Cash Quest

Chapter 1: The Good Shit

She said "Hey, hey, I got some majickksssssss." and Dave didn't give a single flying fuck. "Okay." was his curt response. He was busy djing up some sick fires; if you could call djing spinning around in a wheeled office chair and sick fires the barest pretenses of an idea. "Aw come on Dave, you know you want this good shit; I got it special just for you," She said it with a small smile and a wink "and when I say the good shit I mean the gooooood shiiittt."

He stops his chair and stares at her for a moment in complete silence. "How good are we talkin here Roxy?" Her smile widens and she looks behind herself briefly, checking to see if anyone else was in the room. "The best shit" she whispers. "Care to expand on that any or am I here left in the dark about the product I'm undoubtedly about to be charged some copious and extravagant fee for?" He mentally face palms as he realizes that saying extravagant directly after copious is extremely redundant. Damn, what is up with the excess of literally fucking everything? He shrugs it off, he's cool, he knows what he's doing here. More or less.

"No, no, no, andddddd no. Strider, listen. Trust me, it's good stuff, just hand me the cash and you'll get the best magic there is." A small smirk plasters her face and it's clear to see she's up to something. Dave once again fails to give any sort of semblance of a fuck. In fact, his mind is so devoid of fucks that he fails to realize two things. First, all forms of currency are completely and utterly valueless now since all of civilization has been destroyed. Second, like his mind is devoid of fucks to give his pockets are empty of pennies to purchase with. "How much?" he asks.

She taps her chin and tilts her head as her face scrunches up in thought. "Wellllll, considering the friends and family discount, I'd have to say about a million bucks." Smiles, winks, and games are some of the most dangerous enemies, especially from this girl. "Jesus Christ man, I don't have that type of money," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out nothing more than a gum wrapper and a bit of lint, "hell I don't have any money." "Sounds like Mr. Strider needs a job then!" and with that she turns on her heel and walks right out the door. Dave takes this moment to totally not abuse his shades by totally not staring at her ass as she does so.

He leans back in his chair and groans, not because of the lack of money, but because he just shamelessly got an eyeful of some off limit and taboo as fuck booty. Whatever, it's not like anybody knows. Just as the thought is complete a rustling sound comes from underneath the bed and a head of messy black hair pops out. "Heya, Dave!"