"Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace
Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe"
-All I Need: Within Temptation
Disclaimer: I do not own Haruka and Michiru and are choosing to borrow them for this story. I also do not own the song "All I Need". That is the property of Within Temptation. Go check it out.
I let out a small breath, looking at the cafe I would be meeting her in. It had been a year, and all of a sudden she wanted to see me. Snow fell from above, the large flakes landing in my hair and on my eye-lashes, melting quickly. I shivered, despite my thick coat, and walked across the street. I could see her, sitting at a small corner table holding a piping hot cup of, knowing her, chai tea close. She kept glancing towards the door, her eyes hopeful yet as confused as my own had to be. My hand wrapped around the handle of the heavy wooden door, and my instinct to run came to the front of my mind. I could quickly leave. She'd never know I had come. I wouldn't have to face her, face the past, face the fact that she had not found reason enough to stay with me. I let go of the handle, and stepped back. A ding in my pocket allowed me to realize I had a text, which I quickly moved to read. The light of my phone nearly blinded me, a dancing envelope wanting me to know that I did, indeed, have a message.
"Are you coming?"
The words made my heart stop in my chest. It was almost as if she could hear what I was thinking. That she could sense my sudden choice to turn tail and run. I didn't reply, but instead shut the device and turned all the more faster, beginning to run away from the cafe. Snow began to fall harder around me, and my dress shoes crashed against the sidewalk. My coat flapped out behind me, my problem seeming to vanish the harder I ran. I slowed to a jog, and finally to a walk when I found myself nearly four blocks away from the door I had almost walked through. My breath came in soft gasps, small clouds appearing in front of me. I groaned as I heard the the familiar ding from my phone. I pulled it from my coat pocket, the dancing envelope greeting me once again.
"Why didn't you just tell me you didn't want to meet with me? I've been here for almost an hour."
Again, my heart stopped. This time, it was painful. I swallowed the lump in my throat brought on by my sudden disgust with my inability to face the one person I couldn't wait to see again. I sat on a park bench.
"Something came up. Sorry you waited."
My lie seemed innocent enough. Something HAD come up. My pride. She wouldn't buy it. She knew me too well. I knew that she knew. How could she not? How long had we fought together, shared nearly every waking moment together?
"Oh. It's fine."
The indifference in her message made me cough in surprise. I should have expected nothing less from her. Whereas I was good at running from my problems, she was amazing at taking her pain and making it disappear. Her indifference was her way of making it known that my absence had bothered her. I leaned my head back against the bench, silently cursing myself.
"Raincheck?"
I was serious this time. I wouldn't run. I wanted to see her. It had been a year, after all. I dreamed of her almost nightly. I'd wake up only to have the waves of reality crash down upon me. I loved her. More than I had ever loved anyone else. I was always running because of that nagging fear in the back of my brain: her not loving me back. She would have never done such a thing to me, not as I had done to her. One night while she slept, I had left. A misunderstanding? No. Once again, my pride. Now here she was. Texting me a year later, wanting to get coffee and catch up. What would I tell her: "Oh, yeah, I've done nothing more than wallow in my own self-pity at losing you." Yeah. I can sense that would go over so nicely.
"Going to have 'something come up' again?"
Yep. She knew. And she wanted me to know that she did. I sighed.
"No, Michiru. Nothing will come up this time, I promise."
I stood in front of the same coffee shop a week later. It was snowing again. Today, however, instead of dressing up to meet her, I wore a pair of jeans partnered with a black dress shirt with tennis shoes. My leather coat didn't do much for the cold, worn of course, on purpose. I would want to go into the coffee shop to get warm. I sighed, and walked in, finding a cozy corner table, giving the waitress my order: a black tea with a single sugar. A cold gust of wind blew through the shop as the door was opened, and just as quickly was shut. My breath caught in my throat, my heart threatened to break my ribs. There she was in all her glory. A pair of jeans tucked into a pair of fur-tipped boots, a long black wool coat hanging mid-thigh. Her hair was tucked up under a beret-styled hat, her cheeks flushed with cold. I stood up to greet her, unable to say a word, only able to pull her chair from the table. She sat with all the grace I remembered her having.
"You look good, Haruka." Her voice was soft, filled with love that was carefully guarded by her typical indifferent voice. I sat down in my own seat. I knew I didn't look that good. I had lost a good bit of weight and my hair hadn't been cut in months. I let out a laugh, which caused her to color slightly.
"Don't lie. Now, someone who looks good has to be you." I smiled as the waitress brought our teas: mine being black, Michiru having a chai. We both sipped our drinks in silence, very unsure where to go next.
"I'm glad nothing came up."
"I promised, didn't I?"
"I wasn't going to get my hopes up." She sounded defeated suddenly, and she looked at her tea. I reached across the table and grasped her hand lightly. I felt Michiru stiffen slightly, then relax, almost relieved I had made contact. She turned her eyes to mine, and I found myself drowning in the liquid sapphires.
"I wouldn't miss the chance to see you, Mich."
"You did last week. I saw you..."
"I..."
"You were scared..."
"I was scared." I murmured the words inaudibly, but I felt a squeeze from Michiru's fingers and I knew she had heard. I glanced up, and she smiled at me. I knew she wasn't angry, not even close. She was happy I was near her.
"Where have you been lately?" It was a simple question holding so much meaning. I clenched my jaw, thinking of how to answer.
"Here and there."
"Avoiding me."
"No! I would never avoid you!"
"Liar..." She said it with a smile, which caused the knots in my stomach to untangle. I laughed softly for a reason I didn't know. "Ruka... Can we talk about it..."
"About what?"
"You know what." She muttered it in a voice quite unlike her own. I looked to her, and quickly looked away.
"I was afraid I wasn't enough..."
"How could you NOT be enough, Haruka!" She let out a laugh of disbelief. I felt my cheeks gain a decent amount of color. The instinct to run boiled in my veins, which I fought to ignore.
"I just..."
"You, you stupid woman, are all I need. Why can't you see that? Am I the one that is not good enough?" Tears filled her sapphire hues, and my heart crumbled, as did any feeling of wanting to run. I moved from my chair and wrapped my arms around her quickly, which she accepted without a thought. She buried her face against my shoulder, her hands sliding around my back.
"You're all I need too, Michi... I'll never leave again." She squeezed me tighter, as I pulled her closer. My cheek was buried in her hair, a tear sliding down my cheek to be caught in the unruly aqua locks. I finally felt at peace.
-0-
A/N: This is another step towards Fuseki and I having completed our task of turning each and every Within Temptation song into a story. I hope this story finds you all well, and that someone out there enjoys it.
-Lost
