Author: in February of 2015, I landed myself in the hospital because a horse fell out from under me while I was riding it and the ground knocked me even more senseless than usual. I didn't have a lot to do, so I decided to try this writing thing. I grew up with some, uh, interesting people, fell into a ludicrously dangerous career that I am extremely passionate about, and possess both a pretty colorful vocabulary and a profound dislike of social interaction. I have a penchant for cleanliness that is the stuff of legend among my peers and I never achieved the height of five feet. Needless to say, I identify strongly with everybody's favorite captain, so he seemed like a good place to start...
He had heard it said several times before—that you could not pick your family, but that you could pick your friends. Whether or not this was true, he wasn't sure, but as of late he had found himself sincerely hoping that it was not the case—if only because he really didn't want to live in a world in which the best friend that he could find was Commander Erwin Smith.
"Yeah, there is absolutely no fucking way that is ever going to happen."
Across the desk, a vein bulged in the commander's thick neck. Though they had become a less regular scene as a sense of camaraderie had taken root, the two men had subjected each other to many office chats over the years. Said chats always seemed to reach this same point sooner or later—Erwin, half-standing over his armed wooden chair with a visible pulse, and he...he would sit with his arms and legs crossed, eyes downcast, radiating a mixture of defiance and disinterest that varied in composition by the occasion. That was not to say that he was disinterested, of course—he just failed to see a need to expend as much energy as his superior did.
"Levi, you are being ridiculous—and that is not to say that I am particularly surprised, but I had really hoped that we had made it past this point in our relationship by now!"
"Spare me the love ballad, please—look, I even used my fucking niceties. I don't know how to make it any more clear: this idea is all kinds of shit and a waste of everyone's time...mostly mine." The man called Levi lifted his dark gaze to meet Erwin's, whose eyes were now shining with frustration.
Erwin banged a heavy fist on the table. "I ask so little of you, Levi—so little. I only—"
"—only to risk life and limb on a regular basis, be an extremely public figure in a time of humanity's existential crisis when I actually would rather drink tea and jerk off in a corner, subject me to a never-ending trail of shit in the name of the human race that I'm not particularly a fan of to begin with..." Levi snorted derisively. "Do I need to continue? I mean, that's not much, I suppose, but I'm sure that I could think of more."
The silence in the office was heavy, weighted by Levi's words. Erwin sighed, sinking back into his chair. "Yes, Levi, I ask that of you—all of that and more." He suddenly looked several years older and much less angry. "I am well-aware of how much it is that you do—you do know that, right? I know how much it is that I've asked for, how much you have lost...and still you have delivered every time. That's exactly why I now must ask you for yet one more thing." He folded his calloused fingers and rested his long, crooked nose against them, the lines on his face very visible in his stillness. "I ask you to form a specialized, elite squad of soldiers...one capable of following you unquestionably. I ask you to help them further cultivate their existing talents. I ask you to do this because, no matter what people are saying when you ride through the gate these days, you are still only one man and you need the support that this kind of group can provide because we need you alive...and I ask this because there are so many that could do so much for the good for the Scouts as a whole, too. I give you choice over who you pick and how you pick them: I am handing you the reins, albeit against my better judgment. I ask this in consideration of the welfare of humanity and even you, you ungrateful little shit...and you somehow still object."
"That sounds about right," agreed Levi, picking at a spot of dirt under one fingernail.
"...but why?"
Levi sniffed; there was an edge to his apathy now. "I'm not a babysitter. I've committed to a lot of nonsense that I never signed on for...but when it comes to supervising a herd of shitty brats with Titans breathing down our necks, yeah, my skin is more important than child-rearing responsibilities. I'm drawing a line."
"No..." said Erwin, and he shook his head. "I know that you forget this often when you are talking to me, and maybe that's something that is my fault, but you would do well to remember...it is not your place to draw lines."
"People are going to die."
His words were frank and matter-of-fact; they colored the office with a shadow that the warmth of the many lit lamps failed to touch.
Erwin drew a deep breath that shuddered slightly in his chest. "People are going to die anyhow—horrifically, naturally, asleep in their beds...people are going to die. It's about time that they started dying doing something of value to someone."
Levi said nothing; the sharp line of his jaw had become more defined. Erwin continued, blue eyes narrow with authority.
"So, what I am giving you now are orders—you will do exactly what I have asked. I know that you won't disobey a direct order from me," he added as Levi opened his mouth. "You haven't since you were a shitty little brat yourself and I know that you're not going to start again now."
Levi snorted. "You have an inordinate amount of faith in me, Erwin."
"Do I?" said Erwin, and a smile ghosted his hard, grim features. He leaned back in his chair. "That's probably healthy."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, faith is generally considered to be a good thing."
"Tch...faith gets people killed."
"I would say that it is being of so little faith that gets us killed, actually. You know..." said Erwin, and he looked at Levi as though seeing him for the first time in a while. "The first time that I saw you three, flying through the underground city like birds, I smiled—I smiled because I was a young and ambitious fool who saw the world in you...and because I had no idea what loose cannons and frequent headaches you were going to turn out to be."
Levi lifted his jaw and blinked once, something moving behind his eyes.
Erwin shook his head. "Look, my point is this: first impressions are often entirely incorrect. With luck, your immediate impression of this situation may change...for the better."
"I find that difficult to believe."
"Well, you're going to find out, one way or another. Now, if I were you, I would start planning on what sort of Hell you are going to put your potential recruits through, since I'm sure that is going to be something to see, and it is rather late...on your way."
Levi stood and Erwin was, far from the first time, surprised by how someone so small could burn so fiercely. Levi didn't push his chair in as he left it and closed the door behind him with more force than necessary; it rattled in its frame when it slammed shut, leaving a heavy silence in its wake.
The commander waited until the sound of boots had faded down the hallway before he leaned back in his chair, tilting his chin back to look at the ceiling. Something throbbed painfully over his left eye and his mind flashed back to other occasions in which he had found himself in this exact position. There had been several—Levi, for all of his capability and courage, was trying at the best of times and exhausting when provoked.
Christ, he needed a drink.
Author: updates are on Mondays so that I have something to actually look forward to on Mondays.
