Disclaimer: I own nothing except this here storyline and the character of Virginia.
Summary: Dr Cox questions why Virginia stays in the relationship she is in and finally gets an insight into why abuse victims stay with their abusers.
A/N: Pretty please read and review, reviews mean a lot.
Oneshot, you do not have to read My New Start (which I am still working on) to read this but Virginia is introduced if you want her background story.
My Worry
"Why do you do this to yourself Jinxy?" Dr Cox raised an eyebrow and sighed. He knew that she was about to give him a lie as opposed to confessing what he already know. He had seen it in patients before…hell he had seen it in his own family before and now he was seeing it again and that something was called 'domestic abuse'. She had all the classic symptoms already; the jumpiness, the 'cover-up' clothes, the lack of a social life and as of lately, the lack of a smile. She was so bubbly when she started, just like JD, and together the pair had annoyed the life out of him but now that the smile was missing and the cheerful, unfaltering happiness was gone he missed it and that annoyed him even more.
"Do what?" Dr Cox sighed and Virginia looked down at the floor as once again more lies fell from her mouth. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"You damn well do know what I'm talking about." Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared silently at her.
"I…uh…you…" Trailing off, she sighed and muttered, "I gotta go."
Dr Cox rolled his eyes and leaned over to grab her wrist. She automatically looked up at him and when he saw the sadness behind her hazel eyes, he wished she hadn't. "Talk."
"What do you want me to say?" Her voice was soft as she bit her bottom lip and desperately searched for an answer to her own question. When Dr Cox said nothing, she sighed. "You want me to tell you that you were right? You want me to say that when you told me he was bad news I should have listened and seen this coming? Tell me that I'm wrong; tell me that's not what you're thinking right now." Her voice was almost pleading as she saw straight through his act.
She was shocked when he finally answered her in the softest tone she had ever heard. "I can't." It was nothing more than a whisper but all of her fears came true as the words passed his lips.
Slowly nodding, she looked away from his gaze. "You were right; he isn't everything I thought he was." Dr Cox nodded in response but remained silent. "But you're wrong when you think I won't leave because I am scared of him." Chancing a glance at him, she almost smiled as she saw his brows knit in confusion. "You think I'm like every other domestic abuse case; you think I'm scared that if I try to leave he'll hurt me more but you're wrong. I'm not scared of him, I could leave him whenever I want and I know he wouldn't follow me."
When he was sure she had nothing to add, he asked her, "Then why?"
It was said so quietly that he almost missed it. "I love him. It isn't fear that keeps us together, or at least not fear of what he will do to me. I'm scared that if I walk out now, I'll make the biggest mistake of my life. While I'm with him I can pretend that it's all okay; that when he apologises he actually does mean it. That he just can't control his temper sometimes and that everyone makes mistakes…it doesn't mean he doesn't love me." A tear slipped free as she added, "That when he kisses me and looks like his guilt is about to swallow him whole it's the last time, as long as I'm with him I can hold on to the hope that he can change. I'm not scared of him…I'm scared of losing him...I'm scared that I might have already lost him."
As soon as the words were mumbled, Dr Cox felt his heart break for her. He pretended all the time that he didn't care but truth be told, he had accepted a long time ago just how much he cared. It was because of this affection that he was forced to break her heart even more. "You know that's not true though, you know that you're kidding yourself."
She finally stared into his eyes long enough to ask, "Kidding myself over what?"
Dr Cox sighed and let go of her wrist before slipping a hand into his ginger curls as he told her, "You know what, now say it." When she shook her head and said nothing, he repeated himself more forcefully. "Say it." Again she shook her head and his eyes narrowed. "Damn it Virginia, just say it already!"
"Say what?" Glaring at him she blinked back tears, refusing to let them fall. "Say that I know he doesn't mean it when he apologises? That when he kisses me and tells me it'll be okay he's lying but I can't accept it because that means accepting the fact he has a problem? Say that I know if I walked out now he wouldn't come after me because…" Trailing off, she bit her lip and rapidly blinked.
"Because…?" He pushed, it was obvious that she was already on the edge but he knew he had to push her over to make her see what kind of relationship she was trapped in. He had heard about what it had done to her mother, seen what it had done to his own, and no way in hell could he let it happen to her too.
"Because he doesn't love me!" Tears slipped over her cheeks and splashed onto her scrubs, leaving small, dark blue dots in their wake. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "Because he doesn't love me like I love him."
"C'mere." Holding his arms open, Dr Cox waited but wasn't expecting her to shake her head.
"No. I don't need your sympathy and I don't need you to pretend you understand. It's different with me and Luke…I can make it work; I can make him love me…I can." Angrily swiping at her tears, she sniffed and tried to get her breathing back to normal.
"Bullshit…that's a load of crap and you know it." Staring accusingly at her, he dared her to disagree. When she said nothing, he tiredly sighed and said, "Fine…you know where I am if you need anything."
Standing up straight, she shook her head once more and told him, "I'll be fine. I don't need your help." Looking at her watch, she then added, "I've finished for the day so I guess I'll see you tomorrow." With that, mask once again intact, she turned and walked away as Dr Cox rubbed his hand over his face and groaned to himself, wondering how long it would be until things went too far and he couldn't save her anymore.
They say that sometimes love is strong enough to withstand anything but he feared that this time the strength of Virginia's love might just destroy her and take him down with her. This was one slippery slope they would never recover from because as much as it hurt her physically, it hurt him twice as much mentally, not that he would ever admit it. With another sigh and a deep breath, Dr Cox put his own mask back in place and prepared himself for the fifteen hour shift he had coming, all the time praying that Virginia would make it to tomorrow.
A/N:
