Rating : PG and of course it's angst. ;)
Summary : Without you, my heart filled with emptiness.
Disclaimer : Show, not mine, characters, not me, they all belong to CBS and TPTB. But Mark is mine. ;)
Distribution :The Graveyard Shift, CSI Center, FF and my site.
Feedback :Always welcome.
A/N : No more WIP when I have enough of them, that's what I told myself but I wrote them anyway, so forgive me, ;) Thanks Angie and Erica for the wonderful betaing. Thanks Nikita, Amanda and David for their encouragement and your supports for GC and the MSN talking, you're the best! Thanks Sophie for your push and compliment. Thanks Erica for sharing your MargLove with me and understanding my need of angstness and giving the angsty title, love you! ::kisses:: Thanks the Gutter girls in MargForum, you girls rock! And finally thank you all inthe graveshiftcsigroup, you're the best. :)
She looked at the sky, smiling.
The crystal navy blueness always amazed her, just like Gil's eyes.
Too deep to see, too dark to touch.
There's nothing she can do about it but melting with them, from her body to her soul.
Catherine sighed.
It had been a year, a year of being away from Las Vegas and a year without him. Somehow the pain didn't fade away. She just felt the same way as the day she had left.
She closed her eyes.
It was funny how a person who was usually open to everything was now closed to her own feelings for someone.
It's not fair. Then again, who said life is fair anyway?
But she still wondered.
What would it be if she had stayed? What would it be if she had followed her own heart and opened it to him? What would it be?
Everything would change, him, her, their lives and their friendship. They all would change, everything.
But the truth was she hadn't and that's why she was here, away from him with her heart broken into a million pieces.
And she knew she broke his, too.
On the day she left Las Vegas, Warrick was the only person at the airport to say goodbye.
flashback
"Grissom, Nick and Sara still have to work on the case, so I'm the only one to be here and beg you to stay."
"What are you gonna do...Kidnap me?"
"No, but I'll try it on Lindsey."
"Warrick Brown! You do know if you kidnap my daughter, I will hunt you down and make you suffer so much that you'd wish you were never born, don't you?"
"Of course I do. But I'll take my chance, if it's the only way that could make you stay."
"Warrick......"
The young black man sighed. His face turned more serious now, looking at the woman standing in front of him. Warrick decided to say it.
"You should tell him, Catherine."
Catherine just turned away, trying to avoid Warrick's eyes.
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Catherine..."
"Look honey, if you really want me to stay, you have to try harder, because right now you're not doing well at this job."
"You know if Grissom knew your feelings for him, he wouldn't let you go."
"But he didn't!"
Catherine's frustrated voice shouted out and scared both of them. She tried to calm her emotion down before talking again.
"We will never know if he would want me to stay, so our conversation is over now. I'm sorry, Warrick, but I'm still leaving."
"You know, being a level 3 CSI, Grissom can be so stupid sometimes."
"Hey, even it's the truth, he's still your boss, and that's your problem now, not mine."
Catherine tried to light up the mood and hit him playfully.
Warrick stared at her and finally gave her a tight hug.
"I wish you could stay, Catherine."
"So do I, Warrick. So do I."
Flash end
She felt the warmness fell down her face silently.
So many years, they had danced around and around and she thought she could keep dancing, but life was difficult. She needed more, more than only being best friends, more than the long-time friendship they had.
That's why she had to leave, she wanted him, she wanted more, she needed him to give her more, but he couldn't.
She was tired, so tired of waiting and the dancing.
The escape she needed came and she made her choice.
Now here she was, alone and suffering without him.
"Mommy!"
The excited sound brought her back to reality.
"Hi, baby!"
She quickly dried her tears and turned around to her daughter, with a smile on her face.
"Look what Uncle Mark bought me!"
Lindsey ran to her mother and showed the teddy bear in her hand.
"It's cute Lindsey, did you thank Uncle Mark?"
The girl nodded.
"That's my girl."
She gave her daughter a big hug.
"So, have you named the bear yet?"
"Not yet mommy, but I will!"
"I'm sure you will honey," Catherine couldn't stop smiling at her daughter's answer.
"Okay, Lindsey, time to pick up your things. I'm gonna drive you to Elizabeth's house, you don't want to miss her birthday party, do you?"
"Can I bring the teddy with me? I wanna show it to Elizabeth and my friends!"
"Sure, now go and grab your things," Catherine gave her daughter a kiss before Lindsey ran into the house.
Then she turned around to the man who was sitting in front of her. He was watching her and Lindsey while they were talking.
"You know you spoiled her too much Mark," she said to him with a smile.
"Is it a bad thing?" Mark gave her a challenged tone.
"No....but you really shouldn't have bought her this teddy, she already has too many presents from you."
Catherine thought about those things Mark had bought her daughter and shook her head.
"But I want to......because I know when I make this little girl smile....I make her mother smile too. I want her mother to be happy, I want you to be happy Catherine. I want both of you to be happy," Mark said sincerely.
Catherine was stunned by his answer. She didn't know what to say, these words, these sincere words, they were so familiar. They had been spoken by someone else before.
Gil once said these words to her too.
"Catherine?"
"Yes?" She put herself together and looked at Mark.
"Are you all right?" Worry was shown on his face.
"Yep, I'm fine, I think we'd better go inside and see what Lindsey is doing." Catherine tried to put a smile on her face and grasped Mark's hand, ignoring the concern in his tone.
She didn't want to talk about what bothered her, especially not about another man to Mark. He didn't need to know about that.
Mark watched Catherine carefully and sighed in silence.
He knew what was bothering her, and he knew who was on her mind. It's the man who she left Las Vegas for, the one who brought back the sadness in her beautiful blue eyes.
He remembered.
He remembered the first time he saw her, the crystal sadness in her eyes made him slid a heartbeat. It made him want to get to know more about this woman and the sorrow under her beauty.
Day by day, they became friends and they got to know each other. He knew he could make her smile again. God, he loved that smile.
But the sadness, the sadness didn't go away. It was still there, haunting her every day.
Catherine didn't tell him much about the reason why she left Las Vegas. All she had told him was that she just needed to leave and had to find a new place to start her life all over again.
But he knew there was more. There was someone and this man was the one and only reason she left, with the sadness in her eyes.
She always had that look on her face when she thought of this man.
He didn't know how to react. Angry? Jealous? Defeated? Mark shook his head, all he wanted was to take the sadness away and make her happy again.
So he held her hand and smiled at her.
"Anything you want, Catherine."
He had been staring at the same page of this paper for almost an hour and still couldn't read a word. There was something bothering him and he knew what it was.
He sighed.
He missed her, he missed his best friend and he missed the only woman he had loved in his life.
He missed Catherine.
It had been a year, a year since she'd left, a year of being without her, a year that seemed like forever.
Grissom put down the papers and closed his tired eyes.
When had things started going wrong? When had things changed between them? When had he finally realized that he loved her, his best friend?
He felt the pain cut trough his heart again.
It's funny how you feel so much, but cannot find a word to say.
He should have said something, something that could make her stay, something that could let her know he needed her to stay.
He needed her because he loved her.
But he didn't. He didn't say anything to her but wished her good luck. He saw the sadness in her eyes caused by his words. He regretted them as soon as they came out.
He knew he broke her heart, and she broke his too.
They were still friends. They would talk to each other once or twice by phone every week. They would talk about Lindsey, work, things happened in the lab and things happened in her new life.
Her new life without him but with another man.
"Grissom?"
He opened his eyes and saw the younger CSI standing in the door.
"Yes Warrick, what can I do for you?"
Grissom tried to calm his tone as casual as possible.
"Well, Sara and I just finished the papers and want to have breakfast, you wanna come with us?"
"No thanks, I still have some unfinished papers, you guys go first."
Warrick nodded understandingly, "I will see you tomorrow, boss."
"I'll see you then, Warrick."
Gil smiled at his friend and looked back to his papers.
"It's okay to miss her, you know?"
He was stunned by that quote and took his head up but Warrick just closed the door and left.
Was it that obvious? He was sure that people hardly could see his emotions showing on his face, he was not that kind of a person, not like Catherine.
He shook his head lightly.
But when things came to her, he couldn't help. He became another person......and he did miss her.
TBC
