BADASSIUM
To: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
From: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
Re.: New Element
Dear Mr. Stark,
We, at the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry, are very enthusiastic with your discovery of a new element and glad that you decided to propose it for a new entry on the periodic table.
We, however, think you should reconsider your proposed name for the element as it is not acceptable by IUPAC standards.
Sincerely,
Jon Whedon
Element Entry Submission Manager
To: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
From: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
Re.: Badassium
Dear Mr. Whedon,
I honestly don't see the problem with Badassium.
It seems to me like a very appropriate name for the element as it was discovered in a badass way, it does badass things, it powers up my badass armor, and its all-in-all badass.
I sincerely hope you reconsider your decision and allow my element to have the badass name it deserves.
Sincerely,
Tony Stark
Former CEO of Stark Industries
Current Iron Man
To: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
From: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
Re.: Re.: Badassium
Dear Mr. Stark,
I'm sorry, but Badassium is simply unacceptable.
Wouldn't you rather have it named it after you? We think Starkium is an appropriate name.
We await your response.
Sincerely,
Jon Whedon
Element Entry Submission Manager
To: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
From: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
Re.: Lame
Dear Mr. Whedon,
I'm sorry, but Starkium is lame.
Next, you're gonna suggest it to be named Ironmannium or Tonium.
Also, Badassium is already named after me, as I am, truly, very badass.
I stand by my original name.
Sincerely,
Tony Stark
Former CEO of Stark Industries
Current Badass
To: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
From: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
Re.: Re.: Lame
Dear Mr. Stark,
Please, cooperate with us.
You can clearly see why Badassium is not acceptable, so would you please reconsider?
Sincerely,
Jon Whedon
Element Entry Submission Manager
To: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
From: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
Re.: PC is BS
Dear Mr. Whedon,
Is it because of the "ass"?
If it is, I'm calling bullshit, because there are a lot of elements with "ass" in the name.
If you still think Badassium is not good, then I suggest Awesominnum.
There's no way any parent groups will get upset with that.
Sincerely,
Tony Stark
Former CEO of Stark Industries
Current Genius, Billionaire, Philanthropist
Former Playboy
Currently In a Relationship
To: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
From: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
Re.: Re.: PC is BS
Dear Mr. Stark,
Both names are unacceptable.
I'm sorry, but you seem to not be taking this seriously.
We're gonna give you one last chance to give it a serious name, or else we're naming it ourselves.
Sincerely,
Jon Whedon
Element Entry Submission Manager
To: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
From: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
Re.: Homage
Dear Mr. Whedon,
Can I name it after someone else besides me?
Sincerely,
Tony Stark
Former CEO of Stark Industries
Former Avengers Material
Current Consultant
To: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
From: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
Re.: Re.: Homage
Dear Mr. Stark,
Yes, you can.
We're looking forward for your answer.
Sincerely,
Jon Whedon
Element Entry Submission Manager
To: Jon Whedon jw at iupacdotcom
From: Tony Stark stark at starkindustriesdotcom
Re.: Pepper is Badass
Dear Mr. Whedon,
How about Pepperpottassium?
Sincerely,
Tony Stark
Former CEO of Stark Industries
Still a Badass
Are you sure you want to add "stark at starkindustriesdotcom" to your Spam filter?
THE END
Author's Notes: This fic came to me after reading The Avengers prelude: "Fury's Big Week", in which Nick Fury tells Professor Selvig that tony was having problems naming his new element "Badassium".
Reviews are appreciated. Please, point any mistakes of my part, so I can do better next time.
Also, bonus points to whoever guess the two people I named the IUPAC manager after.
