Forever is a long, long time…even with that "destiny", thing.
"You know, i've been thinking…."
"That's usually dangerous."
"Hear me out."
"...alright. Hey, where is-"
"Busy. Anyway, we can see all these timelines...possibilities, playing out in front of us. You ever feel like we got the short end of the stick, back there, in the...real world?"
"I think I feel that way more than you do, after all…"
"I could argue that. But yeah. I know."
"I don't like where this is going."
"So hear me out."
"I already said I would, even though you know i'm going to disagree."
"What if-"
"No. We're not having this discussion again."
"You don't even know what i'm going to say."
"You do this every other day, you start a "what if" conversation, and you give me some crazy plan you dreamed up-"
"And you shoot them all down, yes, I know. But this one is different, I have another idea."
"Is that supposed to be comforting?"
"Are you going to fucking listen or not?"
"You know, most lose their anger when they get to this point...everything is perfect."
"You know that isn't true. We still have to live with the mistakes. With the guilt."
"I don't know if i'd say live, but...anyway, that is the nature of being human. Of life. You know that."
"But, what if we could go back?"
"You already know how that turns out. You of all people. How many times have we talked about this?"
"Too many, which is why you should hear me out on this one."
"How are you not happy here? I really don't understand."
"I know you don't. And I know you aren't, either."
"How do you know that?"
"Because you've changed."
"Maybe I just got older, it's been a long time."
"You look the same."
"So do you."
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"Is it supposed to?"
"You can't tell me you don't feel it too."
"Feel what, exactly?"
"That...feeling we could have done better."
"I've gotten used to it."
"Well, I haven't. And I don't think I ever will."
"You already acted on it once."
"I did. And fuck, I did not think it all the way through. She was right, everything happened too fast. It should have never turned out the way it did."
"Clearly. But...I think our window is closed."
"So you do want to do something…"
"Look, I know what you are thinking of, okay? But it's not like what you did last time. It's not going to work the same way. Things might...not be exactly the same."
"Less chance of ripping a hole in time this way, anyway."
"Is this fair to her, is it really. Doing it again?"
"It was her idea. So are you coming this time?"
There was a sigh.
Gail woke from another vivid dream to the sound of rain. It seemed to rain a lot in Arcadia Bay, the last few days. She looked around her Blackwell Academy dorm room. It was dark. She clumsily reached for her phone on the nightstand and found it was 3:33AM. The witching hour, or so she'd heard. Fitting. It was a school night...well, morning, she needed to get back to sleep. She felt antsy though. It was a very strange dream...again. She couldn't quite recall it, but it still got under her skin. She got out of bed and looked out the window. Her corner room didn't give her the best view, but a storm was definitely coming.
She didn't know what about her dream had bothered her so much, she couldn't even remember it. All she remembered was seeing someone she thought she knew. But the voice and the face were unfamiliar to her waking mind. She paced back and forth for a moment, trying to recall, but she couldn't. She could almost remember the face. Of whoever it was she'd been talking to. It was too late, it was gone. She couldn't remember. She sighed.
She sat down at on the small couch across from her room, and flipped through a book until she dozed on the couch. She eventually set the book down and went back to bed.
What the fuck was that about? Then again, who knows, i'm only here because i'm a fucking charity case anyway. I'm insane.
She eventually fell into a restless sleep.
Gail was a gifted student, at Blackwell Academy of Arts and Sciences...but her case was a bit of a strange one. She was an amnesiac. Or, had become one a year or so ago, not that she knew either way. The first thing she remembered was living in a foster home at seventeen. They knew her, she didn't know them. Apparently, she was gifted and though she couldn't remember her art, or how she'd learned, or anything before a year ago, she gained a scholarship, through some program she viewed as a charity case, but her foster family had insisted. She only knew her name was Gail Roberts because her foster family said so. At eighteen, She was perfectly capable of functioning on her own. She just had no memory prior to her 17th birthday. Well, she did remember things, movies, books, music...but not her own life.
She woke up again at 9AM, her alarm hadn't gone off. It was pouring rain outside.
"Fuck", she muttered to herself. She picked up her phone and called the office, telling them she wasn't feeling well and wasn't going to class today. This was the latest in a long line, and she knew she was on thin ice. But her dreams kept ensuring she wasn't getting enough sleep. She nodded off in class, all the time. Yesterday, Mr. Jefferson had chewed her out, when she couldn't answer a question about the "Daguerreotype Process", or some shit. Victoria Chase had stepped up, as usual. She was scared of him, for some reason. He seemed as laid back as they come, but there was an air about him that she just didn't...trust. He showed up in her dreams sometimes, too.
She dressed quickly, deciding she'd sneak around Fuhrer Madsen to the bus and catch the next one to the Two Whales and get some coffee. She was tight on money, but Joyce took care of her. She thought it might have something to do with her daughter, who she'd never met. She knew she was trouble, though. She heard rumors she and a friend had beaten the ever-loving shit out of Nathan Prescott in the girl's bathroom yesterday morning, despite the fact that they were both out of school, and she knew that Joyce's daughter had actually been kicked out of Blackwell. What was her name again?
She decided it didn't really matter, she didn't really want to meet her, ever, if possible. Not that she had many friends. Any, really. She liked Kate Marsh, but her own insecurities kept her from really talking to her.
Hi, i'm the girl with no memory, I have no idea what I like, I have no idea who I am, i'm here because I can….yeah...no..
Yeah, interesting conversation starter. And Kate had seemed...different. Recently. She didn't really know her, but she could see the sadness. Victoria had done something, but she didn't know what. She really, truly, hated Victoria. And then there was Warren, who tried to be her friend at every opportunity, but she really wasn't interested. He was such a nerd, that it was actually kind of painful to watch. Based on what little she could remember, she had a lot of the same interests, but she really wasn't interested in making friends. She wanted this school year to end, so she could start seriously trying to figure out who she was.
She sighed and left her room, into the hallway. There was crying coming from somewhere, apparently she wasn't the only one who wasn't "feeling well". Whatever, she thought. And almost continued on her way, but she realized it was coming from Kate's room. She stopped and knocked on Kate's door, not really knowing why.
"Go away", a voice said from inside.
"Kate? Are you alright?", Gail asked gently.
"I'm fucking wonderful, now leave me alone", Kate snapped. Gail had never heard Kate curse. Kate was so very Christian.
"Kate, look, I know you like, don't know me…"
"Who is it?"
"It's...Gail."
"...alright, you can come in...I guess. I figured it was one of Victoria's friends."
Gail really had no idea why she was doing this, but she carefully entered Kate's room. The curtains were drawn and it was very dark. But she noticed a rabbit in a cage, Kate's violin on her futon. Everything else in disarray, disorder. The exact opposite of whatever she would have expected from Kate.
"You're the one with no memory, right?", Kate asked, still not looking at her. She'd obviously been crying.
"I...yeah. I am."
"Lucky you."
"Look...I can go if…"
"No...I need to talk to...someone...about this."
Gail didn't know if she really wanted to get involved, but she agreed anyway. Kate recounted a horrible story about how she'd gone to a Vortex Club party, been drugged, didn't remember anything after that, except Nathan driving her somewhere that she thought was a hospital. There was someone else there. And she didn't remember anything else. But there was now apparently a viral video of her making out with everyone at the party, which she explained she had no recollection of, and was being bullied nonstop for, mostly by Victoria, who more than likely took the video.
Gail didn't really know what to say. She told Kate to go to the police. And feeling oddly protective of the broken girl sitting in front of her, in the dark, she gave Kate her number and told her she could call her if she needed seemed to raise Kate's spirits a bit. She asked Gail if she could leave her alone now, though, after thanking her.
Gail exited the room as carefully as she had gone in. She sighed. She had no idea what she was doing. She couldn't even help herself, let alone someone else. But it felt like the right thing to do.
She continued out of the dorm, pulling her hood up against the rain.
"She wasn't there, she was supposed to fucking be there yesterday", Chloe Price said, leaning her head down, against the steering wheel of her truck.
"Well, then it's a good thing I came with you, isn't it?", replied Rachel Amber.
They were parked by the beach.
"Rachel, I can't fucking do this for much longer. I thought we were starting over, not jumping back to this week."
"You're telling me, rich boy put up more of a fight than I thought he would, never even had the chance to go for the gun this time though, so that's one crisis averted."
"Was it? When have you seen rain like this in Arcadia Bay, looks a lot like-"
"Well obviously things are different, this time. I tried to tell you. I'm here, so obviously some things are different."
"Oh...fuck. Jefferson. Fucking hell, is he….him, still?", Chloe hadn't had time to consider this.
"I don't know, Chloe. We'll have to figure that out, but can we focus on one crisis at a time here?", Rachel really did not want to think about Jefferson, and had taken great pleasure in kicking Nathan in the ribs the morning before. But she knew they would have to.
"Why do we remember everything? I thought that didn't happen. And with how this is going, I fucking wish I didn't", Chloe's voice was manic, desperate.
"I don't know...unless...but, Chloe, calm down."
"I wake up a week ago, David is still a terror, not the man I visited for years and learned to call my father. And...nobody remembers her. Nobody. Not even Joyce."
"I know. But I fucking tried to tell you, we knew this wasn't going to be exactly the same Arcadia we came from. I'm not even supposed to be here. Cause and effect, Chloe."
"THERE IS NOBODY HERE NAMED MAXINE CAULFIELD, RACHEL, THERE NEVER WAS! THIS IS SO FUCKED", Chloe had been crying since she stopped the truck, but it was getting extreme now.
"Chloe...I tried to tell you that jumping back in like this...it wasn't…"
"I know. Rachel. I fucking know. You said 'unless', before, what was that?"
"Unless...you were right."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Maybe you were supposed to do this."
"Then….why...in...the...shitting...fuck….isn't...Max...here?", Chloe sobbed
"Maybe she is."
"And what? Everyone forgot her….even the..fucking internet had her...existence wiped from it?"
"Chloe...was it really her idea to do this?"
"Fuck off, Rachel."
Rachel sighed.
"Look, Chloe, can I ask you something?"
"You might as fucking well", Chloe said, as she lit a cigarette.
"Are you really going to start that again?"
"WELL, OBVIOUSLY I FUCKED UP AGAIN."
"Alright, whatever. But seriously, things here are different, how did you know Nathan was going to be there?"
"Because I still borrowed a shitload of money from your boyfriend and blew it here."
"Why….and...on...what? I'm here, so why would you…"
There was an awkward silence. Chloe had no feelings towards Rachel except friendship, not after her revelations and spending almost an entire lifetime with Max in another life, Max was her soulmate. Part of her. She was quickly regretting not accepting that life was over.
"Because...Rachel...when I found out, you told me, about you and Frank, since you're alive now, I wanted to leave for a different reason. Only, now, Max is missing and i'm still here because of that. Though unlike you, Max was never here. I still tried to get money from Nathan to pay your walking problem off."
This remembering more than one timeline was taking a serious toll on Chloe's mind, and one on Rachel's too. She had no idea at all how Max had dealt with this problem.
The 'other her', the nosebleeds…the nightmares...and...me..she could deal with it because she had me...fuck...I have nothing...at all...
"You know, i'm still with Frank here...I could have talked him out of whatever you owe him...and you-", Rachel regret saying this, as happy as she herself was to see Frank, she knew Chloe was literally dying of loneliness.
"You must be so fucking happy."
"No. I'm not. I want to help you with this. I miss her too. And wait...did you knowingly...let..Nathan...just to...wind up in the bathroom yesterday?"
Chloe shuddered. That was all the answer Rachel needed.
"Really? You really...well I guess we have our answer about Jefferson", Rachel said, passively.
"...what if I just fucking blow my brains out, will I wind up where we were before? Because honestly, death has lost it's edge", Chloe's tone was desperate.
"Not necessarily. And now we don't know where Max is, so no, not a fucking option, plus your mother is alive here, and so is everyone else….and...also-"
"What", Chloe angrily muttered.
"I don't know if you can just leave and go back. We might not have something waiting for us on the other side anymore."
"...what?"
"I don't know, Chloe. I really don't."
"So wait, what you're telling me is, instead of whatever hella fucking weird reincarnation bullshit was supposed to happen, we wound up in a parallel timeline, and...we're stuck here….without….Max", now Chloe's anger was fading into tears again.
"Chloe, I don't know what happened. I really, really don't. We don't know that she's not here, somewhere. She has to be. But how many times do you think whatever powers there are, are going to let you flip them off, really?"
"So...this is it, this is the last shot. Final ride. End of the line."
"Most likely."
"Goddammit. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT", she punched the steering wheel, hard. Then she did it again. And again.
"Chloe stop it", Rachel put a hand to Chloe's shoulder.
"Nope", she sobbed, and she continued.
Rachel actually grabbed Chloe and held her in a hug.
"Stop it. We'll figure this out."
"Let go of me", Chloe said, a little too sharply.
"I...sorry."
"Feels too much like-"
"Sorry."
Gail made her way into the diner through the pouring rain. The smell of pancakes and coffee was becoming familiar to her. Oddly comforting. She took her usual seat and waited for Joyce to come over. She looked out the window at the rain. She hated rain. She didn't know why. But it stirred something deep inside her. Something like fear.
"Hey, mystery girl, how are you this...lovely...morning, shouldn't you be in school?"
"Hello, Joyce. I wasn't feeling well this morning. I'm better now, though."
"Right. You know, i'm a mother, Gail."
"Okay, so i'm playing hooky, I won't tell if you won't."
"Black coffee?"
"Yes, please."
Joyce sighed and returned to the counter.
Gail looked out the window again, she had no idea what she was doing here. Not just in Arcadia Bay, but in life. She stared at the lighthouse on the cliff, overlooking the town. She'd never been up there, herself. But it always seemed to catch her attention, ever since she came here. Her concentration was broken when the door to the diner slammed open.
Two girls around her own age entered, arguing about something. One had long blonde hair and was wearing a flannel and jeans, the other had a beanie pulled down over her hair and was facing the other girl, still yelling about something. She wore a leather jacket and ripped up jeans. She was much taller.
"Here you go, Gail, I have to go deal with this", Joyce said, quickly setting the coffee down and moving towards the two girls.
"CHLOE, RACHEL, ENOUGH, TAKE IT BACK OUTSIDE!"
"MOM, DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?", the taller girl yelled back.
"I SEE YOU COMING IN HERE ALREADY CAUSING TROUBLE, THAT SEEMS PRETTY NORMAL TO ME!"
"FUCK!", the taller girl punched the wall next to the door, hurting her hand even further, and stormed around the counter to the bathroom.
"What happened now, Rachel?", Joyce asked.
"She's...I don't know. I'm not sure. It's alright though, i'll handle it, Joyce."
"Someone better...though, she's been...different lately. A lot...nicer...more like herself...but a different kind of...crazy."
"Yeah...i've..noticed it too."
"Well, have a seat, i'll get the regular, are you paying or is this going on her tab?"
"I'll buy, Joyce."
Rachel stepped away and walked towards the side Gail was seated in, Rachel almost walked right by her, but stopped. Looking her over.
"Uh...hello?"
"...who...are you?", Rachel asked.
"Uh, my name is Gail", Gail said nervously.
"Are you….from...around here?"
"Yeah...well...no...well...sort of. I go to Blackwell."
"You...do?"
"Is that...a problem?", Gail was suddenly intimidated by the blonde girl, though she was almost exactly the same size as Gail herself. Small.
"...no...no of course not. I've just never seen you around before."
"I don't...go out much. Just here, in the mornings sometimes."
"Can I ask...you something?"
"I...suppose."
"Where are you from? Like, besides Blackwell."
"I...don't really want to talk about it...i'm sorry."
"No, no it's alright. I uh, sorry, for bothering you."
"No problem, uh...Rachel, was it?"
"Yeah, it's Rachel. Rachel Amber."
"I'm Gail Roberts, it's nice to meet you, Rachel."
"Likewise", Rachel smiled. She turned continued past the booth and sat in the next one, with her back to Gail.
Chloe stormed across the diner, walking right by Gail, who could now see her blue hair and a tattoo peeking out of her right sleeve. Chloe sat across from Rachel, sitting across the bench on her side of the booth, with her back to the window.
"Uh, Chloe", Rachel started.
"I don't want to talk anymore."
"Chloe."
"What?", Chloe snapped.
"Look", Rachel whispered, gesturing with her head to the girl sitting right behind her.
"I...okay?"
"Chloe", Rachel said, in a much more serious tone.
"What?"
"Have you ever seen her before, because I haven't", Rachel was still whispering.
"A Blackwell kid I don't recognize, woofuckinghoo."
"Chloe, did you really look at her."
"Hair is way too long."
"Chloe, seriously, go talk to her."
"Why, it's just some Blackwell punk, probably-", Chloe finally caught on, through her despair and rage, "...no, you don't think."
"I don't know what I think, yet."
"Will you leave me alone, if I do?"
"You dragged me back here, Chloe."
"Ugh...okay."
Chloe got up, realizing she was feeling something between extreme fear and extreme deja vu. She fought through it and walked back to Gail's booth, sitting down across from her, without looking at her.
"Uh...hi...can I help you?"
That voice.
"Max?", Chloe asked, in a tiny voice.
"What?"
Chloe finally looked up. She was looking at Maxine Caulfield. The hair was longer, the hoodie was black, but it was Maxine Caulfield. The face. The eyes. Every detail. Every freckle.
"Max...oh my God", there were tears in Chloe's eyes now, "I found you. I fucking finally found you."
"Uh….who...are you? Was it...Chloe?"
"Max don't fuck with me like that", Chloe was now reaching across the table, she locked her hand around Gail's.
"Uh...i'm sorry. I think you have me confused with...someone else."
"Max? No don't say that...it's you...it's...finally you...don't you...remember me?"
"I think this is the first time we've met."
Is it? She looks...familiar...somehow but...no...I don't know her, Gail thought.
"No...no...no...Max...no...it's you...it...is….I know...you...I…", Chloe was sobbing now.
Gail's phone buzzed.
"Uh, i'm sorry...Chloe...I have to take this…", Gail said, thoroughly disturbed.
She got up and started to head for the door.
"It's Kate", Chloe choked out through a sob.
"...what?"
"It's...Kate Marsh calling you...like last time."
"I...really have to take this...i'll...see you around, maybe", she stepped out, answering the phone, hoping she wouldn't see her around.
Chloe was in shock. She was even paler than usual, she was shaking and the tears were falling freely.
"Chloe", Rachel said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"It was...it was her...Rachel, IT WAS FUCKING HER."
"I know. It was. But…"
"She...she didn't...remember me...Rachel...she didn't...she-", Chloe was sobbing uncontrollably, she tried to stand up, but ended up collapsing into Rachel. This time she accepted Rachel's embrace.
"What happened?", Joyce asked, coming over with their food, "Did you scare poor Gail? That girl has some...issues."
"I...Gail? Mom, that was Max. That was fucking Max."
"Chloe, I already told you, there was never any Max, have you been toking up again?"
"Oh...my...God", Chloe choked out.
She broke free of Rachel's embrace and ran out of the diner.
"What the hell has gotten into her lately?"
"I'll...try to help, Joyce, here's the money for the food", Rachel said quickly, handing a bunch of uncounted bills to Joyce, she ran after Chloe.
Chloe dragged Rachel to the only place she could think to go, American Rust. They sat in their makeshift clubhouse, Chloe crying and cursing, every time Rachel tried to talk to her, she was met with a stream of profanity.
"This is wrong. This is so wrong. We fucked up. We fucked up so badly."
"I never wanted to try this, Chloe."
"Then why, why the fuck did you come with me."
"Because I knew you were going to need….a friend. If...it went wrong."
"Well it fucking did, and I honestly couldn't give a shit if you're here or not."
"Nice, Chloe. Thank you. I saved your ungrateful ass, how many times?"
"You should have let me go, on the cliff, all those years ago...were those years ago now? Jesus Fuck, how old are we?"
Chloe was manic. She wasn't even thinking about what she was saying anymore.
"...I don't know, Chloe. Old, I guess", Rachel said gently.
"We should be collecting bottles, we should be, I should be accidentally shooting myself and Max should be rewinding, she told me that actually happened, Max. She did...it happened...and she saved me from a train and then and then then then-"
"Chloe. I know this is fucked. But you need to try to get it under control. We're here now, and there's nothing we can do about it, thanks to you."
"...are...you...sure...killing myself wouldn't…"
"Yes. I am. And I will not let you do that to Joyce."
"Fuck", Chloe muttered in a tiny voice.
"Chloe, look at me, we will figure this out, somehow."
"THIS IS REAL LIFE...AGAIN, RACHEL. THERE IS NO FUCKING MAGICKING OUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE."
"I know. But I think you need to talk to that girl, Gail, again."
"Max. She's Max. There is no Gail."
"Well here there is. And you know what, I want the truth, was this really Max's idea?"
Chloe turned away from her, muttering profanity.
"Chloe…"
"No. It wasn't. Okay? It fucking wasn't."
"So she didn't know…"
"No."
"Why. Why the fuck would you do that, Chloe?"
"Because…"
"I'm waiting."
"Because, I felt like I fucked everything up last time, okay? She went through fucking hell for me, even before the fucking storm, I caused her so much pain and trauma. And I tried so fucking hard to be there for her after the storm, but I even hurt her then. And then over the years, I made so many fucking mistakes. Lost her again. For so long. I didn't want that to be how it was. I wanted to fix everything, okay? That's it. That's why. I died because I was a fucking idiot and couldn't handle everything...and she always thought it was because of me, that I couldn't deal, but what I couldn't deal with was knowing I put her through all of that, and she died because of that too, in the end. We should have had so much longer, we should have never been apart all those years and we should have fucking died together at fucking 90. I couldn't fucking take the guilt anymore. I wanted to give her a fresh chance."
"So you...knew."
"Knew what?"
"That she might not remember you."
"...I…kind of wanted that...I thought I did. But I didn't. And I thought maybe, just maybe, i'd get a new start and meet her as a kid again and prayed I wouldn't be such a shitty friend over the years and it could happen naturally."
"Chloe...you...she loved you so much...anyway...look at what she sacrificed...for...so why would you..."
"I WANTED TO TRY AGAIN, SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT, EVEN IF I HAD TO REMEMBER IT, OKAY? I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT I WAS WILLING TO LET HER FORGET ME. JUST LIKE ON THE CLIFF IN THE STORM. I WAS READY TO GO, SO SHE COULD LIVE AND FORGET ME."
"Chloe...please, talk to Gail. When you calm down, please."
"And what, scare her more? She looks like Max, but she isn't Max...obviously", Chloe's manic tone was replaced with more sobbing.
"I'm...not so sure."
"I am."
"Chloe, nothing happens by chance. Ever."
Chloe moaned and assumed a fetal position in her chair. Rachel sat down next to her and put her arm around her.
Gail had walked around the corner, to avoid the blue haired girl, who had scared her...and gotten her blood on her hand, when she clamped her hand, which was for some reason swollen and bleeding, down on hers. It freaked her out. The girl freaked her out. Then again, she realized it was Joyce's daughter. And she had a reputation. Still, there was something strange about her, and not the obvious. She had taken Kate's call, and Kate was just wanted to thank her and tell her she was going to the police. That was good, she thought, she didn't say much to Kate, trying to keep how shaken up she was out of her voice.
She finally walked up to the lighthouse, the next bus not due for another hour. She sat on the bench there. It felt...like home. She didn't know why.
Did I live here...before?
She thought this view would make a great photo, she needed one for Jefferson's stupid contest, but she couldn't drive herself to take her old polaroid out of her bag and take one. She was too confused. She really just wanted to go back to her room and go to sleep.
But then the dreams...which I never really remember.
She sighed, just hoping she wouldn't see the crazy blue haired girl again.
