gradually appeared before me.
Though Sam had given me plenty of forewarning, there's no way I could have prepared myself for the look in Jacob's eyes. There was such a….disconnect….with the way that he was now staring at me. His gaze was clouded over, but not with lust or passion like the last time I had seen him. Just distance. He looked like he was in a trance. It crushed me, hurt me physically- the pain was overwhelming. I inhaled sharply. All I wanted to do was snap him out of it. At that moment, I would have done anything to snap him out of it. It took me a few seconds to collect myself.
"Jacob," I breathed, the emotion just flooding out as I exhaled his name. Partly reflexive, partly intentional. Anything, anything, to try to get him to remember who I was, who we were. Jacob remained expressionless- at least he refrained from the expressions that I wanted to see. He looked sad, pained, but not in a Bella I'm in love with you and I'm so sorry that Sam misled you kind of way. More like a Bella I'm in love with someone else and I'm so sorry that I'm going to have to hurt you kind of way. I felt my heart, my still-beating heart, start to break.
"Jacob, I'm back," I burst out, not giving him a chance to say the things I didn't want to hear, not giving myself a chance to think, or to cry. "You promised me that if I came back that you would marry me. You promised." I hated sounding like a whiny teenager, but I had to say it. I just couldn't let him forget.
"Bella," Jacob replied, calmly reaching his hand out, putting it on my cheek, gently holding it there. Though he intended for his touch to have a soothing effect, instead I felt my mental and emotional states unravel even more.
"Jacob, don't," I said, rattled, moving my face away. I didn't want him to touch me. I knew it would only tear me apart. We had been so much….more, how could we go back to being less? I couldn't comprehend it.
Jacob pulled me in close for a hug. I tried, with all of my might, to push him away, but it was futile- he was just too strong. It reminded me of when he had tried to kiss me that first time. I had eventually stopped trying to resist, let him in. Metaphorically, I felt like that was what was happening now- except now, after I finally let him close to me, let myself be drawn towards him, let myself be vulnerable towards him - he was the one pushing me away. My emotions took over. I burst into tears, my body racked with sobs, as I found myself completely breaking down in his embrace. "Jacob, how could you?" I screamed. "How could you?" I repeated, hysterical, desperation in my tone.
Jacob released me slightly; looked straight into my eyes, spoke serenely. "Bella, I never had a choice. I never had an option. You told me the same thing once." He sounded so calm, mature. All of a sudden he made me feel like I was a child. I don't remember the most recent tally of our relative ages, but to an outsider, it had to look like Jacob was 28; and I was 7, or something.
"Who is she, Jacob?" I inquired. The moment that the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. Truly, I didn't want to know. It didn't matter. It wasn't me. I knew that already. That was all that mattered.
As if reading my mind, Jacob responded. "It doesn't matter to you, Bella. You don't know her." His expression changed as his mind shifted to whomever it was that was now fully occupying it. His mouth involuntarily lifted upward at the corners, and his black eyes sparkled- they lit up about as much as black eyes could, I suppose. He looked so….in love. He had almost looked at me that way. Almost. But not quite. Because he also looked…..so certain. We never had that, the certainty.
"When…." I trailed off, couldn't bring myself to complete the sentence.
"The day before yesterday. Forty-two hours and seventeen minutes ago, in fact," he said, grinning. If he had said this back when we had been just friends, I probably would have teasingly punched him on the arm, joked about how pathetic it was that he knew the time down to the minute. As it stood, however, I found his lovestruck behavior incredibly endearing- when, for once, it wasn't aimed at me. He wasn't being cocky, showing off. He was just that entranced. God, I wish I still did that for him.
"Where…" I was starting to feel like an investigative reporter, or a journalist. How, Who, When, Where. What? That one was obvious. Jacob imprinted. Why? I'm not sure anyone really knew that one. The stupid werewolf gene. A pretty vague answer for such an important question. Not good enough.
"….did I meet her?" Jacob finished my sentence, gauging my reaction. He saw how emotional I was; wanted to say as few words that would hurt me as possible. "She's from the Yaquina tribe. I met her here."
"No, Jacob, I meant—where is she now?" I coughed dryly. What a masochist I was. Why did I feel like I needed to know?
Jacob cleared his throat uncomfortably, hesitated. "She's….here. Inside."
That was it. I couldn't take any more- I had reached my limit of how much I could be hurt in a single encounter. Without a word, I turned and started to make my way down the Uleys' front path towards the Guardian. Jacob didn't stop me. After a brief time, I turned around. He was gazing love sickeningly through the front window, giving a half wave to her through the glass with a shitty grin on his face. The only relief I experienced in that moment was that I could only see my reflection in the window; not the girl on the other side. I turned back around and ran the rest of the way towards the car.
My face a mess of tears, I opened the passengers' seat, reached into my overnight bag stowed there. I frantically rummaged through it, searching for my keys. Without thinking, my hand slid down one of the side pockets and felt a cold metal sensation. The chain. The necklace. I slowly followed it until I felt the wooden pendant, traced the heart-shaped outline with my forefinger. The two of us coming together as one. It suddenly occurred to me that I had forgotten to say what I had come here to tell him.
