Just something I had on my computer for a while and decided to post as a one shot.
Rated M for the beginning.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
"Shit, you're amazing." Lilly moaned appreciably as she was forcefully pushed against the white toilet stall wall, allowing more unrestricted access to her pulsating neck by tilting her head back and encouraging her determined pursuer. She felt so elated, so pure, even though what she was doing was religiously as well as morally wrong in so many sinful ways.
These were the heavenly moments she now lived for, though. These unplanned, few precious seconds were sacred, cherished deep within. As far as hidden and locked in a place no seeker could ever relinquish them. Her secrets, her guilty little pleasures, her fantasies yet to be fulfilled, were buried away like treasure that only one girl was able to find.
She squirmed where she stood – rested immobile against the cool surface– as Miley's hot tongue exploited her pulse point again and again, making her knees shake and buckle (every time, every time!) with the overwhelming intensity that one unique girl could inflict upon her. Nothing could compare to this. Nothing could compete. Her trembling hands ran across (shyly groping) every available part of Miley she had access to (hair, back, waist), worshipping her intricate body, taking her in as though it were her supply of oxygen.
In some ways it was her only form of breathing.
"Unh … God! … that feels so-so… mmm …" she managed to powerlessly stutter when Miley, leaning seductively into her, unexpectedly changed her rhythm on the weak spot of her neck, sucking and nibbling, increasing the arousal throbbing deep in a lower region, while her own grip subconsciously tightened on where her hands happened to lay at that blissful moment: the brunettes delicate hips.
"Hmm … Miles …"
It was arduous to attempt and vocalize her out-of-this-world pleasure, but Lilly felt her inability to form a coherent sentence was all the stimulant Miley needed to know that what she doing was more than acceptable. In their previous endeavors Miley had as good as admitted Lilly's expressive and gratuitous moans were a bigger and more effective turn on than rambling speeches of non-committing praise.
Miley's lips then skillfully descended to her awaiting collar bone, resulting in Lilly arching her back in sheer ecstasy, mumbling inaudible nonsense from her slightly ajar mouth, also squeezing Miley's shirt in unawareness of what she was doing since her soul seemed to be soaring up above the normal realms. Limits were exceeded. Rules and regulations were beat down and trampled upon in haste to overcome that barrier blocking their utmost happiness.
Why wasn't reality always an overjoyed feeling of relief and not a momentary reprieve from the horrors the real world held?
Why was it that Miley could have her like this anytime, anywhere? All she needed to do was aim that burning gaze in Lilly's direction and she melted, stupidly reduced into a vulnerable mess. Maybe to any onlooker it would be pitiful to see this natural reaction when their story clearly could have no fairytale ending.
Even though Lilly wanted (needed) it more, Miley was prime initiator of every passionate meeting they were enrolled in, because Lilly feared she'd be rejected if she attempted and the timing was wrong, or something was amiss she wasn't notified of. Therefore, Lilly never took control. Although it was her incessant attitude that prayed for these psychical clinches, Miley called the shots (she was more demanding?) but it wasn't like Lilly was complaining; these scenes were craved and desired by ever fiber of her being. It just hurt when she focused long enough from her high to realize Miley wasn't and never would be fully hers.
Sure, she spent every waking moment wishing that wasn't the case, but what could she do? The part she had of Miley was the irreplaceable piece (because Miley must keep wanting Lilly to repeat their interactions, right?), but she wanted to look at her lovingly in the open world and claim her like her own property (not that she was an object. Far from it, in fact). If anything it should be Lilly's right to proudly reinforce her protectiveness over the brunette to declare her taken. It came with being in a positive relationship. Except, Lilly didn't have Miley in that way. No, she had that tiny part of her. The part that engaged in guilty make-out sessions in private areas only to leave with more anguish and despair.
"Miley!" She gasped as she felt a wandering hand gently slide down the front of her cargo pants, playing teasingly with the seams of her underwear before heading further south with admirable confidence. Any more pressure and she was going to …Miley was … Lilly was at bursting point. A volcano like eruption prepared to emit lava from its steaming summit, verging on catastrophic results. Her teeth were gritted together, stifling a scream; her back, moist with sweat, was pressed firmly against the stall wall. Heat radiated from every pore, and her heart pounded as she braced herself for the final step, what she thought was the inevitable.
Was it finally going to happen? Now? This adolescent transition that signified every teenager's right of passage. Lilly was prepared, she had been ready (and wanting) this for so extremely long that her eyes were squeezed closed as though scared she would wake up and find she was having a nightmare. That Miley would once again be ripped from her grasp, but that also happened in reality so her dreams were coincided with consciousness. They'd reached this stage numerous times before, and Lilly was every time convinced 4th base would occur only to be left disappointed and alone.
God, she wanted this so insanely badly! Right here, right now … No, correction, she wanted Miley so much that she was willing to risk her own sanity by whimpering for her to continue, begging her to take the most precious and irreplaceable thing she could give her. Even though she was offering such a valuable gift in a 4 star restaurant restroom, it didn't make it any less meaningful or sincere. Maybe Miley would see how serious she was about them (what they had now, that connection) by her forward actions and promise her that they would have a future. Mostly reassurance, to rest Lilly's hectic mind. That she would make sure their first time would be special and not animalistic in a bathroom. But Lilly would settle for anything under the circumstances. Romantic or not, even though she wanted Miley to do her as she pleased with the way she was erotically feeling, it was only because Miley's talented hands were in an arousing place that she was throwing caution to the wind. Then again it was her teenage hormones that wanted Miley to do her in a toilet stall because the foreplay had already been near orgasmic.
Instead of crossing that intimate border, however, Miley rubbed Lilly over her underwear and Lilly's face twisted in ecstasy, groaning and writhing in ultimate pleasure.
"I lo-want you," she feebly declared, covering up her almost word slip by returning to their only form of language exchange (provocative and risqué words when involved in one of their 'moments'). Actually saying what she wanted to truthfully say would cause complications of dangerous proportions. Psychical, that was all their relationship perceived to be. Admitting anything more in this complex situation would blow-up, even though Lilly had a heartfelt revelation lined up with words she could never say. All it would cause is a bigger mess, regardless of her good intentions. All she wanted was Miley to be her own, all hers and no one else's. She'd treat her like the princess she was, and be grateful of everyday they had together. Could he say the same?
Just as the world froze in anticipation – impenetrable tension – Miley withdrew her seemingly traitorous hand from Lilly's pants with tantalizing slowness, breathing heavily in Lilly's ear (making the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand electrically on end) and pulled back to create an unwelcome space between both heaving bodies. As predicted, as was routine, she looked down guiltily and muttered lowly, "I can't"
She never could. But it didn't stop it from stinging.
On reflex Lilly grabbed her retreating hand (that was hovering over her rapidly respiring stomach), yearning for her tender touch, needing that level of contact more than ever before. It was excruciating aggravating how it would automatically play out like this, like a script. Miley would torture Lilly (and clearly herself) by starting these escapades until they were at the brink of commitment, only to abruptly halt with overwhelming guilt.
"Don't." Lilly pleaded throatily, searching desperately for Miley's darkening grief-filled eyes. "You don't want to stop." The tone in which she said it in was more like a verbal statement, trying to convince two restless minds. The hand that wasn't clutching Miley's stationary wrist, defiantly holding her there so she couldn't wriggle away (the last attempt had been heart hearted, but still) gripped Miley's now creased shirt. Lilly ached for her to finish what she started. Never before in her 16 years of life had she been this aroused, this hot. Miley couldn't stop now; she shouldn't be allowed to toy with her this way. Wasn't it killing her to be destroying Lilly, a figment of shattered heart at a time? Obviously not, Lilly bitterly reflected, feeling dangerously pessimistic. However, she was not innocent in this increasingly painful act. She was the one letting history repeat itself over fear of losing that one smidgeon of Miley she had now.
It was just ripping her to shreds.
"Look at me." Lilly pleaded as nothing happened. "Miley …"
Miley eventually tore her lust-filled gaze to hesitantly meet Lilly's equally hungry blue eyes. Apparently she couldn't handle that because she kept breaking off to glance at something else, occasionally flicking her stare back to the blonde stood in front.
"I can't," she repeated with undisguised regret. Her breathing was ragged and shallow and turned Lilly on more than ever, despite the heart wrenching words being voiced aloud. "You know I can't."
Even though her response wasn't unexpected, Lilly's heart icily sunk to the bottom of her hollow pit. Not trusting herself to reply to that comment she nodded her head numbly. No, she didn't understand what they were doing anymore. Was she being used? …
…No! Miley wasn't like that, she was just stuck tight between a zombie slayer and a skater girl here. It could be as easy as Miley was willing to make it, so why was it so difficult to decide where her priories lie? Some sacrifices needed to be made, needless to doubt, but you had to get through hell to deserve heaven.
Lilly would do that for Miley, but would Miley do that for Lilly? For them to be happy and have a real relationship, would she risk everything like Lilly would do for her, what she was doing for her? For a relationship where Miley was fully hers and not reluctantly belonging to another. It could be so, so simple in theory. It's a pity life doesn't unravel the way you see it set out in your head, otherwise Miley would be screaming from the rooftops she had undying love for Lilly Truscott.
Nobody moved; the only sounds were of their uneven breathing and distant clatter of pipe work. She felt instantly stupid for thinking this time was different (special). She was hopelessly blindsided by the amazing sensations Miley could stir in places she never imagined or believed possible.
She hated to accept it but she was left alone and disappointed.
Again.
Miley was flawless perfection, Miley was her undivided everything, Miley was the reason she was dying inside. When she was working her undesirable magic it felt so right, like an enigma being solved, the pieces of a puzzle joining peacefully.
As a whole.
As a picturesque image without the corrupted cracks ruining the picture.
When that magic stopped, when Miley was seconds (rapid heartbeats) away from connecting with Lilly the most intimate way humanly possible, she broke down with remorse.
With guilt.
And then she would leave.
Lilly would watch with tears lining her eyes, and life would go on, and them on with it. A repetitive cycle that neither dared break, nor have a proper conversation about.
Lilly's "condition" hadn't decreased even with the negative atmosphere threatening to engulf the vicinity and extinguish that small flame of hope ignited in her empty chest. If anything being within close proximity of her secret love (who was nervously identifying her foot with a burning leer) heightened her tingling senses.
"I need you." Lilly whispered so quiet she half-hoped Miley didn't hear her. "I need you so bad, Miles. Don't go. Don't leave me. I-I can make it all better; you just have to be mine, Miley. I want you to be mine. He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't appreciate what he has and he takes advantage of you. Please say you'll leave him. I'm the one who'd die for you. All I want is for you to be happy. Give me a chance! You know you don't want him; you just can't bring yourself to leave him. I know, Miles. I know what you're contemplating, but … you can't keep doing this. It's unfair to him, to me and more importantly to you. Please, Miley, please …" She didn't know what she was begging for exactly but the words were like hot poison oozing from her corrupted mouth.
Oh God, what had she done?! They never went into sentimental content when they were together; it was physical, all psychical... Lilly just cracked. She wanted Miley and she wanted her to see that she deserved so much better. Also, she wanted Miley to know that she was in love with her and it wasn't some meager fling. If this was a meaningless romp, did Miley really think she'd have kept silent, this patient, this willing to have her heart ripped out every time she walked away back to him for some non-committing affair? No! Miley was smart, Miley had to know deeper feelings ran through them both, why else would she keep coming back to Lilly?
Could it be lo- No! Never the L word. That was destined for her downfall, and she wasn't quite ready to accept Miley wasn't harboring any real feelings for her just yet. That tiny glance of future happiness was her muse for letting Miley have her way, without hope she had no Miley. And without Miley she had no life.
"Lilly, please, don't …" Miley trailed off with her beautiful sad eyes blurry with unshed droplets of anguish. "D-Don't make this harder than it already is. I-I want to stay here with you but I can't. I can't. " Like many times before she made to stall her drama by running away but Lilly sprung into immediate action and blocked her way out of the enclosed toilet stall.
Miley weakly grabbed her quivering arm and tugged with receding energy. "Lilly." Her tone was gaining in harshness, trying to shield her own misery by issuing a defense mechanism in the form of imperative warnings. Lilly stubbornly barricaded the exit, holding her captive.
What was she achieving by this motion? More heartbreak when Miley got her own way and left? Why must she think every time they do this its going to be different, that Miley will run into her arms and be free? Free to want her with no guilt, with no lingering ghostly shadow in the back of her mind. Why! It never happens!
"Let me go." Miley ordered pleadingly, reaching for the handle behind Lilly's back.
Lilly shook her head, "Never," she uttered and bravely cupped Miley's face with her shaking hands, ignoring the little voice in her head telling her no to do so. Shockingly, Miley looked terrified. She was the confident one when they were kissing, but when it came to things more emotional she looked afraid, unsure.
What was happening?
Lilly was acting on impulse by cradling Miley in a way she had never dared to before. It was the fear of losing her that spurred her instinctive actions. Over everything her optimistic side was taking control of her rational mind. There had to be hope.
Again, Miley made to get away but Lilly couldn't let her. Not yet. Not when she had Miley right where she wanted her. With a burst of confidence Lilly let her lips meet Miley's, taking her time, making it slow and sensual until Miley tilted her head, making it deeper.
Before it had been raw passion, an eagerness to 'have sex' but this was heartfelt. This held so much life and emotion. Better yet, Lilly had initiated it. Since she had started this kiss, Lilly gently probed her tongue into Miley's steadily open mouth, exploring and adventuring. With a moan, Miley let her tongue battle with Lilly's and gripped onto her tightly.
When they broke for breath, Lilly declared, "It can be like that every time."
Opening her eyes, Miley scanned Lilly's face with devotion.
Lilly felt proud that she could make Miley stop and think. That kiss was the tip of the iceberg, it threw everything into perspective. Would she finally see Lilly was serious, that she loved her?
"I-I-" Miley took a deep breath. "We have to go." She finished and grabbed the handle. Turning back, she whispered, "I'm sorry" and left Lilly standing in the toilet stall, listening as the restroom door swung shut.
Shaking her head, she defied the abandonment. They had reached a new level tonight; it was not going to be forgotten so easily. Lilly was not giving up for she felt sure Miley had expressed a little more sentiment in that slow and sensual kiss. It wasn't just physical when they were together, they could have different type of interactions too.
Without looking at herself in the mirror she walked back out in to the restaurant, into another region of hell.
Without taking the easiest detour to her seat she made the effort to walk behind where Miley had just sat, letting her hand delicately trail through her luscious hair, causing Miley to squeak and her to grimly smile at this effect she had caused.
"What's up, babe?" An arrogant male voice asked her as Lilly resumed her seat, looking exhausted.
"N-nothing." Miley shrugged his interrogation away and pretended to busy herself with the menu.
"What's up with your hair, Lilly?" He then moved onto ask when he wasn't getting any attention from his girlfriend.
Self consciously, her hands automatically flew to her head with her eyes wide. Miley almost squeaked again.
"What's wrong with my hair?" she bit back with intended venom.
"It looks like someone has dragged their hands through it repeatedly."
Miley blushed and looked down at her silverware, and Lilly combed her fingers through it, hiding her own red cheeks.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Who did you just get busy with in the toilets, Truscott? Don't play the innocent act, you sly dawg!"
You're girlfriend, Lilly wanted to shout. Miley was the one who had almost gone all the way with her in the restroom, that was why her hair was so messy and her clothes so disheveled, not because she'd jumped some guy from a nearby table. Gritting her teeth and clutching her glass of soda, she smartly replied, "Wouldn't you like to know."
Miley sent her a warning sign with her petrified eyes and Lilly deflated, not being able to withstand making Miley even more upset.
So Lilly never brought it up, she didn't dare confront Miley alone or in public. Some things were better left unsaid, and one of those things was Lilly's love.
She had a small part of Miley, and deep down she knew Miley wanted to be with her too.
Didn't she?
The fairytale might someday have a happy ending, but for now, Lilly would have to let Miley engage in more guilty gatherings until she got the guts to dump her ego maniac boyfriend.
As she thought that, Jake sniggered and looked away, allowing Miley to be a little more relaxed. In those reprieved few seconds she smiled the most heartwarming smile Lilly had ever seen on her features, and it was aimed directly at her. Did her kiss have an impact? Did she realize Lilly loved her?
Finding hope, Lilly smiled back with her heart steadily beating.
Things weren't perfect, they probably wouldn't ever be.
But as Miley smiled Lilly found why she had fallen for the girl in front of her.
-She always got what she wanted, and with the way she was looking at her it was quite clear Lilly was just that.
Exactly what she wanted.
Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and tell me your thoughts :)
