Rei had a lot to think about. She usually didn't concern herself with what other people did. She wanted to believe she was open-minded, considering that she probably had years of catholic school teachings to unlearn. She really believed it wasn't who you loved but how you loved. None of this really affected her though, because she was straight. Still, she didn't understand why people would stand in the way of another person's happiness.
Rei was under a lot of pressure to make good choices. She was reminded of this every time she left her home. She was representing Hikawa shrine, T*A Academy and her father's good name. Things had been going pretty well for her. She was popular at school. She got good grades. She was on the archery team, she had been invited to join the junior politicians, which was really just some mock U.N. club and had even been asked to write for yearbook.
The other students understood how busy she was. They loved having her around and really fussed over her whenever she made those brief appearances, but she never thought of them as friends and loosely considered them acquaintances. She was still lonely.
She lived at the temple with her grandfather because her father abandoned her when her mother passed away. She had once overheard Grandpa tell someone that 'The senator finds his daughter's face was so hauntingly like her mother's that he couldn't bear to look at her, every day was just a reminder of what he had lost.'
Rei had watched her mother slip away in that hospital bed and her father hadn't been with them. She hated him because of it and although she felt terrible even thinking it, if she had been given a choice she would've traded his life for her mother's in a second.
Her mother had been a shrine maiden too. And now people would come to the temple just to see Rei. They were brought in by rumours that the beautiful miko could see the future. Rei figured out that if you really listen to people you can tell what makes them tick. You can predict little patterns since people are such creatures of habit.
Of course, there was a little more to it. She wasn't a fraud dispensing fake wisdom per se, but some people's questions were just common sense. A lot of times she really could get away with being vague. She always tried to leave people with a little bit of hope, but sometimes she really did just know things, strange things she couldn't quite explain.
It had been around this time that she started having visions. In junior high she started reading about the real-life superhero Sailor V fighting crime in Europe. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had seen her somewhere before, but knew that couldn't be true. Especially since she'd never been to London or Paris or any of the other places this masked vigilante had been spotted. She'd never even left Japan.
The mysterious visions were becoming stronger, so Rei began buying the Sailor V manga. She knew that most of the stories must be fabricated, and yet she still felt compelled to learn as much about this strange girl as possible. It was like something was pulling her forward, trying to get her to see if anything would spark something familiar or unlock any kind of memory.
After making her way across Europe, Sailor V eventually arrived in Japan, albeit rather stealthily. At first Rei overheard visitors to the shrine talking about the changes in the city, then she had noticed teachers talking about different crimes in the area. The nuns at school were acting like it was the end of the world. There were now rumours of monsters in Tokyo but of course, the police refused to comment on these reports. They failed to ever say exactly what the city was actually up against but soon after there was a curfew issued.
Rei nervously asked Grandpa what he thought about all this, hoping that the normally positive man would say something to ease her mind. Instead, he told her, as lines of worry appeared on his wrinkled old brow. "The whole towns falling apart." Even he knew that there was definitely something slowly creeping into their lives, but he provided some small comfort, believing that there would always be something to balance the darkness.
Again, Rei's thoughts would all go to Sailor V. She felt so drawn to this girl and didn't know why. She tried to push her far from her mind but even though she couldn't see her, she could feel her. Sometimes she could swear she felt her only ten feet away, she looked out her bedroom window and there was only the wind whistling though the trees in the empty courtyard.
A few months later V began to share the spotlight when Japanese newspapers started writing about Sailor Moon. Tokyo's own Champion of Justice. More of these Monsters were sighted and Rei became tense. She felt hopeless like she was just waiting for disaster to strike. She needed to protect the shrine and make sure that Grandpa would be alright. So she took action and began to practice fire reading. She didn't know if it would even help, but couldn't shake the feeling that there was something coming. More and more she would feel strange vibes, picking up energy off of people.
Alone in the dimly lit prayer room in her red hakama and white haori jacket she would sit for hours staring into the flames. Usually she wouldn't see anything, but sometimes she would catch glimpses of unexplainable things.
Dreams of blue eyes and fallen civilizations had her waking in a cold sweat with tears in her eyes. She'd get out of her bed stiffly, with an ache in her back from sitting on the hard floor all night. Sometimes for a split second she'd remember someone in what had seemed like another life who would sit behind her rubbing and caressing her back after she had meditated. Then she'd force herself to begin her morning chores.
Her grandfather would sigh, agreeing that she was in far too much pain for someone so young, but the spry old man knew she had always been wise beyond her years.
Playfully he'd add. "Ah lighten up Rei, it's probably because you're such an old soul… You should've been born a young soul like me." He grinned before going back to eating his multi-coloured children's cereal and trying to solve the mazes and puzzles on the side of the box. She'd shake her head at him while she quietly ate her oatmeal.
—
Months later, Rei's fears about the youma were confirmed. There was an attack near the shrine. People were going missing close by and there were rumours that just maybe the temple had something to do with it.
In the midst of dealing with these scared, angry people she learned that she was Sailor Mars. With just words she could conjure impressive red flames. Rei was a little disappointed that the hero all the papers had been talking about was also kind of a pathetic, self-indulgent cry baby. Sailor Moon's real name was Usagi Tsukino.
Rei remembered those eyes as memories flooded back to her. She was beautiful, and there was something very familiar about her. Usagi had obviously thought so too. She was friendly, a little too friendly… Without hesitation she had begun calling her Rei-chan.
It was surreal, it was as like they had known each other all their lives, though they had only just met. Although Rei had felt that their paths had crossed at some point or another, she didn't think she had been the girl from the dreams.
Their ally, Sailor Mercury whose civilian identity was Ami Mizuno seemed fine though. She was much more reliable and less flighty than their leader. Ami's power was being able to control water in all of its forms. She went into battle level-headed and though the actual power of her attacks left something to be desired, she showed a lot of potential. Admittedly, the genius had a more informed perspective than the other heroines and such a gentle way of assuring that Usagi made better choices.
When Rei was first learning to control her fire attacks, sometimes her hands would be burnt after a fight. Mercury would always return to her civilian form last, so that she could give the area an extra scan before they left. This way she could also make sure there was always instant way to sooth Rei's poor blistered hands.
Ami told Rei that she was going to be a doctor one day and that she hated to see anyone get hurt. Ami assured her that things would get easier. They couldn't quite explain it but they seemed to heal much faster than normal people. She promised that together they would learn to better control their attacks.
Mercury would feel the cold in her hands for days after a fight. Her bones ached, her fingers hurt to bend and she just couldn't seem to do anything to rub the circulation back into them to warm them up. Her fingers were pale and had a painful, unnatural curl. She sometimes wore mittens when no one was around. She had even gone so far as to cut the finger tips off a pair of cheap gloves so she could still type her homework assignments.
Mercury never bothered their perky leader about her own personal transitions. Usagi's attacks seemed to be based from some abstract ethereal energy, so she didn't have to make the same adjustments. When Mars arrived, she thought that Rei would feel the same need to avoid certain topics with Usagi. It was important for her to remain in high spirits at any cost since her powers seemed intrinsically linked to her emotions.
Sometimes after a battle, Mercury would focus with precision a thin layer of ice over her white gloves and just hold her frost covered hands out to Rei, drops of freezing cold water rapidly melting off to cool her burnt skin. They would stand so close to one another. Ami would gently dress the wounds and say things like, "My mother is a surgeon, and I can tell that most of this is just first degree burns. It's only just this little part here that's a second degree burn."
Ami would fumble with a roll of gauze. "I'm sure it hurts. I know that I would be in utter agony… but, you used to get almost all second degree burns. You're controlling your element better every time we fight. And healing really well. No scars." Ami would smile awkwardly trying to keep her comrade's spirits up, looking at the raw pads of her finger tips.
With these quiet intimate moments and how carefully Ami would tend to her, Rei had begun to feel closer to this girl. Sometimes when they stood with their foreheads nearly pressed together, Rei nervously thought that Ami might try to kiss her. She had shaken these thoughts from her head. Ami wasn't like that and neither was she.
Ami's eyes were an icy blue nothing like Usagi's or the ones from her dreams but they could be alluring nonetheless. She would look at her with such burning intensity, that Rei couldn't help but shy away. When she managed to really look her in the eye, she saw only longing and acceptance. Ami couldn't possibly know how she evoked these feelings so easily.
Rei pulled her hands away. "Too cold?" Ami asked "No… I-I'm fine. I should go. Thank-Thank you."
After that, Rei learned to just endure the burns. Even though Grandpa's ancient eyes were beginning to fail him, he still noticed that his granddaughter was injured. Her hands looked bad enough that even a half blind old man could see them from across the courtyard. There was something about the manner in which she so gingerly held the rake. It looked like the wood may as well have been made of shards of broken glass. This sad display was so unlike the strong girl he would normally see doing her morning chores.
When the short, old man sat her down at their kitchen table and asked about her hands. She lied,
only telling him that she must've gotten too close to the sacred fire she was reading. He knew the girl was being untruthful. She was always very alert and not one to lose focus. She knew to be very careful, especially near an open flame.
He rubbed his bald head in disappointment. You didn't live as long as he had without knowing a lie when you heard one, but couldn't think of what else she could've done. He wondered if this had been some kind of cooking mishap but hadn't smelled anything burning. He thought about some sort of science class explosion, but one of the nuns or teachers would've called him. It looked like it must have been a pretty bad accident, maybe they would've even sent her home.
This had happened once before. It didn't make any sense to him that someone who could barely bend their fingers could wrap a bandage around the tender area so neatly. Obviously, someone else had dressed it for her. The knot at the end had looked damn near professional. It was done with a lot of care and know-how, though somehow he doubted that she had gone to the hospital. This time the burns were left to the open air.
Rei braced for a long lecture, maybe a scolding. He didn't get angry at her very often, but that almost made it worse. She hated to disappoint him, to test his trust but, there was no way that she could be honest with him. She couldn't just tell him that she had been wounded after she snuck out of her bedroom past curfew to fight demons.
She had gotten hurt protecting their city and was going to be punished for it. Tears had formed in her dark eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. Her grandfather didn't know how she had hurt her hands, but he refused to be one responsible for hurting her pride.
With her father in the public eye, Rei had a tendency to be extremely private. Grandpa knew how he reacted would only push her further away, making it harder for her to open up the next time something went wrong. She was all he had left.
He sighed. Instead of fighting with her, he simply told her, "Well Rei, whatever you did, next time…" He suddenly felt deeply saddened, something told him this probably would be a recurring injury. "Just… Please be more careful. Now, let's get you patched up." He went off to begin looking for the first aid kit.
—
People were starting to get too close to Rei and she didn't like it. She decided it would be easier to suffer in agony than explore her feelings and indulge some stupid, adolescent school girl fantasy anyway. She knew the moments that she and Ami had shared were probably innocent, but what if in their shared moment of vulnerability things had actually escalated?
Rei tried to justify that they were just two lonely girls who hadn't had many close friendships to compare this to. They hadn't crossed a line. Not yet anyway. Her friend was just trying to mend her injured hands, but sometimes she worried that they would linger on a little too long. Holding hands is nothing compared to a kiss, or–
Rei shook her head. That vision of blue eyes. Someone rubbing her back and their delicate hands masterfully sliding down her hips. She shuddered. Chastising herself for dwelling on that vision, but it really had seemed significant. There it was again, that fleeting thought that out there somewhere were others like them. It seemed that this wasn't the time to worry about such things, her thoughts went back to Ami.
All Rei could do was hope that she didn't get hurt worse in battle and that it wouldn't be anything that their aloe plant couldn't fix. Ami immediately noticed a change, Rei's behaviour toward her had grown almost cold. She hoped it was in her head. Eventually it became too much.
The shy girl carefully asked if she had done something wrong. She hadn't but Rei didn't know what to say so she shrugged and told her, 'They were allies but that didn't mean they had to be best friends or anything.'
Ami had felt the sting in those words but thought maybe Mars was right. Mercury's job was to work with Sailor Moon to defeat the Negaverse. Any friendships would have to come second. Though her newly discovered philosophy was out the window the moment Usagi barrelled toward her in the hallway, immediately pulling her into a tight hug. Rei couldn't be more wrong. Ami needed a friend. They all did.
Mars suffered in silence as she watched them grow closer. Bitterly, she wondered about how things had been without her. Though it didn't last long, the winds of change swept through Juuban once more when they met Sailor Jupiter.
Rei was blown away by the tall girl's strength but Makoto didn't take time to think. She would just run into a situation head on. Rei wondered if this would be a liability later. Confiding in Ami, she had told the her her concerns about Jupiter going rogue and that she wasn't sure she could trust her– Yet, at any rate. It had been a long time since Rei had met someone who was as angry at the world as she was.
Ami assured her that a powerhouse like that could only be an asset and promised to do her best to help her calm down and better finesse her powers. It wasn't going to make the team stronger if they made the new girl self-conscious and frightened of her own amazing strength.
Mako-chan just had to start going into battles with a little more knowledge of the enemy first. This meant waiting for a signal unless there was a clear shot. Finding out its weak point and making sure it wasn't the kind of youma that would just absorb their energy and then make things worse, things of that nature.
Ami now comforted Makoto the way she had Rei, telling her that the times she'd feel a painful shock was perfectly natural. At least, as natural as shooting lightning bolts from your hands could be. Ami couldn't help but feel sorry for her. The poor thing would wind up startling herself or someone else with static electricity or shoot a spark off of her hand when she'd touch something conductive. She assured her that it would eventually stop and that Mako-chan would learn to harness her abilities.
Rei didn't dislike Makoto, not really. She just hoped that Mako would outgrow her recklessness. Though the stranger was quiet about her past, Rei sensed that she had felt a lot of pain in her kind heart. When the other girls would ask about her family, she would change the subject, usually ending up in one of their kitchens baking them cookies. Rei had never been very forthcoming about her own family either.
Ami started becoming very close with Makoto. Rei didn't understand why she felt jealous. She was glad that with a new senshi and the threat of more enemies there was enough distraction that any awkwardness real, or imagined between her and Ami was now completely gone. It was nice to start to see Ami come out of her shell but Rei still wondered why she had never been able to make her laugh like that. Rei felt like she was being punished at least, a little bit.
Rei had always wanted to apologize for running scared, but Ami was always so quiet about things like dating, that she didn't know if she'd just make things worse. She would either judge Rei as some sort of deviant, forcing one or both of them further into the closet or ruin their friendship by trying to date out of obligation and ultimately fail the entire solar system. If she thought about it too long it hurt to breathe. So she decided to just leave it all alone, bury it deep and try to forget it was there.
With Jupiter quickly learning the ropes, already their group had become more balanced, not the balance of light and darkness that her grandfather had mentioned, but she believed that everyone was bringing their own arsenal of skills. The girls were committed to their mission, and no one would do anything to jeopardize it. Something was still troubling Rei, even more than the nagging feeling that their enemies were getting stronger. She still felt like something was off, like there were pieces missing.
—
When she met Sailor V she felt that she had been right all along. The new found scout gave their group direction, and everything really started to fall into place. She was a veteran fighter, everything a good leader should be: Focused, serious and selfless on the field, but her civilian counterpart was the complete opposite: Bubbly, fun and irritatingly perky.
She always had a smile on her face, as annoying as that could be after a night of almost getting killed. Still, Rei appreciated that Minako still knew how to be responsible when the situation called for it. Minako would congratulate them on a job well done. Some nights Minako just couldn't praise them enough. Joking with them and re-enacting the fight scene blow by blow.
She'd laugh, "Oh man… I had it on the ropes, and Mako's just wailin' on its legs to slow it down, like 'hyaah!' Then Ami comes out of nowhere like, 'Beep. Boop. According to my calculations its weakest point is actually below the canon on it's left shoulder' And Rei comes out with fire soul! Totally barbecuing it! And Usagi busts out her wand like nothin' so it's like 'ARGHGHH!' POW! We kicked its ass! It's nothin' but moon dust now.'
The girls would go from barely being able to crawl to whoever's home was the closest to the battlefield, to grinning through the scrapes and bruises. They were so proud of what they had accomplished. At some point, it dawned on Rei that Minako wasn't just being bouncy for the sake of being animated.
They needed someone to appreciate their sacrifice, something she didn't really have herself during her solo days. Especially when the papers refused to even use the word hero, calling her a vigilante, and the masked menace. The cops were worse, over police scanners she had heard some of the more colourful words that certain officers had for her, when they weren't firing at her.
The blonde never took a minute for herself, refusing to take a breather even though she encouraged the others to rest up for game day. She was larger than life, a celebrity in their midst and she was all too happy to play up the expected antics. She was their idol.
Rei had been the first to watch Sailor V's mask begin to slip. There had been a particularly close call. Usagi and Makoto taking the worst hits. Venus felt like she had failed them, so she joked more than she ever had before. By now, Rei understood that these performances after a fight were for them, but this was over the top, even for her. She was a one woman show. Something was wrong.
Rei had all but fallen in love with the sound of her laughter, but this was something else. Something forced and twisted. She laughed maniacally, her face twinged and for a moment she held her sides. "Look at me, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying–Hoo boy." When she pulled her hand from her side, there was a smear of blood. She quickly wiped her hand against the dark fabric of her pants.
She had been scratched by the youma's long claw. Now they both knew. The look of horror on Rei's face had given her away. Mina tried to shrug it off but this was something that couldn't just be swept under the rug.
Jauntily Minako called out,"Yeah well– You should see the other guy!" But Rei wouldn't crack a smile. Clearly, she was in no mood for jokes. Mina sighed, "I'm alright. Really." She was mostly still angry that Usagi had gotten caught in the crossfire, though Mako had done her best to shield her and the others.
Rei was puzzled, "But you were dancing a minute ago! On the arm of the sofa no less!"
Mina laughed it off, "What? I was just putting the 'leader' back in 'cheerleader'."
Rei snapped, "Mina!" She was tired of games.
"Yeah well, we made it out of there. It's dead now. This was a victory, they know how fast that could've turned around, but it didn't… They deserve to know that I couldn't be happier with how everybody acted under pressure tonight. Especially you."
"Me?" 'Really? Makoto is the one passed out with ice packs all over her.' Usagi and Mako were passed out on the couch in the other room. Ami was reading quietly, periodically looking up at the injured party.
"Yeah, you told Ami to make that ice wall to shield Usagi and Mako from anything else. I wouldn't've thought of that. That's why you're my best lieutenant. And why I'm making you my second-in-command. You'd take care of them if anything happened to me, right?"
There was something bittersweet in her voice that Rei had not expected. Her eyes went wide. "Oh jeez… No… I… H-How bad is that cut? I-I can get Ami in here I-"
"Rei, shh, I'm fine." Mina chuckled, "You can't get rid of me that easy. I'd been thinking about this for a while and you're a damn good leader, not as good as me of course but…"
Rei pleaded, "Do you promise you're okay? Promise me."
—
Minako had earned a special place in Rei's heart. Sometimes when the other girls would leave the shrine, Rei would start her homework and look out the window to see Mina. She was always the last to leave the shrine. There wasn't really much for her to go home to, so she would take her time. When she didn't know that Rei was still watching, she would take some of her lunch out of her backpack and share it with the ravens.
The normally uneasy birds spent a lot of time just watching the blonde girl at first. The ravens could be intimidating. They would screech in unison with a sound that would make anyone's blood run cold, but she was very patient. She would place scraps, bread crust or a few grains of rice in front of them and slowly walk away, always watching from the edge of the courtyard when they finally would take their prize. Even they must've understood she had been special because she eventually she earned their trust. The birds would eat right out of her hand, though it would be years before she and Rei ever discussed this.
Those other missing pieces came later. A pair of senshi appeared overnight. Sailor Neptune was Michiru Kaioh, an artist, musician and fellow psychic with gorgeous waves of turquoise hair. The others had already met her partner Sailor Uranus. Haruka Tenoh was charming, very handsome, and kind of the bad boy type except, of course that she wasn't a boy.
Usagi and Minako had once followed her around the entire day, but later when she showed up dressed a little more feminine and with her girlfriend on her arm, it had kind of shattered the illusion.
They knew that they couldn't act like she had been out to trick them, they had never asked. The two blondes claimed that their eyes had been playing tricks on them, but really they had seen what they wanted to and exactly how Haruka wanted to be seen. So when Makoto knew Haruka was a woman and still got that dreamy look in her eyes, the group began to worry.
Usagi was kind of a late bloomer and it seemed she had been pretty confused about the whole thing. The group wondered if the existence of lesbians never occurred to her, or if it would've just complicated her simple perspective. Sometimes ignorance was bliss. Ami rolled her eyes, she knew better but held her tongue.
Despite all the rumours, Makoto was actually a sweet girl, but she did already have a pretty bad reputation. This wasn't the kind of thing that people would go without noticing. Ami was more concerned with the risk of Makoto's pure heart crystal being threatened than the fact that she might be on a date with Haruka. Though, looking back maybe Ami was just trying not to focus that maybe Makoto had been on a date, and was desperately trying to distract herself because it hadn't been with her.
Rei, of course, had acted like this was the single most scandalous thing she had ever heard in her entire life. She was terrified that if she sided with Mako, people would be able to see through her.
When the others left the shrine, Minako stayed behind. She gathered up her courage and asked Rei what she really thought of all this.
"Of what? Haruka as a person? Well, if she truly loves Michiru then she shouldn't be leading both her and Makoto on…" She answered the best she could. There was still something she didn't trust about those other senshi.
"Well, assuming, this isn't a date. And those two are still together. What do you think?"
Rei shrugged. "I don't care I guess. If they're happy."
Minako took a breath, "And if Makoto was… um… i-into girls? Or I was?"
Rei let out a pained sigh. She hadn't really wanted to talk about this today. Or ever. She pondered the question over for a moment before speaking. "I guess, whoever dates Mako-chan will be lucky to have someone care so much about them. She's very loyal."
"And me?" Mina squeaked out quietly.
"You like guys." Rei stated matter of factly.
"Reiko, answer my question. Would it change things between us?"
Rei hesitated and thought to herself 'Yes, because maybe now I'd actually have a chance. No, because I could never act on it.'
There was a strange sadness in Minako's eyes.
Rei had to say something. "No." She said flatly.
"Good." Mina's voice was a mix of mostly relief with a hint of disappointment.
Rei picked up that something was still wrong. Mina was obviously trying to tell her something. "But you're not… uh, like GAY though, Right?" Rei pried gently.
"Nah, I'm not a lesbian. I still like guys way too much." Mina dismissed.
Rei breathed, "Yeah?" Mina herself didn't seem very convinced.
"But, I DO think I like girls too though. I think I'm bi, like, at least a little bit maybe?" Mina tried to lighten the mood. She held her thumb and forefinger half an inch a part and squinted at the minuscule space between her digits. "Just a tiny bit." Anything to break up the tension, just something to get Rei to stop looking so damn serious, she was nervous enough.
"Okay." Rei repeated.
"Okay?" Mina asked.
"Okay… but… I… I have chores… I'm still your friend… I just um… Grandpa needs me to tidy up." Rei could hear the shakiness of her own voice.
"Rei, do you want me to help? I mean if we get your chores finished early, maybe we could talk? I uh, haven't told the others yet." Mina felt like she had just opened Pandora's box - although, Ami had recently told Mina that Pandora's box was a misnomer. The geeky water senshi had explained that the the container in question was originally thought to be some type of jar. It still felt like all of her uncertainities were coming out with her.
"No. No, I'm good. We can talk later." Rei continued to absorb what her friend had just told her.
"It's just… I've never really said it out loud before." Mina suddenly wished she hadn't said anything at all. She felt nauseous "So, uh, are we going to be alright?"
"Yes, yes. Fine, fine… I just have so much to do." Rei nearly tripped herself to find a broom so that she'd look busy, deliberately avoiding seeing the way Minako's face fell.
Mina swallowed hard, a crushing weight settling in her chest. Blinking rapidly to dispel the burning in her eyes, she turned on her heel, desperate to get out of there.
Rei couldn't get a proper breath. She was on the verge of hyperventilating and Minako was disappearing with each step forward. She knew that this wasn't right. She couldn't leave it like this. Rei forced herself to catch up to her, and fought against her own instincts which always told her to protect herself by never getting involved in things like this.
Rei reached out her hand on the back of the blonde's shoulder and whispered "Look… I promise, it'll b–" Rei choked. Her mouth was dry, her voice was cracking, leaving her unable to finish her sentence. She coughed trying to clear her throat. Minako started to turn around to look at her, but Rei kept her eyes closed tightly.
Rei was ashamed. She had a hunch that Minako was probably on the verge of tears. If Rei looked at her and knew she was the reason that she was crying she'd probably start crying herself. Minako needed someone to be strong, someone to be there for her and that's what Rei was trying to do, but she didn't think she was doing a very good job. She worried somehow that she had made everything worse.
Rei hadn't let her walk away but she couldn't bring herself to deal with any more of this right now, she just wasn't good at stuff like this. Mina took Rei's hand and told her she'd see her tomorrow. Rei silently nodded, keeping her eyes closed. She stayed still in the same spot, standing in the yard, barely breathing until Mina was gone down the stairs, completely out of sight.
Rei felt like she was going to pass out. Her legs felt weak beneath her. Why couldn't she have just let Minako go?
She argued with herself that she was trying to maintain her dignity. She was trying to have self-preservation… And yet still she went after her. She smacked her hand into her forehead. 'Why? To tell her 'It would be'? Would be what? What the hell did that even mean?' She berated herself 'Stupid, stupid can't even tell my best friend that it'll be alright.'
She was flustered. Rei had tried to get rid of her but it had only made her feel guilty. Now everything was ruined. She really did have a lot of chores to do though. She started to sweep the courtyard. She still could almost feel Mina's fingers wrapped around her own. She looked at her hand. Just her normal hand. Same as it always was. She was half expecting a visibly changed aura or anything to see some impact left by the other girl.
—
Rei got little crushes but they never lasted. She thought about all the different people she had ever really liked.
There was Usagi. She mostly covered up any feelings by picking fights with her. The princess was already fated to be with another, and they were much better suited. For all Rei tried to deflect her true feelings she really was attracted to her.
Rei had only been so critical, so that she would try to do her best. She did deeply care for her but Rei was so broken when she found her that even if she hadn't been scared she wouldn't've have even known how show sincere emotions.
Though Rei knew that more than her beauty Usagi was so sincere and kind that it let you overlook her flaws. There was such an innate goodness in her, even if she did stupid things like she forgot that you had made plans, so you sat around and wasted your whole day waiting for her, you just couldn't stay angry for long.
She was just so damn likeable. It allowed her to make friends so easily, but also made her a target for enemies. She was very trusting and people could prey on that but Rei swore that she wouldn't let anything happen to her. Still, all of this made Rei very nervous. She could fall for her and probably always be happy.
However, this also caused Rei to be wrought with jealousy of anyone who would try to take their moon princess away. The thought of their group being separated always filled her with such despair. They were just so much stronger together.
Then there was Mamoru. Everyone either thought she actually liked him or that just trying to make Usagi jealous, but she was secretly trying to see if he was good enough for her. She had a hunch that he was Tuxedo Kamen, another of Tokyo's masked vigilantes.
While she was never able to confirm it on her own, she was merely trying to determine whether he was really an ally or enemy. It's true that she thought he was good looking and rather thoughtful but Rei knew that he and Usagi really were meant to be with each other, even when Luna would say he might be a threat. For barely a split second she once entertained the thought of Usagi having both of them, but she knew she didn't like to share and wouldn't settle for second place. There was just no beating him, they were destined to be together forever.
Ami… Well, what could she say? She was so caring and did have a certain radiance about her. There was the time they went on a little date on a cruise ship for couples. Rei had won tickets and didn't want them to go to waste. Technically, she had rigged the contest for that very reason. She had been wanting an opportunity to get her alone but in the end she couldn't ask Ami for those truths to questions that she couldn't even begin to ask herself. Rei still felt badly for how she behaved toward her when they got too close. Ami had only been trying to help. Rei ran scared and made an ass of herself in the process.
Motoki didn't count. Sure, he was cute and always friendly though truthfully he seemed a little dull… but everyone had made such a big deal about him that if she hadn't played along she'd look like there was something wrong with her.
Yuuichirou was actually good looking. He was definitely not boring, a little goofy sometimes, but had a really good heart. Rei had always found it strange that even though he was rich, his parent's had a ski lodge and numerous properties, yet he decided to give all of it up to find enlightenment at the temple. He was a hard-worker and he was always so good with Grandpa. He had become one of her closest friends and someone she could always talk to, but when she'd think about them together it never really clicked. It wouldn't have been hard to go through the motions but she knew it would be doomed to only hurt the sensitive musician in the end.
There were even a couple girls at T*A Academy that had caught her eye. She had noticed a blonde girl with ribbons in her hair, Kotono Sarashina. Rei supposed that maybe deep down, she did kind of have a type.
It would have been very difficult to date someone from school. It was so hard to tell who was there because they were actually devout, who had been kicked out of all the other schools in the area and who was just there because they had the warped idea of going to an all girl school would increase their chances of finding a girlfriend.
Believe it or not, there were some girls who took great pleasure in listening to a sermon and then doing the exact opposite. She had heard rumours that two girls got kicked out once for getting drunk on communion wine and making out in the confessional booth.
Whether or not it had been true, was besides the point. The depravity bar was set now. On top of that her school was renowned for having some of the shortest skirts in the city. It was hard for her not to notice, but it was almost impossible to have a real conversation with anyone and not have her little fan-club follow her around. Rei sometimes worried about whether those girls would like her less if she really were like that.
The initial infatuation always burnt out. None of these really stuck, which basically just left Minako. The only crush that lasted more than a couple weeks. The crush that had actually started before they had even officially met. Rei sighed. She was in trouble. Rei definitely had a lot to think about alright.
Rei didn't want to be gay or bi or any of that. It wasn't fair. She had more than enough to worry about. She had to pass her classes, finish all of her chores and make sure she didn't let the planet get destroyed. She just wanted to keep her teachers happy and make her grandpa proud. She and Grandpa made all of their money from the temple. People went to shrine to see a beautiful maiden, if she were gay would they stop coming? If they knew the truth about her would she be less beautiful in their eyes?
She just hoped that she didn't do anything so stupid that a big black limo would park below the hill, while the senator, his body guards and PR reps came up to have a talk about how a respectable man's daughter is supposed to behave. But, really he hadn't had a daughter since he left her here.
She would admit that didn't trust most men. She knew men were capable of walking away from you when you're dying and never looking back. This wasn't just 'daddy issues' like Mina used to joke. Which had disgustingly, seemed to be a turn on for some guys.
Even her grandfather who she loved dearly, her closest family, would still shamelessly hit on women less than half his age. She didn't really think that they were all bad, but they couldn't keep her interest either.
Boys liked her though, but she turned them all down. Which had kind of given her a reputation of being a bitch. She had started out polite enough, but they took it as a challenge. She could have easily made making men cry into a hobby, but mostly she just didn't want to answer to anyone. She needed to be able to trust someone 100% but didn't have the time to bother getting to know anyone.
She really did have responsibilities that not everyone could understand. She sometimes imagined these scenarios where her communicator would go off, and Usagi would say "Tokyo Tower is being swarmed, we need you!" And a faceless man would say, "But, I thought we had plans tonight?" With it finally escalating to him jealously asking, "Is there someone else? What are you keeping from me?" She couldn't live a life like that. She hated to be dishonest, so she would just avoid situations where she may need to tell a lie all together.
She didn't even want to be alone necessarily, but it really was bad timing. One day things would calm down. She would be done school and the Earth would be more peaceful. She knew she needed someone she could trust and someone who would let her have her freedom. Maybe then she could find someone but she wondered what how long could the senshi hide their powers?
How many lovers could you justify confiding in? What would happen if the other girls moved away? Would they get married and tell their husbands about their double lives? How would Luna and Artemis even allow for something like that? The cats always told them that the more people who knew their identities the more dangerous it was, for the scouts and anyone they dare get close to.
xxx
Rei couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned all night. She tried some of Grandpa's ancient remedies but nothing helped. Her grandfather was wise and told her that it seemed to him she had a lot on her mind and he was willing to listen, that a heavy conscience needed a listening ear.
Rei took a deep breath and tried to speak but all that came out was, "I don't know what to do." There was nothing else she could say. She wouldn't have known where to start.
He kissed her on the forehead, "You will." And with that, he retreated to his bedroom.
She just wanted to make things right. She gave up on sleep once the sun came up. The light from her window had made it impossible to keep her eyes closed. She had fought with it but understood what she needed to do.
She quietly crept down the hallway, trying hard not to wake up Grandpa. She took the phone off of the old wooden table and dialed the familiar number. She knew Mina's parents weren't there this month, so she didn't feel too badly about calling at such an early hour. She wouldn't be waking up anyone except Mina and she desperately needed to talk to her.
The dial tone hummed, and she could picture her looking so sleepy, almost angelic complete with an adorable little yawn before reaching for the phone… but no one answered.
She didn't know if Mina was still asleep or just avoiding her calls. Defeated, she decided to try to go back to bed. Eventually, she did start to drift off to sleep, blocking everything from her mind, yet she was haunted by the same dreams as always.
She was jolted awake and looked at the alarm clock. Had she really only been asleep half an hour? She was still so tired, maybe even more tired. So why was she awake? She thought she had heard foot steps. 'Grandpa must be up.'
She pulled the covers over her head, not ready to face the day. She figured he'd leave her alone since she had done such a good job with her chores the night before. She aggressively swept out her frustrations trying to think of anything else to just rid her mind of any bad thoughts.
She hoped since there wasn't a test or anything at school that he might let her stay home. She was ready to argue. 'Sleep deprivation is a type of sick, isn't it?' She thought to herself. He was usually pretty good about that kind of thing.
There was a knock, "HMMPH!" Maybe if she communicated by growling that would tell him the kind of day it was shaping up to be and he'd just go away.
KNOCK
She forced herself to speak, her voice was muffled through the blanket. "You can come in but I-I'm not going to school today." She answered defiantly.
She heard the doorknob turn, and the 5 or 6 steps it took to make it to her bed and nothing else. "GRR… I SAID I'M NOT GOING!" She took the comforter off her head ready for an argument, only to find Minako standing over her.
Flustered, she answered, "Mina? I uh, I called this morning but you didn't answer I thought… you… that… I should go back to bed. I didn't really sleep last night."
"I know. I saw your number but I-I dunno. I couldn't sleep either." Mina murmured softly.
Rei noticed that like her, Mina was still in her pyjamas. 'She must've been on her way over when I called. She started walking over here before dawn without even getting dressed?'
"Are you alright?"
Mina shrugged sleepily.
Rei knew asking questions would be pointless, they were both exhausted. She moved over to make space in her bed. "Well, c'mon…"
Mina knew that Rei understood and whispered, "Thank you." She climbed in the bed like all the times she had before.
Rei wondered if this had been the first time she'd really seen Minako without any make-up. Rei had a hunch when the other senshi would sleep at the shrine that Mina would get up before everyone else and do her make-up, even if she sometimes fell back asleep when she was done.
Rei looked at her. Mina was still gorgeous, she just looked a little tired. Rei knew they had all been tired for years, this perpetual exhaustion was just who they were now. Rei hadn't seen her own reflection yet and wondered if she looked as haggard as she felt. She hoped her eyes weren't still red from crying. She sighed. Without the eyeliner and mascara Mina's eyes had seemed even bluer.
"How'd you even get in?" She didn't know if she had climbed in a window or used the spare key they had hid in the garden.
"Grandpa let me in."
"I should get up and tell him I'm sick," Rei said, pushing herself up off the mattress with her elbows.
"–Said he had a feeling you were staying home today."
"Okay good. You going to school?"
She shook her head no.
Rei wasn't used to Minako being so quiet. "Alright. Good night."
They turned away from each other. Rei pondered whether Mina had a more peaceful look on her face once she settled in, after finding somewhere safe to go.
Mina imagined Rei's intense stare focused on the back of her head. She pictured Rei wondering if maybe she should kiss her neck, but knew it was just wishful thinking. Nothing had changed
She dreamt of the Princess of Venus again. The Venusian had her hands around the Princess of Mars' waist, getting ready to ease her onto her back and Mars was eager to give in.
Rei whimpered so loudly she woke herself up. It had felt so real this time. She found Minako cuddled snug against her.
Rei got up and decided to just let Mina sleep. She found her grandfather. She asked if he had called the school to let them know she was going to be absent and whether he had minded that her friend had stayed there.
He asked her what her friend had been upset about.
Rei told him, 'She just was having a bad day.'
Grandpa said, 'It was a shame since that meant Rei must've been having a bad day too because the two of them were usually in the similar moods. A bad day for Rei is a bad day for Mina, and so forth… But since she, and the other girls had started visiting the shrine, Rei was happier than she'd been since…' He couldn't even think of a time. 'Well, in a long time.' Probably not since Risa was still alive at any rate.
He thought about his daughter, and the bastard who left his child here. Rei wouldn't discuss her mother's death with him, but he knew that she thought about her often. His own daughter had been very trusting and loving, but there was so much anger in his granddaughter. He wondered if she was more like her father than she knew, or if the loss had just hurt too much for her to ever fully recover from.
Even as a child, she had always felt like sadness made her into a victim but anger felt purposeful, like she was in control, though sometimes he worried about the anger controlling her.
He knew she would probably always have a bit of a temper, but was so glad she had made friends and was doing so well in school. As well as how much dedication she was putting into her training as a miko.
She had been doing so much that he decided, whether she was actually sick or faking it. No one could deny that she had a heavy heart last night and the dark cloud was miraculously gone the moment the blonde girl had shown up. He had thought this might be one of those bad days that turn into bad weeks, but now she was up and showered. She still looked a little tired but he wasn't worried about her anymore.
He hadn't been that worried about her since her hands had those mysterious burns, but that was before she had even met Mina. He hadn't noticed any burns on Rei in a few years. She typically seemed to be much better mood, sometimes even having a sense of humour.
He was so proud of her and knew that her mother would have been too. Her father should have been, but there were many ways that that man had failed them. Grandpa decided that he would let her have today just for herself, and then it was back to business tomorrow.
They both got kind of quiet. So she asked him if there was anything around the shrine he needed her to do. He said if she wasn't too sick that he needed some groceries and he'd put in some extra money for lunch or maybe so the two of them could go see a movie or something.
He told her didn't actually need the groceries until tomorrow, so they could take their time. It seemed to him they needed a good nights sleep and then to have a real heart to heart.
Rei wasn't sure what the old man had up his sleeve but she hugged him and then started cooking. He whistled an old folk song while he tended to his garden. Rei recognized it as something her mother used to sing to her. The memory was bittersweet.
Rei was hungry and while not a fancy cook like Mako-chan, she could still find her way around the kitchen, besides it usually said everything she needed to know right on the side of the box! She decided that she'd just make extra breakfast, asking Grandpa if he had eaten yet to make it less suspicious.
Rei wasn't going to let Mina eat breakfast in her bed though, that would be way too weird. She'd try to wake her up in a little while, but, at least this way she wasn't being a selfish pig like Usagi, she thought to herself.
She had and would die again for the princess, it was her duty to protect her, but that didn't mean Rei had deluded herself into believing that it would ever occur to Usagi to offer anyone else part of her meal.
She went into her room to see if Minako was awake yet, since breakfast was almost ready. She had remembered that Mina had come in her pyjamas, and asked if she wanted to borrow some clothes. She went back to the kitchen while Mina got dressed.
"I hate to say it, but I think I look better in these than you do." Mina laughed as she came out of the bedroom and took her seat at the table.
As Mina started to eat the meal in front of her, she mumbled with her mouth full. "I didn't know how hungry I was. Thought I'd have to be starving to eat your cooking but this was really good. Thanks Rei."
Rei ignored the backhanded compliment and answered humbly, "Whatever. It's just scrambled eggs and toast."
She had also cut up some strawberries and peeled an orange but it wasn't like her to start bragging this early in the day, especially with so small an audience. Still, Rei was pretty proud that there were no broken shells in them this time and that she hadn't burnt the bread. Everything really had turned out alright.
"And I meant, for letting me stay here again." Mina smiled sweetly.
"Oh. Um. Anytime." Rei blushed nearly knocking a strawberry off her plate.
Nothing had changed.
