I Will Wait
Summary: Esmeralda's been having second thoughts on her relationship with Claude as unwanted memories begin to roll back. She pushes Claude away but he won't let her go through this alone. Thus, he vows to spend as long as it takes for her to trust him again.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunchback of Notre-Dame or any of its plots and characters. This is simply for entertainment purposes. All rights belong to Disney and Victor Hugo.
Well I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun
Esmeralda entered the Palace of Justice right at dusk, stretching and yawning upon arriving at the bedroom she shared with her husband for around a year. She had not taken notice that she had been followed only once she heard the door being closed behind her. She had left it open for she had not planned on staying in the room for long. She wished only to set a few coins away before meeting her husband for dinner.
Turning around, she relaxed once she saw who it was. "Claude," she greeted him, a breath of relief escaping her. "You startled me."
She hadn't a chance to say anything more, arms embracing her and pulling her close to her lover's chest. She slackened in his hold before reciprocating and due to being so close, she could hear the small murmurs under her partner's breath. "Esmeralda… my emerald. God," he sighed, holding her closer still.
The gypsy smiled at his actions, all too familiar with the routine that occurred nearly daily after the judge finished his work. This day in particular, judging by how long she was being held for, indicated that he was more stressed than usual.
"Bad day?" she inquired against his chest, relishing against the warmth he gave off. "Stressful?"
"Annoying," he answered, "tedious, boring… whatever you wish to go with, my dear." He did not allow her to leave his arms, not like she intended to. If she had a choice, she would remain in bed all day with him, in his comforting embrace. But she knew it was never like this a year earlier. She would never allow Frollo to go near her, nonetheless, touch her as he was doing now. She loved him now but despised, and dare she allow herself to admit, feared him since she had first entered the Palace of Justice, now belonging to him.
But so much had changed over the course of a simple year. The Festival of Fools was returning up once more, making a full year since she had chosen him over the burning stake, over her death as well as the deaths of her fellow gypsies.
After many arguments and more than one horrific incident towards the girl from the minister in the first several months, a bond between the two formed. A bond that made no sense yet all the sense in the world. A bond that contradicted itself yet first perfectly, as though made of itself to occur, that nothing else should be possible in eliminating the relationship that developed between the two.
And to say she was taken by surprise from her discovery was more than unwonted. She did not expect from him to turn out as he did. He was a wonderful and gentle lover, always considering her needs and ensuring that they were fulfilled before his own. He was tender, slow, caring. However, depending on the mood, that could drastically alter given he was granted by his wife, the love could definitely turn into something the complete opposite of tender and slow.
But he was a better partner than he was lover. He listened to her troubles, comforted her when she was upset, held her when she cried, laughed with her and was always attempting to put a smile on her face. He gave her freedom to come and go as she pleased with the exception of her returning home every night at dusk. He could not afford to lose her, especially now that he knew what he found after all those years of her missing from his life. And now they were married, together underneath God, together with each other. He treated her the best he ever treated anyone in his life. He cared for her, loved her and everyday that passed, the love both possessed for each other merely grew.
And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground
"Claude?" she blushed as he pressed her against the bedroom wall, ensuring that she could not easily leave but also he wasn't hurting her. She whimpered as she felt his lips descend upon her jaw and neck, allowing him to suck, kiss, bite, leaving dark hickeys in more places than one.
"Shh," he murmured in return, kissing her lips to quiet her to which she happily responded. "Don't say a word, my dear… You wouldn't want to make me angry now, would you?" He teased in her ear before trailing kisses down her caramel skin.
The zingara froze beneath him at the threat, her eyes clouding over with unseen fear. He didn't seem to take notice as he continued his actions, causing a shudder of anxiety and unmistakable terror to rush through her. He had said the exact same thing as compared to the first time he took her and she remembered it all too vividly.
She remembered the fear that paralyzed her as he held her down, ripping the prison garb adorned on her for it had been right after she had agreed. She had screamed when he had roughly inserted himself into her, intent on claiming her. He had put a hand over her mouth to silence her, shoving her head into the pillows while the free hand was on her throat, making her incapable of drawing breath. And she cried. The pain was nothing she had ever experienced before. Her lower regions were on fire as he thrusted into her with such ferocious and frenetic movements, rubbing her insides raw, the blood that escaped her intensifying after each movement. And while he claimed her, he bit harshly into her ear, his voice filled with lust and desire. "Shh. Don't say a word, my dear… You wouldn't want to make me angry now, would you?"
"Claude, get off," Esmeralda gasped as she was brought back to what was occurring.
Claude took no notice of her plead, trailing the kisses down to her collarbone. The only moment he realized something was off was due to the abrupt shove off of the girl. He took in her shaking frame with her emerald orbs wide with fear. He returned the look with confusion. "Esmeralda?" He rose a hand, reaching out to comfort her to which she pulled away from as though she had been burned.
"Don't touch me," she bit out and ran off with the three words hanging in the air, allowing them to pierce the man in the heart as his breath stopped, his heart throbbing with pure concern that he had not experienced in his life yet. He wanted to follow, to help her, find out what was wrong but he decided against it, settling on waiting for her. He did not want to scare her more than he did. If she wished to talk, he would be there, waiting with an open ear. But for now, he would have to be patient.
Frollo paced back and forth the length of the large bedroom much like he did every night since the incident. He glanced in spurts outside of his window, hoping to catch any sign of his wife. She hadn't shown up in the bedroom for a whole month and he was gradually losing his patience. She would spend the day with him, making up, or at least attempting to make up, for the sleepless nights she caused him but he no longer accepted it. He was growing more infuriated and exasperated with each now night that passed on without her and he was on the verge of threatening her in hopes of getting one full night of sleep without worrying where she was or what she was doing. He knew more than well that she could fend for herself just fine, even more so, he could never extinguish nor fully diminish the fear that planted itself and grew in his heart despite all attempts and reconciliations. Despite having seen her get herself out of more than one dire situation, he was convinced that her luck and tricks would soon run out. But he had every right to worry. After all, she was his wife, his spouse, and his love.
Relenting, as he did many nights, he laid in the too large and empty bed, absentmindedly fiddling with his wedding band, having replaced one of his three rings for the item he now held dear to him. The candles in the room had dimmed to the point where the moonlight was the only source of light, the tolls of the bells indicating that it was midnight.
The minister laid awake, his mind leading him to the worst case scenarios as it did every night. Turning on his side, he stared at her side of the bed that remained desolate, devoid of the person he longed to have besides him. This thought allowed a sense of loss to fill him. The feeling was more than familiar and while constant was not in any case any less painful or worrying. All he could hope and pray for was that she had some sense to return to whatever shelter she stayed after nightfall. While Paris was a bustling, and mostly friendly, city of activity, it was more than dangerous for a young woman, nonetheless, a beautiful gypsy such as herself to be out and lingering in the streets once it grew dark. Despite the fact he knew she could defend herself and she had that demon goat as a personal guard, there were more than one incidents that could harm her or even kill her. Especially if she lingered around the brothel. With several drunk men surrounding her with the intent of sex in mind no matter how they get it, even she would find herself in a dilemma.
Maybe he should have more faith in her but whatever was the reason for her absence at night in their bed, not his, but their bed, he would find out. But for now, all he could do was pray and hope for the best.
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
"Where were you?" he asked, demanded, at the table the following morning when he took note that his wife was picking at the food but had yet to actually take a bite of it.
"What do you mean?" the zingara glanced at him.
"You know well, my dear," he answered, attempting to keep his tone even and his temperament calm which he discovered it to be a growing challenge for his patience was wearing thin.
"You mean last night," came the sigh of realization.
"Yes, smart girl," he bit out. "Where were you?" came the reiteration of the question.
"The Court," she responded after moments of silence. "That's where I go every night."
"Indeed," he mumbled, observing her with a steady eye as she set her plate down in front of her goat who eagerly munched upon the untouched breakfast. With silence in the air, Claude continued. "So do you meet anyone at the court or do you just go there to sleep?" He knew that no one, especially her, would tell their spouse that they were cheating upon inquiry. Not only would she have to face his wrath but imprisonment at the very best so he suspected that she wouldn't even dare, nonetheless, act upon the aspect of cheating and risk more than just her freedom upon the act. And while he did love her, he would act on her actions to remind her who she belonged to. Him. And no one else. If she thought that he grew soft enough for she could just leave him after marriage, after a lifetime commitment was decided and promised to one another, and for her to walk free without consequences, then she had another thing coming her way. He had little, akin to no toleration for people who went back on their words. If she could go back, nothing stopped him from doing the same. He could burn down all of Paris again if he wished to. He could kill every gypsy in sight and he could make her watch. It would be all her fault and he will let her know who was solely responsible. Her.
"I don't meet with anyone besides Clopin," she spoke at last. "Clopin is only there to sleep with… comfort me," she added after a small temporization.
"Comfort you? From what?" he demanded to know. "Esmeralda, what are you hiding from me?"
"Nothing," came the weak attempt at a lie, her voice cracking at the word. He arched an eyebrow at the pathetic excuse, even for her, causing her to sigh. "I'm just having nightmares. That's all."
"What are they about if they're so terrible that comfort from your husband no longer works?"
And now came the ultimate decision on the gypsy's part. Either she tells him and he reacts one of two ways or she doesn't and a swarm of possibilities could potentially occur. The subject was obvious and she knew her husband no longer wished to be reminded of the horrid first months of their "relationship" if it could even be titled that. He could erupt in despair and guilt and attempt to help her through what she was experiencing. Or he could storm off with anger and hurt for she lacked trust in him. While she preferred one conclusion over the other much more, she still had to take into account how that would affect the present relationship.
On the other hand, if she decides not to tell him and remain silent, he could easily and rightfully suspect that she was lying about the entirety of the subject and presume that she was cheating. She had no wish to even wonder what consequences of that could bring.
Or, if he decides, he could assume that she wasn't lying but take into account that she did no trust him enough to even discuss the subject as a whole. Or he will demand to know or leave a shadow of doubt and lack of trust over her shoulders much like the world. And she came to her conclusion after several silent minutes of thought.
"Because the nightmares are about you. About you when I first agreed to be yours and go with you. To be your wife."
It took him a while to comprehend and put into coherent thoughts over what she was talking about, attempting to remember what had occurred the first few weeks together. And once he did realize, it struck him hard much like a blow to the gut. "Esmeralda… what makes you possibly think that I would… that I would do that to you again?"
"If you did it more than once in the past, how am I to know that you're not capable of doing it again? If you did it more than once, it's a possibility for it to reoccur," she spoke quietly, hesitantly, afraid to say something wrong as not to anger him for he, after all this time, held her in his grip. She was submissive, fearful in his presence at times much like this.
"When did… when did you start having these nightmares? Why have you?"
She said nothing to that, watching her goat eat.
"I can't help you unless you tell me what's truly bothering you. Why those memories sprang up. If I don't know anything, how can I help you? How can I make you feel better if you don't trust me enough to tell me?"
"Because it was such a long time ago that even I don't know why it has such an affect on me. It just… does and I hate that I'm not even comfortable enough with my own husband to sleep with him at night. And… it's just… so…" She trailed off and sighed, dipping her head. "It's pathetic and I despise it. I just wish I was comfortable enough to stay with you but I'm terrified to do so. I'm not cheating on you… I hope you know that. I really do."
Claude said nothing the whole while she talked, letting her rant or… ramble. She was visibly nervous and he cursed himself for putting that fear that she didn't deserve to have to begin with into her. How she felt she couldn't even face her own husband due to his despicable actions. "What brought on these nightmares? And memories?"
"A month ago when you were upset that day. Not with me but with work. You kissed me and said, 'Don't say a word, my dear… You wouldn't want to make me angry, now would you?' You said that the first night… The night you claimed me against my will and yes, I realize you were teasing but it… it brought back those horrible memories."
The minister watched as she began to break down, shaken as tears rolled down her cheeks. The girl was broken, her spirit and person as a whole languished. And he was to blame. The guilt he felt for being the reason for her being so distraught ached him to his core and in an attempt to allay her, he walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands that rested on her lap, running his thumbs along her knuckles to pacify her, soothe her and soften the cries that shattered his soul. "You have forgiven me before… and I waited until you were comfortable enough to truly be with me. I did it before, my emerald. And I will do it again."
So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way shake the excess
"I don't want to sleep here tonight," she admitted after dinner as the two stood in the hallway of the palace.
"You're not sleeping with me. You'll sleep in a separate room. But it's a slow process. We will have to work you up until you're comfortable enough to sleep with me, gaining my trust fully again. Alright?"
She seemed hesitant, uncertain. She pursed her lips, beginning to tremble. "I… Claude. I'm not sure if this is such a good idea."
"Do you trust me? At all?"
The zingara nodded. "Yes, of course."
"Well, if you do, then you don't have to be worried that I'll do anything bad to you. I won't hurt you. I've made the room with help so you will feel as though you're at the court. Djali's in there waiting for you. Your shawls, tambourines, blankets, are all in there. Clopin will join you tonight if you feel out of place and we'll slowly build from that. Alright?"
She seemed as though she was contemplating it and Frollo dissembled a neutral expression despite the fear of rejection brewing through him. He needed to have her trust. He needed her with him. Without her, he was lost. To his great relief, she eventually nodded. "Why are you doing all this for me?" she asked quietly. "You're going through all this trouble just to make me feel comfortable… Why?"
"For starters, you're my wife. I want you to be happy and comfortable in our marriage." He placed a hand on her cheek after a moment's pause to ensure he wouldn't frighten her. A smile grew when she relaxed against his hand and leaned into it. "And you forgave everything I put you and your people through. This might, definitely, does not make up for even an ounce of the torment but it's a start. This is my fault and I'll do everything in my power to make up for it and make you feel better. I promise you. I love you too much to see you this terrified of me."
His words, as he spoke, soothed her and caused her fear to diminish, even if slightly, it was enough for her to accept and understand fully his attempt and saw nothing to lose, only to gain. "I'll give it a try," she smiled to show her sincerity as she rested her head in his hand more. The smile grew once he ran his thumb over her cheek, caressing it to soothe her, still observing the tenseness that had yet to leave entirely. He carefully wrapped an arm around her lower back, pulling her flush against him.
"You're so beautiful, my love," he hummed in content, placing a kiss on the top of her head. Catching a whiff of the scent she possessed, he allowed his nose to linger in her hair, breathing the smell that he adored oh so much.
Upon confusion of feeling him retreat but return, she couldn't help but chuckle slightly once she realized what had backtracked him. "What are you doing?" she inquired into his neck.
It was now his turn to freeze in horror. He remembered that day so clearly, so vividly. He would never forget it. It was when he first allowed himself to truly indulge, the lust winning over his self-control, empowering him and leaving him feckless, unable to fight back and power through like he had always been taught to do so. He knew what his next line was. And he despised those words. He had accused her for putting such dreaded thoughts into his mind but it had been him and his lack of empowerment. The minister never answered, the words repeating again and again like a horrible nightmare haunting him, not allowing him to rest.
"Claude?" Her emerald eyes connected with his gray ones. "Are you?..."
He nodded slowly to confirm her suspicions. "Yes," he choked out. "That day in Notre-Dame, when I ordered him," he snarled the pronoun, "to drag you outside…"
Not only did she catch onto the bitterness and sorrow of how he spoke but she observed that he remembered the rule of never speaking the Sun God's name. The rule had been set since the first night she spent with him and had remained in effect to that very moment. He despised Phoebus and knew well that Esmeralda did not deserve to even bare the bastard's name. She was too pure and he was going to take advantage of her for one quick lay and return to his fiancée. She shook her head, pulling herself out of her thoughts. That was of little importance at the moment.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "God, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry, my emerald." He grabbed her gently yet firmly, pulling her close and kissing her rose, red lips, forgetting for a second about her nightmares. His need to apologize empowered him and he needed to show it. "I'm sorry," he reiterated against her delicate petals.
"I forgive you," the zingara reassured him. "I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. I… I love you and I forgive you."
"I'll help you get through this. You will get through this. I promise you will. I'll be there every step of the way. I'll be waiting for you to join me again. I'll always wait for you."
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
Claude entered the room Esmeralda was in. She was lying down, half asleep, her eyes closed. She only noticed he was in the room when he sat next to her, tucking a raven strand of hair behind her ear. "It's always that part," he mumbled, not addressing her nor talking to himself either.
"Grows rather tiresome," she answered, opening her eyes and shifting to get a better look at him.
"Now has it?" he hummed sweetly and smiled, placing a kiss on her jaw gently. "I find it a part of you. You always tuck it behind your ear if you're nervous, regardless if it's out of place or not. You have several habits when you're feeling something and all of them are just as adorable and charming as the last trait and the next."
He smiled widely at the blush that crept up her cheeks, indicating that he had said the correct thing but by then, he knew his wife well. He knew what buttons to push, what to say and do to cheer her up if she had a particularly bad day, how to make her practically melt within his arms and he loved having that kind of control over her, that form of dominance over her. He concluded that it was the best king. That is, opposed to other methods he had attempted before. It was much better than he could imagine as opposed to dominating her against her will. He now shuddered in disgust at the mere thought of him hurting her to get his pleasure, his way, his satisfaction. She was too good and deserved much better. She wouldn't even hurt someone if she had to. She didn't deserve to be abused.
"If you say that I'm adorable again, I swear to God…" she laughed, knowing his look too well. He was bound to make a remark and she was surprised that he hadn't done so yet. Then again, he was unpredictable. That was one of his many traits she grew to adore.
He was about to answer the retort with one of his own but the bells of Notre-Dame chimed, interrupting him as they indicated the strike of midnight. "Cherie, you better be decent!" rang in the Gypsy King's voice, announcing his presence before he even entered. Upon walking in, he scooped Esmeralda into a large hug, not once acknowledging Claude who looked on in silence, the judge's smile fading at seeing how much more comfortable she was around her brother. Whether jealousy or hurt, he was unsure but either way, it annoyed him.
He took Clopin's place when he released her, kissing her deeply and wishing her a good night, leaving the two together and heading to spend yet another night by himself. But now he held onto the hope that those nights would become less and less frequent.
He remained awake much like every other night, left alone in the dark room with just his thoughts. Whilst he frequently was alone and accustomed to it, at the end, he wasn't exactly entirely comfortable with it, especially now that he was used to, grown into the habit of sleeping with his wife in his arms. He protected her small body, held her close, shielded her from any harm that dare threatened to disturb her. He missed burying his face in her raven hair, her beautiful, entrancing scent helping him sleep.
Despite her scent lingering in the sheets, it wasn't enough. He needed her warmth, her body flush against his. It was pure heaven every time they slept together no matter how frequent it was. He couldn't even think of anything better. He couldn't fathom Heaven being better in fact. He had everything he could ever want. A beautiful wife, a wonderful relationship, and a faithful partner. Not to mention, a terrific lover. He had it all and had not a single reason to give any of it up. And if his idea worked, he would regain her back.
At that thought, he smiled widely in the pitch darkness. He turned to the side of hers before taking her pillow and holding it to him. The final thought being of her sleeping besides him as she should be.
Claude heard quick footsteps running down the hallways the next morning followed by the sound of laughter. He didn't bother to change into his normal robes, intent on finding out the cause of the noise. He got out of bed and opened the door. He glanced down the hall, seeing a familiar mess of ebony curls disappear around a corner.
He heard a foreign language call out, a playful cry following. The foreign language, while unfamiliar and he didn't recognize a single word, he was able to identify easily. He was used to his wife mumbling to herself occasionally in the Bohemian dialect. It was short and very much related to Russian but both were horribly difficult to understand since all the minister knew were the romance languages.
And while she would mumble, he would implore her to tell him what she was saying. But she would always give the same answer of, "don't worry about it". He found it rather adorable at the small "secret" as he liked to call it. And to both his and hers amazement to that day, he still adored the answer. He was never one to like secrets kept from him but he would not intrude. But whenever she told him not to worry, he would scoop her up in a hug and kiss her until she was panting for air. She was just too cute not to. He watched as Esmeralda turned the corner and began to rush down the hallway. Seizing the opportunity, he took her arm, pulling her close. "Morning," he smiled.
Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies
She looked up at him and smiled in return, her already elated mood increasing. "Morning," she reiterated and kissed him deeply in greeting. "Forgive me for leaving so soon but I do not intend on losing this game," she laughed before getting out of his arms and running down the hallway away from the Gypsy King who followed, taunting her in Bohemian.
Claude watched the playful scene with a light heart, more than content with how happy she was. He couldn't help but chuckle as she stumbled down the hall. Whilst she was graceful in many ways more than one, she was still human and she could stumble, just like every other person out there, including him. And he loved that about her. How she could look like a goddess that doesn't deserve to be on this Earth but still appear human simultaneously.
"Are you alright?" he smiled and caught her as she fell into his arms with a soft grunt. She grinned in response and nodded up at him.
"More than fine, thank you," she said.
"Care to join me for breakfast or would you like to continue your little game of cat and mouse?" he inquired, his arms wrapped around her waist. She hummed softly, thinking.
"Give me some more time to think about it. You'll know when I made up my mind if you don't see me in the dining hall in ten minutes. Right now, I need to get Clopin." With that, she left, her bare feet hitting against the stone floor as she ran.
He watched her leave with a broad grin, hearing the Gypsy King scream and a laugh from his beautiful wife in return as it echoed throughout the large hallway. His smile faded at how happy she sounded, how joyful she looked, eager to continue her game with her guardian. He did not see her that way any time around him. He had not caused the elation. Maybe he should try it later when she got comfortable again. Maybe he can make her happy and provide her with fun times much like Clopin.
He hummed a soft tune beneath his breath at that thought, hoping to see his lovely wife at breakfast. He wished to know how she fared that night and discuss what will occur this following evening.
He waited by the doorway to the dining hall, catching sight of his wife right as she came towards the large hall and decided to hide from view. He grabbed her waist, wrapping his arms around her as she entered to which she yelled in surprise before a smile graced her lips. "Hello to you, too," she laughed. He grinned in return, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Decided to come early?"
"Maybe," she smiled coyly, relaxing in his arms entirely as opposed to before where some evident stress had lingered, surprising them both but neither seemed to mind at the very least.
"Growing more comfortable, my dear?" he hummed in her ear to which she gave the identical answer to. He realized that if he was to ask another question, the response would be a simple reiteration as the one an inquartation before so he decided to leave it alone despite how much she appeared to be enjoying her little game. Instead, he led her to the dining room table right as breakfast was being served.
Halfway through the meal, Esmeralda spoke up, declaring, "I want to spend the day together. Just you and I."
His gaze rose from his plate to meet her emerald one. "Of course," he immediately smiled and accepted. "I suppose I can skip work today despite the rather important meeting I have today with the king's advisors which will ultimately decide if I will remain minister, indicating that my job is much more important than my beloved wife who I love how much now?" he teased, knowing that she would catch on. He smirked when he saw the spark of realization in her eyes. "What would you like to do, my dear?"
She shrugged. "I didn't truly think about it. I just figured we'll do what came up and follow where the day takes us. I had nothing particular in mind."
"So you plan to waste my time?" he grinned.
She blushed. "Perhaps," she mumbled and looked down at her half empty plate, her cheeks a bright red.
He stood at that, walking over to her and gently taking her hands, pulling her up so they were face to face, eye to eye, toe to toe. He didn't think twice, gently grabbing her head and kissing her deeply. "Every second I spend with you is worth it, Esmeralda. It's well spent and never wasted. That is impossible with you, my wonderful wife and nothing you can say or do will convince me otherwise, understood?" His smile grew broader at the nod and the way she avoided his gaze, her cheeks tinting even more. "Something the matter, my dear?"
"N-no. I just- nothing."
"You just what?" he asked, his heart aching as she pulled away from his hold. "Esmeralda?"
And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground
"I wanna try sleeping with you tonight," she murmured. His eyes widened at the sudden statement and he couldn't help the hope that soared through his chest.
"Really?" She nodded and he scooped her up into a large hug, twirling her around before setting her back down on the floor, laughing along with her before he buried his face into her hair. "Do you want to? So early on? Not that I wish to get rid of you. I'm more than relieved that you're deciding to stay with me but I don't want to make you uncomfortable, my love. I don't want you to feel pressured into sleeping with me."
"And I'm not," she responded immediately. "I want this. I want to try. I don't want this to linger one. I really don't." She pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I need to sleep with you… It hurts that I can't. I need to fix this."
He smiled and nodded. "I'll help you. I won't touch you until you give me permission to. I'll be there if you want me to but if not, I can leave the room and sleep in a separate one if you get too uncomfortable. I merely want you happy, my love. I only wish you all the happiness in the world. I love you."
"And I you," she smiled and pulled him into another kiss. "I love only you and I shall forever love only you." She was about to say something more but caught herself. If only she was able to do so earlier for her husband had taken notice.
"Something you might like to add, my dear?"
"No," she murmured, lying so poorly that even a blind man would be able to tell, and she noticed the poor attempt, causing her to bite her lower lip. To that, he gave an all-knowing smirk at for it was a signature trait of hers to bite that lip when fibbing.
"No?" he reiterated. Damnit. Why did he have to know her so well? She relented.
"I will forever love you, even if I'm afraid of you. I'll try to overcome my fear. I'll succeed in doing so. It was a long while ago and I hate that it still haunts me. For you've changed and grown so much it's unfair that I'm reacting the way I am. And I'm so, so sorry."
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
Bow my head
Keep my heart slow
"Do not blame yourself for what's happening, love. You have no control over what occurred in the past. None of this is your fault. None. It's all mine. I was the reason memories occurred and I was the one that made those horrific memories in the first place. I should have chosen my words more carefully. I'm terribly sorry that I forgot to begin with."
"No! Don't be sorry that you forgot! Because I should have forgotten too! It was such a long time ago and I'm glad you forgot them because the memories were horrible! You can't hang onto them and I shouldn't be either. I wanna make it up to you, Claude. All these months, I left you wondering and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," she apologized and went back into his arms.
"Shhh, stop apologizing, my love for you've done nothing wrong. You've done nothing wrong. Fear is a natural emotion and it's good to express it rather than leaving it bottled up for so long," Claude whispered in reassurance, his heart throbbing painfully within his chest as he tightened his hold. How dare she convince herself she was in the wrong? How dare she take the blame over something he was the reason for? How dare she be so forgiving and understanding? How dare so?
"You thought I was sleeping with someone else, huh?" she mumbled into his neck, not once letting go or loosening the hold she had on him.
He nodded after a while. "Truthfully, yes, I did and I'm sorry for thinking in such a way. I should have had more trust in you," he sighed. "You're my wife, for Christ's sake. I shouldn't be thinking like that. You swore in your vows that you would belong to me and only to me and here, being the damn fool I was…"
"Didn't believe me," she finished for him.
"Didn't believe you," he reiterated. "And I'm terribly sorry. I'm so sorry and I hope you can forgive me. Forgive me for all I've done. For everything I've ever done to you."
"As long as you forgive me."
He looked down into her eyes and nodded. "Always, my love. Always."
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
She sat down on the bed late that night, silently observing her husband as he sat next to her, taking her hands in his yet again. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, pulling her close, rubbing up and down her arms in order to comfort her.
She nodded, pulling away and laying down, resting her head on the pillow. "I'm sure. I'm positive. I want to try and think that this will work. I can't allow this to go on any longer than what it needs to because it'll just get worse. That's all and… if it does get worse, other things may be affect. I want to try."
Claude laid down besides her, gathering her in his arms and kissing her temple. "Just relax," he whispered. "I'll be here if you want me to be and if-."
"If I want you to leave, you'll leave," she finished. "I understand," she mumbled, nuzzling her head into his neck. He smiled at the affectionate gesture. "But I don't want you to leave."
"But if you are to change your mind."
"Yes, yes, I know," she laughed, getting on top of him and kissing him deeply. "I know. But I don't want you to leave."
He placed his hands on her sides, slowly rubbing up and down. "I love you, Esmeralda. I really do."
"I know," she smiled, leaning down and capturing his lips with hers. "I'm sorry," she apologized once more. "I'm sorry for apologizing. I'm sorry for making you doubt your love for me, for letting you rethink about my love for you, for letting you sleep alone at night. I'm sorry for making you wait for me for so long."
"Know this, my love. I've been waiting y whole life to find someone as amazing as you and as long as you're mine, I don't care if I have to wait an eternity to sleep with you. For you, love, I will wait. I will always wait."
