A/N: It gets better, I swear!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.


-

I know I've done a lot of stupid, idiotic things in life. I should know, because they always resulted in my being called a stupid idiot. But do you ever get the feeling that a mistake didn't cost you something bad, it cost you something good? I can't really explain it, but I can remember.

Not to say that with everything that happened, I gained anything. I ended up giving up something that was already good in the first place. I know the saying. 'If it's not broken don't try to fix it.'

It was just that what I had with her was so different.

From this, you probably get the idea that I'm an insensitive jerk. That's not true at all. I'm not insensitive, I'm just a jerk; one that's afraid that things might change.

With everything I did, I wonder if it was worth it, the way I hurt people and compromised their feelings. Almost, in a way, taking them for granted; I thought that they would always be there.

It wasn't that much of a shock that when I knew inside that I needed her, the best thing I could do for the both of us felt so wrong . . .

And even now, I wonder if the right thing to do, really was the right thing to do.

I knew that the right thing, had to be the harder thing.

I knew it was my fault.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

A Rustle of Silk

Written by May

for Soli-chan

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

It was snowing on that day.

Miroku let her drive even though she hadn't got her license renewed. She knew how to drive and all, it's just that when she's away at school, she doesn't use her car. Therefore, her license expires.

It just so happened that they were on the way back from visiting her parents in another city, in the middle of a snowstorm. It was a complete white out. He had never been in such a slowly moving vehicle in his whole life. He was tired, he had to work tomorrow, he was impatient. He told her to go a little faster. It was so late, he figured, who would be on the road anyway?

The car bumped into something, probably a fence or an animal he felt very sorry for, and skidded across the lanes. Koharu was shaken, and he worried that her body had stopped producing blood for it had all but drained from her face. He persuaded her to keep on going, and a few minutes later, she was back to her old, chattering self.

Then they heard the sirens. Amazingly, a police car had managed to spot them even in the less-than-favourable conditions. If anything was able to wipe a content smile from her lips, the thought of a criminal record was the clincher.

Koharu was so worried, she didn't have a license, and surely, the way the car was swerving on the ice, it looked as though she was drunk. So Miroku, being the brave and manly gentleman that he was, switched seats with her.

Thank goodness he hadn't really drank and passed the breath test, but that was all to be thankful for. His license was already suspended at the time.

He was given a fine and six months of community service. From the very beginning, he knew he was digging his own grave. From that very first day, he wondered if he was compromising his happiness by completing his sentence and if that would be a good enough reason not to.

From the very first time that he met her, was when everything began to change without him ever noticing.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

"I enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic, expensive dinners, rooms filled with scented candles - "

The volunteer coordinator's right eye twitched as though it wanted to jump out of its socket. "Is that all?" she said in a polite voice that sounded almost genuinely interested. She would have to try harder than that.

"Depends what I'm limited to."

She sighed. "Sir, I know this is court-ordered service, but your answers to these questions will affect where you get placed."

"I know."

There was the sharp sound of marks being made on paper. "This is not a dating service," she commented absently as she ripped the top sheet off of her notepad.

"Apologies. Allow me to compensate for my rudeness with one night you will never forget."

Eyeing him oddly, she waved it off, leaning back and glancing at the clock. "It's quite all right, I had a late night last night anyway, no sleep at all," she lamented, fanning herself.

He crossed his arms, looking a cross between disappointed and miffed. "Well, I should have expected a beautiful lady like you to be getting her fair share of - "

"Sweets," she filled in sharply. "Anyway," she jolted up straight once again. "You're the . . . the unique, interesting type. I'll put you with some of the younger ones, clerical duties, support groups, thank-you cards, telephone duty, and . . . I wonder . . . "

He leaned forward in his seat expectantly. "Yes?" he prodded.

"No, never mind," the coordinator was smiling again. "Wandered off on another mental tangent. Come on, come with me."

He shivered as he kept my eyes on the flowing black hair of Higurashi Kagome, the kind, giving soul that preferred to spend the majority of her free time helping out in a hospital. She looked the picture of bliss and fulfilment. If she kept on smiling like that, he might be blinded.

Perhaps he should introduce her to Koharu.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

"Hmm," he heard her mutter. "Still out cold. He'll just have to meet him another time."

Within a flash, she was pulling him down the hallway again. "The last one you'll see today," she informed him, throwing him a quick glance over her shoulder. If she noticed how dazed his expression was, she either disregarded it or didn't care. Or maybe she was secretly pleased.

"In here," she said abruptly, pulling open another door and allowing him to walk in.

'She has a really nice figure,' was his first thought, before he kicked himself mentally. The girl was lying on a hospital bed, of all things.

"There's someone here to meet you," Kagome said loudly, walking around the bed and touching the patient's arm gently.

"Kohaku?" the girl's head shifted, dark brown hair that spilled across the bland white of the sheets catching his attention for a moment.

"No, not Kohaku," Kagome didn't sound happy to tell her that. "Another . . . volunteer. He's just on orientation today, and he'll be visiting every week."

The patient's shoulders slumped once again. "I don't need another one."

Kagome gave Miroku a finite sort of look, one that plainly said, 'this-is-her-on-a-normal-day'.

"I have to go deliver a few more things to other patients," Kagome informed him as she passed by to exit the room. "I'll be in this corridor so don't hesitate to call me if anything should happen."

"But what am I supposed to do?"

She looked back at the girl on the bed and sighed helplessly. "Charm her?"

He shrugged in indifference, and took in her rather shapeless form, courtesy. of the hospital gown draped around her.

Charming was definitely one of his better qualities, but on the other hand . . .who was he to argue with himself over a body like that?

Upon closer inspection, he discovered that she had the covers pulled up to her chin but hints of what he was sure were beautiful long legs formed hills beneath the sheets.

Looking around, he sidled up beside the bed, and attempted to wedge his hand under her bottom, squeezing.

A female's hand appeared from under the blanket and grabbed his arm. In a panic, Miroku looked towards the girl's head, expecting to see an angry, and maybe (if he was lucky) beautiful face.

From what he could see, her hair was thick, almost obscuring her face, which was framed by long bangs. It hadn't been combed in a while. Her top lip was thin, and her bottom lip had a small pout to it.

The last feature he could take in was a quaint little nose, poking out from a thick square of gauze. Two more of these squares covered her eyes and parts of her forehead, underneath her bangs. His gaze continued down to her shoulders, where it abruptly focused on the hints of wrappings beneath her gown.

She couldn't see him.

"Kagome!" she called loudly, turning her head in the direction of the door. "Help!"

He tried to wrench his arm away, but gently enough so he wouldn't throttle her too much. Sadly, in any other situation it would prove impossible. This situation was no different.

"Are you okay?" Kagome asked breathlessly as she appeared in the doorway. "What's happening?"

The girl threw his arm aside and eased back onto her pillows, dropping his arm and crossing her own. "This guy just grabbed my ass."

Kagome raised an eyebrow at him. "Is this true?"

"Now, wait a second here," Miroku held out his hands in defeat. "I didn't know she couldn't see."

The regular hospital volunteer winced as the room became deadly silent.

"So," the patient said in an eerily quiet voice. "Because I can't see right now, it means that it's all right for you to come up and start touching me inappropriately? It was an accident? If I could see, it would be completely fine because I can see you coming?"

She gingerly turned her upper body in the direction of Kagome. "This is bullshit. Tell him never to come here again, the bastard."

"Listen," Kagome said gently. "He's already assigned to this floor. Maybe you simply got off on the wrong foot and - "

"I don't care," the patient shot back. "He shows up all high and mighty because he's donating some of his precious time to spend a few hours a day with a patient that the doctors think needs to communicate more. I don't buy this shit and as far as I'm concerned, he can fuck off."

Miroku was taken aback. Who did she think she was? As far as figures go, she was decent, he couldn't tell for sure until he saw her face, but by the way she was bandaged, it wasn't going to be good. Graceful as a butterfly, stinging like a bee.

"You seem to have very little patience, Miss. I don't volunteer here, I have to be here. And while I enjoy helping others, the ones that need it usually are more - accepting - of it. This will be easier on the both of us if you acted like a woman."

His face contorted into an slight frown; shame she couldn't see it. He guessed that she wanted to give him as equal a dirty look, but could not.

"Me? Acting like a child?" The girl was going to sit up again but Kagome hurried over and gently pushed her shoulders down. "I'm not the one who tries to get under the . . . under the gowns of hospital patients damn it! Temporarily blind or not."

"Well, I apologize," Miroku said, offering his hand. After a minute, he realized his mistake and reached down, taking her hand and barely moving it upwards before she pulled it away.

"Don't ever touch me again," she spat, curling up against her pillows, facing his direction. "You don't want to be here. Don't come here when I know you don't want to be here."

A challenge, he mouthed, wanting to reach for her hand again to see just how much more hostile she could become.

She lay back on her pillows and pulled the covers over herself.

"You probably need a change of bandages." Kagome patted her on the arm and pressed the call button beside the bed. "Don't get so excited sweetie, you won't heal any faster."

The girl's hands were gripping the sheets so tight that he thought her veins might pop out of her skin. Kagome looked up suddenly as his shoe squeaked against the floor, remembering him, and eyeing her watch. "Thanks for coming, sir, but that's all we'll do for today. I'll see you next week?"

He could barely nod. The past few hours had been far too surreal for him.

"Do you remember how to get out?"

"Yeah, sure," he said quickly. Three turns, one front desk, elevator. Now just to reverse the order. "Next week."

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

"How did it go?"

Miroku pushed the door back soundly and it shuddered as it slammed shut. He sighed deeply, kicking off his shoes and walking past the petite young girl that stood awaiting his response.

"It was absolute hell," he responded, shrugging off his coat and throwing it over the back of a chair.

"Horrible."

"It couldn't have been that bad," she reasoned, pouring him a cup of boiling water and dropping a tea bag in.

"Yes, it was that bad." After glancing at Koharu's tea, he opened the refrigerator door and rummaged through the contents, pulling out a more inviting bottle of beer.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather drink something else?" The girl pushed the cup along the surface of the table.

He looked at it briefly, and then at the bottle in his hand, and took another drink from it, tilting his head back. "Sorry Koharu," he said as he set it down. "It just was that bad."

Pulling a chair back at the table, she motioned for him to sit. "Miroku," she began, pulling the tea towards her and settling in for what was sure to be a long rant. "Tell me all about it."

There was a hollow thud as he set the bottle on the table from yet another gulp, and ran his fingers through his hair. "They did a little survey on me, asking me about why I was there, how long, things like that. Of course they should already know all that."

Koharu nodded in agreement. "So, when does all the bad stuff start?"

"I'm getting to that. They bring me around to some of the people I might be dealing with. The first two were okay, pretty young. One was in for an accident and the other for getting into a fight after he mouthed off some guys on the street."

"That doesn't sound too good."

"Tell me about it. He wouldn't shut up about how he swears revenge."

Koharu took a sip from her tea, absorbing all this new information. "So when does it get bad?"

"Right about now. Third person. A girl."

"Please Miroku, don't tell me you - "

"I did."

"Why do I put up with this Miroku?" she said in mock exasperation. "I mean, you can't even stop yourself when you're having a supposedly terrible time."

He shrugged. "I couldn't help it. I wanted to leave, I was tired and yes, I was having a terrible time. I would do anything to get my mind off of it."

"Was she prettier than me?" She fluttered her eyelashes coyly.

"Couldn't tell. Her face was all bandaged up."

"I didn't know!" he exclaimed at the expression of horror on Koharu's face. "One of her hands was across her eyes and her hair wasn't helping, it's quite long and was particularly unkempt."

"That poor girl!" Koharu exclaimed, gripping the handle of her cup. "She was all bandaged, probably hurt, and out of nowhere, she feels you groping her ass."

"I apologized afterward, but she got very defensive. The other girl in there tried to calm her down, but she was swearing and everything. I wasn't in a very good mood so I talked back," he scoffed. "She refused to talk to me afterward. The only good thing about the day was when Kagome told me I could leave."

"Kagome?"

"Other girl in the room."

Koharu slid her hand across the table and laid it over his. "I'm really sorry that you have to do this. You shouldn't have covered for me."

"You would have been in more trouble than I was if they'd caught you," he replied, squeezing her hand. "School board wouldn't like that too much, now would they?"

"True," Koharu said thoughtfully, taking another sip of her tea. "But think of it this way," she set her cup down and smiled optimistically. "It's only for another six months."

"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better."

"Come on, play along!" She laughed, attempting to lighten the dark mood he'd dragged in with him. "I'll even come with you, if I can. I'm sure the patients are wonderful."

"No, they aren't," he dispelled, taking another long drink now that he was being reminded so forcefully about what they really were like. Well, all except the first boy, he'd been out like a light.

"It'd probably be easier for you, school teachers are supposed to be good at that sort of thing."

"Not a teacher officially yet," she reminded him, pushing her empty teacup aside. "Listen, just try and get closer to the patients? You're not going anywhere for a long time, and neither are they, but they're probably in worse positions than you."

Before he could argue, she added, "you could probably form some good relationships there, you know. Even if you don't, I just don't want you to come home like this every day. You'll become an alcoholic."

"But damn, Koharu, it just wasn't a good day," he digressed, pushing aside his finished bottle. "The kind that probably won't lead to better ones."

"It will, if you let it," she assured him, standing up. "Now I have to get home, I'm teaching a lesson tomorrow."

He pushed back from the table to show her to the door. "Good luck," he said, giving her a light kiss.

"You need it more than I do." She prodded a finger at him, smiling. "Be good. Just remember, it can't get any worse."

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

As she left, he leaned against the door, contemplating another drink before sleeping. Only a girl as young as Koharu could be so optimistic. But that was what he liked about her right? She was almost always smiling, offering advice, telling him the good news. He knew that after a conversation with her, he'd always be left with a new outlook on things.

So why did life feel so upside down right now?

Oh, yes, the 'charitable' work he had to do.

At least Koharu would be there for him to voice his frustrations to, and for sure, she would listen patiently. That girl, she really did care enough about him to pay him attention even though she could barely find an hour around her work and studies.

It'd been nearly eight months since he'd met her, after helping her out when she was stranded on the highway. Even then, she'd been as cheerful as ever, saying she knew someone would come eventually.

He figured he should be with a girl like that. She obviously liked him, and he liked her, so he didn't see any problems. They were together by default.

Everything was fine so far, six months of forced companionship wouldn't even put a dent in the list of things she had done for him. It was all he could do to show her how much he cared. He'd get through this, perhaps take the next step with Koharu and life would be great the way it was.

If it wasn't already.