A/N: THIS IS A TRANSLATED WORK OF AN AWESOME FRENCH FANFIC WRITER, Naelye. I got the permission to translate her work. It's not a literal translation; I modified a few slangs only to better fit the characters. Please enjoy!~

Dear stalkers,

I know that I'm one of your favourite characters. That being said, after reading some of your works, I really wished I was not one.

To start with, I'm not that narcissist, egoistical, dumb and cruel. It's true that in basketball, I tend to shit on people's faces and cannot care less because the difference in our abilities is far too ridiculous and even weird at times, or simply because I'm bored. And even if I skip classes, I'm smart, thank you.

Anyway, this is not what annoys me the most. The persons with whom you pair me with most of the time, shit. Kise? This already starts badly! You really can imagine me, me with that… crying blond?! Seriously, do y'all only know how to make me have a go with boys, or even some girls I don't even know?

There's also Tetsu. And those fics where you make me 'compete' with Akashi for winning his heart la di da di da those where I 'steal' him from Kagami so that he can become my shadow again. No. Just plain no. Is it not enough for me to say that the only thing that matters to me is the big boobs of Mai-chan? Tetsu is far from having that body, thank you. Those who pair me up with Satsu, oh fuck. I know that she has the body, but she's not my type goddamn it! She's only my childhood friend... !

However, this is not the worst thing, and when I read about the other person who I 'fuck like a beast', I had to re read the name ten times, and even considered going to the optician. I nearly puked. Thank god I only checked the English fandom.

… Kagami. My god, what the fuck is wrong in your heads? He's my RIVAL, and just because he's… arrrghh even in writing it's hard to admit it, nearly on my level, doesn't mean that I'm attracted physically and/or psychologically to him!

Stop taking drugs, I'm serious. It doesn't suit you.

The best basketball player of Japan,

Aomine.