A Chrismukkah After All These Years
Chapter One:
I Thought I Was Your Destiny
Basic Jargon:
Summary: New storyline after Summer leaves on the GEORGE bus, season four. What happens when in a brief lapse of time you're forced to grow up? Summer Roberts is faced with this dilemma and she decides, on her own accord, that she wants to face it alone. Now, five years have passed, and Christmas, or should I say Chrismukkah, has come over the ex-residences of Newport Beach. Seth is still nursing a broken heart. Ryan and Taylor are moving on to bigger and brighter things both in their personal and career lives. Kirsten and Sandy are trying to figure out the perfect gift for Sophie. Julie is celebrating the anniversary of her first truly functioning on her own. And when Summer arrives with her "holiday surprise," Kaitlin is back to her scheming ways. Everything might just end up like it's supposed to.
Disclaimer: Apart from the occasional OC, I own nothing. This show is based off of The O.C., which had, it own writers, backing corporations, and all-around owner… oh and of course, creator. I simply, take words in my head and put them on Microsoft Word that is all.
Author's Note: Just to clarify, this is not my first fan fiction. It is however, my first O.C. fan fic, and on such grounds, I decided to make a new name. Seeing, as all my other stories (and there are a good amount of unfinished ones, mind you) all seem to focus on one show. Well anyway, I hope you enjoy.
She pushed her toes farther into the sand, inhaling the California air. It was cooler than she remembered, damper. She exhaled softly and for a moment she couldn't remember why she left; exchanging a plush existence for a hard bus seat.
At the time she felt like she had been exalted, she felt like a change of scenery and the robust passion she had found within would help her figure out who she was, but it didn't. If anything it took her view of the world, contorted it, and made things worse. She had loved GEORGE, she had loved what it stood for, but when it was all said and done, it made figuring out who she was twice as hard. And in the end it made her feel like a fool, and Summer Roberts was tired of feeling like a fool.
Even still this had been six years, a thousand cups of coffee, and three-hundred cocktail dress designs ago. Standing here, on this beach, where so much of the life she had known had taken place, she wished she could go up to one of those onlookers, two of whom she'd known from high school, and say, "I graduated Brown last year. I overcame my ditzy persona and became something amazing. What is it you can say about your life?" Or hell, at this moment, even, "I got married last year and we're redecorating the summer cottage, any color ideas?" would suffice.
Unfortunately, she couldn't do this, because she hadn't graduated Brown or gotten married. Her Brown career had consisted of almost a semester and ended because of rabbits. She wanted to laugh every time she thought about it, but she knew that after the laughter, there would be tears.
And marriage? She couldn't talk marriage, couldn't think marriage, not when there was no one to fill her deepening void. Not when she hadn't seen the only man she'd ever loved in five years. Not when she now carried around with her so much baggage, that most guys wouldn't give her the time of day and the ones that did never turned out to be her type.
She could remember the last time she had seen Seth. The last time she had touched him, smelled him. Some people say that memories become distorted and faded over time, but this memory, this memory played out as crisp and as clean as it had years prior; Summer thanked God for small favors.
He shuffled his feet against the pavement; they were incased with old, tattered Chuck Taylor's. Seeing him like this, spending this summer with him, so far from their home had almost made her forget that he came from money. It didn't help that during his year in Rhode Island he had attempted to grow a beard and even after she had forced him to shave it off, the hair came back so quickly that stubble had taken up residence on his face.
She had clutched his hand tightly, pushed it into her side. This was the last day of their journey. They had spent the past three months walking the streets of Venice, staring off into space from the Eiffel tower, taking the European vacation most would only dream about. In the morning, he would fly back to his family, who now lived in Berkley, and she would spend another week in what seemed like the center of the universe: Rome, Italy.
He moved in closer as they reached the fountain, acting as a jacket. Summer was so appeased that she pretended that it was cold outside. She pretended that they weren't close to the equator. She pretended that an Italian summer was milder than a summer in California, even though she had learned in less than a week that this simply wasn't the case.
Seth pulled a Euro cent from his back pocket and gave it to her as they stood before it; Summer's eyes so captivated that they slid back and forward, making it seem like the Roman gods were dancing in front of her.
"Close your eyes, turn around, throw it in, and make a wish." He whispered the instructions like she was a five year old girl, not a twenty year old woman. His stubble nudged against the side of her face and she giggled slightly, before she began her task.
Seth followed in this action, taking in both a deep breath and his surroundings. "You want to know what I wished?" He questioned, as soon as they both opened their eyes.
"Come on, like you have to ask. Of course I want to know." She replied, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, you spent the last year with those crazy vegans, the experience alone might have changed your need to know every little thing."
She sighed silently, looked into his big eyes and that mop of hair, and for a second she almost wished it had. The last year, that was all she wanted, a form of clarity, a major change, but none of these things had came. "Nothing could change that Cohen." She said with a smile, before adding. "Though you might not want to tell me, I could jinx it."
"Well," He said, grabbing her arm like someone more debonair. "I am going to tell you anyway." He kissed her cheek, knowing that there was a good chance that she might shoot him down, knowing that this could be the last time the kiss felt the same way again.
He cleared his throat. "I wished that you would reconsider my proposal. I wished that you would be engaged to me, in name, no pressure, just a promise."
A smile crossed her face, but before if could fill every open crevice, she stopped. "I would love to." She said softly, not in a tone that meant one thing or another.
"I got my Grandmother's old ring…" he began, but before he could continue she interrupted, with the most caustic word of all, "but."
"But, I don't think I can make you that promise." His happiness fell straight down, as if crashing like the World Trade Center. "I left you last year Seth, and in that time, I hoped that I would find myself. I hoped, that I would come to you this new woman, this woman who would know who she is, but I don't. And I don't think we can go down this road, this bride and wedding road, without a strong leg to stand on. You know?"
"Yeah, I understand." He said solemnly, "I just… I thought I was your destiny."
"You are Cohen," She placed her hand over his heart, which was beating just as hard as hers. "But the crazy thing about destiny, is that it grabs you when you least expect it and while I definitely wasn't expecting this, it just means it wasn't the right time."
"Will there ever be a right time?" He asked, taking a seat on the fountain's edge.
"Of course," she said, her voice abnormally high. "I just don't know when that time will be."
"Then what are we doing?" He questioned, "I mean, with your logic Summer, no matter what, no matter where, we'll end up together. So what makes now so important?"
"You do. I love you Cohen." She mused; the answer took a while to fall from her lips.
"But not enough to get engaged to me?"
"That's not what I am saying." She took a seat next to him. "Seth, look, this isn't about you, I know that you lived so long in this little bubble that would have burst without Ryan, but not everything is about you."
"I know," He sighed, "But I just don't think I can pretend right now. We've been together for four years, even when you were dispersed across the country, we made it work, but now, I just don't feel like I can make it work if you can't even devote yourself to me."
"I can devote myself to you." She insisted. "I just can't promise that nothing will change."
Seth looked at her, he looked deep into her soulful eyes, and the words fell with great force. "I don't think that's good enough."
"So what are you saying?" Summer asked wide-eyed, she knew what was coming, she anticipated the blow, but nothing could calm her shaking spirits.
"Maybe," He said softly, trying to forget that he was sitting in front of, what he considered to be, one of the most romantic places in the world. "Maybe we should try not being a couple for a while."
She could have fought, she could have screamed and yelled, but somehow the words came out as a simple: "Okay."
That night, as they laid next to each other in a small cramped bed, it felt unnaturally cold. Summer couldn't sleep, she could barely breathe, all she could do was watch Seth. In those few brief hours before they said their good-byes she had memorized his silhouette and the way he moved his hands around as if he was telling a story to a captivated dream audience.
The next morning she said she would be back as planned. She said she would still come to Berkeley to see Ryan, Taylor, and him. She kissed him with more force than usual, knowing that she wasn't supposed to be kissing him. Or touching him the way she had. They had broken up the night before in front of the Trevi Fountain and she realized, at that moment, that nothing would ever be the same again.
Sometimes she wondered why she needed that memory, why she depended on it the way she did. But then she thought about what happened afterwards. She thought about how she never went home, but still managed to make her own. She thought about even though she missed Seth with all her heart, with all her soul, leaving him for so long matured her. When she looked in the mirror in the morning, on the way to her store, a store, which was built on her two passions: the environment and fashion, she could see it in her face.
If she was sitting on this beach years ago she wouldn't have imagined living in Boston. In fact, she wouldn't have thought about anything other than Marissa, Ryan, Marissa and Ryan, Seth, the west coast, clothes, and tanning. Now her thoughts were sporadic, coming and going as they pleased but she still thought about all those things.
She designed clothing for a living, which made that a given. But beyond everything, Seth managed to be more prevalent, and as that little girl ran toward her, carrying a starfish in hand, the thought of him became so overwhelming that she wanted to double over. She wanted to ball, but instead, she listened intently.
"Look what I found mommy!" The little girl exclaimed with excitement, handing her mother the small starfish. "It's like in Nemo." She added, flipping her dark hair.
"That it is." Summer said, pulling her daughter into her arms. "That it is," she repeated, pushing the bangs out of the young girl's eyes.
"Why are we here?" The child asked, curiously.
"Well, my little angel, we're here to see some of Mommy's old friends." The youngster turned to face her mother. "And they'll be angry at first. The way you were angry when the flight attendant didn't give you your wings. They'll get over it though but it may take time, we have time though, right?"
The girl mused for a moment, before repeating with great enthusiasm, "Right."
Sitting there in front of the water, watching as the clouds moved farther back into the sky, she thought about the Cohens and Sophie. She thought about Seth, Julie, Taylor, Ryan, and Kaitlin; all the remnants of her old life, and she was excited by the idea of seeing everyone again, all she had to do was make this stop in Newport and then she could head up the coast to Berkley. Years ago she had saved Chrismukkah, and now, it was Chrismukkah's time to save her from the guilt that had consumed her for so long.
Sometimes a thought whispered in her ear. What if she had gotten engaged to Seth? Would she have felt trapped after she found out she was pregnant? Would she have succumbed to the level of a newpsie in some other city? Would she have finished college? Would everything had been all right? Sometimes after the snow sets in in Boston and the perfect time for self-pity approaches, all Summer can do is wonder what life would have been like if she wasn't so goddamn stubborn.
After all, Seth was her destiny, right?
Well, what do you think? I would appreciate reviews. Good, bad, semi-off color, whatever; though, bad reviews aren't my favorite by any stretch of the imagination.
