An epiphany struck Castiel, as he sat in the diner with the Winchesters.
He remembered walking into the den of iniquity closely behind Dean. All of the females were beautiful and...seductive. It was surprisingly not at all appealing to Castiel. It made him feel uncomfortable, of course. And nervous. But Dean was very eager for him to cast aside his virginity. Why was that so?
Castiel looked up to Dean, sitting beside him. Dean was looking across the table at Sam, who was on his phone. He had not noticed the angel's stare on him; admiring the forest green hue of his eyes.
He recalled the pizza man and the babysitter. They did not know each other, and yet they were more than willing to perform pleasurable acts on one another. Was that a normal custom for humans? Castiel had always believed that one should at least know a person before doing such intimate and meaningful acts. He, personally, would prefer to do those things with someone he knew. And trusted. And felt a strong bond with...
"What's the matter?"
Castiel blinked, realizing Dean was looking back at him now. Dean raised an eyebrow in question, probably wondering why he was being stared at. Castiel felt an emotion lodge in his stomach, as he lost himself in Dean's eyes. He wondered if Dean had ever done intimate and meaningful things with someone. Perhaps it all had been casual, just as it was for the pizza man. Besides, how many things were there that Dean Winchester cared about? Castiel gulped, remembering that Dean said he counted him among them.
"Cas? Wake up, Cas," Dean said, waving a hand in front of Castiel's face, "Why are you looking at me? What do you want?"
Castiel couldn't bring himself to speak. For the moment, he watched Dean roll his eyes and reach for his beer. It occurred to Castiel that he, too, cared for Dean; this brave, heroic soul he'd saved and admired. Perhaps he could help him cast aside his virginity. After all, he was the one who suggested it to begin with. Castiel leaned close to Dean's ear as Dean raised the bottle to his lips.
"I wish to perform sexual intercourse with you, Dean," he said quietly.
Dean's eyes flew wide open, as his drink spewed from his mouth. Across the table, Sam was doused in the fermented drink. Dean slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes the size of golf balls. Sam wiped his face, tilting the phone away to talk to Dean.
"What the actual hell, Dean?!" Sam growled.
"S – sorry," Dean stuttered, placing the bottle on the table.
Sam continued to glare at him as he dabbed his face with a napkin. Dean rose to stand. Castiel noticed his face was turning pale.
"Cas and I will be right back," Dean said to his brother.
Castiel gulped again as Dean grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and hoisted him up. He dragged him through the diner at a fast pace. Nervousness crept through Castiel's body. Was he prepared for this? Was he ready to let go of his virgin graces right now? His heart began to pound in his ears as Dean led the way to the men's restroom.
Once inside, Dean let go of his coat and searched the room, looking in each stall. Castiel studied Dean, his mind filling with possible scenarios they could act out. Would Dean kiss him passionately, like those females in the den of iniquity? Would he slap his rear, like the pizza man did to the babysitter? Once Dean was satisfied with the look of the room, he turned to Castiel.
"Cas," Dean said, his face appearing angered, "don't ever say anything like that again."
Castiel felt an odd sensation at Dean's words. It was as if the heart that beat within his vessel had slipped to fall onto the floor. Air escaped his lungs.
"Why?" he breathed, feeling terribly hurt.
"Because," Dean said, glancing around as if trying to find words, "because it's...wrong."
Castiel looked to the floor. How could it be wrong, when he truly meant what he said? Did the very thought of doing it sicken Dean? But he mentioned intercourse so often...Castiel realized the problem was not the intercourse.
Castiel returned his eyes to Dean. He could see the human seemed slightly disgusted.
"I...I'm sorry," Castiel said carefully, "I did not wish to make you uncomfortable."
"What the hell was going through your mind?" Dean blurted, gulping afterward.
"I was just," Castiel paused to look away again, "thinking about how...how you wanted me to get rid of my virgin graces -"
"With someone else," Dean interrupted, raising a finger.
Castiel took a deep breath, feeling a slight anger come over him.
"Is that truly the only part that matters to you, Dean?" he said, stepping closer, "That I share my body with someone else? Anyone else? You seemed quite firm in your pursuit. Are you sure you weren't subconsciously wishing to penetrate my body yourself?"
Dean's mouth fell open as his face drained of color. After blinking several times, he shook his head and turned away.
"Don't you have some 'heaven' crap to do or something?" he growled.
Sadness returned to the angel, as he stared at Dean's back. Perhaps Castiel had overstepped the invisible line Dean had drawn around his morals, or cracked the invisible wall he kept around his true emotions. Either way, Dean wanted him to leave now. And it caused physical pain to Castiel.
Clutching his chest that ached with pain, Castiel flew from the room.
