With Bright Knives
He is willing to keep his eyes closed if it means he will be safe.
He will keep his senses muted, his ears deaf, his mouth dumb.
It is only the right thing.
Safety – he tells himself, as he writhes upon sweaty sheets in the summer, words unspoken twisting in his chest – safety is security. Security is my shepherd and my keeper and iron cage. It is white lies and black secrets, and the faint grayness of right or wrong that stains everything it touches. Keep me – he pants into his pillows, hands grasping blankets in waves of coldness that sear through the midnight heat to freeze his blood – safe and warm and quiet. Keep me, keep, keep, keep.
They watch him sometimes, as he struggles, too sick to move, to get out of bed. They are quiet and angry and cruel – and he can see pain as horrific as his, or worse, dancing in their eyes – all at once, and he shouts back at them, anything to make it end: leave me. I don't need you. I am the prince of the Earth. I am Allah and the stars and the sun and gold and silver.
Their only answer is a knife that rips through his words (his lies).
No.
But he clamps sweating palms over his ears and bites furiously at his tongue. No? I say no to you. I am right, you are wrong. I have never needed – never wanted, never loved – you, any of you, anyone (gasp) go back to where you came from, you are filthy you are dirtied. I hate you. And as he screams there are voices whispering in his brain that tell him things like: second-class citizen, new economic policy. Their voices are sweet and poisonous, and he laps up their words as eagerly as any animal – anything to alleviate the searing pain that travels just under his skin, like liquid fire through his veins.
He believes.
He is safe.
He keeps his eyes closed.
(A/N: Drabble about OC Malaysia. This story basically describes my thoughts on Malaysian's political views. In my mind canon, Malaysia (a.k.a. Tunku Rahman) is a young man of Malay ethnicity, but with a spilt personality – there is his original personality (very lazy, relatively friendly), his second personality, an abrasive, intelligent Chinese girl called Ming, and his third personality, Sunita, a kind hearted but slightly gender confused Indian… person.)
