Sacrifice
The breeze from the moor blew through her fur like wind through the trees, though she felt not the usual burst of joy. Today her heart was empty. She had lost everything: her kits, her love, her treasured position within the clan. She had even lost her sister's mate for her. Her father even ignored her, paying too much attention to Squirrelflight. There was nothing she could do for anyone anymore. It would be better if she was dead.
She crossed the stream that marked the border between Thunderclan and Windclan. Her heart ached to run to Crowfeather, but resisted, instead heading for a cliff at the edge of the lake. She remembered the cliff vaguely. It was the cliff Jaypaw, Jayfeather now, had nearly drowned his second day as an apprentice. He would not have survived without Windclan. She hoped Windclan didn't show up today.
Almost as if she'd called them, she smelled a Windclan patrol on the air. Ashfoot, Heathertail, Onestar, and… Crowfeather.
Crowfeather followed Onestar up the ridge, followed by Heathertail, his old apprentice, and Ashfoot taking the rear. All was quiet, full with scents of rabbits. He was upwind of the Thunderclan border, so any danger would have to wait to be seen.
They reached the top, and there, not too far away was a light tabby cat. At first he couldn't tell who it was, but the wind abruptly changed and he caught her scent. Thunderclan… Leafpool.
Alert all of a sudden, she looked straight at him, her gaze filled with such anguish, his heart broke, into more pieces than it already was. Then she began to run straight for the cliff.
She ran, tears stinging at her eyes, straight for the cliff.
"Leafpool!" she heard Crowfeather yell, with such terror that she almost stopped, but not quite. She was almost at the cliff. It was too late to stop. She jumped and flew off the cliff.
Crowfeather gasped in pain. He looked at Onestar. Onestar seemed to grasp his meaning.
"If you go, you may not come back," he said with a test in his eyes.
The scent of Feathertail wrapped around him, filling him with warmth.
Don't let her fall. She whispered.
Determination filled him with strength like he had never had before. He raced for the cliff faster than a rabbit and hurled himself in after Leafpool.
Water clogged her ears and throat, making her unable to hear or breathe. Her paws felt heavy underneath her, but did not struggle to keep above water. And she sunk into darkness.
Don't let her die, he silently begged to Starclan. I can't face it again.
Suddenly Leafpool disappeared from view. A cat swam up behind him.
"Let's dive," she said.
Together they went under. Crowfeather grabbed her scruff and the she-cat got under her. Swimming strongly they pulled her onto Thunderclan's shore, where the she-cat shimmered and disappeared.
"Thank you Feathertail," he whispered softly before turning to Leafpool. She lay unmoving on the shore.
Panicked, he ran frantically towards Thunderclan camp, screaming as he went.
He was bowled over by a muscular tom. Lionblaze.
"What are you doing here?" Lionblaze demanded.
"Leafpool," he choked. "Lakeshore, unmoving, jumped, cliff…" he managed to say before swallowing a lump of terror that rendered him incapable of speech.
Lionblaze loosened his grip. "Go to her," he growled. "I'll get help."
As fast as he could he raced to the shore, where he could see shimmering cats beginning to gather.
No! Terror wracked his body, sending a wave of strength back into his body. I'll fight them all. I won't let her die!
He raced to her body and crouched over it snarling.
"Caution Crowfeather," a blue-gray she cat said. "She has few moments of life left."
"I won't let you take her," he said, a snarl ripping from his throat.
Just then five Thunderclan cats emerged from the forest, and the Starclan cats disappeared.
Firestar led the way, followed by Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Lionblaze and Jayfeather.
He stepped aside, as Firestar and Squirrelflight raced up to her unmoving body. Jayfeather snatched up his herbs and began to work over her unmoving body. Brambleclaw walked over to him and pressed his body against his. Warmth seeped back into Crowfeather's body as he watched Leafpool dying.
"I know what it's like to lose someone you love," Brambleclaw whispered to him. Squirrelflight stiffened.
Suddenly Leafpool choked and vomited up a huge amount of water, only to fall back into unconsciousness.
Jayfeather sighed and stood. "I have done all I can. She is in the paws of Starclan now."
All of them watched as Crowfeather stood and wailed a cry of anguish, so full of sorrow, all of them felt too overwhelmed with his grief to speak, and a chill seemed to spread throughout the forest.
All Leafpool could see was darkness. Her heart sunk. She had thought, that maybe, even after all she'd done, Starclan would still accept her.
Suddenly the air shimmered. Standing around her were all the cats Leafpool had known and loved. Feathertail was there, with Goldenflower, Runningnose, Sootfur, Rainwhisker, Barkface, Spottedleaf, Yellowfang, Bluestar, and Hollyleaf. She touched noses with her daughter, who had stepped forward to greet her.
"Can you ever forgive me," Leafpool asked pleadingly.
"I have seen the pain you've suffered for your decision. You were forgiven long ago." Leafpool's chest swelled with pride and hope at these words.
"Have you come to take me to Starclan?"
"That is your decision," Hollyleaf declared.
"Yes," Leafpool said fiercely. "I want to be accepted."
Feathertail now stepped forward, "Perhaps if you saw what was happening now…"
A terrible cry of grief filled the air.
"She's in the paws of Starclan now," Jayfeather whispered. The words seemed to echo in the air, over and over again.
She looked to where the wail had come from, and her heart faltered. It was Crowfeather, eyes crazed with terror and grief, but still he was there. He had saved her. Why? He had made it clear over and over again she did not love her, but looking into his eyes she knew they had been lying to their clans, each other, and themselves. Brambleclaw pressed against him, trying to calm him, but with little success, as his heart was still filled with sorrow from Squirrelflight.
Leafpool settled down next to Brambleclaw, determined to fix what she had started. Jayfeather's ears pricked.
"Let it go," she whispered. "Was what she did so wrong? Would you have acted any different if you knew? Would you have loved them any less? Respected them less as fine warriors and medicine cat?"
He looked straight at her, but shook it off as his thoughts. Jayfeather on the other hand did see her. She knew he could. He's always had that gift. He dipped his head, a nod of approval, much to Leafpool's surprise.
"Apologize to him," he mumbled to Squirrelflight.
"I have," she said, sorrow clouding her gaze.
"Do it now," he said gently. "It might be different." Reluctantly, Squirrelflight padded towards him.
Satisfied, and ready to make her decision, Leafpool returned to Starclan.
"Are you sure?" Hollyleaf asked after Leafpool told her the answer.
"Yes," Leafpool said firmly for the second time.
"All right. Let's go." Hollyleaf led Leafpool into darkness.
Crowfeather watched as Squirrelflight padded hesitantly towards Brambleclaw. She slid down next to him, licked his ear and whispered, "I'm sorry. Forgive me."
Brambleclaw surprised Crowfeather when he said, "No more secrets?"
"None," she vowed.
"You're forgiven," he said simply.
He turned to fix his gaze on the motionless tabby pelt in front of him. Firestar asked many a time if she could be taken to camp, but every time Jayfeather simply replied no. It seemed like ages before Leafpool's whiskers twitched. Crowfeather flew to her side. Her eyes slid open. She looked him straight in the eye.
"Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Crowfeather managed to choke out before her eyes shut again. Panicked, Crowfeather brushed his tongue across her pelt in quick rhythmic licks.
"Her breathing is even," Jayfeather said. "She'll be fine."
Crowfeather looked at him, he looked back and Crowfeather felt that Jayfeather knew every moment he had shared with Leafpool.
"Thank you," Crowfeather whispered. "Thank you."
"I'm just doing my job." The words were emotionless. There was no feeling behind it.
"I'm proud of you."
"We all are," Firestar cut in unexpectedly, a little hostility in his voice. "Thank you for saving my daughter, but shouldn't you get back to Windclan now that you know Leafpool is ok?"
"I cannot."
"Onestar exiled you for showing mercy," he said, surprise in his voice.
"No he exiled me for showing where my true loyalties lie." Crowfeather looked longingly at Leafpool.
"With Thunderclan?" Firestar asked, although he knew the answer.
"No, with Leafpool." Crowfeather responded pointlessly.
"You are not welcome here," Lionblaze snarled.
Crowfeather felt hollow inside. His only option was to leave the clans. He could go to the Tribe of Rushing Water, or to the moors he and Leafpool ran away to, before the badger attack. Or Firestar spoke of a clan by the old forest, Skyclan or something, maybe there.
With one last lick behind Leafpool's ears, Crowfeather turned to leave.
"Wait." It was Brambleclaw who spoke. "If he leaves, I leave with him."
Crowfeather was astounded. He had never been especially close to Brambleclaw, and Brambleclaw was the deputy! He was amazed Brambleclaw would show such loyalty to him.
"Brambleclaw?" Firestar was angry. "I hope you have an explanation."
"What if Sandstorm was in a different clan? You loved Spottedleaf once. You know what forbidden love is like. You saw Graystripe with Silverstream. You saw what it was like for him to lose her. Are you going to make Leafpool and Crowfeather go through that? Could you bear it? Leafpool is no longer a medicine cat. She is free to have a mate. She loves Crowfeather, who has been exiled from his clan. It is no one's business should he chose to come here."
Firestar was speechless. He knew Brambleclaw spoke the truth, and he didn't like it very much, but it made sense.
He looked at Crowfeather, at his muscled body, his dark pelt, his astute eyes. He would be a valuable member of Thunderclan.
"We will bring him back, a prisoner, and we will see how things go," Firestar declared.
Lionblaze looked hostile; Jayfeather looked emotionless; Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight both looked happy.
During this time, Leafpool had awoken and was trying to get to her feet. Crowfeather saw her and sprinted to her side. She leaned heavily on him, bruises covering her body.
"We will bring him back, a prisoner, and we will see how things go."
Leafpool's heart swelled at these words. Crowfeather would become a member of Thunderclan, she just knew it.
More than anything, she wanted to run to Crowfeather, so she tried to get up. Seeing her, Crowfeather ran to her. She felt warm inside as she realized he still cared for her.
Together, they took a few steps, and then a few more, and soon they were stumbling through the forest, Firestar taking the lead. Leafpool didn't care that she was almost too sore to move, they were together, and that was all that mattered. And that was when she knew Starclan had a plan for her, and Crowfeather, and no matter what happened, for the rest of their lives, they would be together.
