Hi it's Pandora - Holly asked for a fic with Eren being hired as a date by Levi and this is what I wrote for her. I hope you enjoy. :)


The trouble with going to the supermarket, Levi finds, is that they're always full of horrendous people their hideous children. Yes, he knows he could get his weekly shop delivered and save the hassle of getting here, somehow finding a parking space and traipsing around with the unwashed masses, but more than that he doesn't trust anyone else to pick things out for him. The best he can do to combat the usual stress of shopping is to get it out of the way as early as possible when a lot of people are still in bed and do it all as quickly as possible. If he uses the self checkout machines he can manage the whole trip without speaking a word – heaven.

Unfortunately such a luxury is not to be afforded him today. He's scowling at a display of toothbrushes – why do they never have the right firmness of bristles for him? – when he hears a voice that makes every muscle in his back tense up at once.

"Levi!"

Of fucking course he would run into Nile right when he's trying to get through a shopping trip: his day was going so well – it was inevitable that something like this would happen. Resisting the urge to snap the toothbrush he's holding in half, he looks up into Nile's face.

"What do you want?"

Nile scoffs. "Is that any way to speak to a man on his birthday?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "Well done, you made it one year closer to death."

"I take it you got your invite for this evening?" Nile asks.

"I did," replies Levi. He's pretty sure he filed it under the stack of recyclable stuff on his desk that he was too lazy to chuck out yet.

"Should be pretty special," gloats Nile. Levi isn't sure who he's trying to impress as there's no one else in the aisle with them. "I've booked some pretty great entertainment for it."

"Mmhmm..." Levi can hear the irritation in his own voice but he doesn't really care – he's not exactly planning on going and Nile must be aware of how much he dislikes him.

"I guess it's just as well we won't be seeing you there," continues Nile. Levi is inclined to agree with him (for once) until he adds, "It would only be a waste of a plus one."

Levi glares up at him. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Nile's attempt at a sad, concerned expression is ruined by the amusement Levi can see in his eyes. "Well it's not like you could get a date anyway."

Levi's answering scowl could level cities and his next words leave him before he really thinks about it: "Well you're wrong because I already have one."

"Wow, really?" Nile looks genuinely surprised, his eyebrows rising up towards his hairline. "From what Erwin said the other day you weren't even planning on coming."

"Well I am and I'll be bringing someone with me," says Levi.

"Great, I look forward to it," says Nile, only a slight tension in his frame. "I can't wait to meet the girl crazy enough to date you."

He leaves and Levi waits until he's out of sight before dropping the toothbrush he's holding into his basket. Regardless of what made him say it – though really, he knows it was pride – he needs to get home as soon as possible.


As soon as Levi is home, he pulls out his phone and calls Hange. It rings a few times before she picks up, sounding a little out of breath.

"Levi?" she greets him. "You never call on a weekend."

"That's not true – I call you plenty on weekends," frowns Levi.

"Not that often," says Hange. Before Levi can reply, he hears her make that noise she makes when she jumps over the back of the sofa to sit on it and say, "Erwin, Levi never calls on weekends does he?"

In the background of the call, Levi hears Erwin's deep voice reply, "Only when he's done something stupid."

"Oh my god, what did you do?" Hange asks Levi. "You didn't sleep with Petra again did you?"

"What? No!" Levi rolls his eyes. "And stop getting Erwin involved in our conversations – I don't need two of you judging me."

"But you know I'll tell him everything anyway right?" Hange asks. "This is quicker."

"Okay, whatever," says Levi. "I can't stop you talking to your stupid husband–"

"Okay rude," interjects Hange.

"Am I known for being nice?" asks Levi. "Look, shut up, I need your help."

"Ah so you have done something stupid?"

"You don't need to sound so smug Shitty Glasses," grumbles Levi. "You know Nile's birthday thing tonight?"

"The one you said would be a nightmare and you wouldn't even consider going to?"

"Yeah... well, I might be going now," explains Levi. "I saw him earlier and long story short I need clothes and a date for tonight."

Hange laughs. "Oh wow, and you're calling Erwin stupid."

"Whatever," says Levi. "Do you know of anyone without a date?"

"No," says Hange. "As far as I know everyone's spoken for. I mean, if you asked Petra she'd probably drop hers but that's not really fair on her."

Levi huffs. "Fine."

"You realise it's black tie right?" Levi rolls his eyes again. Of fucking course it is. "You're never going to find a tux or hire a date in time." Erwin laughs in the background and Hange adds, "Wait no, other way around."

Levi quirks an eyebrow to himself, a plan coming to him instantly. "Shitty Glasses, you're a genius."

"Huh?"

"See you tonight."

He hangs up and goes straight to his computer. Time to find himself a date.


Several hours later, wearing a tux he had in the back of his wardrobe, Levi pulls up outside the bank in his car and scans the people wandering outside. He isn't sure what his date looks like – the website only asked him for a few specifications and assured him they'd take care of the rest – but he did give details of his car and payment is pending so theoretically they should be able to find him easily enough. Soon, he hears a tap on his passenger side window and looks over to see a pair of vivid green eyes peering in at him. He lowers the window and the young man gives him a smile.

"Levi, right?" he asks. When Levi nods, he adds, "I'm Eren – the agency passed me your details."

"Stands to reason," replies Levi. "Get in – we've got a birthday to ruin."

Eren raises an eyebrow at him but does as he's told, climbing into the car and putting on his seatbelt. He's dressed appropriately, Levi is pleased to see, in a nicely fitting tux and shined shoes. On the website, Levi didn't specify much beyond hygienic and well turned out, but he's certainly not displeased with this young man's appearance. He runs an appraising eye over Eren's frame, meeting his gaze briefly before turning back to his steering wheel and speeding away.

"So you said we're ruining someone's birthday?" asks Eren as they drive.

"Yeah," says Levi. "This total dick I work with called Nile."

"His birthday party is black tie?"

"Gives you an idea of his personality," grumbles Levi, overtaking a van. "He was talking shit about me not being able to get a date so I wanted to piss him off."

"Prove him wrong kind of thing?" asks Eren. When Levi gives a grunt of affirmation, Eren laughs softly. "To be fair that's exactly what I'd do."

"He's kind of homophobic too," says Levi as he remembers. "You'll annoy him on sight."

Eren chuckles again. "You want me to get kind of handsy?" he suggests. "You've not paid for sex but from what you've said we could make him pretty uncomfortable just by being a little overly affectionate."

A wry half smile crosses Levi's face. "Perfect."


The party is as pretentiously bullshit as Levi expected. Nile is predictable right down to the suites the string quartet in the corner is playing when they arrive; Levi scoffs quietly, putting one hand on Eren's waist to draw him close. In the car it wasn't so obvious but standing beside Eren now he half wishes he had requested someone shorter than himself. Then again, Eren seems to be pretty good at his job – as though the gesture were totally normal and familiar between them, Eren slips one hand into Levi's back pocket and squeezes his backside. It's a pretty bold move and Levi has to admit he's impressed; he has to suppress a grin of satisfaction as, for the second time today, he hears Nile's voice behind them.

"Levi!"

Turning, Levi pulls Eren with him, putting on an air of utter politeness. "Nile – I was just looking for you to come and say hello."

Nile's look of forced friendliness slips a little into strain as he takes in the sight of them together. Levi swallows a snide comment and instead squeezes Eren around his waist, maintaining eye contact with Nile the whole time.

"This is your date?" Nile asks, clearly waiting for some kind of jokey comment of 'no of course not'. Levi raises a challenging eyebrow at him.

"Yeah this is Eren," he says. "You did say you couldn't wait to meet the person weird enough to date me, right?"

Nile's jaw tightens and he holds out a reluctant hand, which Eren shakes.

"It's nice to meet you sir," he says politely – the picture of sweetness even as he kneads Levi's buttock – Levi has to admit he likes his style. "And happy birthday – this is a lovely gathering for it."

"Uh, thank you..." Clearly struggling between his lingering suspicion, Eren's affable manner and the sight of their arms around each other, Nile clears his throat. "Yes it's very nice to meet you too Evan."

"Eren," corrects Eren with a gracious smile – Levi would have decked him.

"Of course, my mistake..." Nile gives them both a nod and raises his champagne flute at them with another forced smile. "I'll see you both later – I should catch up with Marie."

He beats a hasty retreat, disappearing into the crowd and leaving the two of them alone again. Pulling his hand from Levi's pocket, Eren turns to him.

"Wow I see what you mean," he observes. "Kind of an ass."

Levi gives a humourless snort. "Try working with him."

"Who's Marie?" asks Eren.

"His wife."

"He's married?"

"Yeah – wish I could say she's blind and stupid but annoyingly she's actually really nice," explains Levi. "I guess he got lucky."

"Fair enough," says Eren. As they see Nile looking back over at them, Eren leans in to whisper breathily in Levi's ear, his lips brushing the outside of it and his tongue almost following suit. "Pretend I've just said something super flirty – something about maybe later we get lucky ourselves."

As Eren pulls back, Levi gives him his best intrigued look. "Is that so?" he asks suggestively.

A smirk crosses Eren's face and his gaze drags stickily over Levi's face like honey. "If you like."

Levi throws a quick glance over to where he knows Nile is still watching them before leaning in and kissing Eren on the lips. It's nothing too obscene and it's over quickly but it'll be enough to piss off Nile afresh. That and... well, it's actually pretty nice.

Eren grins at him. "I'll be back – just need to visit the bathroom."

He disappears and Levi grabs a couple of glasses of champagne from a passing tray, catching sight of a tall figure nearby. Ducking around a small gaggle of people, he strolls over to Erwin, Hange standing beside him.

"Was that your date?" she asks as she sees him. Her hair is already falling out of the intricate topknot it's been forced into but somehow the deep blue dress she's wearing saves her overall appearance. "Is he even old enough to be out this late?"

Levi rolls his eyes yet again. "Well I assume so given the site I found him on."

"The site you found..." Hange frowns at him and he can see the cogs quickly turn in her head before her eyes widen behind her glasses. "Wait, you hired him!"

When Levi shrugs and takes a sip of champagne, Hange utters a soft "oh my fucking god" and Erwin snorts.

"You really are crazy," he says. "Nile's pretty unhappy."

"Mission accomplished then," says Levi. "That's what he gets for being a giant fucking loser."

Eren rejoins Levi, standing far closer to him than necessary and accepting the flute of champagne Levi hands him. "Hey," he says with a little smile that he soon turns on Erwin and Hange. "Are you friends of Levi's?"

"For our sins," says Hange, offering Eren a hand to shake. He takes it, followed by Erwin's.

"You must be Erwin and Hange."

"Filled you in on the way over?" asks Erwin.

"He did," says Eren, turning to Levi. "You said they'd catch on quickly."

"They're pretty smart," says Levi grudgingly, to a grin from Hange.

"You're so sweet," she says, punching him lightly on the arm.

Levi waves her away, trying to keep from spilling his champagne. "You're a pest," he says.

"You love me," she tells him, trying to prod him again.

As Levi steps back to evade her, he finds himself colliding with a much taller figure.

"Hey, watch it," says Mike. As he looks down at Levi, something crosses his face. "Oh hey Levi, how's the weather down there?"

Levi glowers up at him. "Fuck off Mike – you're not even funny."

Mike laughs. "I don't know, I thought that was pretty amusing."

"Try being more original next time," says Levi. "I've heard that line plenty before."

"Why waste originality on you?" asks Mike. "You'll be scathing no matter what."

Levi shrugs. "I'll be scathing because you deserve it."

Nanaba appears at Mike's elbow, dressed in a sleek silver gown. "Mike just leave it," she says, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off.

"So are you just here to piss everyone off?" he asks Levi.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Levi counters.

"Mike!" Nanaba hisses, trying to keep the noise of the argument down. "Drop it!"

"Just that you have a nasty habit of it," says Mike, ignoring her.

Levi scoffs. "Least I don't go around sniffing people like a fucking creeper."

"Where'd you find that?" asks Mike, nodding to Eren, who's still standing by Levi's side. "You find a cheap whore on the street and dress him up?"

Levi barely thinks, lunging at Mike and tackling him. They slam into a passing waitress, sending her tray of canapés flying and clattering to the floor. Gasps erupt around them as they start exchanging punches, both panting and growling with exertion.

"You take that back!" Levi cries, trying to wrestle Mike down onto his back.

"Fuck off pipsqueak – I could squash you like a fucking insect," says Mike.

With another snarl, Levi redoubles his efforts, but they're soon interrupted when they hear Nile's voice.

"Both of you, out, now!"

Levi feels strong hands on his body, pulling him off Mike and dragging him, still thrashing, out of the room. Other hefty security guys escort Mike out of the room too, Eren and Nanaba following the whole group out. They soon find themselves outside in the cold night air with firm instructions not to come back from the security guards. Levi picks himself up off the ground, meeting Mike's eye and he does the same, both of them panting. As they stand and dust themselves off, Mike's expression turns to a grin and he claps Levi on the shoulder, laughing.

"Looks like our work here is done," he grins.

Levi nods, giving him a half smile. "Seems so. Thanks for that."

"No problem," says Mike. "It was getting boring anyway."

"Here." Levi reaches into his back pocket, retrieving a fifty and pressing it into Mike's hand. "Take your lady somewhere nicer than this."

"Will do," replies Mike, putting his arm around Nanaba. "Have a good night both of you."

He nods to Levi and Eren as he and Nanaba head off to find their car. With a last wave to them, Levi turns to Eren.

"Shall we go?" he asks, starting towards his car. Eren follows in mute surprise until they're in the car and Levi looks at him. "Sorry, that was over rather sooner than I necessarily expected."

"It's okay," says Eren. "So you set all that up?"

"Yeah," says Levi. "I was texting Mike and he said he wanted an excuse to leave early so we... invented one."

"Smart," chuckles Eren.

"I'm genuinely sorry the evening was cut short though," says Levi again. "I did say I'd be providing food of some kind."

"Don't worry about it," says Eren. "This was one of the most entertaining nights I've ever had on the job, so thanks."

"You're welcome," says Levi.

They drive through the city, street lights passing by them in quick flashes. Eren seems content not to make small talk – a blessing compared to everyone else Levi encounters in life – but something indescribable keeps bringing Levi's gaze back to him when he doesn't need to keep it on the road. Having left the party, both of them have relaxed their clothing somewhat – Eren's bow tie is resting on his chest and he's unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. In the quiet closeness of the car, the air around them seems to grow more charged by the moment. By the time they reach the bank where Levi picked Eren up, Levi is sure Eren can feel the same electricity around them as he can, especially when Eren gives him a sidelong glance.

"So this is me I guess," Eren says, reaching for the door handle. Before he can pull it open, however, he turns back to Levi again. "Unless..."

"Unless?" Levi asks, arching one eyebrow at him.

"Well, as our date is over I'm now done working," says Eren, his gaze drifting down to Levi's chest and then back to his face. "So if you wanted to continue this at all we could..."

Levi's look of curiosity turns into a smirk. "Your place or mine?"


As soon as the door of Levi's flat closes behind them, Levi presses Eren against it, capturing his lips in a kiss and pressing their bodies together. Eren whimpers into his mouth, hands grasping at Levi's waist as Levi slips his tongue past Eren's lips. When Levi eventually pulls back, Eren's pupils are wide and his cheeks are flushed. Levi slips off his shoes and Eren follows suit, almost stumbling over when Levi grabs both ends of his bow tie in one hand and starts to tug him down the hallway to the bedroom.

"You really don't mess around," gasps Eren, slipping off his jacket and dropping it to the floor.

"Do I look like someone who would?" asks Levi, turning them both around and pushing Eren down on the bed, following him and crawling over him as Eren scrambles back.

Eren shakes his head, letting out a soft moan as Levi lowers his head and starts to kiss down his neck, unbuttoning Eren's shirt further. Underneath him, Eren squirms into his touch, reaching up with his own hands to push Levi's jacket from his shoulders and then start work on his shirt too. Levi bites down on his shoulder, eliciting a little cry from Eren and smirking against his skin.

"Feeling good?" he asks to a nod once they've both dispensed with their shirts. He lets one hand drift down, coming to rest on Eren's crotch.

"Oh fuck!" Eren whines, bucking up into his touch. "Levi please touch me!"

"Gladly," growls Levi, working Eren's trousers open and slipping his hand into Eren's underwear to grasp his erection.

As he starts stroking his hand up and down, Eren gasps under him, his own hands reaching shakily for Levi's trousers. The first touch to his cock makes Levi groan and lower his head, kissing Eren again as he shoves his trousers down. Eren's fingers drag over his erection and Levi squeezes his cock in turn, earning more moans against his tongue.

"Oh my god," Eren breathes as they part again. His hips are rolling up into Levi's touch on every stroke, his breath coming in pants as Levi carries on touching him. "Oh... oh fuck Levi..."

His hand squeezes reflexively harder around Levi's cock and Levi huffs out further moans, speeding up the motions of his own hand and rutting forward into Eren's touch. The sight of Eren below him, back arching as Levi keeps jerking him, face pink with need and mouth hanging wantonly open, issuing forth louder cries of pleasure, seems like it will mark itself permanently into Levi's mind. Every touch drives Levi closer to his end, his mind growing frantic with the need for release, and he can see the same desperation in Eren's face.

"You getting close?" Eren asks. When Levi gives a nod, growling as Eren's thumb teases just under the head of his erection, Eren nods as well. "Me too," he gasps. "Fuck, I'm so close, please..."

"Come for me," Levi says.

As though it were a cue he was waiting for, Eren does so, his body jolting and a wordless cry leaving him. His hand moves faster, more erratically, and soon Levi comes too, slamming their lips together in another kiss as he spurts his release over Eren's hand and stomach. Their movements slow, both of them dragging out the pleasure as long as they can before they collapse together on the bed, spent. As he comes down from the high, his heartbeat gradually calming in his ears, Levi catches Eren's gaze.

"You have fun?" he asks.

Eren nods. "So much," he replies. "You?"

"Yeah," says Levi, still catching his breath. He considers Eren for another long moment before glancing at the clock on his bedside table. "It's pretty late – do you want me to drop you home or would you prefer to stay here for the night?"

Eren grins. "Well... if I stay then we might be able to continue this in the morning... if you want to."

Levi nods, smirking. "I think we can have some fun in the morning too."

In a way, Levi has to be glad for Nile's birthday party...