"No, no, no, no, no!" The doctor ran twice around the TARDIS, circling the centre console and skim-reading every possible screen as he went. "What are you doing?" He slapped his palm down on the console, stamping his foot simultaneously. He frowned, rubbing his hand softly, apologising to the breathing machine. He sighed, pulling a screen down in front of him. His left eyebrow rose slowly, as he read the Gallifreyan text. "That's impossible…" Whipping his sonic screwdriver out from inside his jacket, he buzzed it across the screen and more symbols appeared before him. "No…" He flicked his glasses over his face before exclaiming, "Yes!"
Suddenly excited, the Doctor grabbed his brown coat from the back of his chair and swung it round him, covering his pinstripe suit. Stepping one converse in front of the other, the 900-year-old time lord almost skipped out of the blue box. "Of all the places you decide to break down, and you break down here!" Opening the doors to the mystery world before him, the Doctors face broke out into a wide grin, "Camelot!"
The doctor strolled out, locking the TARDIS doors with his screwdriver (it's like a car, see?). Looking around him he saw he was deep in the woods though could see entrance in the distance. Stuffing his hands in his pockets and slipping his glasses into his jacket's inside pocket he strolled towards the lighter side of the woods.
Once he reached it, he heard voices. Ducking behind a tree, the Doctor decided only to watch. Remembering the dates and timeline his TARDIS had told him, a battle was nearing, and it was one the Doctor had no desire to join. He had seen too many battles in his time. There were three men, two stood and one sat; they were perched by a lake.
"You must come home." A man with a red cape was talking. The man was wearing chainmail and a golden dragon was sewn onto the cape – a knight of Camelot. He had short, curly hair, and looked the oldest out of the three.
"I can't." A younger man was sat on the floor. He had his back to the Doctor, but was wearing brown trousers and an old jacket. Tied around him was a red neckerchief.
"Leon's right," The final man spoke. He was large, also cloaked gallantly in red, his arms bare of chainmail. "You should come home with us." The man looked nervously at the other knight. "Gaius would be worried."
"Gaius would understand. I have to wait for him."
Leon sighed, "Merlin…" The Doctor looked up at this. Merlin? As in, the Merlin? "Arthur is…"
"I know he's dead." Merlin snapped. "But the dragon said I must wait. He is not only dead. He is the once and future king."
"What does that even mean?" The other knight spoke again.
"I…" Merlin faltered. "I don't know, Pervical." Merlin stood up, brushing himself down. He turned to face the two knights for the first time. "I just know that I am not leaving his side now, not when he needs me most." The doctor squinted, recognising the face that spoke. "Go back to Camelot."
"Merlin, we can't just leave you here, you've been here for two days already!" Leon argued.
"I can't go back. Tell Gaius I'm sorry. Tell Gwen…" Merlin choked on his own voice, "Tell her that I'm sorry I let her down."
"It wasn't your fault!" Percival stepped forward, "Mordred was the one who killed Arthur!"
"And I was the one who was meant to stop him!" Merlin shouted, a large voice coming out of such a fragile looking body. "I'm not leaving. You can carry me out of here, if you so wish, but I'll only turn round and walk back." Crossing his arms, Merlin made his point final.
Leon and Percival cautiously looked at each other, before nodding.
"Very well." Leon agreed, holding his arm out to Merlin. Merlin nodded, grabbing Leon's arm and shaking it. "Good luck, Merlin."
"Thank you, Leon." He replied, before shaking Percival's hand also and nodding at them both.
The Doctor waited until Leon and Percival had left before making himself known the Merlin.
"Hi there!" The doctor waved. Merlin spun round, holding his palm out towards the Doctor. "Woah, I'm not here to hurt you!" The Doctor held both hands up in submission. "I'm the Doctor."
"Like a physician?" Merlin asked, suspiciously, failing to lower his hand.
"I suppose so, yeah." The Doctor continued to walk towards Merlin, slowly placing his hands in his pockets for comfort. He squinted again, staring at Merlin.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Merlin stepped back slightly.
"You look like someone I know…. or at least used to know." The Doctor sighed, "Always past tense." He sighed, sadly. He shook his head, snapping himself out of his own thoughts. "What did you say your name was?"
"I'm Emr-…Merlin." Merlin still stepped back, though lowered his hand slightly. The strange man didn't know his name, so he was clearly not a druid.
"Ahhh, Merlin…" The Doctor's face scrunched up, and Merlin had a feeling that the man was analysing him. "Not Jethro no?"
"What? No, just Merlin."
"Hmm…." The Doctor murmured to himself, "Another case of spatial genetic multiplicity maybe…?"
"Spatial what? Who are you?" Merlin raised his palm again. "Do you work for Morgana? Because she's dead, I killed her."
"Morgana? No, look, I'm the Doctor."
"Doctor? Doctor who?"
"Just the Doctor. You know, like…like you said, like a physician…"
"You help people who are sick?"
"Not just those who are sick." The Doctor smiled, "I'm not here to hurt you, I promise." Merlin nodded, lowering his palm slightly. Something about this man made him seem trustworthy. "Why wouldn't you go home with the knights?"
"You heard that? You were watching us?"
"I didn't want to intrude."
Merlin just nodded. "I don't belong back in Camelot any more."
"Where do you belong? By this lake?" Merlin nodded again. "Why?"
"I just…I just do."
The Doctor nodded and looked around, studying where exactly he was. "This is, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this the lake of Avalon?" Merlin nodded. "Oh!" The Doctor spun around excitedly, "Oh! Oh! Oh!" The Doctor smiled, "You're Merlin!"
"Yes….I just said that…"
"You're the Merlin! This is the lake of Avalon! Oh!" Once again, the Doctor spun around on his heel. "You're the famous servant of King Arthur!"
"Was, the servant of King Arthur." Merlin stated, a sad look glazing over his eyes.
"Was?" The Doctor looked carefully at Merlin, and then took another look at the lake. "Oh." He stated, looking down and kicking his converse against the grass. "You're Merlin." He said. "This is the lake of Avalon." After a few moments he spoke again, quieter this time. "Arthur never survived the battle of Camlann did he?"
Merlin shook his head. "How did you guess?"
"You won't go back to Camelot with the knights. This is the lake of Avalon where in the legends everyone believed he came to whilst he healed, but really, this is the place he died."
"Legends?"
"Oh, you know, rumours." The Doctor sniffed, realising he was speaking past tense in a present situation. He really did have to stop doing that. He blamed Donna. She was always saying things had happened when they hadn't happened yet. Martha too. Past tense. Always past tense.
"Rumours? Rumours about what?" Merlin stepped forward towards the Doctor, "Who are you? Really? Are you a druid? Only druid would speak of such rumours and futures."
"I'm not a druid!" The Doctor said quickly, and then cleared his throat. "I'm a time lord."
"A what?"
"Time lord."
"No such thing."
"Yet here I am."
"Gaius never mentioned them."
"Gaius probably never knew we existed."
"Gaius knows everything."
"Except for me." The Doctor folded his arms in defiance.
"What are you then?"
"I'm a time lord. Lord of time. The oncoming storm, etc, etc." He said, waving his hand about in front of him as though he was bored of the nicknames different races gave him. "The point is, I can travel in time."
"That's impossible."
"Once again, yet here I am."
"You can travel in time?" The Doctor nodded. "Into the past?"
"I can."
"How?"
"But it's….it's…."
"Bigger on the inside, I know."
Merlin blushed as he stepped slowly into the machine.
"Can you save him?" He blurted out, as though he had been holding the question in for days. Perhaps he had, perhaps he had been willing to ask everyone he had met that same question, yet it only seemed slightly possible with this strange man in a box.
The Doctor faced him, a sad look painted across his face. "No."
"Why show me this then? What's the point?" Merlin shouted, bellowing his anger towards the Doctor.
"I can show you him. We can go back and you can see him again. Not to talk to, you can't interfere. His timeline is a fixed point in time; his death was a fixed point of both his and your destiny's. But you can see him. Don't you want that?"
"I can see him again?" The Doctor nodded, smiling. "I can see him alive?" Once again the Doctor nodded, his smile stretching across his face at the young boys hopeful and happy face. "I can see his smile?"
"I can take you, if you trust me."
"I do."
It was two years previous. Before the threat of war, before the threat of Mordred, it was back in the years of happiness and freedom. The Doctor and Merlin stood at the door Arthur Pendragon's chambers. It was open slightly, and Merlin could hear himself and Arthur talking inside.
"This is so weird…" Merlin murmured, his eyes widening at the sight of himself.
"If you ever feel uncomfortable just say and we can leave."
"I'm fine…" Merlin's head tilted, "Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?"
"You've been watching too much Harry Potter." The Doctor sighed.
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Another wizard. And Witch. Not alive yet. Not even real, technically. Sad story really." The Doctor caught sight of Merlin's face and shook his head. "Timey wimey stuff."
Merlin shrugged his shoulders and turned back to look through the door. "I remember this day. We've just gotten back from a council meeting. Gwen was away with Elyan. Arthur…Arthur just wanted company."
"And he chose you? Over the knights?"
"He said it was nice to talk to someone more dumb than himself. I retorted that he could have picked Gwaine. He laughed." Merlin turned back again and watched the scene that he just described fold out in front of him…
"Do you wish me to do anything, sire?"
Arthur shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think there's anything left to do actually, Merlin. You've done a good job you know, for you standards." Merlin smiled and nodded his head towards his King. "You can stay though." Arthur murmured. "I could do with some company."
"Missing Gwen, sire?" Arthur nodded. "Well I'm sure the knights wouldn't complain about your company down at the Tavern. I heard they were heading there after the meeting."
"I'm too tired for the Tavern." Arthur stated. " Besides, some times it's nice to have a conversation with someone a little dumber than myself."
"I take offence, Sire. Besides, Gwaine will be at the Tavern and would've probably had a few drinks by now." Arthur laughed. Properly laughed, his head swinging back, his teeth showing in a grin. Merlin couldn't help but smile along with him.
"You always surprise me with your humour, Merlin."
"It's just another part of my charm." Merlin smiled.
Behind the door the Doctor felt Merlin stiffen besides him. He looked towards the younger boy and saw his eyes glistening.
"I said that to him. The day he died. I…I couldn't even remember saying it." Merlin whispered, before focussing again on the scene in front of him.
"You know, Merlin, your charm certainly does work on me."
"Sorry, sire?" Both Merlin and Arthur blushed.
"What I mean is when we first met I thought you were a pain in the arse who was just going to be a nuisance."
"And I thought you were an arrogant prat." Merlin shrugged, "Some thoughts don't change I suppose." Merlin turned and felt a pillow hit his face, followed by Arthur's laughter. "Thank you for that, sire."
"I still think you're a pain in the arse and a nuisance, but you're also a loyal friend, Merlin. No one has stood by me for as long as you have."
"And I will continue to. Until the day I die."
"Unless I die first." Arthur laughed, taking Merlin's arm in a handshake.
"I'm not going to let that happen." Merlin said sternly.
Outside the door Merlin turned to face the Doctor. "I want to leave, please."
"I failed him." Merlin walked slowly out of the Tardis, back towards the lake.
"No you didn't. It was his destiny to die at the hand of Mordred."
"You sound like someone I know. Always talking about destiny, and doom, and how me and Arthur were two sides to the same coin…and yet he's still dead."
"You can go on without him." The Doctor stated. "And I know you will."
"How?"
"We meet again, you and me."
"What?"
"We will meet again, Merlin. You will keep living without Arthur for a long time until…"
"Until he rises again?"
"Exactly."
"I've heard that before, two days ago, but I didn't believe it. How can I keep on living?"
"You have another name, don't you? The name the druids call you."
Merlin nodded, "Emrys."
"Immortal." The Doctor nodded back. "You will be alive to see Arthur rise again."
"If we meet again…well, how do you know that?"
"Because I've met you before. But this is the first time you meet me. You won't remember me, when we meet again. You'd have lived for so long that you wouldn't even remember who you are anymore."
"Then how will I remember Arthur?"
"You'll never forget him." The Doctor raised an eyebrow, looking knowingly at Merlin.
"How can I live without him?" Merlin sobbed, tears spilling down his cheeks, hands clenched in his pocket.
"The way I have to live without my loved ones…you just learn to."
Merlin blushed at the 'l word' but nodded at the Doctors kindness. "Don't you have anyone?"
"I did. I might do again. But not now. Everyone I love leaves me."
"I know how you feel." Merlin sighed, looking down sadly. "Thank you, Doctor, for showing me him again, for helping me."
"It's what I do."
Merlin was tired. He was tired of walking, he was tired of living, he was tired of moving. He was tired of living a lifetime forgetting who he was, then having the raw memories of Camelot flood back to him in his final moments of his present life. He never forgot Arthur though; he never let himself forget Arthur. Throughout his lives he would not acknowledge his memories of him, but the memories came to him in his dreams.
It was 2013. Merlin was 26 years old, again. It was cold, and it was raining, as it always does in Wales. He was walking down a lane past a lake with his dog when a pain screamed through his head and face flashed before his eyes. It was a face from his dreams. A blonde, handsome man, with strikingly blue eyes, covered in chainmail and a red cloak.
"Arthur?" Merlin whispered. His headache fizzled away as he looked around him. Where was he? What was this place? He remembered. He remembered Camelot, he remembered Arthur, Gwen, Morgana. He can't be dying can he? That was the only time he ever remembered his old life. He began to panic, not wanting to die again, not wanting to forget again.
A man with floppy hair suddenly appeared in front of him. He was wearing a light brown suit and a red bow tie. "its time, merlin."
"Who are you? How do you know my name?"
"It's me. The Doctor."
"The Doctor! How? But your face is different, how…?"
"Yes and you've died god knows how many times since the last time we met, some things just happen don't they!" Merlin smiled at this new-faced doctor and shook his hand. "Nice canine!" The Doctor commented, softly patting the dogs head, trying to avoid being licked, and failing. "Robot ones are much more hygienic…"
Merlin didn't answer that, wondering what the man was going on about. "Nice bow tie!"
"Bow ties are cool." The doctor said defiantly, before shaking his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts once again. "It's time, merlin."
Merlin looked at the Doctor for a moment, before asking him, "Do you have someone?
"I did. I had two of them. Two Ponds. Now I Sort of do. Although, she sort of keeps dying, but I sort of keep finding her again."
"She? Who is she?"
"Clara, or Oswin, She goes by a couple of names, like someone else I know." He looked pointedly at Merlin.
"I no longer go by the name Emrys. Just Merlin. No more druids to call me that, I am the last of my kind." He said sadly.
"I know how you feel." The Doctor said. He smiled sadly, "Like I said, it's time."
"Time?" Merlin murmured, "Arthur?"
The Doctor nodded, and motioned towards the lake before them. "This is the once and future lake of Avalon."
"I walk past this every day, how did I never not know."
"Your memories are erased every time you live a new life. So in this life, every time you walk past this lake, you only see it as a lake. If you were to remember Avalon, and Camelot, and Arthur, life would be too difficult for you to continue, so your brain does this funny little thing called repression and represses all your painful memories, including Arthur and his dead. Psychology, dead interesting! Not as interesting as time travel, but still, it comes in handy!"
"So I'm remembering now because…."
"Because you no longer have to live without Arthur." The Doctor once again turned towards the lake and Merlin followed his eye gaze.
A figure was walking out of the lake towards the land. The figure was shining, the sun reflecting of the chainmail. Blonde hair shone out from the figures head and Merlin felt his stomach flip and heart pound in his throat.
"Merlin?" Arthur's voice called out to him, though Merlin was rooted to the spot.
"Go to him…" The Doctor whispered.
"He remembers me?" Merlin murmured, choking on tears in his throat.
"He never forgot you."
To the disgust of the Doctor, Merlin passed him the dog's lead and slowly walked towards the lead. The Doctor tapped the dog's nose suspiciously, "are you sure you don't have a laser in there?" Merlin didn't hear him though. Arthur was all he could see.
"Merlin…is that really you?"
"Arthur. It's been too long…" Merlin waded into the water and didn't stop himself, flinging his arms around Arthur's body and being pleased when he felt Arthur's arms wrap around his back. "I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, sorry. I failed you. I should have stopped him. I should have stopped Mordred, I-"
"You did all you could. I've watched you cry over my death every time you've been close to your own. I won't have you cry any longer." Arthur pulled away, placing his hands on Merlin's shoulders.
"You… you saw me?"
"I was allowed to see you, the lady of the lake allowed it, but only when you could remember me. Sadly, this was every time you were close to death."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too." Merlin suddenly laughed. "What on earth is so funny?"
"Us. Here. I'm not sure what's more ridiculous, you dressed in chainmail in the 21st century, or me feeling like your servant back in Camelot again but dressed in wellies and a hoody talking a bloody dog for a walk!"
Arthur laughed, properly, just like he did the last time Merlin saw him alive, when the Doctor took him back in time. "I've missed that laugh." Merlin admitted.
"I've missed you." Merlin blushed at Arthur's honesty. "I'm guessing you have your own house? You're not still a servant in the 21st century, are you?"
Merlin shook his head, "I have my own house. Slightly smaller than the castle at Camelot, but it will do."
Arthur nodded in agreement before he looked over Merlin's shoulder and saw something, "Who's that man?" He asked Merlin. Merlin turned to see the Doctor standing where he left him, sticking his thumbs up in the air at them.
Merlin laughed, shaking his head in disbelief at the man's childish manner. "He's a doctor."
"They're like physicians, right? Like Gaius?" Arthur raised an eyebrow, "I know some things of this world, but a lot of the time I was not allowed to look. I only learnt what I know from seeing you close to…close to dying."
Merlin nodded. "Yeah, they're like physicians. They help people."
"And this man, he helped you?"
"Yes. Very much."
"Then I'm glad of him. I'm glad he was here to help you when I was not." Merlin felt Arthur's hand slip from his shoulder and down his arm, finally stopping at his hand. Their fingers interlinked and merlin's breath hitched in his throat. "I've waited too long for you, Merlin."
"And I, you." Merlin smiled, holding Arthur close to him again, never wanting to let him go. It had been too long. "Let's go home." He pressed his forehead against Arthurs and both men were overwhelmed with a stunning feeling of de ja vu.
When Merlin turned to walk out of the lake he expected to see the Doctor still standing there. Yet all he saw was a fading, flashing blue light. He had a strange feeling that he would not see the Doctor again, but that did not matter, because now he had Arthur.
