added affect if your listening to the song while reading... just saying... and tell me what you think, did i interpret the song well or is it a little too angst?
I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown
And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me
It's been ten years, I remind myself. Still though I lay awake, forever scared of the darkness, even wrapped in my husbands arms. The darkness is to much; it consumes me and defeats my walls. I'm losing the battle, I have no more strength to win over the memories.
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone
The door opens, the darkness being pushed to the corner by the lights. I freeze, no more does the darkness keep me safe from the light. The light, he is here. Only a matter of time until it starts again. Only when brother and sister are away do you come in with the lights. Be strong I tell myself. Be strong, don't show him your fears. When it's over and the lights are gone I can only dream of what would of happened if I stayed strong. The memories are winning and the tears fall freely from my eyes. My husband soothes me with no words but just his safe arms.
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
The memories are overpowering me. They're sucking me back to the times. They are calling me back to the abuse. To the place it took place. Suddenly my husband is gone and it's only me at ten, frozen with fear as the door opens and the light floods into the room. It's only memories I remind myself as I cry into my husband. Our bedroom door opens and our daughter comes in but it's enough to suck me back into the memories and make me turn to lead from fright.
Noises, I play within my head
Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still breathing
And I think back to when my brother and sister slept
in an unlocked place the only time I feel safe
I created music within my head to cover the sounds of my own cries, the sounds of flesh being mutilated, the sound of his laughs , his yelling. I'd hug myself after, feeling around to make sure I was okay, to make sure I wasn't hurt because of the now numbness. Only when my brother and sister were home would my door be unlocked. Only then would I feel safe in my own home. Safe in the lights.
