Slipping Through the Cracks of Sanity
Prologue
I hold the gun steady in my shaking hand, it wasn't my first time and it definitely wasn't going to be my last. I scanned the group around me not really taking their features in though, more to calm my nerves. I knew the odds, one out of two; four others had gone before me and we all knew if the bullet didn't kill me it would kill the next person.
I took a deep breath in as I aimed the revolver at my temple; I counted to 3 and blew out as my finger pressed against the trigger. I imagined every significant moment in my life; 7 years old watching my bodyguard dying from a bullet meant for me, at 10 when I had my first kiss, 13 my first date, at 15 finding out I was pregnant, then when I had the abortion, at 17 almost overdosing on some type of drug, 19 my first day at Yale, 22 meeting him, getting into the FBI Academy, getting shot and almost dying, breaking up with him, transferring to the BAU, Colorado and falling all over for him, then Matthew Benton dying.
For a moment nothing happened, time stopped and I felt only the adrenaline rushing through my body and then he came to me and took the gun from my hand, smiling as he did. He quickly wiped the gun clean of any fingerprints and passed it over to the next person in line. I knew for a fact that I didn't want to look the man in the eyes; I knew that if I saw him, really saw him I would regret it. As I walked steadily away, my back turned to the man in the chair, I felt his hand guiding me out of the abandoned warehouse. I knew then that the man I had left behind hadn't died by his own hand but I didn't want to think about the consequences. The FBI Agent in me would have kicked in and I couldn't let that happen.
I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't noticed that we were beside my car, silver Audi and that he was speaking to me. I looked at him, focusing on what he was saying; something about how that was too close tonight and next time he'll know exactly where the bullet is. I smiled warmly at him, my hand squeezing his lightly as I placed a kiss on his cheek. I unlocked my car, about to get in when he pulled me back to him engulfing me in a hug. His lips were against my ear as he whispered, 'Be careful, I love you Em.'
Then he kissed me softly on the lips before pulling away and disappearing into the warehouse again. I quickly entered my car, turning the engine on and hastily drove from the warehouse, heading for my condo on the other side of town. As I drove through town the adrenaline wore off and was replaced by anger. I couldn't believe I had risked my life for some stupid, dangerous game and even though I said a hundred times before that I would stop I knew I wouldn't. It was an addiction, I couldn't get enough of the adrenaline rush and I wasn't going to stop but I knew I couldn't tell anybody about what I was doing, especially my team. They would never understand and besides it felt good having a dangerous little secret no one knew about.
AN: This is something I've been working on since around this time last year. I was in a very dark place for a while and I have a whole series of serious type stories like this. I've called it the Slipping Into The Blue Series. This particular story is based around the game Russian Roulette and Emily. I'm not sure how good it is but it has been written in pure raw emotion so it may not be as good as I think it is. Obviously this would be AU and is set sometime after Demonology in Season 4. It won't really follow canon so if that's a problem don't bother reading anything else posted to this.
Please review, thanks. :) CT.
