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Hello, everyone, and welcome to my newest Hawaii Five-O story! Thank you so much for choosing to read this, and an extra big thank you to the readers of my Boundless as the Sea story for voting on this idea and coming to read it.
Disclaimer: I obviously do not own the Hawaii Five-O characters, though I certainly wish that I did. All of the OCs are of my own creation. And, similarly to my last Hawaii Five-O story, I will not be following the timeline of the show, nor will I use every single plot that they've introduced. I really only use the characters and a few of the storylines. So, if you're reading something and you think, "no, that can't be right because Steve had already met Catherine" or "but that doesn't make sense because Danny said this in season two…" just know that it does make sense in my own little Hawaii Five-O universe.
I am planning to update at least once a week (hopefully more, if I'm feeling especially motivated). Life does get in the way sometimes, but if it's been a week and you see that I still haven't updated, feel free to give me a shove until I get it done.
Lastly, if you like the chapter, please consider leaving a review! I absolutely love to read your thoughts and opinions. My previous readers also know that I'm more likely to update quickly if I'm getting a lot of reviews, because reviews equal motivation to me. Also consider favoriting and following the story and/or me. Thanks in advance!
Happy Reading!
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Chapter One: Dr. Addison
Steve
"Does this bother you?" Danny asked me once we were seated inside the Camaro.
I didn't look at him as I started it up. "Why would it bother me?"
"Because the suspect is a Navy SEAL. And, just in case you've taken one too many hits to the head lately, you used to be a Navy SEAL."
The Camaro roared quietly as I turned out onto the street. "I remember."
"Oh, good." Danny looked at me intently, and I was reminded of how good a detective he was. "You gonna be okay to work this?"
Annoyance made me turn a bit too sharply. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
He was unfazed. We'd been partners for long enough that he knew that he could handle my temper. "When you first came to Hawaii, you were way too intense with cases that involved fathers and sons. And I get it; I'm a little intense when fathers and daughters are involved. I'm just making sure that you can step back and look at this objectively."
"I can. I don't even personally know this SEAL. That's why we're headed to meet with his psychiatrist. I asked Chin and Kono to call ahead and let them know that we were coming."
"Do you think he did it?" The question from Danny was so quiet that I could hardly hear it. Maybe he didn't want it to be true, either.
I sighed and rubbed my hand down my face, fighting back a wave of exhaustion. I also made a mental note to shave at my earliest convenience. "I don't know, Danny. I'd like to say no, but… war can do things to people. On the video, it looked like he just lost it on that kid over the toy gun. But to him… it probably seemed very real. Maybe the psychiatrist can shed some light on the situation. If he has a PTSD diagnosis, it would start to make a little more sense."
"It's not an excuse for trying to beat a kid."
"No, and I didn't mean for it to sound that way. He sounds like he needs help. I just hope we can find him and get him that help before he murders someone."
"That's the goal," Danny sighed. "Do you know the military psychiatrist?"
I shook my head. "No, I don't. I actually haven't been on base since my last reserve training, and I've never seen the psychiatrist here."
"Maybe you should," he shrugged. "You know, just schedule an appointment while we're there. Maybe they can help you with your control issues."
"I don't have control issues!"
"Shh, we're here," he said and pointed at the guard shack. "Give the nice man your credentials."
After telling him to shut up, I parked the car in front of the window so that the uniformed men could quickly search it. As they did, Danny and I showed our credentials to the man inside, who said that Chin and Kono had already called him and he'd been expecting us.
We were waved through, and I parked in front of the building that he had indicated. Danny and I had just closed the car doors when we were approached by a man in the blue and gray Navy uniform. "Lieutenant Commander McGarrett?" he asked me.
"That's me," I nodded and held out a hand for him to shake.
He did so, and then shook Danny's hand as well. "I'm Sergeant Lewis. I was instructed to take you to see Dr. Addison."
A wave of emotions and memories rushed over me, and I experienced the strange sensation of drifting away. Though I stood beneath a warm Hawaiian sun, it felt like I'd just stepped out of an ice bath. My heart was racing, pumping adrenaline that I didn't know what to do with. That one name brought with it feelings of love, pain, sadness… and also a sense of loss.
"Steve?"
I was brought out of my silent reverie when Danny waved his hand in front of my face. When I focused again, I could see him looking at me with a hint of concern. "You all right, buddy?"
"Yeah." I shook it off and looked at the sergeant, who clearly had his poker face on. He likely thought that I was a quack. "What did you say the doctor's name was?"
"Dr. Addison," he responded slowly, and he clearly thought that I'd have the same reaction upon hearing it again. When I didn't, he continued. "She's new here, actually. Dr. Parker retired, and she took his place. She's been here for a month, but she officially took his place when he retired two weeks ago. She's the one that took over Lieutenant Brown's case."
"Great," Danny said when I didn't say anything. "Could you take us to her, please?"
"Of course." The sergeant turned on his heel and began to walk. "If you'll follow me, please."
As we fell into step behind him, Danny whispered, "Are you sure that you're okay?"
I certainly hope so. "Yes, I'm fine." Louder, I asked, "Do you know where Dr. Addison came from?"
"She was working in Virginia, I believe. On the base in Little Creek and the hospital in Norfolk. She's supposed to be really great at what she does."
"Little Creek…" Danny mused and then looked at me. "That's where you used to live when you were with the SEALs, right?"
I turned slightly to avoid hitting a small group of men. "Yeah. I lived in Virginia Beach."
"You might know her, then," he said, as if I hadn't already considered that possibility. "Do you think that you know her?"
I was saved from having to give an immediate answer when the sergeant stopped in front of a door and turned to face us. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted when the door opened and a young woman stepped out. She was in her late teens or early twenties, and she looked like she'd been through hell. Greasy, dirty blonde hair was pulled up in a haphazard bun and her dark eyes were bloodshot, which really brought out the dark circles under her eyes. Her outfit consisted of sweatpants – despite the heat outside – and an oversized hoodie. In short, she looked like a mess.
When she saw us, she froze, eyes darting between the three of us. It reminded me of a startled animal.
Danny must have been thinking the same thing, because he adopted his most charming smile and gentled his tone. "Hi."
"Rose?"
Again, that wave of emotions and memories began to drown me, and even more so when the owner of the voice stepped into the open doorway.
She didn't look like she'd aged a day, even though it had been almost ten years. Her honey blonde hair hung in waves to just past her shoulders. Blue eyes were the star of her face, accented by minimal makeup. Though she'd apparently been living in Hawaii for a month, her complexion was still as pale and smooth as ever. The small heels that she wore added an extra inch or two onto her 5'8 height. The red dress that she wore accented the curves and muscles of her lithe figure. And she was still the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Not in a model kind of way, but in that alluring way – she was the kind of woman that men just couldn't look away from, for some reason.
I snapped out of my little trance when the young woman turned back and said, "Yes?"
Dr. Addison gave her a kind smile, barely sparing the three of us a glance. "If nothing changes in the next few days, let me know and I'll squeeze you in, okay?"
"Okay." Rose thanked her and then turned and practically sprinted away.
Danny, unable to go more than a couple of minutes without using sarcasm, said, "Well, she seems like the life of the party."
The look that Dr. Addison gave him shut him up right away.
"Dr. Addison," Sergeant Lewis stepped forward and gestured towards us. "This is Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett and Detective Danny Williams of the Five-O government task force. They're here to ask about one of your patients."
When she saw me, her eyes widened in surprise and recognition. Thankfully, she was a master at concealing her emotions, so she covered it quickly and shook both of our hands. "Gentlemen. Come on in. Thank you, Sergeant."
He nodded and headed off down the hall as we stepped into Dr. Addison's office.
It didn't look like any psychiatrist's office that I'd ever seen in person or in the movies. For starters, there was no desk, which made it seem more like someone's living room than someone's office. The floors were hardwood, a light shade of chestnut. On one side of the room, arranged over a large gray and white area rug, were a long couch, two loveseats, and a recliner, all in the same shade of light gray. In the middle there was a wooden coffee table with a couple of magazines and a small potted plant on it. There were also two identical end tables with a few things on each of them.
On the other side of the room, there was a large wooden box that seemed to hold toys… I could see a bag of blocks sticking out of the top. There was also a small, kid-sized white table against the wall. Beside it was a wooden filing cabinet.
After she had shut the door, Dr. Addison breezed past us and took a seat on one of the loveseats beside the window. "What can I do for you?"
I moved to go and sit down, but Danny stopped me and looked between the two of us with eyes that missed nothing. "Hold on, hold on a minute. Do you two know each other?"
Frozen to the spot, I just looked at the psychiatrist, trying to communicate that it was really up to her, because I didn't know how to handle it. My brain was spinning so fast that it felt like I couldn't stop and think.
"We do," she said when it became clear that I wasn't going to speak. Without backing down from Danny's inquiring gaze, she said, "My name used to be Dr. Bailey McGarrett."
The look on Danny's face would have been comical if he wasn't learning things about my past that I'd been trying extremely hard to keep buried. "You…" He pointed to me and then turned back and pointed at her. "You… you two were married?"
"We were," I said, finally regaining my voice. "For two and a half years. But that was…"
"Ten years ago," she cut in without looking at me. "Ancient history. Now, what was it you needed to know?"
"I have like a million questions…" Danny said, and I could practically see the gears in his brain whirring away.
"We're here about a case, Danny," I warned him, and steered him over to the couch so that we could sit across from her. The room felt like it was a thousand degrees, but I promised myself that I would keep my cool.
"Right, right," he said as he sat. "And then I can ask about the marriage?"
"No," Bailey and I said at the same time.
Danny grinned. "Spooky."
Maybe if I just ignored him, he'd shut up about it. "Alexander Brown. He's a member of SDVT here. They said that you were in charge of his case."
She nodded. "I am." That was it. No volunteered information. HIPPA stickler through and through.
Danny took over. "Earlier this morning, he was on the beach when a kid ran by playing with a toy gun. It made some kind of noise that set him off and he started to attack this little boy. When the boy's father tried to pull him off, Alexander attacked him, too. Enough people were finally able to pull him off, but he fought his way free and made a run for it."
She closed her eyes and gave a sad sigh before opening them again. "What do you need from me?"
"His history," I cut back in. "Medical history, specifically. Have you been treating him for PTSD?"
"I have."
"Care to expand on that?" Danny pressed. "Is he on any medication?"
"He takes Ativan for his anxiety. Three milligrams before bed to help him sleep, and two more milligrams in the morning to get him through the day."
"Ativan…" Danny said slowly. "I think I've heard of that. Isn't it addictive?"
"It can be," she answered him. "The risk of dependence increases the longer that the medication is in use. That's why I'm working with him using cognitive processing therapy and stress inoculation training. Hopefully, I'll be able to get him off of anti-anxiety meds soon."
"Why's he on anti-anxiety meds for PTSD?"
I found myself answering. "Because there isn't a medicine for PTSD."
Bailey nodded at me. "That's right. Medications given to a PTSD patient are given to manage the symptoms, not the disorder. There's no cure for PTSD. It's something that we teach people how to manage."
"So, he isn't active right now, right?" Danny confirmed.
She shook her head. "I would never clear him for active duty with the way that he is right now. He needs multiple doses of Ativan to get him through the day. I'm not going to stick a gun in his hand and send him off to fight terrorists."
"When did you see him last?" I asked.
She turned her gaze to me, and I felt like I was melting under it. "Two days ago. It…" She paused and seemed to be trying to find the right words. Finally, she settled on, "It didn't go well. He asked me what his chances were of getting cleared for duty again. I said that with his PTSD and the way that he was managing, it was unlikely that he would be able to resume his duties as a SEAL. He was understandably upset by that. I don't have to tell you how hard a man has to work to become a SEAL. And then to have to give that up unwillingly… It's not easy."
Danny nodded in understanding. "So, he was already upset about that. Stressed, one might say. And I'm betting that one of those coping techniques that you use is to go for a walk."
She shrugged one shoulder. "More or less. It's likely that he was running on the beach. Getting outside and getting some exercise are both things that I recommend for my PTSD patients."
"He's already stressed, so he goes for a run," Danny said, putting the pieces into place. "His adrenaline is going. Then, the kid pops out of nowhere with a toy gun that probably makes super realistic noises."
"His training took over and he didn't have the control over his mind to recognize that it wasn't a threat," I finished.
"That would make sense," Bailey agreed. "And if it set him off in just the right way… all that I can say is that you need to find him soon. I'd hate to see this get any worse."
"So would we," I said as I stood, Danny following my lead. "Do you have any idea where he might go?"
She stood as well and shook her head. "He's been on the island for a few years, so no doubt he has some safe spots. He's mentioned hunting somewhere near…" she thought hard for a moment. "Manoa something? Sorry, I'm not very familiar with the island yet."
"It helps," Danny assured her. "We'll look into it."
"Okay," she said. "If you have any other questions, feel free to call. My cards are on the table just outside the door."
"Thank you," I told her, and I felt like a million emotions passed between us.
Somehow, I tore myself away and exited, grabbing one of her cards on my way out. Danny did the same, and he practically had to jog to keep up with me as I led the way back out to the car.
Once inside, he let me have it. "You had a wife and you never thought to tell me that?!"
I started up the car and quickly pulled away. "It was ten years ago."
"We're partners!" He almost seemed agitated. "How could you not tell me this? Does anyone else know?"
"Chin and Kono don't, if that's what you mean."
"Does Joe know?"
I nodded. "Yes, of course Joe knows."
"What about Catherine?"
"Yes."
"Wow." He sighed and leaned back against his seat. "I can't believe this. So, what happened? Why'd you get divorced?"
I pushed the memories away as they assailed me. "I don't want to talk about it, Danny."
He paused a moment and then let that go. "Okay… so, how'd you meet her?"
"I don't want to talk about that, either."
But that didn't stop me from remembering.
