A/N: Co-written with WickedFury, she's awesomness. Crack. From the stupidity of our minds. Enjoy! R&R
It was a nice, warm, sunny day, so Matsuda decided to open a window to let the breeze in. L could use some fresh air anyway. He never thought there was a ACTUAL reason they were closed in the first place. Returning to "work" he forgot about the window. A few hours later a light flapping sound filled the air, what the heck? Turning back to the window his eyes widened, right before a large flock of owls flew in at once, knocking the poor man off his seat. Matsuda did the only thing he could, he screamed... like a girl. Running out of the office and into the main foyer where the rest of the investigation team was located.
"What the hell Matsuda?" Cheif Yagami yelled. L looked up just as the owls flooded in behind Matsuda.
The owls started throwing letters, before perching anywhere they could find. By now Light was screaming (like a girl), and L's eye was twitching. He took a deep breath before "You idiot Matsuda!" Flipping out his cell phone in that odd fashion of his he pressed the number one speed dial.
"Watari, the owls got in." He nodded, though Watari couln't see it "Yes, Thank you." Hanging up. The owls had stopped dropping letters and Light had stopped screaming. The floor was covered with letters, and owl poop.
"What are these?" Light asked, picking one up.
"It say's "Ryuzaki, Kira Investigation HQ, Main foyer" Who the hell would know that"
Matsuda looked scared "Maybe it's Kira!" He yelled "No Matsuda, it's not Kira, it's Hogwarts." Blank stares. L waved his hand dismissivly "Read it." So Light hastily ripped the envelope open and read aloud.
"Dear mister Ryuzaki you have been accepted into Hogwarts school of witch craft and wizardry.
We hope you will consider enrolling as it would be a shame to waste your is a list of required school supplies. We await you reply." Light blinked. "What the hell kind of joke is this?" L shrugged.
The large doors to the spacious HQ burst open, revealing Watari garbed in his usuall atire,
weilding a butterfly net. What. The. Hell. "Master Ryuzaki, maybe you should just hear their request. This has been going on for nine years, it has to stop, and I don't think they're going to stop it first." He sighed "I'll get to work." Raising the butterfly net Watari set about catching the owls.
L looked thoughtfull for a second then "Yes, I shall accept, magic could prove a usefull weapon against Kira." He murmured "R-ryuzaki! You can't be serious! What about this?" Light held up his handcuffed wrist to get his point across.
"Light-kun shall accompany me, of course." L replied calmly.
"Wh-what!?" L looked to Light "You heard me."
Three weeks later
L walked towards the pub he'd be instructed to go into, the worn sign declaring "The Leaky Cauldron.
"Where are you going Ryuzaki?" Light asked being pulled towards a empty lot on the busy street.
"Into the pub." L replied "What pub?" Light was confused.
Before L stuck out his hand, pushing open a invisible (to Light anyway) door.
Stepping forward and dragging Light with him into the building. Light blinked as a dusty room materialized out of thin air around him.
"This pub Light-kun." Walking towards the bar where a man who was missing most of his teeth stood cleaning a glass.
"Are you Tom?" L asked noting disgustedly that the cloth the man was using to clean the glass was dirty.
"Yeah, Diagon Alley for you then?" Tom's gaze was on the chain conecting the two men, what the hell kind of wizard used handcuffs? L nodded and Light just stood there with a WTF? expression on his face as they followed the man out another door into a dead-end alley way and he started tapping bricks with a stick.
L watching intently, no doubt memorizing the sequence the man tapped the bricks in for later refrence.
One brick suddenly popped out, causing Light to almost scream, almost. Then others followed, sliding back and forth until a path was cleared. Light sighed, not only was he chained to a detective, but he was chained to a wizard aswell. Who the hell came up with this stuff?
"Well there you go lads, I'll be off now." Tom waved them off merrily.
Light took a deep breath, he could do this.
The alley was filled with people dressed in bright colors and odd robes, chatting animatedly to one another.
Stores lined the path with displays of floating gadjets and whooting owls, leading up to a large white building.
"So what do you need here?" Light asked and L looked down a the paper in his hands "Two sets of robes, standard sized cauldron, dragon skin gloves, a wand, some books, and I can get a pet if I want"
"Dragon skin?" L nodded "That's what it says."
One hour of goblin money exchanging and tedious shopping later. (I.e too lazy to write all of that.)
"How was I supposed to know the book would bite you?" Light was holding his hand, he had tried to be nice and pick up a book on monsters for L, and the thing had bitten him! He was sick of this place already, and they still needed robes, a wand, and if L wanted, a pet. Joy. (Note the sarcasm)
Coming up to the store that claimed to be selling wands scince some odd number B.C Light sighed, how was L going to choose a stick? The door opened with a faint jingle and a old man appeared.
"Ah, yes you'd be here to buy wands then?" He asked, silver eyes shimmering "Just one." L corrected "Okay, okay, Hold out your wand arm please." Assuming he meant his dominate arm L held up his right, he was ambidextorus anyway. A tape measure floated out of it's own accord and stretched the length of his arm, before moving to take other measurements. The old guy just left without a word, opening a long box in the back and dragging out a long, red wand.
"Try this, just give it a wave." He added at the confused look L had given him. Doing as told L winced as the shelf closest to him broke apart, dropping boxes all over the floor.
"No, not that one." Quickly leaving and returning with another,
"Same thing, try this one"
This time the window behind them shattered. Light stared, half amused, half scared, could those things cause humans to explode too? Shaking his head to rid him of that thought Light looked back towards the man, who'd returned once again, with a white and black wand this time, silently handing it to L. Light could have sworn the man was amused.
Was everyone here but him crazy? Taking the wand and giving it a flick L was surprised when nothing exploded, but a over dramatic light lit the room and wind blew from nowhere. How cheesy.
"Thats the one! Made from ivory and lawson's cypress, light and very durable, with a dual core of a dragon heartstring and unicorn hair, it's the-" "How much does it cost?" L interupted, as long as it worked it didn't matter what it was made of.
"Six galleons" The man mumbled, visibly upset at being interupted, Light guessed that didn't happen often.
L was just making tons of friends today. Not. He had pissed off every store owner they had met, and was now proceding to piss off some robe making lady, refusing to take off the chain so she could fit his robes. Light mentaly snickered at the thought of L wearing a dress.
"I don't care if they're baggy! I just need some robes!" The lady shook her head "Fine. No refunds if they don't fit." And stalked off.
They weren't the only ones in the store, there were younger kids staring at the strange duo, one coming up to talk with them. Blonde hair slicked back and a concieted smirk on his face.
"Whats with the chain?" Light answered before L could even open his mouth, he didn't like this kid.
"So that I can't go kill people while he's not looking." It came out smoothly, it was the partial truth anyway.
The kids eyes widened, "Kill people?" L spoke first this time "Yes, kill people, he is suspected of being a mass murderer, killing thousands of men already." Light smiled,
either L was poking fun with him, or he was trying to divulge as little as possible. Either way the look on the kids face was priceless.
"Oh. Um, okay. Anyway, what are you doing getting robes? Are you a teacher?" Change the subject, good move.
"No, I am going to Hogwarts as a student." L popped a chocolate from his pocket in his mouth.
"Aren't you too old? You look like you're twenty or something!" L nodded "But owls won't stop harassing me, and it may help me catch the mass murderer I'm after, the guy I'm chained to is the prime suspect, but there are others as well." THe blonde boy nodded.
"Well I'm Malfoy, my friends over there are Gregory and Goyle. Best be in Slytherin it could be handy having you around." Malfoy held out his hand "Ryuzaki." L said taking the offered hand.
The flustered lady returned with Ls robes and taking the payment scurried off.
"Well Light-kun I think I will get a pet." Light looked shocked "You? A pet? Why?" L smiled his trademark smile, "Companionship Light-kun, you don't offer much other than "I'm not Kira!" and the occasional fight." Was that a insult?
Light decided that it was.
A/N:
SMRTCookie: WickedFury's eating dinner right now so I'm all alone.(cause she's polite and doesn't wanna talk with her mouth full)This was spurred on by a phone conversation (Yes we're THAT crazy). Well scince I'm alone let's call in L and Light!
Light: No.
SMRTCookie: Dang
L: I want a cookie...
Matsuda: THE OWLS!
WTF.
WILL L GET A PET? WILL LIGHT SURVIVE? WHO IS BOB? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! YAY! (Maybe not the Bob thing)
