Hello. I wrote this story but purely my benefit but at the moment about 7 chapters ahead I've got major writers block and decided to see what other people thought of it. Maybe in the future I'll post more chapters but at the moment I'm only going to post the first chapter to see what I can improve on for future chapters. Personally, I've never known anyone with PTSD closely and this is my perspective on the mental illness. I hope that I haven't offended anyone but as I said previously I've never known anyone with PTSD and this is the way I see the illness.
I don't own any of the characters, unfortunately.
WARNING: This story does contain child abuse, swearing and mentions of rape.
Thankyou and I hope you enjoy! Reviews are always appreciated 3
"Felicity, darling, come and sit down while I tell you something" Said child scowled at her half built computer screen as her mother called her name urgently. With a heavy sigh she through down the pieces of tech in her hand and walked down stairs.
Her mother-Donna Smoak- was a lively woman. All blond hair extensions and much too young style but despite her flaws Donna tried her best to support her child with the low paid job as a waitress. Her father had been a cop and didn't earn much but it was enough to stabilize their living arrangements which are why it hit them so hard when he left with nothing less than note.
Her mom reached over and clasped her small hand tightly, the metal bangles cooling the skin of Felicity's wrist. "I have to go." She said bluntly, Felicity could think of numerous reasons why she would say this and Donna knew-hoped-she would understand. "I'm going to Vegas to try and earn enough money for you and me to live together again in the meantime though I was hoping that you could stay with someone else. Just so that I know you're safe and being fed, do you understand, baby girl?"
Felicity nodded silently and tried to keep herself silent but the words escaped her lips without as much as her consent "When will we see each other again?" Tears filled Donna's eyes and she watched her daughter for what may be the last time.
"I don't know baby, soon, hopefully" Felicity nodded again biting back tears as her mom's spilled freely down her cheeks. "It won't take long for you to get adopted with your blond curls and blue eyes. My beautiful clever baby girl. You're going to save the world one day you know, with your brains and looks. You're going to have everything a girl could dream of- I promise." Again, felicity nodded her head, curls bouncing around the frame of her face. "First, I want ot do something. When… When you find a home, someone you really trust you can stop okay, but for know I think we need to change your hair-"
"-why?"
"Because only someone you really trust deserves to know the real you"
She stood silently nodding "when do I go?"
"As soon as you're ready"
Only hours later they pulled up outside the local orphanage. Her normally light hair now a soft chestnut brown. Its dark creepy arteria scared Felicity but with her small case clutched in one hand and the small computer circuit board clutched in the other she knew she wasn't getting out of this.
With one last hug from her mother she was taken inside.
Her time there was harsh, school was difficult and she hardly made any friends. Felicity was mostly mute and spoke only when spoken to, there were very few people Felicity had actually spoken too by choice.
Her mother was right but she was wrong too. She was adopted quickly by a desperate woman in hope of curing their marriage but when they managed to sort things out between them and have a child themselves she was sent back-no longer of use. The second home she went to was brutal she was forcibly taken out of there by the police due to reports of screaming and crying from neighbours. This created lots of nightmares which scared off a lot of hopeful parents, she was thirteen by the time the next offer came rolling in.
The whole Orphanage went into a state of shock when Moira Queen and her youngest daughter Thea appeared at their doorstep one September morning claiming to be looking for Miss Felicity Smoak.
Moira was warned about Felicity's obvious mental problems but that ceased to stop the famous rich mother from wanting to talk to Felicity. She was brought into a small box like room and sat at a desk made for two while awaiting their presence. The moment the two stepped into the room and Thea shot her a beaming smile was the happiest moment of her life.
"Hello!" Thea's voice was light and happy a sound foreign to Felicity. Her reply was a small timid smile but it was something. "My names Thea and I think you have really pretty hair and eyes. We're going to be the bestest friends and even better sisters!"
Before she could stop herself the words tumbled from her lips "Bestest isn't a word," Felicity shot a small hand over her mouth and looked at the table in dismay. Thea gave a short giggle and shrugged walking back to her mother's side.
"Hello Felicity, I'm Moira Queen, how're you?" Mrs Queen introduced herself very formally and it made Felicity turn a deep shade of red emitting another giggle from Thea. She nodded with a small smile at the suited woman in front of her. "Tell me about yourself"
Wordlessly the care worker standing by her side passed her a pen and paper. She shot the young woman a grateful look before jotting down some facts.
I have nightmares
I don't talk very much
I like to work with computers
I don't have a lot of friends
I'm not very good company
She passed the paper to Mrs Queen who read it thoughtfully and then gave the young girl a sad smile "They aren't very positive things, give me something that makes you special, that's makes you… you!"
The paper was passed back to her and she stared at it blankly
I could build you a computer from scratch?
She passed it back and Moira gave a quiet chuckle. She nodded at the care worker behind her who looked at her with wide eyes. Felicity didn't need to use her brains to know what the care worker was thinking you're actually taking her! Mentally Ill, mute Felicity Smoak?!
Moira held out her hand and beckoned her forward before bending to her height "How'd you feel about coming to stay with me?" Felicity's eyebrows shot to her hairline. "Yeah? Alright you hang here with Thea while I get the paper work done. Thea, don't talk her deaf!" Moira walked off in the other direction leaving Felicity shocked that Thea took the warning so easily.
"When you get back home you may have to sleep in my room for a few days while we get your bedroom done up for you but I suppose that gives you time to settle in-right? You going to go to Stanley School aren't you, my brother used to go there too but you're in separate years. We had never met you before today. I'm glad I did meet you and I'm glad it's you that's coming home with us and not one of those other girls they look mean-" Felicity cut her off with a peal of laughter which a gain was silenced with a hand over her mouth "You're allowed to laugh you know?" Felicity shrugged and motioned her to continue to talk "I have a brother he's 19 and I bit of an ass- don't tell my mom I said that- I'm not sure what he thinks of you yet but you'll get used to him. You're 16 right so that's only three years older than me. A lot of years I school. I go into high school soon!"
Felicity was strangely comforted by the young girls rapid talking it reminded her of the Felicity from years ago. The felicity that her mom knew…
Thea was cut short by Moira who walked back into the room a smile on her face. "C'mon Girly let's get you home" The way she said homemade something move in Felicity's stomach-would this be home or just another settlement until they figured out how messed up she really was?
Thea made a too rough grab for her hand but Felicity flinched away a scared look on her face. Her features pales and her breathing got lighter and quicker. Thea began to panic "Mommy! I didn't mean to! Help her, mommy, help!" Moira was already on the floor talking to Felicity careful not to touch her.
"Hey, come back to me. 1… take a deep breath. 2… Sit down straight. 3… open your eyes. 4…Think of five things you can see, repeat them in your head. 5… 4 things you can hear. 6… 3 things you can feel. 7… 2 things you can smell. 8… 1 thing you can taste. 9… you know you're safe. 10… you're okay." Felicity was okay, apart from the tears that fell down her face. "Now come on, let's get you home." Felicity nodded and wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks.
Thea trailed nervously behind, she hadn't said a word since it happened and the car journey had been silent too. When they got round the corner to her new home Thea turned to her with huge wide apologetic eyes "I'm really really sorry, I didn't know and if I did I wouldn't have… I just-I'm sorry" Felicity nodded at the young girl in front of her and her fingers itched to hug her, comfort her in any way possible. With a shaking hand she laid it on top of Thea's grasping it lightly.
"You can touch people?" she asked and Felicity could barely restrain the smile as she nodded.
She leant over and whispered "it's okay" and suddenly Thea was beaming brightly at her, smiling so widely she was sure it must hurt.
They pulled up in front of a huge mansion. The whole structure was one from the early 1900's and she couldn't withhold the gasp that gathered in her throat. "You like it?" Moira asked coming to a stop next to her. Felicity nodded still in awe as she took in the huge house stood in front of her.
Just as she was going to take a step forward two boys not much older than her shot passed accidently pushing passed her and knocking her into Thea. Felicity's eyes were large much like a deer's caught in headlights but Thea steadied her with a calm smile and she assured her it was okay and it was just the previous mentioned brother and his friend. Moira looked over at Felicity-making sure she was okay before marching over to where the two boys now stood kicking a ball too and from the other.
"Oliver Jonas Queen! Thomas Malcom Merlyn! How rude of you! Go and Apologise to Felicity right now, she's only just arrived and she doesn't need you making it any harder for her!" The two boys bowed their heads and walked over to where Thea and Felicity stood.
"Hi, I'm Oliver and this is my friend Tommy. Nice to meet you and sorry we bumped into you it won't happen again" Felicity nodded "Thea." He addressed his sister with a large smile but the iciness in Thea's eyes made him think twice. "Erm, Tommy, I'll come and get you later there's erm, pressing family matters to attend to" Thea smiled then and hugged the silent boy goodbye before hugging her brother.
Felicity looked him up and down before searching his face for judgment. There was nothing harsh in his features just curiosity and surprise. "C'mon Robert can't wait to meet you!" Moira ushered them all inside and out the cool air.
She was greeted inside by a mousy haired man with a warm smile. "I'm so happy to finally meet you!" She nodded in his direction sending him a small smile.
"Why don't you talk?" The burning question in everyone's minds was spoken aloud by Oliver who was gazing down at her with a questioning gaze.
Felicity bit her lip desperately trying to think of a way out of this but seeing no escape routes "I do talk…" she answered a slither of confidence worming its way into her heart. He nodded his gaze not lightening any.
"Do you like hot cocoa?" Moira asked softly and Felicity nodded shyly. "Be right back, you all want one too right?" everyone nodded and she left the room with a knowing smile.
Felicity perched on the end of the sofa glancing around curiously "You're going to have to sleep in Oliver's room for tonight, I'm really sorry" Roberts voice echoed around the room and his words turned her blood cold. Their eyes met half way across the room and Oliver sighed in despair but nodded anyway while Felicity looked at Thea in shock.
The younger queen shrugged but still looked confused.
"After this Oliver, you show her where she's sleeping while I make a list of rules- Thea you can decorate them" They drank in silence each Queen respectably getting used to her silent presence and when they were done Oliver held her eyes for a long second before getting up.
He smiled softly "C'mon, let's go" she followed him silently through a labyrinth of hallways and rooms before they finally came to a stop outside a plain oak door with 'Oliver' inscribed on the door. "This is my room, Thea's is down that other hallway and mom and dads are one floor up." He swung open the door and another gasp ripped from her throat.
His room was any teen boys dream. He had a huge TV bigger than anything she'd seen before with shelves among shelves of consoles. All his remotes were stacked neatly in their respective holders each holding two. He had a thin laptop thrown carelessly on his queen sized bed and his sheets were an ocean blue which reminded her of his eyes. There was a bookshelf in one far corner and close to that a desk. But what stood out most was the huge seated bay window on the front wall of his room. The window itself covered the whole wall and the seat was big enough to be a bed.
"I'll be sleeping on the window seat, you okay on the bed?" She stared at him in shock. This was his room and he was sleeping cramped on the small window seat.
She took a deep breath before offering "I'd fit better on there" He shook his head and half glared at her which she returned. "Please?" she asked and he stared at her with a strange expression before muttering something along the lines of mom and dad are going to kill me.
"Fine…" he groaned and she smiled shyly at him. He moved to get some of the pillows from the bed and laid them onto the sofa bed "show me how you're going to sleep" he asked and Felicity obeyed walking to the sofa bed and curling in on herself leaving lots of room to stretch out.
He nodded "I don't know why you're so bothered it's not like I'll be sleeping much anyway" the words fell from her tongue easily and she wasn't sure where she had gotten the confidence to talk from. If his furrowed brows were any consolation he was very confused "I have nightmares so I don't sleep" he nodded carefully.
The warm voice of Moira called up to them "Tea's here" he walked past her and out into the hallway beckoning her to follow.
"I hope you like Chinese!" Moira laughed as they appeared in the huge dining room. Felicity gave an eager nod- she hadn't had Chinese for nearly 7 years!
We ate through a comfortable conversation and although Felicity wasn't exactly joining in they included her despite knowing she mostly wouldn't join in. Thea told her about school and their latest work while Robert intrigued her with his many many computers. "You can have a play with one if you like?" he asked gently, Felicity looked up in shock seeing nothing but sincerity in his features as he nodded. She allowed herself a small smile before nodding gently trying-and failing- to not seem to enthusiastic.
He grinned happily "Fantastic, tomorrow when these two have been dropped off at school we can go down to the computer room if you'd like? I'd have to leave soon but I can show you around?" It earned short of a grin from her and the whole family seemed to smile at her happiness.
The rest of dinner was spent with Moira and Robert chastising Oliver on his grades they never raised their voice or hand though and that seemed to calm her down. He looked over at her and rolled his in good nature earning a small smile which he beamed at. Thea called her name and hesitantly reached for her hand. She didn't flinch away much to Thea's relief but that didn't stop her whole body from tensing.
"C'mon I'll show you my room!" She walked slowly but felicity could tell Thea was close to running up the stairs at full speed dragging her behind. "I think the rest of the house can wait for now, after school tomorrow?" she offered to which Felicity nodded not wanting to hurt the poor girls feelings any more than she already had. It took an abnormally large amount of time for them to pull short in front of a plain white door with a silver inscription of THEA on the door much to Felicity's surprise.
Thea opened the door with childish excitement bouncing on her heels as she did so. Felicity found it hard to conceal the gasp that worked its way from her throat at the sight of the bedroom. It had everything from a walk in wardrobe to a huge flat screen TV. Her huge queen sized, four poster bed had fairy lights and soft curtains hanging from the top concealing her purple bedsheets and throw.
SPEEDY was written in bright red along the side of her bed in huge childlike writing. When she walked forward to stare at the letters Thea was quick with an explanation.
"One time Ollie and I were alone in the house and I wanted to personalise my room a little bit but the only thing we had was markers. He calls me speedy all the time and that's what he wrote. When mom and dad found out they were angry at first but decided to go over it with red paint to make it look a bit neater… Ollie has it on his wall too- he tries to hide it though so don't tell him I told you"
The whole Idea was really sweet and she couldn't stop the tears that pricked in her eyes. Felicity blinked them away before Thea could notice and carried on her exploration of the gigantic room.
Thea turned to her then "You're going to have to decide colour and things for your room. So we could do that now if you'd like? We have a few hours until my bed time and Ollie won't be going up for ages In fact he's probably out again with Tommy. It's up to you?" Felicity nodded with a slight shrug earning a bright grin from Thea as she dashed from the room.
She came back with her tiny arms full of thick and thin magazines. Felicity helpfully took some from her amazed at the weight of them before placing them on the floor. "Right so what colour are you thinking for your room? I mean it can be completely mental if you'd wish but… I, personally, think one colour scheme works perfectly" she mumbles half to herself and Felicity tries her hardest to keep up with the young girls endless talking.
Felicity flicks through the pages among pages of bedroom ideas. The blue and greys had stuck and she liked the idea of sliding glass wardrobes. "You can talk to me; you're not going to get in trouble for voicing your opinions here. Not that I was… it doesn't matter all I mean is that you can tell me what you like and dislike" Felicity nodded and counted to three in her head.
"I… I like the blue and grey? Like on furniture could be white bedding and stuff blue and the walls a really light grey?" she mumbled to herself but it obviously enough for Thea because she jumped up suddenly and went to hug her. Felicity's eyes snapped open and they both froze watching the other movements with careful eyes.
"I'm sorry. I just-yeah, I'm sorry, I won't do it again." Thea looks so upset she hated herself for making her feel this way.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Thea tapped her carefully on the arm and pointed to a wall in the book. It was really pretty, the head of the bed was against the wall and said wall was a light grey with a white tree wall sticker. Felicity gave Thea a smile and nodded her head.
Thea gave a gasp making Felicity turned to look at the page where she too was amazed by how perfect the image was. It was a large window seat on one wall and thin transparent curtains fell over it turning it into more of a separate room. "That's beautiful" Felicity murmured and Thea turned jotting something on a pad that had appeared next to her.
Silence fell again more comfortable than the last and they exchanged room ideas for a long while-longer than Felicity noticed. A soft tap on the door broke them from their reverie and they both looked up at the door in curiosity. Moira stood at the door a warm smile dawning her face "Bed time Thea"
Thea pouted but nodded gathering her notes and passing them to her mom. They had actually made a plan of Felicity's dream room but she discarded the thought of it as soon as she saw the price of most of the items. Thea came back into the room moments later in Tinkerbell PJ's and pulled back the curtain on her bed flopping onto it with a sigh. "Where 'lisity sleepin'?" Thea muttered from her pillow making Felicity turn her head in equal curiosity.
"I know it's really not ideal but we were hoping that you may be able to share Oliver's room tonight…" Felicity nodded, not wanting to seem rude. Thea on the other hand pouted, and stared at her mom with wide puppy dog eyes.
"B-but mommy, I wanted Felicity to stay with me? Pretty pretty please?" she begged but Moira shook her light curls casting Felicity an apologetic glance.
Moira ushered her out the room with a final "No." and turned off the light leaving them in hallway alone. "C'mon I'll show you the way, do you have some PJ's for tonight?" Felicity shook her head sheepishly-no. "Again, I know it's not ideal but would you be okay with borrowing some of Oliver's stuff? I know it's going to be too big but he's probably the closest to your size?" Felicity laughed on the inside- Oliver had to be going on 6 ft. and she was barely 5, 3. "Here we are, I'll see you settled in and then head back downstairs, okay?" Felicity nodded tiredly.
They entered the room, which was a very similar build to Thea's except everything was green instead of purple. He had a desk instead of her wooden castle and a laptop instead of a toy box but other than that they held similar objects. The only other difference was the fact there was another single bed in his bedroom pushed against the window. It held blue sheets instead of green and was made up pristinely unlike his ruffled covers. Moira returned into view with a pair of grey sweatpants, top and hooded sweatshirt. Then from behind her back Moira presented her with a tablet which she took with grateful hands and a large smile.
"Tomorrow when your room is finished you'll have your phone, laptop and TV so don't worry you won't be stuck with this tiny thing for long" Felicity could only stare at her with wide eyes. How could she downgrade anything technical, especially something with this expense? Moira chuckled "I'll leave you to it, you know where I am if you need anything"
Felicity nodded pushing down the panic that was slowly rising in her chest. As soon as the door shut tears leaked from her eyes and she crumbled to the floor wrapping her arms around her legs and sobbing silently. After a few minutes she got up and changed quickly into the clothes given. She had to roll everything up about five times but it kind of fit. She tied her hair in a bun and collapsed on the bed with a shaky sigh.
There was nothing on the other side of the window. Darkness had crept up on her and soon she was sat in complete black. Tears had carried on running down her face and the cracked piece of circuit board clutched in one hand as she stared blankly out the window. She didn't know what time it was, nor did she know how long she'd been sat there but suddenly light flooded the room.
She let out a startled cry and turned to the shocked shadow in the doorway. They stared at each other for a long moment before he broke the silence "What are you doing here?" She continued to stare at him in fear and after a few minutes he sighed and muttered "Oh yeah, you're mute." Felicity watched as he worked his way around placing things down and picking things up then proceeded to lift his top off.
She turned away trying to conceal the blush that flooded her cheeks "If you're sleeping here you're going to have to get used to it I'm afraid." This time his voice held edginess to it that wasn't there before-cockiness? She scowled and continued to stare out the window.
He turned his light off and his TV on the light hurting her eyes. He turned a console on a grabbed two remotes looking at her with a torn expression in the end he gave a sigh "do you know how to play?"
She shook her head and he patted the space on the floor next to him. Felicity obeyed and crossed her legs then when she was finally seated comfortably he passed her a black controller. "X to jump, Y to stab, B to fight and A for your inventory. You use these to move forward and back and this to move the camera. This to shoot and this to aim. You'll get used to it just don't die" he gave her a smirk and the game begun.
She found herself engrossed quickly, shooting her way through crowds of people, that she actually began to laugh. At first it was quiet and hesitant but then it grew into something even Oliver couldn't just watch therefore they both laughed like maniacs every time they died. "You're terrible!" he accused when she had died for the hundredth time.
"You're not exactly a master either!" she grumbled making him chuckle. Silence fell as they now started to work together each exchanging few demands as they kicked the other teams ass. It took a while but when they had finally won the game they turned towards each other and shook hands.
"We need to get to bed, I have school in the morning and you have…" He muttered when he checked his phone. She nodded and climbed atop of the sheets, resuming her previous position of staring out the window. He stared at her huddled figure in confusion "You not sleeping?" he asked when the lights had been turned off.
She shook her head defiantly "why?" he asked and she sighed.
"Nightmares" Oliver nodded and climbed out of bed "What're you doing?" She asked when he joined her curled and staring at the dark garden.
He looked over at her with hooded eyes before running his hands through his hair and answering "joining you?" She smiled and nodded. "So you just sit here?" he asks after a few minutes.
"Yep." He sighed and resumed his silence "You can go to sleep you know?" she added after a moment of him huffing. He nodded glumly before lying down next to her sitting position "What are you doing?" she echoed his previous words with a hint of fear.
He looked up at her through dark lashes "Sleeping" was his only reply and the next moment he was dead weight. She sighed and glanced at his snoring figure.
Felicity walked into her new foster parents living room with a quiet curiosity to see them bent over a dinner plate containing white powder. She meant to back out quietly but like in every horror movie she tripped over the couch creating a small squeak.
Both of them looked up at her, their faces were something she'd never forget. They were pale with a cold sweat, both red eyed and red nosed. Their eyes were watery as they glared up at her and a shooting of fear climbed up her spine. She turned and ran for the bedroom but they were both quicker with stronger legs.
Her legs were taken from under her and she was thrown onto the floor her head smacking the floor with a sickening crack. The warmth dribbling down her neck was understandably blood and she reached blindly for the spot where her head ached and stung pressing her hand there in hope of stopping the bleeding.
They didn't like that though because they reached for Felicity's hand and twisted it round back to her side. His fingers had left imprints but with the white spots in front of her eyes she couldn't tell how bad it really was. "You little bitch-how dare you come into our house and wander around like you own the place. This is my house and you do as I say now get up!" he snarled.
Felicity was quick to comply but as soon as she was stood her kicked her in the stomach sending her flying back. Her eyes searched the room in hope of anything to make him stop but only found the cold pig eyed Mrs who glared at her with an evil smirk.
"I SAID GET UP!" he roared and she stumbled back up using the wall to keep herself from falling again. "Now you're going to go back into your room and NOT come out again until you're called-Do you understand!" She nodded feebly tears threatening to fall. She limped past them both as they cackled and stumbled back to her room.
The body length mirror was her only consolation. She used an old T-shirt and secured it to the back of her head flinching every time the t-shirt scraped the cut, then got to work on cooling her wrist. She secured it with an odd sock and tried to keep it as still as possible. Her ribs had already started to bruise but there was nothing she could do at the moment apart from sit.
"Get in here" Thankfully the bleeding had stopped about an hour ago so she unwrapped the T-shirt and the sock before walking into the living room. Her dinner was on the table-some kind of stew- and they motioned her to sit before going into the kitchen. Felicity didn't see them for the rest of the night just the occasional bump through the walls.
When she finally braved going back to her room she was presented with loneliness something rare and sweet. That night she heard the lock of her door and sighed as tears built in her eyes.
It wasn't the sun that awoke her as the moon was still in the sky when her eyes next opened. Through the darkness she heard the rattle of a lock and the snicker of a man, the door swung open and there stood Stephen his dark eyes glistening harshly in the moonlight…
"Please don't hurt me!" she cried as he stepped towards her bed, his hand reached forward and slapped the back of her head-all went quiet.
Felicity's eyes fluttered open, the room itself wasn't exactly dark but it was nowhere near time to get up. She wiped the tears from her cheeks before making her move to get up.
A heavy weight on her stomach stopped her and she looked down with wide eyes meeting blue worried orbs. He moved his arm slowly and apologetically "sorry, I was just- you were crying and I couldn't wake you so I tried something different…" She nodded and climbed out of the bed to get a sip of water from the cup on the side.
"Did it work?" she asked softly. When he didn't answer she presumed he'd gone back to sleep and proceeded to lie down on the carpet so not to wake him.
Two firm arms gripped her waist and underside of her knees and gently carried her to the bed tucking her in before walking back to his own. He looked over at her with quiet eyes "Yes" he whispered so quiet she felt like she imagined it but judging by the slight smile adorning his face she knew she hadn't.
